CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Gina finds herself paralyzed as she stands before Ryder. They both give each other awkward smiles, but none makes the first attempt to speak. Ryder looks uncomfortable, and Gina is so nervous her hands are actually sweating.

Finally, Gina can't take it anymore. She has to say something to him. "It was Kitty." She says. Great. Way to go, genius.

"I know," Ryder nods.

They stand in silence again.

"How… how did she find out?" Gina voices out the question that has been bugging her.

"Monday, when we were at the choir room," Ryder says. "We talked about it, remember? Turns out Kitty came back to get something she left from the choir room and overheard us. Sneaky devil, that one. It's a good thing Jake and I could push her enough to confess."

"Oh," is all Gina can say. She stares at Ryder, with his light brown hair, his squared-set jaw, his buff arms, and his tall figure. Gina wonders, not for the first time, how someone like Ryder could have such a big heart. He is a jock; a football player. He's supposed to be in one of those popular cliques who don't even try to be nice to other kids. He should be in the same social status as Kitty, and look how that turns out for her. But Ryder… he's different. Even from everyone else in Glee club, he's different from all of them. He has a kinder heart, a warmer personality and a positive attitude that just draw people in to him. The same heart, personality, and attitude that drew Gina to him.

"Oh, Ryder," Gina says. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I said. I'm sorry I accused you."

Gina's apology seems to break the ice between them, for Ryder suddenly smiles and steps forward. "Hey, hey, it's okay," he says. "It's okay…"

"No, it's not okay!" Gina says, and she can't hold it anymore. Her tears fall as she continues talking. "You were the first person who was ever nice to me. You didn't push me away or judge me like the others. You were the only person I could talk to, the one person I felt I could trust. I said I told you everything, but you told me everything too. You trusted me too. Your love for Marley, your dyslexia, that mysterious online Katie girl… You were so kind to me, so awfully nice, and look how I repaid you!" She chokes for a few seconds. "You were my friend, and you were the best. You were there for me, and you helped me with… with settling in, and, and… and you defended me, back there with Kitty, and you helped me with Jake, and… and… gosh, Ryder, you were my best friend! I couldn't have survived without you… I'm… I'm so sorry, Ryder…"

She cries, and Ryder steps forward to hug her. She cries on his shoulder, while he rubs her back and tries to soothe her with words. "It's okay, I don't blame you, it's okay…" He sighs. "You were just scared, Gina," he whispers. "You were scared, and you were panicking. I totally get it. If I were you, I would blame me too. I mean, I was the only one who could have done it that time."

"But I should have trusted you when you said no," Gina says miserably. "I should have returned your calls. I should have replied your messages. I should have… I should have…"

"Hey, all in good time, right?" Ryder says, patting her head. "It's cool, Gina. I understand. And I don't blame you. It's okay, hey, hey, look at me… it's okay." He grins as he pulls away. "You've been kind of my best friend too," he admits. "I didn't want to lose you as a friend, and I felt really bad whenever I saw you. I really care about you, Gina. You should remember that there are people who truly care for you. Me, Marley, Jake, Mr. Schue, the Glee club… you have family here. Don't be afraid."

Gina's sobbing more quietly now. "Family," she repeats, as if it was a foreign word she is trying to speak for the first time.

"Yeah, family who will accept you for who you are," Ryder says. "You heard the song. It gets tough sometimes, being yourself. But you gotta remember who you really are, right? Glee club is where you can be yourself and feel good about it. They celebrate you for exactly who you are. Family."

"Who I am," Gina says numbly, more to herself than to Ryder. "Who I am…"

"Who you are," Ryder agrees. "With or without the sassy attitude. Whichever works best for you."

Gina takes a long, deep breath. "Ryder, can we… can we sit down for a while?" she says.

"Sure," Ryder starts leading Gina to the rows of seats, but Gina stops him. "The floor will be fine," she says.

So they sit down on the stage, feet dangling over the edge, overlooking the rows of empty chairs and darkness that looms over the back rows. Gina imagines what the auditorium might look like if it was packed with audience – it must be a beautiful sight.

"What is it that you want to talk to me about?" Ryder asks.

Gina smiles weakly. "Now I'm completely convinced that you are a mind reader," she says. "You asked me once, what was with my attitude. Well… I'm going to give you the answer now. I'm going to make a confession to you now, Ryder. So listen up."

What confession is Gina going to make to Ryder?