Hope you like it, and please review. c;
...
White is all that you see. White snow, white houses, white everything. White is the color of purity. White is the color of paper, of clouds, of frost. The color white should remind you of fun times when you were a kid, like racing with the icy winter wind, trying to catch snowflakes on your tongue, or the long days spent outside making snow forts, that always ended with sipping a steaming mug of hot chocolate before bedtime. Instead, it makes you think of pale skin. It makes you think of shards of broken glass, of blood staining snow, of white hospital walls. You've started to learn that the color white means pain. It means death. White is a Christmas color. You hate Christmas. You've given up on trying to like it. You feel like no thing, and no one, would be able to change your mind about that.
You're a horrible person. You ran away from her, without thinking. When something bothers you, running from it is your first instinct. All you can think of is that she has to hate you now. She has to. You curl your hands tighter into fists and watch the color drain from your knuckles. You are hiding from the others. You don't want her to find you, you don't want anyone to find you. You want to sit here in the snow, wet and freezing, until you die. You don't cry; you're fed up with crying. You will sit here for hours if you have to. You will die surrounded by the color white, just as you should have three years ago. Dying when your mother did, would have been the best Christmas gift you can imagine. Your migraine has come back. You will do nothing to stop it. You're waiting for death to wrap its arms around you, and take the pain away. Your jacket is crumpled on the ground a few feet away from you. Your boots were abandoned as well. You don't want them. You are going to sit here till the cold takes you.
Your name is Sollux Captor, and you will be much more useful dead.
...
Your name is Aradia Megido, and you have never been so terrified.
You've been out here for thirty minutes with the others, searching for him. You need to find him. But the longer you search, and the louder you call his name, the bigger the worry, that he doesn't want to be found. You haven't seen a single clue as to where he's gone. The sky is getting darker, and the wind has started to pick up. On the walk to John's house it had been nothing but the occasional lazy drift. Now, it was bone-chilling gusts of wind, coming from all directions. Your eyes are watering, and you're colder than an icicle, but all you can think about is Sollux.
That's when something catches your attention, from the corner of your eye. Something black, peeking out from behind a large pile of snow. You bolt towards it. Everything else slips from your mind, unimportant. You're trekking through snow up to your knees, but you can't even feel its chill. You're now close enough to see what the black object is. It's a jacket. Sollux's jacket. When you turn the corner, you let out a scream.
Behind the snow pile was Sollux. His skin was a pale white, nearly blue, and his eyes were closed; he looked dead. But as you came closer, his eyes opened. You are crying, choking on nothing, when you bend down to help him. His jacket and boots are right next to him, but soaking wet from snow. He is resting in the snow, wearing nothing but his T-shirt and jeans. Your fingers fumble to unzip your coat, and you wrap it around the both of you, calling for help. Sollux seems too weak to resist, but it's obvious what he was doing; he had tried to kill himself. You hear him mutter something, and you strain to hear it. It's only one word that leaves his lips, "why?" You feel the words leave your mouth, the ones you never thought you would have a chance to say.
"because, i l0ve y0u."
...
Your wet hair clung to your face, which was soggy with tears. Sollux was on the living room couch, with five blankets piled up on top of him. The color was slowly returning to his skin, but he was unconscious. Not a second after you admitted you loved him, he passed out. Gamzee had been the first to arrive on the scene, due to your cry for help. Gamzee had carried him back to John's house, where everyone was now. You looked around at the worried faces. Most of the others, and you, were a mess. Karkat was in a trance, his expression a mixture of worry, fear and exhaustion. Feferi was crying, Gamzee seemed upset, Terezi was "looking" down at her feet, Nepeta was sitting on the floor with a pitifully sad face, while Equius stood behind her, his eyebrows pushed together in a look of concern. Even Eridan seemed a little bit out of it. John was stressed out, searching the whole house for more blankets, trying to calm people down, and telling everyone to keep quiet. Nobody wanted to speak anyways.
You feel positively shaken. You can't help but feel like this is all your fault. If you hadn't of kissed him...
Sollux's eyes open, then close due to the light. Your heart jumps into your throat.
"s0llux?.."
He manages to look at you. Everyone in the room is staring straight at him, but his eyes are only on you. His gaze flickers to John.
"can ii be alone for a whiile wiith aradiia?"
John opens his mouth, then seems to think better of it, and closes it. He gives a silent nod. Everyone else follows John into the kitchen, without a word. Your heart races so fast, you feel dizzy. You're still crying. You're still terrified that he's going to try and run away from you again. He struggles to lift himself off of the couch, peeling blankets away from him. You race forward, choking out some kind of protest, trying all you can to convince him to sit back down. He doesn't listen. What he does do, takes your breath away. He wraps his arms around you, pulling you into a hug.
"iim 2o 2orry."
"s0rry f-f0r what?"
"everythiing."
He's shaking, his head on your shoulder, clinging to you like his life depends on it. You hug him tighter. It looks like he wants to cry, but doesn't have the energy to.
"aradiia, iim a fuckiing idiot."
You try to object, but he interrupts you.
"when you kii22ed me la2t niight, ii wa2 two 2hocked two react, okay?.. "
Your cheeks blush a bright red.
"lii2ten... everyone who tru2t2 me ends up gettiing hurt, and ii know iit2 alway2 my fault... when you 2tarted two hang around wiith me, vrii2ka 2tarted two want you dead. ii dont want you two get hurt becau2e of me, becau2e ii really care about you, 2o much.."
You're still crying, listening without a word.
"aradiia, ii love you... but iim n-not worth hurtiing for."
You pull back to look him straight in the eyes.
"im never leaving y0u al0ne s0llux..."
"plea2e, don't do thii2."
You close your lips, but open them once again.
"s0llux, y0ure the sweetest guy ive ever met. i d0nt w-want any0ne else..."
"...youre 2ure?.."
His eyes are both dead serious, and full of hope. You give him a smile. It's the best answer you can give him. He's quiet. You stand in the silence for an entire minute.
Sollux looks nervous and jittery, but he finally let's himself speak.
"...iim 2orry about how 2tupiid ii wa2 la2t niight, and iim 2orry that ii 2cared you, iim 2orry for gettiing vrii2ka two target you, iim 2orry for makiing you up2et, iim 2orry for gettiing you detentiion, iim 2orry for briingiing you two this 2tupiid party, and iim 2orry for makiing you thiink ii hated you, and... iim 2orry for what iim about two do."
He grabs your face in his hands, and presses your mouths together.
Your arms circle around his neck, and your eyes close. His glasses pinch your nose, so you slide them off. His heart is beating so loud, you think you can hear it. You've wanted this so badly, and now he's here, and he's kissing you. He's warm, and gentle, and he wants this as much as you do. You've never been this close to anyone before. You've never felt so alive. He's alive.
When you break away from the kiss, you wipe away the unwelcome remains of your tears. You're honestly giddy with joy. Sollux is trying to convince himself not to smile, but it's not working. You lift your head up to look at his features, really look. He seems so much younger without his glasses on. His eyes are brighter, and even more stunning without the cover of the glass lenses. His cheeks are lit up, and his smile is so sweet and genuine; this is the first time you've seen him this happy. Apparently he can still see well enough without his glasses, that he's able to tell that you're staring at him.
"what?"
"0h, n0thing."
He tilts his head to the side a bit. His eyebrows scrunched together, and a little frown that's partially coated with your red lipstick; it's obvious he doesn't believe you. His expression is so cute, you have to stifle a giggle.
"can ii have my gla22e2 back now?"
"0ne sec0nd."
You reach out your hand to gently remove the lipstick from his mouth, wiping it off with your thumb. He jumps a little, before realizing what you were doing.
"2orry, ii diidnt 2ee your arm clearly. youre ju2t 2orta a blob right now.."
You chuckle a bit. Out of curiosity, you hold up his glasses in front of your eyes. Your vision through the lenses is very distorted; Sollux doesn't have very good eyesight, at all. You turn the glasses in the opposite direction, and perch them on Sollux's nose. Once he can see better, you hear him laugh.
"your liip2tiick."
He picks up something behind you. It turns out to be a tissue box. He takes a kleenex, and cleans the rest of your lipstick off, while you will your smile to match his. When he finishes, you plant a kiss on his nose. He starts to blush. Rather than making you embarrassed, it gives you some sort of satisfaction. It's proof that he feels the same. It's becoming one more thing you love about him.
You start to hear some mumbling coming from the door to the kitchen.
"y0u guys can c0me back in n0w," you giggle.
As the door opens, Karkat stumbles out first, which makes it obvious to you that he was eavesdropping on your conversation. You avert your eyes to smile at your feet. Sollux takes your hand in his, twining your fingers together. You look up at him to see his expression is actually a pained one.
"whats wr0ng?"
"ju2t a miigraiine.."
"0h my g0sh, are y0u alright?"
"iim fiine."
"n0, n0 y0ure n0t. want t0 leave?"
"umm, 2ure. okay.."
You look towards John, preparing to explain to him why you're leaving the party, but he heard your speech, so he nods.
"later guys."
You both say your goodbyes and head outside. The sky has gotten pretty dark, and it's a little bit colder. The bare branches on the trees shuddered in the icy wind. You feel a shiver run up your spine, half due to the frosty weather, half due to Sollux's hand still wrapped around yours. The night is quiet and calm. Nobody but you and Sollux are outside right now, so you can finally relax. The snow is crisp and clean, piled in mounds next to the sidewalk, as you walk down the street. You train your eyes to the sky, to gaze at the stars. The small specs of light in the night shine down on you, and you smile. This Christmas night is beautiful.
As your footsteps hit the sidewalk, Sollux turns his head to look at you.
"when wiill ii 2ee you agaiin?"
"s00n. very s00n."
You eventually reach your front doorstep. You lock your eyes to Sollux's, and pull him closer to you. His eyes close as you press your lips against his. The kiss isn't as desperate as the one at John's house; it's more gentle, as if reassuring, convincing Sollux that you have feelings for him. You break away from the kiss, and the look in his eyes is begging you not to go, to stay at least a minute longer. But you can't.
"merry christmas, s0llux."
He doesn't respond. He simply gives you a kiss on the forehead, then on the cheek, then on the mouth. He touches your cheek with his thumb, and gives you a ghost of a smile.
"goodniight.."
He walks down the steps, one at a time, and makes his way down the sidewalk, then he's gone.
You can't help but wish he could stay.
You mutter you yourself in the dark, "i d0nt care if y0u hurt me.."
"its w0rth it."
You run a finger over your lips, then open the door, slipping inside.
Your name is Aradia Megido, and this Christmas was a day to remember.
...
Hope you enjoyed this chapter, have a merry Christmas, and a happy and healthy new year! c: