Micky lay there. He didn't know how long. He was swept into a world, a universe, of pleasure. He felt the release wash over his body, starting at his groin but continuing up his spine and into the deep muscles of stomach. He felt warm. He felt light. He felt the nerves in his legs and upper arms and lips tingle and then go numb. He let his head roll to the side as his brain seemed to detach from his body and float above him.

Finally, the ground beneath him became solid again and he opened his eyes. The sun was bright. Much brighter than he remembered. As his eyes adjusted he saw Peter.
Peter looked very strange to him.

He was sitting at Micky's side. His arms seemed rigid as they crossed across his lap. He saw Peter swallow and attempt to look away. But then he seemed to fight off the instinct and turned back to look at Micky.

Micky sat up.
He reached down and shoved himself back in his pants and zipped himself up, all the while looking at Peter.
His mind struggled to make sense of the scenario they were in.
He wanted to say something. Anything.
Anything to make Peter look a little less strange. A little less rigid. To take away that terrified look in his eyes.
But what could he say?
Thanks for helping me blow my wad?
I liked the way your hand felt around my cock?
Why didn't you just fuck me?

Micky cringed when he remembered that he'd asked Peter to do just that.

"What the fuck did you do that for?" Micky asked before he could stop himself.

Then Peter did look away. He also breathed in an audible gasp of air.

Micky dropped his head. "No Pete…fuck. -Fuck..that's not what I meant to say, okay?" He looked back up.

Peter was still looking at the ground as his thumb idly made nervous circles in the sand.

Micky watched his thumb for a while. Then he noticed that there was cum on it and sand grains were sticking to it.
"Pete…"

Peter looked up.

Micky breathed out. "Pete, that… that felt…" He struggled with the words. "That felt really fucking good."

Peter's eyes widened. Then he nodded and looked away again.

They sat in silence for a few moments.

"You know you got cum on your hand?" Micky finally said.

Peter looking up sharply and then brought his hand up to study it. He touched the sandy cum with his other hand and spread a line along his fingers.
"You wanna go swimming?" He said still looking at his hand.

"Huh?"

"Swimming?" Peter nodded towards the ocean.

Micky turned his head back to look behind him.
"Swimming?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah… I guess." He said slowly.

Peter stood up and wiped his hand on his pants before extending it to Micky.

Micky took it and stood as well.

Peter bent to pick up his shirt and then headed up the stairs without another word.

Micky followed.

.

They changed quickly and headed down to the beach.
They spread a few towels out next to each other and sat down.

It was a nice afternoon. The sun was still high. Its rays warming their skin. There was a light breeze to offset the warmth. The only sounds were those of the waves coming in, a few seagulls squawking and the laugher and cheers from a volleyball game down the beach.
It was peaceful.

Or should have been.

But Peter was in his head. He was battling something.
Micky could tell.
It seemed there was suddenly a barrier between them again.
But this time, Peter was the one who built it.
He was withdrawn… almost cold.
Micky didn't understand.
He knew that under the circumstances, he should probably be feeling uneasy. After all, he'd been in a highly vulnerable position. He'd let Peter do something to him. Something that would have made his skin crawl only weeks ago. He should be feeling the same way Peter was.

But he wasn't.
He felt peaceful, free… almost content.
Almost content…except that he could feel the distance in Peter.
He needed o say something. But again, he wasn't really sure what to say.
So he sat beside Peter in silence and watched the waves.

Finally Peter pulled a joint from behind his ear and lit it. He drew in. "Everything was so easy wasn't it?" He said as he blew out the smoke.

Even though he didn't give reference to his thoughts, Micky knew what he was referring to. "Yeah, it was."

Peter looked at him. His eyes seemed haunted.

Micky could only guess that he was the one who was haunting them.

He took another hit, keeping his eyes on the sea.
"Why did this happen to us Mick?"

Micky stared. He didn't know how to answer that. Usually he was the one to ask that sort of simple yet loaded question.
"I don't know Pete."

"Do you regret it?"

Micky nodded slowly. "Yeah… I never wanted this." He followed Peter's gaze out to the ocean. "But what can we do about it?"

Peter sighed. "I don't know."

.

And Peter didn't. He didn't know what to do about this.
This feeling.
This feeling that had been slowly eating its way into his brain… into his heart.
It was such a dangerous feeling.
It could threaten to undo every relationship he ever had.
It would destroy Ty.
It would alienate him from his friends, his band, his family… society.
It could even destroy his and Micky's friendship.

It was one thing to have fantasies and daydreams.
To act on them… that was fine too.
And he could love Micky. He could be infatuated.

Those things didn't really hurt anybody.

But this feeling was powerful. It was a driving force. He needed to stop it. To nip it in the bud before it had a chance to plant it roots.

"Maybe it's worth it though, Pete." Micky said, breaking Peter from his thoughts.

"What do you mean?" Peter looked at him.

"Well, I mean if this hadn't happened, I would never…" He trailed off.

"You never would what?"

Micky sighed. "Look, I'm a mess. It's no secret. I have issues. Insecurities. I flip out at the drop of hat. I don't know myself and that's my biggest problem..."

"What are you getting at Micky?" Peter asked.

"Well… I mean this thing with you is forcing me to take a look at myself. It's making me face myself.. and my issues and insecurities. It's making me see the shell I've become."

"Shell?"

"Come on Pete. Don't give me that shit. You really think I'm some happy-go-lucky guy who talks a mile a minute and is an attention whore?"

"Well… not lately."

"Not ever. That's all a persona, man. Just a distraction. You know that. You know me. "

Peter sighed. "Yeah… I do. I know you, Mick. But what you are calling a shell is still a part of you. It's just a part that you hide the rest of yourself behind. But don't go thinking it's not you."

Micky grew quiet.

Peter handed him the joint.

Micky took it and breathed in a hit. As he exhaled he nodded. "You're right, man. See… that's why you're my light, isn't it? You help me see things. You save me." He took another hit. "That's why this is worth it. It not only makes me see me, but it also makes me see you."

Micky handed the joint back to Peter. He dropped his hands in his lap and looked down." It also makes me see how I really see you."

Peter was about to take a hit but he paused. "How's that Micky?"

"I don't think I should tell you."

Peter lowered the joint and looked at him. "You have to… I need to know."

Micky swallowed and glanced away. Peter saw his lip tremble. But when he looked back up there was determination in his eyes. "It's making me see how much I'm…" He faltered. "how much I'm in love with you." He finished in an almost inaudible whisper.

Peter stared.
There it was.
That feeling.
That feeling put in to words.
Two words. In Love.

And that's what Peter was. In love.

But not just in love. He was head over heels.

And that was what was scary.

He'd do anything for the man beside him.
Anything.
Nothing else mattered.
Nothing.
Not Ty.
Not Mike. Not Davy.
Not his mother or his sister or brothers.
Not the future
Not his reputation

Yes. They were in love.
Probably had been all along.

How could they let this happen?
To be in love?
To be in love affected your very essence. Your very being.
It was giving someone your heart and trusting them with it.
It was allowing another human being access to your soul.
It was denying your very existence without them.
It was cosmic.

"Micky we can't be in love." Peter said, trying to stop his voice from shaking.

"Please tell me something I don't know Pete." Micky said into his knees.

Fuck. How could they let this happen?
He knew they'd been playing with fire but he never… never in a million years thought they would actually fall in love.

Falling in love was so rare.

Peter had been in love only once before. With Ty.
That was a long time ago now.

Of course he still loved her but over the past few years the 'in love' part had slowly faded and they'd fallen into a comfortable love.

He blamed himself for that. He'd shut her out. He stopped letting her see him. There were things he didn't want her to see. Things he knew she wouldn't want to see.

He told himself he was protecting her. With everything that had happened in her past, she had many insecurities. Peter told himself it was better to shut her out than to add to those insecurities.

But really he was just selfish
He was an asshole.
He knew he was still hurting her.

But they had been deeply in love for a great while. It had been one of the most amazing feelings he'd ever felt.
He'd announced his love to the world wanting everyone to know.
He'd paraded her around on his arm.
He'd referred to her as the love of his life.

He'd welcomed it then.
But now?

But now it was different.
He couldn't welcome it.

Even if he felt dizzy.
Even if he felt the longing. The need. The awe.
Even if he felt high
Or complete.. like a void he hadn't even been aware of was suddenly filled…
Or like his heart would explode if he didn't fall at Micky's knees and express his corny-as-fuck undying love.

But no! He couldn't welcome it.
Because two men couldn't be in love.
Not in today's society.

It would be more acceptable for them to just fuck than to be in love and have all the pleasures and rights that a normal American couple had.

They could never be in a real relationship.
Of course they could always live a lie and hide it…
Hide it the same way they'd been hiding everything else that was going on between them.
But feelings like this demanded to be free.
They would be found out. He was sure of it.
And it would most likely destroy them.
Alienate them.

No that it mattered to Peter… but Micky. Micky was so fragile. And it was Peter's self assigned responsibility to make sure Micky didn't get hurt.
He couldn't risk Micky losing his friends
He couldn't risk Micky's mother and sisters… who Micky was very close to.
He couldn't risk Micky's relationship with Ty… which Peter knew all about and was aware of its depth.
He couldn't risk Micky's reputation, not this early in life. Not when his still had to make his way.
And what about legal matters? Free love or not it wasn't exactly legal to be in a same sex relationship.

No, it wouldn't work. It couldn't. Not without Micky getting hurt.
But of course Micky would probably get hurt regardless.
If Peter called an end to their shenanigans now… yeah, it would hurt. It would hurt both of them.
But better now than down the road.
Better now before this thing took hold of them more than it already had.
They didn't really have any romantic history yet. Their emotions were involved and intertwined but they weren't yet knotted together in a bond that would take a lifetime to undo.
Better to just break away, get the hurt out of the way so they'd be free to live freely. Free to live normally.

He was about to attempt to lay all his thoughts out but instead he heard himself say. "I'm in love with you too, Mick. Completely, ridiculously in love."
He dropped his chin to his chest feeling like a coward for letting his own feelings take precedence.

But it seemed Micky was already aware of the consequences. "We're going to get hurt you know."

"Yeah, I know."

"I think I'm okay with that."

Peter raised his head. Finally finding his courage he said. "I'm not, Mick. I don't want to be the one to fuck up your life."

Micky stared at him for a few moments. Then a gleam entered his eye. "Pete… you don't really have a choice here. My life has to get fucked up by somebody. It should at least be by someone I love. By someone I pick to do it."

Peter laughed a bewildered laugh. "Fuck Micky."

Micky grinned. But it seemed a little uncertain. "I know this is a bad idea Pete. But I want to do it anyway"

"Micky… do you know what you're asking for?"

"Yeah… I do. And I know it's going to fucking suck. I know. But there's something here. Something between us that I need. That I want. And I'm not going to give it up." He reached out and took the joint from Peter's hand. "I'm not giving you up." He said as before inhaling from it.

He laid back and pulled Peter down to him. Touching the sides Peter's face, he drew it to him and exhaled the smoke into Peter's mouth.

When he pulled back he said "I love you Pete."

He watched as Peter's eyes opened slightly and a smile slowly spread across his face. Peter breathed the recycled hit out of his lungs. He leaned in again and kissed Micky.

They stayed liked that for a while. Sprawled out on their beach towels, bodies intertwined like their feelings. With no mind to the world around them, they kissed slowly, softly.

Eventually the sounds of the waves and the seagulls and the volleyball game down the beach drew them back and they parted.

They looked at each other for a few seconds.

A small smile touched Micky's mouth.

Peter watched as it spread to his eyes. He laughed in resignation and rolled onto his back. "Oh Mick…" He sighed. "What are we going to do?"

"Micky propped himself up on his elbows. "I don't know, Pete. I guess we'll just have to figure out how to act like fags."

"What?!"

"Well," Micky was biting back a smile. "We're in love. We're officially fags now, right?"

"What the fuck, Man?" Peter said, bemused.

"Well, we are. A couple of faggot-ass gaylords." The end of his sentence was a little broken as he began laughing.

"Speak for yourself, you queer!" Peter said and began laughing as well.

Soon they were in full-fledged hysteria throwing around half-assed insults, teasing each other over who was a bigger fairy.

Finally their laughter died down and they lay beside each other under the sun, listening to the ocean and letting their thoughts take them into the uncertain future.

And although the word 'relationship' had never been mentioned, that day… the day that they would always look back on as the beginning…
Tthat day there was an unspoken agreement that for better or worse they now belonged to each other.

AN- Ok... so end of Part 2. I know it was shorter than Part 1 and I didn't cover everything I said I would but that's because Part 2 was getting so long I had to split it. So, next up... Part 3. This will have more to do with how their other relationships are affected. It may be a little bit before I start posting as its still in the works.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed.