They had finally finished practice

Davy was getting better…grudgingly.
But it was going to work.
Peter was sure of it.
It couldn't not work.

Peter hurriedly put his bass away and wrapped up the cords. He dismissed himself and headed for the bedroom.
He was anxious to see Micky.
After last night and the confusing encounter this morning they probably needed to talk.
But when he reached the bedroom he found that Micky wasn't there.

Well of course he's not here. Did you really expect him to stay cooped up in the bedroom for five hours?

But he hadn't seen him leave...

Well, He was probably down at the beach or something.

Peter changed into his swim trunks. He could use some sun himself.
But when he got to the beach there was no sign of Micky. He walked about a mile in both directions before concluding that maybe the sun was over-rated and Micky wasn't around.

As he made his trek back to the pad a thought struck him.
Micky had gone out…just like he'd been doing the last couple weeks.
He'd probably come home drunk around 1 or 2am. He was running again. Trying to escape.

Peter's stomach fell.

But what about last night? …..It seemed like things were better.

What? You think just because you guys seemed to have a real moment and you kissed that means everything is suddenly rainbows and leprechauns?
You think that suddenly all of Micky's issues have dissolved?

No of course not…I guess I just hoped.

.

When he got back inside he sat down on the couch. He felt out of sorts. He almost felt like crying. He didn't dare though as Davy was sitting in the recliner only a few feet away.

He wished he had some pot. Why had he gone and smoked his whole stash yesterday?
What a waste.
Maybe he could get Ty to get him some from Lin. He looked at the clock in the kitchen. It was a little after 5:30. Ty was working at 6.
Shit. He didn't have enough time.

He glanced over at Davy. "Davy, you got any pot?"

"Uh…no…" Davy said, not looking at him.
He was engrossed in another western. This one had John Wayne.

Peter had seen it before.

Davy had also seen it before…many times.

"Man, why do you like these so much?" Peter asked.

"Like what?" Davy asked still looking at the television.

"Westerns."

"'Cause I'm English." Davy said matter-of-factly.

Peter pondered that for a few moments, trying to make it make sense. "What the hell does that have to do with westerns?"

"Well, we don't have cowboys where I'm from."

"Oh."

Davy turned his attention from the TV. "So, you wanna go to a party tonight?"

"What party?"

"Denise's."

"I don't know man. I'm not really in the mood."

"Man, you never are anymore."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Peter asked, knowing full well what it meant.

"You never want to do anything. You always have some lame excuse."

Peter sighed "Yeah, I guess you're right man. I've been kind of closed off."

"Kind of?"

"Sorry"

"Whatever, it's cool. But you should go."

"I just don't feel like partying."

"I might be able to help with that."

"How so?"

"Meghan gave me a few cubes of acid. I was going to take them all but I'll share if you want."

"Davy, you've never done acid."

"I have so, lots of times."

"When?"

"Well…" He looked deep in thought. "Well I did that one time with you guys when we were all in New Orleans."

Peter laughed. "That doesn't count man. You spit it out."

"I still tripped though."

"No you didn't."

"Yeah but I think I saw weird colors and shit."

"You think you saw colors?"

"Yeah I'm pretty sure I was trippin'."

"Davy you would know for sure if you were tripping. You weren't."

"Whatever. I'm gonna trip tonight though."

"That's cool. I wouldn't take too much though since it's your first time."

"Ah, whatever, I can handle it…. So you gonna go or what?"

Peter sighed. Why not? Why should he stay cooped up in the house all evening? Micky obviously wasn't interested in resolving things. Why should Peter be?
And, besides, it would be good to hang out with the guys...
and alter his mind a little. "Yeah, alright."

Davy grinned. "We're gonna have fun."

Micky was not drunk. No where close…Although the thought had crossed his mind.
But nope, he was going to behave himself.

After his shower he had been lying in bed…thinking.
His thoughts had led him in circles.
Circles he didn't understand. Circles that were driving him crazy.

Trying to tie logic and emotion together was difficult enough. Trying to think logically when you are an emotional person and then trying to tie that logic to the plethora of emotions that are constantly changing and doing battle inside your head as you bang it against the wall …well, that was damn near impossible.
So round and round he went.

I love Peter

No I don't, I love Ty

I'm such a fag

Shut the fuck up

I hate myself

I love Peter

I miss Lin

Why? She's a bitch

I don't miss Lin

I want Peter to fuck me

I'm not gay

I wish Peter was a girl

I want a drink

I wonder what Peter's nipples taste like

I'm disgusting

I wish I wasn't gay

I'm not gay

I want to suck Peter's cock

...And so on.

Finally he realized that most of his thoughts were becoming a little obscure and a little unnerving.
He also realized that his erection was back and that he had been absently rubbing it. He jerked his hand away as if he'd touched fire…which in a way he had.
That fire Peter gave him yesterday. It seemed to have collectively collected in his dick.

He sat up. Well it didn't help that he was naked. Oh the things he could do to his own naked body.
What the fuck?…more weird thoughts.

He needed to do something. He needed to get out. He needed to be productive.
He got up and got dressed. He picked out some clean, unwrinkled clothes to go with newly washed and shaved self. He patted some Black Label on his chest and put on his boots.

Ok, now where to go?

Maybe into town.

For what?

For a drink?

No..we're not drinking today.

Well then where to?

How about Ty's?

She doesn't want to see you.

Yeah I know….but I need her.

I thought you needed Peter…

Yeah I do….. but maybe I need her too. Besides, I have to apologize.

.

About 15 minutes later he found himself on the bus. He'd snuck out of the bedroom and quietly walked to the door while the guys were busy talking something over. For some reason he'd felt like a kid, sneaking out in the middle of the night, worried his parents would catch him. But he needed to get out. He needed to get away. He knew if they saw him leaving…especially if Peter saw him leaving, there would questions and conversation. He didn't know if he could handle another 'talk' like earlier. It was difficult for him to hide things.

Which made him wonder what business did he have going to see Ty?
She was the last person in the world he wanted to know about this shiny new development between him and Pete.

Yes but she's also the one you go to for everything. She's your emotional backbone, remember. You need to talk to her.

Well, that was if she was even home…if she would even talk to him.
And if she was home and if she did talk to him…well, he still wasn't going to spill his guts to her. He was going to have to be real careful about this. There were too many relationships on the line.

Finally the bus pulled up. It had only been about fifteen minutes or so but it felt like longer. Micky was nervous. He stepped off and immediately noticed Lin's motorcycle.
It was the damnedest thing. He'd thought about the possibility of Ty not being home but he hadn't even considered the fact that Lin would probably be there.
No way was he going to face Lin right now.
No way in hell.

So what to do?
Was Ty even here?

He walked down the street a ways and saw her car parallel parked half a block down.
He'd hang out then.
He sat down on a bench nearby that had a decent view of the apartment entrance.
Neither Lin nor Ty would be able to leave without him knowing.

Wow, what creep you are Micky.

Yep, I'm creepin' it up.

He sat and waited….and waited….and waited. He watched the traffic go by. He twiddled his thumbs. He played I Spy with himself. Anything to keep his thoughts neutral. He found himself continuously checking the watch he'd forgotten to wear. It had to be around 3…maybe 3:30? He'd left the pad around 2:30 or so.
He waited some more.

Finally he spotted a super shiny person walking towards Lin's bike. He immediately recognized Lin…in her silver go-go dress.

She was going to work?
It was a little early wasn't it? For a weekend?...Unless she was meeting a 'client' beforehand.

As he watched her walk he was struck by her beauty. Maybe he did miss her.
It was just too bad she was so incapable of love. He knew she was like that for a reason. It still hurt though.

He watched as she hiked her already short skirt up and straddled her bike.
It was a wonder she never got pulled over for public indecency.
But then maybe she had…and maybe she'd gotten out of it by offering a little more indecency.
Micky didn't know. It wasn't his problem anymore.

As she sped away he stood up and started making his way towards the apartment.
When he reached the door he hesitated. Why was he here? Ty didn't want to see him. She hated him.

Maybe not.

How could she not, though..after what he'd said?

Well, it's a good thing you're here to apologize then.

Of course…that's what he was here for…. to apologize.

He knocked on the door.
After a few moment he heard a voice inside. "Freakin'hell Lin, did you seriously forget your keys again…."
Then the door opened and Ty was standing in front of him.

She was in a robe. The same robe she had put on a few Sundays ago when she had answered the bedroom door to take Peter's phone call. The same robe she had immediately discarded as soon as the door had closed and she'd climbed back on top of Micky as she talked to Peter on the line…..

"Micky?"

He was brought back from his memory. He suddenly realized he'd lost his tongue. He just stood there.
Then Ty was hugging him. Her arms were around his neck. Her face was buried in his shoulder.

"Oh god, Micky, I'm so glad to see you."

What? She was glad to see him? This was not what he expected.
He finally found his tongue. "Ty…" He said as he returned her embrace. "Ty, I needed to see you. I needed to tell you-"

"-I'm so sorry Micky."

"Wh...wait what?"

"Come inside." She said ushering him in.

She led him over to the couch and sat down.

Micky remained standing. "Ty..I feel really bad."

Ty was shaking her head not understanding. She pulled him down to the seat beside her and hugged him again. Then she kissed him softly on the cheek.
"I do love you Micky."

"What?..no Ty, I came here to apologize."

"Apologize?"

"Yeah."

Ty looked confused for a moment. Then she understood. "For calling my mom a whore?"

Micky nodded "Yeah."

"Micky my mom is a whore. I hate my mother."

"But Ty, I thought…-"

"-I know I got upset .It's touchy for me, you know."

"Yeah..I know. That's why I wanted to apologize. Ty, I'm sorry."

"I know you are. I know." She wrapped her hands in his. "And maybe you should be a little sorry-"

"-I am."

"But I'm also sorry."

Micky was taken aback. "What could you possibly have to be sorry about?" He asked.

Ty leaned into him. "You needed me. I shut you down. I left. I let my emotions get the best of me instead of realizing that you needed to talk."

Micky shook his head. "This is not how I envisioned my apology going."

Ty laughed. "It's not how I envisioned mine going either."

.

And so they talked. Small things for a while. Then Ty rolled a couple of joints and the conversation turned more serious.

"So what's going on with you Mick?"

Micky shook his head. "That's something I have been trying to figure out."

"Having any luck?"

"A little."

Ty remained quiet waiting for him to continue.

"I don't know. It's just the whole thing with Pete, I guess. It threw me for a loop. It's making me question a lot of things."

"What things?"

Micky felt uncomfortable but he continued. "Well, I mean you know, why would I kiss him like that? What does that say about me?"

"So you're not blaming Peter anymore?"

Micky' head dropped and he looked at the floor. "No…I'm not. I know it wasn't him. It was me. And I know he wasn't accusing me. I think I just needed a reason to hate him."

"But Micky, you don't hate him."

"No, of course not. I just wanted to."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I guess if I hated him I wouldn't have to feel so weird about things."

"Micky, what happened was just this little thing. It doesn't mean anything. It was just in the moment."

Micky bit the inside of his cheek to keep his facial expression under control. It wasn't just in the moment... Because a moment was one small piece of time.
No, this had become a few pieces of time. There was no 'just' about it. They were starting a trend. Plus there were the feelings.
"Yeah but Ty, that doesn't matter. Guys just don't do that….unless….." He trailed off

"So what Micky? Are you saying you wanted to kiss Peter?"

Micky didn't answer.

Ty continued. "Are you saying you think you're gay?

"No! Ty, I'm not gay!"

"Okay." Ty held her hands up in defense. "I wasn't saying you were…..I'm just trying to figure out what you are saying."

"I'm not saying anything."

Ty shook her head, confused.

"Look, it's just that…guys don't do that." He stated again while he nervously rubbed his forehead. "I'm not gay okay? ….I'm not…. but .. I mean, what if I was?"

"I don't know…what?"

"What?"

"What if you were gay?"

"I'm not."

"I know." She sounded exasperated. "But what if you were? I mean that's what you're getting at isn't it? You're afraid that you are?"

"I guess." Shit. He hadn't intended for the conversation to go this way.

"Right….Well, let's pretend that you are. Would you really let it destroy you?"

"I don't know." Micky said honestly.

Well it shouldn't."

"Why not?"

"Why not? Because Micky, love is love. And feeling are feelings. People are just people with feelings and love. Sexuality doesn't change that. Who you love is up to you."

"So you don't think it matters?"

"No, not really."

"Then why am I so hung up on this?"

"Micky, are you in love with Peter?" Ty's voice took on a different tone.

Micky's eyes grew wide. "No, I'm in love with you."

"But you have some sort of feelings for Peter?"

God, why did he have to be so transparent? "No Ty. I don't have feelings!" He lied.

"Are you sure? Because it's starting to seem like you do."

Micky dropped his head. "I don't okay….it's just that…. there's something there and I don't know what it is. It scares me, Ty. I don't want to be gay."

Ty was quiet for a moment. "You know what? I think you're over thinking this. You're worrying too much. You're not gay. I mean you're still attracted to women, right?"

Micky nodded.

"Well there you go. And as far as there being something there…I think its okay to feel things…even if it goes against your grain… Especially if it goes against your grain. It opens you up. "

"So,what, you think I should allow myself to feel things? …not that I do." He added quickly.

"Yes, Micky. You have to allow yourself to feel things. If you don't, you'll suffocate."

Micky thought it over. She was right. It was the same conclusion he had come to subconsciously in his dream. But with Ty's confirmation and the fact that she seemed not only to accept, but also to encourage his feelings, Micky felt a burden suddenly lift and fall off of his back.

It was okay.

It was easy.

He loved who he loved…. He felt how he felt. That was that. Fuck the tide.

He leaned forward and hugged her.

"You have no idea how much you mean to me."

.

They stayed snuggled up on the couch for a while. They smoked a couple more joints and Ty gave him a sack to go home with.
They talked sparingly. It felt good just being in each other's company.
Finally Ty got up and began getting around for work.
Micky raided the refrigerator and found some pot pie Mable had made. He cut a slice for himself and one for Ty. They ate quickly and then Ty drove him back to the pad.

Before he got out of her car she leaned in and gave him a soft kiss. "Take care of yourself."
He grinned. "I will."
He watched as she drove off. What a girl.