Welp, I would only like to say one thing before continuing. Things will get pretty depressing, kinda bloody, and a little scary in the beginning, but bare with me, this is going to be a long chapter. c; Hope you like it.
...
You were only twelve.
She looked so happy that day. Her blue eyes were brimming with excitement for the holiday season. She was so sweet and caring. She was a young woman, with a beautiful face and long, wavy, golden-blonde hair. She worked hard for what she had, and made the most of every minute, of every day. No wonder your father had fallen head over heels in love with her.
She was one of the very rare people who actually believed in you. She had an unlimited amount of patience with you. She loved you since the day you were born, and she first held you in her arms. She taught you how to tie your shoes, how to wash your hands and brush your teeth. She showed you how to dress yourself every morning when you were little. She taught you everything you knew when you were small. She never gave up on you, not once, and you could always look to her for help. When you were so young, it never occurred to you that she would be gone someday.
It was Christmas Eve.
Your mom had wanted to give a friend of her's some homemade Christmas cookies, and she asked you if you wanted to come for the drive. You agreed, you had nothing better to do that day. You hopped into the back seat of your mom's grey car, and she started to drive slowly on the icy road. You watched the snowflakes fly past your window. After ten minutes, your mother calmly broke the silence of the car.
" Are you excited for tomorrow kiddo?"
" depend2, what diid you get me for chrii2tma2?"
She laughed at that.
" Don't worry, I'm sure you'll have a very merry Christmas darling, I-"
You saw it before you felt it. She didn't even have the time to scream.
It was an eighteen-wheeled transport truck. You watched it happen right in front of you. The truck tried to turn onto the route you had taken previously, but it couldn't make it. You never found out if it was just the slippery road, or if the driver just didn't see you. You believe it may have been both.
The driver turned too fast. The weight and force of all the truck's cargo collided with the driver's side of your mom's car. Shards of glass rained down on you with the speed of bullets, slicing into your skin like white hot blades. You could feel your neck snap forward painfully and your forehead strike the back of the passenger seat in front of you. Something wet dripped down your cheek. Warm and wet. Blood. The last blurry image imprinted on your eyelids, was your mother's crumpled, broken form. You let yourself slide into the darkness. You welcomed it. You had no one left to believe in you.
...
A light. A pure white light. Thats what you woke up to.
You stared straight upward into the glare of the lamp, until your eyes burned and watered. You could feel something soft surrounding you. You didn't dare move though; your entire body was in excruciating pain. You felt light headed, and your vision was foggy. Nothing was making sense. Who were you? Where were you? Why were you in so much pain?!
The realization struck you in the chest with the power of a wrecking ball.
The car. The truck. Mom. The blood. Everything came back. Where were you, though? The hospital you decided, you were in too much pain to be dead.
No, this couldn't be happening. Your mom cannot be dead. This was just one big dream, one huge nightmare. You would wake up any minute. Maybe mom would come wake you up if you called her loud enough.
" MOM!"
You screamed for her till your throat felt like gravel. Over and over again, till you tasted blood. She would come, she had to, she couldn't be dead, never. You needed her. You missed her. Tears stung your scratched up skin, and you started to cough and choke out her name. But she never came. She would never come back to you. You heard someone walk into the room. You saw your father. His face was stricken with greif, his hazel eyes red-rimmed and puffy. Tears poured down his face as he saw you thrashing about. A ton of doctors followed after him through the door. They were all trying to calm you down, telling you everything was going to be okay, and to just relax. You didn't believe them. They started holding you down, touching you. They smelled like chemicals. Every touch made you scream, it stung your raw flesh. You just wanted to go home. One of them finally managed to pin you down, before you started hurting people. You told yourself to stop moving to help with the pain, but you still let out a loud wimper when they held you still.
You had never felt more alone. The doctors forced a pill into your mouth, and gave you a sip of water to swallow it. You were honestly trying not to vomit. But you soon realized what the pill was for, as the pain slowly started to ebb away. With the pain fleeting from your thoughts, you were able to notice more about your surroundings. You could actually see the thick wrappings on your arms and wrists, and the large cast encasing your shin. You were covered in bruises and cuts, some worse than others. But the most painfull physical injury, was your right shoulder. A large chunk was missing, and a long oval patch of skin was gone from your upper back. That was what you could tell from the way it felt, seeing as it was wrapped in a bandage. You cried out as one doctor accidentally touched it.
Your father's expression from the far corner of the room was a look of pure horror. That look broke you.
You would have been better off dead that day.
The day you lost your mother.
Christmas Eve.
...
You wake up in cold sweat.
You're not in a hospital right now. You're home. But today is Christmas Eve.
It was exactly three years ago, today, that your mother lost her life, to a freak accident. It was three years ago that you watched your mother die, and you had a concussion, along with two sprained wrists, two broken ribs, and a leg broken in three places. It's been three years since you lost your mind. For three years, you haven't really celebrated Christmas.
You're crying and gasping for air. You untangle yourself from the blankets, and try to stop shaking. Out of your friends, Karkat is the only one who really knows what happened today, three years ago. Karkat understands why you can never feel comfortable in any kind of vehicle, and why you always walk to school. He knows why you never wear t-shirts to school, it's all you can do to hide the scars. He is the only one who knows exactly why every Christmas Eve since you were twelve years old, you have gone for a trip to the cemetery. That's where you will go today.
Your name is Sollux Captor, and you have just remembered everything you've been trying so hard to forget.
...
Your name is Aradia Megido, and you woke up very early.
You don't have very much to do today, so you're kneeling at the windowsill, watching your breath fog up the glass pane. Its not snowing yet, but the clouds look like they might just give some snowflakes soon. Your mom is busying herself with cooking and chores, and you're starting to feel like you're getting in the way. You contemplate turning on the T.V, but decide against it as your mom picks up the vacum cleaner. Instead, you walk over to your winter jacket hung up in a dining chair and slide it on. Maybe you could go for a stroll outside? You don't know this town very well, so you suppose it wouldn't hurt to go see what's what.
You let mom know you're going out and pull the front door open, letting a frosty rush of air slap you in the face. You shuffle your boots outside and onto the snow-covered stairs and shut the door. It's pretty cold, but not freezing. You scan the area around you. It takes you a minute to register that you can see someone in the distance, walking up the sidewalk in your direction. Someone with blonde hair and glasses.
" s0llux?"
He looks up at the sound of your voice, and sort of half-runs over to you. He smiles at you.
" hii."
" hi!"
" what2 up?"
" n0t very much, m0m is just trying t0 clean the place up. where are y0u headed?"
" ju2t.. goiing two the cemetery."
" .. w0uld it be 0kay if i came with y0u?... i mean, i d0nt really kn0w what i sh0uld d0 0ut here. its 0kay if y0u want t0 be al0ne.."
" oh, no iit2 alriight iif you want two go with me.."
" are y0u sure?"
" ye2. ii-ii mean, uh, iit would be 2iilly iif ii a2ked you not two go."
Sollux somehow seems more on edge than usual, as if there's something on his mind that's troubling him. He's very high sprung today.
" is s0mething wrong, s0llux?.."
" no, iit2 nothiing."
" if it was n0thing, i w0uldnt be able t0 tell that s0mething is b0thering y0u."
He freezes for a minute, staring straight into your eyes. He looks a bit like a deer in the headlights.
All of a sudden he blurts it out, " my mom diied today."
You just stand there in shock at his outburst, trying to process his words. Wait, does he mean his mother died on Christmas Eve? It's unbelievable. Poor, poor guy.. You bet that he barely celebrates Christmas, if at all. He must be going to the cemetery to visit her grave, which would explain the way he's acting today. He keeps glancing at the sidewalk as if it could swallow him up any second. Whatever happened to his mother, it must have shaken him up a lot. Ever since the day he called you on the phone, your interest in the subject of his mother has been unwavering. Though it feels awful, you want to know more. It seems unfair to Sollux, but you crave to know what happened to his lost parent. The day you spoke to him on your cell, he seemed alright with telling you what had occured, but you had chosen not to ask, seeing as it was an uncomfortable subject for him. Would he be comfortable enough to tell you now?..
" uhm, what happened..?"
He appears to hesitate, but makes up his mind quickly.
" ii can tell you on the way there, iif that2 okay..."
" sure, s0llux."
You start walking in complete silence among the snow-cloaked streets and houses. Everything is so quiet and peaceful, the only sound is the crunching of the snow underfoot. The sky stays cloudy, but you still feel some calming aura of the winter weather. You catch yourself sneaking glances at Sollux, who seems to have calmed down considerably. You could be looking at his misty breath in the cool air, but you find yourself once again transfixed by his amazing eyes. It's hard to believe that you're walking down the road next to your crush.. He's so unbelievably sweet and kind. He's smart, he's empathetic, and oh so cute and charming. It feels like you're slowly falling for him every single time you see him, or talk to him. But how can you not?
It takes quite some time for Sollux to say something, and when he does, he sounds a little.. Sad.
" 2he diied.. iin a car cra2h. iit wa2 ju2t 2ome 2tupid acciident."
You're completely silent, waiting for him to continue.
" iit wa2 chrii2tma2 eve, and 2he ju2t wanted two go for a 2hort driive. and.. 2he a2ked me iif ii wanted two go wiith her. ii 2aiid ye2, and hopped iin the car. iit wa2 2nowiing and the road wa2 iicy 2o 2he wa2 extra careful, but iit diidnt mean anythiing iin the end... iit wa2nt her driiviing that wa2 the problem. we reached the iinter2ectiion.. iit all happened two fa2t."
He lets out a shaky breath.
" iit wa2 a truck. a tran2port truck.. ii gue22 the driiver thought there wa2 nobody there, where we were. he triied two turn, comiing our way.. a-and there wa2nt enough room for hiim two turn.."
You clasp a hand over your mouth and your eyes widen, as you realize what he's implying.
" h-he hiit u2 on my mom'2 2iide. all of the gla22 2hattered and t-the car fliipped up2iide-down.. 2he wa2 kiilled iin2tantly."
He swallows hard. It seems almost like telling the story is more painful for him than the crash itself.
" the d-doctor2 2aiid iit wa2 a miiracle that ii 2urviived.. but iit diidnt 2eem liike a miiracle.. ii ended up w-wiith a concu22iion, 2ome broken bone2, two 2prained wrii2t2 and ii.. ii wa2 bleediing two death..."
Sollux is looking down at his feet. There is no word in the english language that could describe what you're feeling right now.
" when ii woke up iin the ho2piital, ii couldnt remember anythiing for a whiile. but when iit all came b-back iit wa2 two much.. they g-gave me a paiin piill, and that niight wa2 okay.. but.. the 2econd niight they had t-two giive me a 2hot two make me fall a2leep, becau2e ii wouldnt calm d-down. ii... on the thiird n-niight ii went iinto.. c-cardiiac arre2t. thiing2 ju2t kept gettiing wor2e. ii had two 2tay iin ho2piital for a m-month."
You and Sollux have both stopped walking. You're looking at Sollux, and he is suddenly thinking the ground is the most interesting thing on earth; his eyes are glued to it. You feel like you need to say something. Something that could make him feel better. But you have no idea what could help, so you decide to at least try and get rid of the silence.
" h0w 0ld were y0u?.."
" twelve."
" s0, it was three years ag0?..."
He nods.
" what happened with vriska when y0u went back t0 sch00l?..."
As soon as you ask, you immediately start to regret it. He starts to tense up when you say her name, as though you're about to stick a needle into his arm. He surprises you though; he answers the question.
" 2he diidnt know what happened, all 2he knew wa2 that ii was iin a lot of paiin. 2he enjoyed that, ii wa2 even more helple22 than u2u2al. 2he diid exactly what 2he alway2 diid.."
You've decided you're out of questions. You and Sollux both continue walking slowly along the snow-covered sidewalk. The silence hanging in the air is no longer a comfortable one, like it was before. Now, it feels like the silence of a battlefield after a bomb goes off. It might be best to stay quiet for now.
You come to the part of the route where you need to cross the street, to reach the cemetary. For Christmas Eve, the traffic is still pretty busy around here. You start walking across the road, but before you make it halfway, an arm wraps around your waist, forcefully pulling you back to the sidewalk!
You almost try and kick behind you, until you realize it's Sollux holding you back. Huh? What's he doing?! It takes less than a second for your question to be answered. Directly in front of you a blue car speeds down the street, where you had stood mere seconds ago. There's a ton of ice and wet snow scattered over the road, so it doesn't take a genius to figure out what would have happened if Sollux hadn't pulled you back. That car would stop for nothing. It would have been so simple for that car to have hit you. But it didn't, because Sollux had seen the car coming before you did. You feel like an idiot. How could you not have seen the car barreling towards you!? You would have been killed. That car was going at least one hundred miles per hour. Then it all hits you. Sollux Captor has just saved your life.
You're starting to babble, trying to at least thank him, but so many words are coming out at once. So you do what you can, you shuffle your feet so you're facing him, and you hug him. He opens his mouth, then closes it; he doesn't know what to say either. So he just hugs you back. You just stand there for a good minute, before you speak up.
" y0u just saved my life."
" ii diid?.."
" yes, y0u did!"
You can't stop giggling. There is absolutely no reason to be laughing right now, but you seriously can't help it. You must be insane. But when you look at Sollux, it seems like your laughter is contagious. It looks like he's trying not to be grinning, and its giving him a silly restrained smile that makes you laugh even louder. You must be delirious. Your sides are starting to hurt. Why aren't you stopping?! Sollux gives up, not completely though. He's smiling now, but he's still trying to hold back the laughter, when all of a sudden, he snorts. There's no holding it back now. His laugh isn't perfect, it's very far from musical, but the reason you absolutely love it, is because it's his. You're both laughing so hard, it leaves you breathless. Your sides ache, your face is bright red from lack of air, and you must appear totally bonkers, but you're still in a half-hug, and you're laughing together and that's all that matters. You want to live in this moment forever.
When you finally manage to calm down in the slightest, you can finally talk to him.
" y0u sn0rted!"
" 2o what iif ii 2norted?"
He's still chuckling softly.
" y0u just, sn0rted!"
" fiine, ii 2norted! you got a problem wiith that?"
You both start to laugh a bit more. You just smile and shake your head playfully at him. You grab his jacket sleeve and run across the road. He follows you, a sweet smile still on his face. Your previous incident with the car is long gone, completely forgotten. You both don't care that it's Christmas Eve. Neither you or Sollux care about the cold, or Sollux's little story about his mother from earlier, or anything, for that matter. You're having a great time, despite the odds. You won't let anything ruin it.
You finally reach the cemetery. The perimeter is surrounded by a black iron, Victorian-style fence. The graveyard sits next to a tall painted white church. The site looks to be pretty old. A large cluster of trees stand behind the church and around the fence, their branches bare, and carrying some freshly fallen snow. Sollux steps through the snow into the cemetery, passing the open gate. He knows where he's going so you follow him, walking around the rows of headstones. He bends down in front of one, and uses his sleeve to get rid of some of the ice and wet snow on top of it. You finally get to see the resting place of Sollux's mother. Sollux slowly stands upright. He reaches into his coat pocket, and pulls out a plastic flower. It's a red rose, not unlike the ones you see around Valentines Day. He places it in the snow just in front of her grave. On her headstone it reads, Miriam Captor, 1976-2009, A wife and mother, Rest in peace. Sollux stays gazing at the headstone for a while, before he sighs and turns, and you follow him out of the graveyard once again. It has started to snow a bit. The air becomes more frigid, but you don't mind.
You both start walking home together. Then, out of the blue, Sollux asks you something.
" what do you plan two do tomorrow?"
" im n0t sure. i d0nt supp0se ill be d0ing a l0t f0r christmas this year, seeing as n0ne 0f my relatives are here in canada."
" well, umm.. ii know john ii2 haviing a chrii2tma2 party thii2 year, iit2 tomorrow, he iinviited me. 2o.. ii a2ked hiim iif iit would be okay two briing you, iif you wanted two go, and.. he 2aiid iit wa2 alriight. would you liike two go?"
" sure! s0unds like fun! ill ask m0m t0night."
You've met quite a few of Sollux's friends in the past two weeks. Some of them were nice people, and some not so nice. But John is a pretty nice guy; he's got a great sense of humor, and he seems like he could be a good friend.
You spend most of the walk home just chatting with Sollux, until you have an idea. You lean over at one point to grab a handful of snow in your glove. You mold it into a rough sphere, and chuck it at Sollux. His reaction is perfect. He makes some sort of yelp as it hits his jacket, then he dives for the ground, scooping up a basketball-sized lump of snow to throw at you in turn. Before you know it, it turns into a war.
You are soaking wet, and so is Sollux, but both of you are beaming. You think you really use a mug of hot chocolate, though. Sollux takes your hand, and you go back to the sidewalk.
" ii could drop you off at your hou2e, or we could go two miine, and take you back later."
" n0 thank y0u. i w0uldnt want t0 cause any hassle, i c0uld see y0u t0m0rrow.."
" iit2 up two you.."
The walk to home doesn't take long. When you reach the driveway, Sollux lets go of your hand, and smiles at you.
" 2ee you tomorrow, hopefully."
" bye, s0llux."
He starts to walk away in the falling snow.
" wait, s0llux."
" huh?"
" i.. umm... thank y0u. i had a great time t0day."
" 2o diid ii."
You glance down at your feet. You can't believe you're about to try this. You start to inch forward, then walk quickly up to Sollux. You stop a couple inches apart from him. Your face is lit on fire. You lean forward, and you kiss him. It lasts about three seconds. His face goes red, and his eyes fly open. His lips are surprisingly soft and warm, but you shouldn't dwell on it. You mutter a quick " g00d night" and dash up the pavement driveway. Did you make a mistake? He didn't say a thing.. You throw your coat at the doorknob and go to your room, you don't speak a word to your mom.
Your name is Aradia Megido, and you might just be in love with him.
...
Your name is Sollux Captor, and what the fuck just happened.
Your face is lit up brighter than a Christmas tree. Aradia just kissed you, on the mouth. You must be dreaming.
Does she feel the same way you do?.. It seems impossible. What would she see in you? Is it possible she kissed you out of pity? It seems like the most logical answer. You wish she felt the same though... What does this mean? You don't understand. You're still standing in her driveway, feeling like some stalker. Your mind finally registers how cold it is, and you realize the sun is going down. You slowly begin the trek home. It's been a long day.
Your name is Sollux Captor, and you don't know if she loves you back...
...
Hi! Thank God this is finished. Thanks to you, Mackenzie, for lighting a fire under my ass to keep me working, that was just fucking super. ( Sarcasm.) Well, I hope you enjoyed this, readers. Thanks! :)