AN: OMG GUYS THE REVIEWS! Thank you so much and keep going! Anyways, this is kind of a filler chapter, but I have a plan. Kinda. So, READ ON!
On a more serious note, this chapter is dedicated to the poor, starving, cold children of Siberia. Y'know, the cold part of Russia? I'm not sure how many there are, but read this chapter for them. Only you can end the pain.
I still don't own Shake it Up, in case you were wondering. You might have thought a miracle happened, but honestly...it didn't.
I can't get our encounter out of my head.
Ba-dum.
Real or not, I still saw it.
Ba-dum.
Saw her.
Ba-dum.
I didn't see her before.
Ba-dum.
I haven't seen her since.
Ba-dum.
That alone is enough to make me wonder if I made it up.
Ba-dum.
I had to have imagined it.
Ba-dum.
My fingers trace over the scab on my knee.
Ba-dum.
It's not really even a scab.
Ba-dum.
It's little more than a bloody crust.
Ba-dum.
My finger catches on a patch of raw flesh.
Ba-dum.
I wince.
Ba-dum.
I couldn't have imagined running away.
Ba-dum.
Or falling.
Ba-dum.
And I know I ended up at the dumpster.
Ba-dum.
My parents found me there.
Ba-dum.
My dad told me I had probably been hallucinating after the shock of seeing her.
Ba-dum.
He was thrilled that I had been able to talk.
Ba-dum.
If stammering out her name and 'alive' over and over were considered talking.
Ba-dum.
It was better than the past week.
Ba-dum.
I had been considered a mute, but it was all in my head.
Ba-dum.
I had the ability, but I couldn't.
Ba-dum.
I choked on every word.
Ba-dum.
But it seemed that even if she was a hallucination, Cece had the ability to loosen my tongue.
Ba-dum.
I haven't talked since.
Ba-dum.
There's nothing to say.
Ba-dum.
I saw Cece.
Ba-dum.
Did I?
Ba-dum.
Was it real?
Ba-dum.
I can't tell.
Ba-dum.
I lean back against the brick wall
Ba-dum.
I read that people who hallucinate often can't tell if it was real or not.
Ba-dum.
That felt real.
Ba-dum.
She was warm and soft.
Ba-dum.
Her voice was right there, grinding into my ears like bits of glass.
Ba-dum.
And I don't mind the pain.
Ba-dum.
My fingernails rip of bits of dried blood until fresh blood is dripping out.
Ba-dum.
It hurts.
Ba-dum.
But it distracts me.
Ba-dum.
I need that.
Ba-dum.
I sigh and lean back against the wall.
Ba-dum.
I miss her.
Ba-dum.
So much.
Ba-dum.
I don't know what to do without her.
Ba-dum.
I don't know how to live without her.
Ba-dum.
We told each other everything.
Ba-dum.
We helped each other through everything.
Ba-dum.
And now, all I have are memories.
Ba-dum.
And it hurts.
Ba-dum.
My head drops between my knees.
Ba-dum.
I don't cry.
Ba-dum.
I can't cry.
Ba-dum.
My eyes are dry, but my mind is soaked with thoughts.
Ba-dum.
I can't take it.
Ba-dum.
I roll onto my knees, carefully avoiding the raw patch.
Ba-dum.
I'm not careful enough.
Ba-dum.
My knee scrapes against a patch of rust and I hiss, lifting it off the fire escape.
Ba-dum.
I push open the window, letting my other leg propel me into the room.
Ba-dum.
It's cold and uninviting without her.
Ba-dum.
Of course it is.
Ba-dum.
It's her room.
Ba-dum.
But the air is heavy with her.
Ba-dum.
I've slept here every night since I found her.
Ba-dum.
Nobody minds.
Ba-dum.
It's a coping mechanism, I guess.
Ba-dum.
Surrounding myself in Ceceness.
Ba-dum.
It doesn't bother me.
Ba-dum.
I have so many memories in this room.
Ba-dum.
They threaten to swallow me.
Ba-dum.
I rush into her bathroom.
Ba-dum.
There's not as many memories in there.
Ba-dum.
I stare at myself in the mirror.
Ba-dum.
I look awful.
Ba-dum.
And it bothers me.
Ba-dum.
The black tearstains on my cheeks from earlier.
Ba-dum.
The puffiness around my eyes.
Ba-dum.
The dark circles under my eyes.
Ba-dum.
My chewed nails.
Ba-dum.
The pallor in my skin.
Ba-dum.
I'm a wreck.
Ba-dum.
A spot of mascara on the bottom of the mirror catches my eye.
Ba-dum.
Seeing it is like getting punched in the gut.
Ba-dum.
That heart-shaped black paste holds a precious memory.
Ba-dum.
All of them are precious memories now.
Ba-dum.
I blink and refocus on it.
Ba-dum.
The memory knocks me to the floor.
"Keep still!" she hissed in my ear, pulling the strings tighter. "I'm sorry, it's kind of hard to when my intestines are in my lungs!" I replied, turning to look at her. I frowned at her and she sighed, releasing them. "But, Rocky-" I held up a hand, stopping her words. "Look, Cece, it's really sweet of you to help me, but could you maybe tie it a little looser?" I asked, watching her face in the mirror. A small smile graced her lips, and her eyes flicked back down to the loose ribbons. "Fine, but I get to do your makeup," she bargained. I looked at her focused face in the mirror, puzzled. "Um, Cece, you already did my makeup," I reminded her. Her chocolate eyes flicked up to grab mine, and her focused expression quickly morphed into confusion then happy realization. "Yeah! I win again!" The jubilant look in her face cracked a smile out of me. Cece glanced down, and I felt a slight tug on my waist and she was pleased again. "Done!" she exclaimed. "Aww, thanks, Cece!" We both shift so we're face to face, parallel to the mirror. "Oh, hang on, some of your mascara's thin on your left eye," I noted, reaching for the tube. She held still while I gently pulled the bristles across her long lashes. "Thanks, Rocky," she said happily as I blew on the wet goo. "Oh, let me reapply that," she said, focused on my eyes. I handed over the mascara, and she quickly repeated my actions. She forcefully jabbed the brush at the container, missed, and sent it flying. "Oh, no," I muttered as it struck the mirror. "Great," Cece groaned. "That's my waterproof mascara! It'll never come out!" She pouted, turning to face me. "Come on, Cece, relax. It's on the bottom, and it's kinda shaped like a heart." She was still frowning. "We could try to get it out." I sighed. We did, but nothing we tried worked.
I groaned and sat back. "Cece, it's not coming out." I heard her mimic my actions. "I know. But at least we're not gonna be late to that dance!" she said brightly. I opened my mouth to comment, but bit my lip as she pulled out her phone. Her face fell as the screen jumped to life. "Seven thirty! We're late! C'mon, Rocky, we gotta go!" Her hand wrapped around my wrist and she jerked me out of the bathroom.
I draw in a ragged breath.
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.
This is the first flashback that's not the day she died, and remembering her like that cuts me to the bone.
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.
Normal.
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.
Happy.
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.
Not covered in holes.
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.
I lean my head against the bathtub.
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.
It's hard.
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.
I hate this.
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.
Every little thing sets me off.
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.
Up till now, all I've seen is the day she died.
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.
Sometimes the minute I found her.
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.
Sometimes the entire day.
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.
Mostly when I couldn't find her.
Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum.
And somehow, this memory stung the worst.
Ba-dum, ba-dum.
Slowly, I push myself to my feet.
Ba-dum, ba-dum.
My eyes lock on the treacherous fleck before I shut the door.
Ba-dum, ba-dum.
I eye the open tub for a second before flipping the water on.
Ba-dum.
As the water heats up, I strip.
Ba-dum.
I forget about my knee again.
Ba-dum.
My waistband slides roughly over the warm flesh.
Ba-dum.
It's a split-second burst and my skirt is off quickly, but it stings.
Ba-dum.
I sigh. I need to pay attention.
Ba-dum.
Although, given today's events, I have a right to be distracted.
Ba-dum.
My brain begins to whirl as I peel off my top.
Ba-dum.
It's my fault she died.
Ba-dum.
All mine.
Ba-dum.
I jerk my rings off.
Ba-dum.
I could have gone with her.
Ba-dum.
I can't go on without her.
Ba-dum.
My fingers fumble with the clasp on my necklace.
Ba-dum.
I'm the reason she's dead.
Ba-dum.
I flip on the water.
Ba-dum.
I could've protected her.
Ba-dum.
Or at least given her time to run.
Ba-dum.
Stop thinking, Rocky.
Ba-dum.
You're gonna regret it.
Ba-dum.
I can't stop.
Ba-dum.
I have to stop.
Ba-dum.
I step into the icy spray, feeling cold fingers of water run down my spine.
Ba-dum.
It distracts me.
Ba-dum.
At least temporarily.
Ba-dum.
I focus on lathering myself with Cece; her soap, her shampoo, her conditioner, her scent.
Ba-dum.
The beat of my heart is my focal point.
Ba-dum.
It's steady, unchanging.
Ba-dum.
The freezing water fills me with a strange calm.
Ba-dum.
I can't explain it.
Ba-dum.
But I don't want to get out.
Ba-dum.
I'm afraid that if I do, my calm will go away and I'll break down again.
Ba-dum.
So I sit down, my head between my knees, and let my mind go blank.
Ba-dum.
Ba-dum.
Ba-dum.
Ba-dum.
Ba-dum.
Ba-dum.
A knock on the door interrupts my daze.
Ba-dum.
"Rocky?" Georgia calls. "Are you okay? You've been in there for almost an hour."
Ba-dum.
I shut off the water and wrap myself in a towel.
Ba-dum.
Georgia knocks again.
Ba-dum.
She knows I don't talk, so when I open the door, she scans my face.
Ba-dum.
I give her a weak smile, seeing the tears in her eyes.
Ba-dum.
She was worried about me.
Ba-dum.
She's always worried about me.
Ba-dum.
I always spent time here when Cece was alive.
Ba-dum.
Now that she's not, Georgia's all but adopted me.
Ba-dum.
So when I feel her arms around my waist, I'm not surprised.
Ba-dum.
I hug her back, and I know she smells the Cece scent on me.
Ba-dum.
She pulls away, cupping my face.
Ba-dum.
I don't know I'm crying until she brushes a tear away.
Ba-dum.
"It's okay, Rocky. Be strong," she whispers.
Ba-dum.
I don't know if I can be.
Ba-dum.
My best friend is dead.
Ba-dum.
But I push it back and nod at her.
Ba-dum.
I think she knows it's fake.
Ba-dum.
She can see the watery smile.
Ba-dum.
She can see right through it.
Ba-dum.
But she accepts it.
Ba-dum.
She squeezes my shoulder and leaves.
Ba-dum.
She's trying.
Ba-dum.
That's better than me.
Ba-dum.
I'm lost.
Ba-dum.
I turn back into the bathroom and toss my dirty clothes into the hamper.
Ba-dum.
I don't know how long I can take it.
Ba-dum.
I fumble with the light switch until the bathroom is dark.
Ba-dum.
Just like my head.
Ba-dum.
I tug my towel up and walk out.
Ba-dum.
The room's so empty.
Ba-dum.
Lifeless.
Ba-dum.
It haunts me.
Ba-dum.
She haunts me.
Ba-dum.
I still don't know if that was real.
Ba-dum.
My legs carry me to her dresser.
Ba-dum.
She felt warm.
Ba-dum.
Warmer than usual.
Ba-dum.
Like she had a fever.
Ba-dum.
I'm in her pajamas.
Ba-dum.
They're cold.
Ba-dum.
I was right.
Ba-dum.
The chill of the shower's gone, taking the calm with it.
Ba-dum.
I'm crying.
Ba-dum.
How did I not cry for a week?
Ba-dum.
Somehow, the dam broke and the waterworks have started.
Ba-dum.
I curl up in her bed, burrowed under the thin quilt.
Ba-dum.
That night, I do something I haven't done in years
Ba-dum.
I cry myself to sleep.
AN: You likey? Me likey. I'm trying really hard to keep her in character, but it's hard because Rocky's never been sad. That's good, I guess, but not for a writer. And somehow by reading you've saved some Russian kids! I don't know how, but you have!
Review if you love me! Do you love me? You betcha do.