It was another strange moment, one of the many that I had been having lately and it most likely would not be my last one. We stood there, in blaringly white light cast from our comrade who I thought had been lost to us.
Apparently the only thing that we had lost was Gandalf's baggy grey outfit.
"Apparently no one can stay dead from the fellowship." I blurted out, unable to think of anything really to say right now. Of course once I said it I realized it wasn't true, after all the guy I would have followed anywhere went the one place I couldn't follow. I kept this thought to myself, seeing as the rest of the group was giving me a crazy look for my blurted out comment. Of course Gandalf reappears before us and I have to go and initiate conversation with a stupid comment. Luckily the staring lasted only a couple seconds.
"It cannot be." Aragorn's bluntness was a much more acceptable way to get us all talking. Very sensible, very straightforward, it made it very clear why he was royalty and I was not.
Legolas and Gimli fell to their knees, their awe marking their faces which were hung low in honor. Now we were bowing to the wizard, to me it seemed a tad bit excessive. Yes I was glad he was standing before us, but the man had been missing for quite awhile, and I didn't believe that he had only just recently been resurrected. Why couldn't he find us awhile ago?
"Forgive me, I mistook you for Saruman."
It was official, I was worst speaker in our group, and I was even throwing Gimli into consideration. Aragorn was questioning, Legolas was apologizing, I was cracking jokes and making everyone wonder at my sanity. I might as well go back in the ditch with the crushed orc and wait to die.
"I am Saruman. Or rather Saruman as he should have been."
Thank you Mr. Vague.
"You fell," Aragorn had yet to close his mouth I was pretty sure. And that statement triggered Gandalf doing what he did best, he began to tell a story, of the white wizard versus the Balrog of Morgoth. He spoke of destroying the monster that had frightened us all so on the mountainside before he too fell and wandered into darkness. The way he worded it, I honestly began to see that Gandalf might have died, especially as he talked about lights fading in and out and then entering his body again.
"Gandalf!"
The wizard's face grew thoughtful for a second, as if he was trying to remember something from long ago. I stepped closer to a tree next to me, and I leaned against it, my arms crossed against my chest.
"Gandalf? Oh yes. That's what they used to call me. Gandalf the Grey. That was my name." I bit my lip wanting to hold back the sarcastic comment on my tongue.
"Gandalf!" Finally the dwarf spoke.
The wizard continued. "I am Gandalf the White." I couldn't hold it back any longer, the comment overrode my brain and escaped rather loudly.
"Well no shit."
xXx
I wasn't allowed to talk.
…..
It had been a group decision.
In their defense it had not been even remotely lady like, what I had said and so I understood the slight shock value. But in my defense I was growing tired of obvious comments and they never seemed to end. Plus I had been feeling overly agitated since Gandalf had reappeared, and I was trying to figure out why exactly.
Currently I was leading the horses, all three of them. At least they wouldn't judge me for what I said. I kept muttering annoyances to them while I followed the men.
"Nalin, not talking was not a mere suggestion." Gandalf turned around and shot me a look, I was not happy with him right now, the whole feel of the group had changed. Where I had used to be quirky and amusing I was now childish and a problem. I was starting to wonder if I was missing the overprotective friends.
It was then that my elf prince fell back from the group a little bit, as the others talked about problems in Edoras and their king.
" I wouldn't stand too close, I am apparently a very bad influence." There was no hiding the sarcasm, and frankly, I didn't want to hide it.
"You're angry with me." Legolas had stopped a bit of a ways from me, uncertainty in his eyes. I sighed and walked up to him, my hand resting on his shoulder.
"No, I am not mad at you Legolas. At least about this. Give me a couple minutes though and I am sure I can think of something that I want to smack you for." I squeezed my palm, and his hand rested on top of mine. A groaning began throughout the forest again and I looked at the elf. "The trees again?" He nodded.
I listened as Gandalf went on with the his speech about the trees and ents waking up, of the learning that they are strong. My eyes shifted around me, trying to imagine the trees walking around, speaking to one another. It was a discerning thought.
"Strong, oh that's good." Gimli was having the same thoughts I was, but he was allowed to voice them. Legolas smiled the dwarves way. I rolled my eyes, apparently now with sharing those looks with myself and Aragorn, Legolas had now included the dwarf. Gandalf shouted back to Gimli about Merry and Pippin's safety and the lack of ours currently.
I guess that was reassuring. I think…..
Maybe not.
"This new Gandalf's more grumpy than the old one." I laughed loudly, Aragorn smirked at me and Gandalf shot me a look. Gimli beamed at me though, he and I both knowing his words held truth in its bluntness. We kept walking through the forest, my feet in time with Legolas's, just to keep myself challenged. He of course noticed and would shuffle or leap from time to time to annoy me. The sarcastic side of him was coming back, which I was glad, but I was not blind to the fact that every time we would hear a noise that could be danger he would put himself in front of me.
When the sun was about to set completely, Gandalf told us to stop for the night and set up a campsite. I put it upon myself to build a stone base to build a fire. It seemed that if we needed a fire we wouldn't want to have the slightest possibility that it could catch the forest on fire, so after I had set up the base I found a small stream and used my flask to collect enough water.
Aragorn had shot another dear, smaller than ones we were used to but large enough to keep us full until tomorrow. The man was sort of amazing, and I could see how Arwen would have fallen in love with him.
"Is she waiting for you?" They were the first words I had spoken in a couple hours and they confused him right away. "Arwen, the elf maiden. Elrond's daughter, you know the one I could cut off my right arm to look like." At this he smiled kindly at me.
"You know I believe we have already had this conversation."
"Yes, yes, personality and all that. You still haven't answered my question."
The ranger looked out into the distance. "She is going with the rest of her kind, to the Grey Havens."
"Oh…" I congratulated myself on intelligent responses, while the teensy part of me that was still a little girl and dreamed of being a princess screamed he was available. The rest of me, with all my logic and experience, told me that I didn't have the best track record with men. Especially human men. Then there was the elven male tailing my every move. Half the time I seemed to be mad at him, so I wasn't considering that the best either.
Little princess me was not thrilled.
"I thought she might have been waiting to become queen of Gondor." I thought aloud, my mind racing. "If you two had married would you have been King of both Gondor and Rivendell?"
"Not as long as Elrond was here." I bit my lip, seeing that my words had brought discomfort to Aragorn.
"I'm sorry…"
"For what Nalin?"
"For making you sad." Hooray for bluntness again. "I don't know if you have noticed Aragorn, but I tend to speak before I think."
"You? Never…" he smiled that toothy grin at me and I laughed.
"Aragorn, why are you helping Nalin break the rules we put on her?" Gandalf's voice was stern but his eyes held some of the old laughter. Good to see that some of Gandalf the Grey remained in the new and improved wizard. I laughed along with the rest of the group even, Legolas was smirking, and pulled apart my part of the deer.
That night, we decided who would take watch when. Of course there was arguments on whether or not I was up for watch, but thankfully my arguments were heard. With some stipulations…
"Are you still hungry at all?" Legolas perched himself next to me. I sighed but smiled, happy yet annoyed. This elf was hard to stay mad at.
"No thank you Legolas." He kept looking into the distance, and for a second I swore I heard Aragorn and Gimli chuckling behind us. I felt the prince's long fingers close in around my hand. I closed my fingers as well but couldn't look him in the eye.
"I can't do this Legolas, not now. I need to….." Oh word choice, not my forte, my tongue was frozen at the back of my teeth. "I need time."
"Of course you do, I just wanted to make sure you knew that nothing had changed."
"So I should be keeping an eye out that you're just going to grab me and kiss me hard like you did in Lothlorien?"
There was no mistaking that Gimli was trying to cover up the sound he just made as a snore. Legolas apparently had noticed that everyone else was awake, so he told me to go to bed, that he had watch. As I stood to walk over to the campsite he lifted my hand and pressed his lips to the back of it. I walked back to my spot rubbing my fingers against my tingling skin.
In all honesty, I should have been thrilled. I was one of the characters from the love stories I had heard growing up. I had a prince here for me, and a gorgeous one, there was no denying. Why couldn't I be happy, fall for the prince, defeat the evil and live happily ever after?
Well let's face it, my last happily ever after had ended with the strong, handsome, kind man falling to the evil, being killed in a horrible battle, and had left me being kidnapped and beaten by the enemy. The story romance that should have happened, that had begun years ago when I had first seen him, was dashed and destroyed. I couldn't start a new one. I couldn't risk caring for Legolas, I had fallen apart when I saw Boro- him fall. I had lost Merry and Pippin in the fray. I couldn't risk everyone else's lives while I thought about Legolas.
The thoughts of Legolas as a character in a story let me drift to sleep.
xXx
We had made it to the edge of the forest, the bright sun blinding me briefly as I walked out from the shade of the trees.
"My Lord!" I shielded my eyes with my arm. Gimli laughed heartily beside me and I shot a look in his general direction. At least I hoped, I was still just seeing bright spots. Gandalf was whistling rather loudly, but it at least let me know he was standing close to me. When my eyes had finally adjusted the first thing I saw was the most beautiful horse I had ever seen, with a coat as white as mountaintop snow.
"That is one of the Meares, unless my eyes are cheated by some spell."
We all watched as the horse trotted up, coming to a halt right in front of Gandalf.
"Shadowfax. He's the Lord of all horses, and has been my friend through many dangers." Of course, new and improved Gandalf would have the lord of horses at his call. The lord of horses with an awesome name like Shadowfax.
I looked at my bay horse, I had been thinking of calling him Lembas because his color reminded me of the elven bread. I was going to need to change my thought process.
We mounted and began to ride, breaking only for the horses sakes. We were going towards Edoras, with the poisoned king and all the greatest and most loyal warriors being banished by Saruman's words. What a mess…
"What about Haldir?" I was between Aragorn and Gimli, and had been tossing horse names out for my bay. Seeing as I was now naming males we knew, it clearly was not going that well. Aragorn and Gimli both rolled their eyes. "Come on now, I don't hear either of you coming up with great ideas."
"Why not go with Elrond if we're naming male elves?" Aragorn sighed.
"Because I don't want to go around saying that I'm going to ride Elrond." I failed to hide back a giggle as I pictured me saying that.
"And Haldir was better how?"
"Well…"
"He's got a point lassie, if you were going down that road you might as well call him Legolas, we all know that's much more likely." Gimli bellowed as I froze, unable to comprehend the words without punching the dwarf. I looked over to Legolas who had been talking to Gandalf. He wasn't looking towards our trio but his whole posture was so rigid that I knew he had heard it, and was having issues processing it as much as I was. Aragorn noticed both of us.
"My dear friend you seem to have embarrassed our company." He was trying to be tough with Gimli, but there was no hiding that he was about to burst at the seams from laughing.
"I hate all of you." It was all I could mutter as I mounted my horse and kicked him into action, taking off without the men again. Once again I found myself wishing I had stayed with Eomer and his lot.
We rode for the rest of the day, and as the sun was falling beyond the horizon we found high ground within the plains, so we decided to stay there for the night. I found the least rocky part of the ground and rolled so I was facing away from the group. As they discussed the plans for tomorrow, we were going to reach Edoras mid-afternoon, I sipped quietly from my flask. As I heard them settle down for the night, I closed my eyes and pretended that I was already asleep, even though I wasn't tired at all. It was only as I listened to Aragorn go talk to Gandalf that I actually reacted. They stood together, and I heard Gandalf talk about blaming himself for the danger that Frodo was currently in. Aragorn comforted him with the knowledge that Sam had gone with him, a fact I had not actually known as well. Of course Sam would have gone with him; he was almost inseparable from Frodo. I had almost fallen asleep when they began to whisper the conversation I wished I was asleep for.
"Nalin is…different from my time as Gandalf the Grey." One eye of mine cracked open, and I would bet my hearing would rival Legolas's at this moment.
"We thought we had lost her from a time when Saruman's army attacked us. I did not want to despair but I was certain that she was to be killed."
"Fret not Aragorn, I would have assumed the same thing."
I could just imagine Aragorn and Gandalf sharing a similar smile, there was no doubt why they assumed I would have been killed.
"How has she been coping with Boromir's death?"
I froze, wishing I could turn my hearing off.
"I believe she is just trying to push it to the back of her mind. I don't believe she's coping with it in anyway."
"That will not end well if she continues down this path, she must face pain and loss just as the rest of us."
"I will keep an eye on her, as will Gimli, and especially Legolas. We are all aware that she is not handling this well. I do wish she would show us exactly what she is feeling, but if she did she wouldn't be Nalin now would she?"
Gandalf unleashed a deep chuckle. "No, I suppose she wouldn't. Of course while I was gone it has appeared to be that you have found another distraction for her when the time comes."
I adjusted myself so I wouldn't have to hear anymore, pressing down on my ears. I didn't need to hear anymore, I was fighting back the bile in the back of my throat. I didn't care if it wasn't healthy, I didn't want to deal with this tonight, not when apparently my life was all anyone could talk about. And not even the parts of myself I was proud of. Why couldn't they talk about my fighting skills, or my will to survive, or my stupid inappropriate comments? Anything besides my love life. I trailed off to sleep trying to avoid picturing the steward, or the elf, or any part of this journey where I wasn't killing something.
xXx
As we crested the hill the next day the sight of Edoras appeared. I had to say it was beautiful, surrounded by the mountains, the plain giving the people of the city views from every angle. I would have probably appreciated it more if I wasn't trying to avoid everyone in the group.
Gandalf luckily was holding everyone's attentions with his lesson of the area.
"Edoras and the Golden Hall of Meduseld. There dwells Théoden, King of Rohan, whose mind is overthrown. Saruman's hold over King Théoden is now very strong."
Lovely, and here I was hoping to avoid Saruman all together. Apparently that was not in the plan though if we were going to take back Edoras and in turn Rohan. I felt my fingers brush my sword, unsure of how we going to exactly free Théoden.
"Be careful what you say." There was no need for the look that Gandalf gave me, it was obvious it was meant for me. "Do not look for welcome here."
Of course not, why would we make anything simple?
We kicked our horses into a gallop towards the city and I let mine drop to the back of the pack. As we rode I took in my appearance for the first time, realizing that I was a disheveled mess about to save a city. My hair was all in knots down my back, having lost my ribbon to tie it back. My pants had holes in them and my shirt had a large tear along my ribs, courtesy of my captors. I looked like a deranged madwoman.
Hurrah Rohan, your hero has come.
As we entered the city a banner flew down and landed to our right. My horse balked a little at it but calmed itself and we entered through the gates. It was as if everyone was in a perpetual funeral type of mind. No one was smiling, children were placed directly beside their parents with no sign of the usual childhood joy glowing from their faces. The looks that the males of my group was one of suspicion and hostility, but I was special enough to receive looks of insanity. Gimli made some comment about cheer in a graveyard and I nodded, taking in what exactly Saruman's hold over the king had brought to this place.
It didn't get much better as we approached the royal hall, as we were greeted by about ten different men. Gandalf did not seem so surprised as we came face to face with them, his grey cloak billowing slightly around him. Come to think of it I had been meaning to ask the wizard why he was wearing the grey when he was now the white wizard. I'll put that on my to do list.
The lead guard spoke out to us. "I cannot allow you before Théoden king so armed, Gandalf Grayhame. By order of…Grima Wormtongue." I made a face at the name, not even needing to meet the man, clearly he was the part of the whole Saruman scheme. By the look on the guard's face he agreed with my early thoughts. We spent the next minute handing all of our weapons over to the guard, Legolas and Aragorn taking up the most time. When we were all finished the guard turned to Gandalf.
"You're staff." Ok this was not good, it was bad enough going into the hall filled with possible enemies with all of us weapon-less. But if we went in there and Gandalf did not have his staff then there was no way we could defeat Saruman and free Théoden.
Of course, Gandalf had it covered. "Eh? Oh you would not part an old man from his walking stick?" Score one for Gandalf, playing the feeble old man pity card. The guard gave him a look but let us pass, missing the wink that Gandalf shared with us. We entered the hall, dark and gloomy as it was, and my eyes landed on the saddest looking man I had ever seen sitting in the throne. Next to him was a man who looked like a classic story evil sidekick.
"Well, like this isn't obvious who the evil one is." I muttered and Aragorn squeezed my arm to be quiet. As Gandalf and King Théoden passed extremely awkward pleasantries I exchanged looks with Aragorn, begging him with my eyes just to let me kill the guy. Good Lord I wanted to kill someone.
Had I really just thought that? I was beginning to realize Gimli was rubbing off on me.
"Late is the hour in which this conjurer chooses to appear. Lathspell I name him. Ill news is in ill guest." Grima stopped before us and his eyes scanned our company, coming to rest on me in a way I really didn't want him to. Whatever my thoughts about him, this guy was dangerous, and I was in his sights.
"A female!" he moved over toward me slightly, and I felt Aragorn step in front of me as a shield. It didn't stop Grima from gazing at my attire. "A female who seems to have seen the worst of the world. Perhaps not all is ill." There was no way he was thinking about why I had holes in my outfit, he was just staring at my exposed skin.
"Be silent! Keep your forked tongue behind your teeth." Aw Gandalf you softie, stepping up to protect the female. "I have not passed through fire and death to bandy crooked words with a witless worm!" Nice insult there old man. He raised his staff in Grima's face and that was enough to startle the witless worm.
"His staff! I told you to take the wizard's staff!" That was the cue for the fighting to begin, with most of our company taking off in different directions. I ran ahead of Gandalf, deciding to fight from there, elbowing men in the face, punching their skulls, anything and everything I could do to win these miniature battles. I shouted at Legolas when I saw a guard running up behind him and watched, mildly impressed, as he took him out without looking.
Who needed weapons? Our company was doing just fine on anger and frustration alone. Gimli had positioned himself over Grima and was threatening bodily harm to him. I wanted to hug that dwarf.
Gandalf had reached where I was standing, near the stairs to the throne. He had muttered something about releasing the king from the spell and raising his hand. In reaction, the King began to laugh, a creepy, half deceased sounding laugh.
"You have no power hear, Gandalf the Grey." The king kept laughing while I bit my lip, wanting to throw a sarcastic comment his way. I didn't have to wait long as Gandalf, always dramatic, dropped his grey cloak and revealed the new Gandalf. I had to admit I was still in awe, especially as his mere presence had thrown the king back.
Thus begun the battle of Gandalf versus Saruman for the King of Rohan's soul. Gandalf stated that he would draw him out as poison is and began using his staff. Théoden…..or Saruman, hard to tell, let out a gasp against the magic. I heard running behind me and turned to see a beautiful woman being pulled back by Aragorn.
"If I go, Théoden dies." I turned back to the scene before me. I had heard Saruman's voice this time, clear as day. Back went Théoden against his throne again.
"You did not kill me, you will not kill him!"
"Rohan is mine!" Théoden's eyes landed on me. "She is mine!" I felt all the eyes in the room fall on me briefly, but I held eyes with Théoden, knowing I could not back down. I was not afraid of Saruman, and now was the time to prove it.
"Be gone!" Gandalf was not distracted, and as my eye challenge angered Saruman to the point of lunging towards me, Gandalf sent Théoden flying back against his throne again. The King fell forward and the woman ran forward to catch him. I watched from the side as his face began to change, and we all watched the effects of Saruman disappear, and Théoden became the younger king again.
He and the woman exchanged words and I caught the name of Eowyn, so I assumed that was the woman's name. He turned to the crowd below him, noticing us for the first time.
"Gandalf?"
"Breathe the free air again my friend." I stepped back, falling back with Aragorn and Legolas. It was right then I realized that while I had tried to convince myself that I was not to fear Saruman, I was actually terrified. My knees buckled slightly and Legolas caught me, holding me against him. The bile I had been holding back since last night rose again, and I clenched my jaw and shut my eyes. I opened them again when I felt myself being dragged out of the hall, the King dragging Grima outside. I was unaware of what I had actually missed but was merely glad that I was gaining feeling in my feet again. I walked beside Legolas, and stood between him and Eowyn, who gave me a look but didn't say anything.
"Are you alright?" Legolas whispered as we stood by watching the scene of Théoden, Grima, and Aragorn unfold. I nodded, and watched as Aragorn stopped Théoden from killing Grima, instead letting the seedy looking man ride off into the plains.
"I have a feeling we are going to regret that." I whispered in Legolas's ear, and he nodded this time.
xXx
We were preparing for a funeral, Théoden's son having been slain in the last few days. I was currently sitting in the bedroom given to me, my hair dripping from my recent bath, and my funeral clothes laid out for me on my bed. I had to say the welcome to the royal hall was much better than I expected.
With a knock on my door I rose from my bed and opened it, watching as Aragorn strode in, clearly having bathed somewhat but still somehow looking dirty.
"The King has asked us to walk behind his son's body down to the crypt." He sat down on a chair while I took my place on the bed again.
"That's…..nice of him I guess. I'm actually not sure how to respond to that properly."
Aragorn shrugged and began smoking his pipe again. I ran my fingers through my wet hair, glad that it was currently know free. I wanted to ask him, but I was afraid what would happen if I brought it up. I wanted to prove though, that I was coping.
"What did you give him for a burial?"
"Who?"
"Him…." I met Aragorn's eyes. "Boromir…"
The King of Gondor was startled briefly, with the fact that I had brought up his name. "We gathered his weapon's and his shield and placed them on one of the Lothlorien boats, before we sent him with them over the waterfall." He rose his arms and showed braces that I realized had been Boromir's. "I kept these in honor of him, to remember the honor of promises I made him."
I wasn't sure what it was. It could have been the vision of Boromir's body going off to who knew where, it could have been the realization that I wouldn't ever see him again smile at me, or it could have been seeing Boromir's armor on Aragorn, and for one minute picturing them on the arms that I cared for so deeply.
Whatever it was, I found myself with my head over my chamber pot, the bile and vomit I had been holding back for the past few days flew out of me, leaving me a coughing pile, with Aragorn's hand gently resting on my back.
It was from that moment I truly began to cope.
xXx
There ya go, newest chapter, and one of my longer ones. Hope you all enjoy, I have truly enjoyed the amount of feedback I have gotten for this story. Enjoy!