All Akatsuki Go To Heaven

Chapter Two/Three

Hidan/Kakuzu

Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto.

Brief note: I know that Hidan technically didn't die, since he's immortal and all, but he was the next Akatsuki member to be defeated.

Also, since his is rather short, I'll add Kakuzu's in the same chapter.

Hidan was not a happy Jashinist. That pineapple-haired freak, the little shit, had defeated him and brought down shame and Jashin's disapproval onto the violet-eyed man. At least he had been able to sacrifice one of the damnable Konoha shinobi to Jashin.

Maybe his god would take pity on him.

Then again, Hidan doubted it. As much as he bitched about having to do the rituals, Jashin probably wasn't very happy with Hidan. "Should have taken it more seriously, maybe."

But he hadn't and now, here he was. Dismembered and stuffed down this hole, where he could feel the stares of those freaky deer. If he could have, Hidan would have shivered from the revulsion.

For an eternity, Hidan lay in that hole. One day, years later, light began to filter through the dirt. At first, Hidan thought his Jashin-sama had come to take him to his eternal rest, but he quickly dismissed that idea.

Jashin did not sound like a fifteen year old girl. Hidan muttered to himself (as he was prone to do now) about brats interrupting his peace and quiet. Though, deep down, he welcomed the sound of someone other than himself.

A short shriek was heard as Hidan felt a hand grasp his ankle. "Oi, dumbass! I'm over here. You better not be that motherfucking pineapple-haired brat's kid! I'll kill you if you are!"

A hand grasped his hair and lifted his head above the dirt. Looking into the dark crimson eyes of the young girl, he sneered. Sneering back, she said, "Iie, not quite."

Jumping up and out of the deep pit, she positioned his head on a rock before taking a seat a few feet away. Propping her head on her hand and her elbow on her knee, she studied the violet-eyed head.

"What the fuck are you staring at, bitch? Never seen an immortal's head before? Stop fucking staring at me!" he yelled when he got no other reaction from her. Finally, he poked his bottom lip out and turned away – as best he could, anyways. More so it was looking away. This only added to his ire.

A sigh from the girl brought his baleful eye back to her. "So. You're the one who killed my dad."

"He must have been weak to be beaten by a moron like you. But mom and Uncle Shika always talk about how strong he was. How troublesome."

"You must be talking about that Jounin I sacrificed just before I got blown to fucking bits and trapped in that goddamned hole. Yeah he was weak compared to me. I've been blessed by the almighty Jashin-sama, and he shall reign terror and violence on you and your family for the great disservice you have shown me!"

The girl sweatdropped. "Talk about insanity. I don't think the hole improved that much. Uncle Shika was right." Her eyes widened. "Oh, no! I was supposed to meet him for shogi!"

She grabbed the still-talking head and dropped back into the pit. "Ja ne!" she called as she made a short series of hand seals. Dirt began to pour back over Hidan.

"Hey, where the fuck do you think you're going? Hey!"

Two weeks later, the girl was back. Head propped back on the same rock, he studied the strange girl. Dark wavy hair held back by the standard Konoha hitai-ate, dressed in an outfit that was a strange combination of bandages and dark blue cloth, and that damned Guardian cloth wrapped around her neck like a scarf. Interestingly, she had a scythe attached to her back.

"I've been doing research." A sandal covered toe nudged a rock as she said this.

"That's fucking wonderful. As if I fucking care. Dumb little bitch."

The rock hit Hidan in the nose. "Oi, what the fuck?!"

"I think I found a way to kill you. Like, really kill you," she said solemnly. This got Hidan's attention.

"Are you serious? You can't kill me. I'm immortal. Cannot die. Duh." He rolled his eyes. Honestly. Nobody understood that term!

Calmly, she stood and jumped into the hole. Piece by piece, she brought his body up and laid it out on the ground, until finally she placed his head onto his neck. Hidan could feel the parts coming together slowly. He began to laugh as his finger twitched.

"You've messed up now, you little cunt! Once my body pieces together, you're as good as fucking done for!"

The girl stood over his head. She made a series of hand seals that Hidan didn't recognize before slamming her hand down onto his head. "Body Reanimation Jutsu!"

Before the shock of being fully whole could hit him, her hand once again landed on his head. "Fuinjutsu: Konshin Betsuri no Jutsu!"

Hidan screamed as his soul was sucked into the sutra on his head. In moments, it was over.

Sighing heavily, the teenager picked up the sutra and wrapped it gingerly around the handle of her scythe. As her hand left the scythe, a transparent figure appeared beside her.

"What the fuck was that?" the ghostly Hidan asked angrily.

The girl began to shove the now-empty shell of Hidan's body toward the hole. When the heavy thing was back in the pit that had been his prison for over fifteen years, she made the hand seals she had first used to fill it back in with dirt.

Finally, she stood and dusted her hands off before turning to look at him. "I sealed your soul into this sutra," she said, tapping the handle of her scythe.

"Well fuck me. I didn't know that was possible. Hey, kid. You never told me your name," Hidan mused as he fell into step with her as she walked away from the site.

"Asuka. Asuka Sarutobi-Yuuhi."

Asuka Sarutobi-Yuuhi became as feared for her ability with a scythe as the legendary Akatsuki member Hidan. She quickly rose through the ranks and became a high-level Bingo Book entry, as well as the taicho of one of the leading ANBU squads.

She and Hidan became friends over the years of his entrapment in the sutra. When she died, his soul faded from the sutra.

And so, Hidan of the Akatsuki finally was at rest.

"Well shit."

Kakuzu's last thoughts were not particularly nice ones. Mostly about his moron partner. Part of him hoped Hidan had gotten the better of the that gaki he was fighting, but his logical side denied him that. The resilience of these Konoha nin was ridiculous.

After that thought, there was only pain.

Countless needles pierced his skin, tearing his chakra paths to shreds. While his body was left intact, his insides felt like they had been put through a grinder. Kakuzu couldn't even move for the pain and the power of the attack.

That brat. He should have listened to Deidara, though the blonde had been warning Hidan at the time. The Kyuubi Jinchuuriki was indeed something to beware.

As the last of the blinding needles of chakra faded from his body, Kakuzu felt himself falling.

He hit the ground hard, bouncing a bit at the impact before coming to a stop. He lay there listening to the Konoha shinobi fussing over the boy. And then Kakashi was before him. The second Chidori to the heart didn't hurt quite as bad as the first one. Maybe because all the could feel was the allover pain from the Jinchuuriki's jutsu. Oh, well.

At least the battle was interesting. Kakuzu closed his eyes as his last breath left his body.

When he opened his eyes, he was laying in a soft bed. Looking around, he saw the family he had once had, before the First Shinobi War. Before his village spurned him for his inability to defeat the Shodai Hokage. His little sister, his mother and father and old grandmother. Looking down, he saw arms unblemished by the threads that had been part of him for most of his life.

He looked around with awe and smiled.

This was...nice.

I know Hidan's was really long. It kinda got away from me. But I liked it. :P