A/N: Sorry sorry sorry. I know it's been a really long time since I updated and I hope this extra-long chapter will make up for it. I broke my right index finger so it's been really hard to type and even harder to write in my notebook. Well… it's also because I procrastinate waaaaay too much. Anyway, I hope you enjoy and please leave a review 3 :D
"Not tonight, Tyki." Allen said, batting away his boyfriend's wandering hands. "Why not?" he whined, pushing his bottom lip into a pout. "Because. I'm really not in the best mood. Seeing the guy I'm in l-m-my best friend lying in a hospital bed, half dead doesn't exactly make me want to fuck." Allen said sharply. "You love him?!" Tyki said, standing from the couch and staring at Allen angrily.
"Tyki, that's not what I said."
"Well it sure as hell sounded like you were going to!"
"I wasn't! Now will you just sit down and stop getting so worked up?"
"I think you're a liar and I think you should leave."
"What?!"
"You heard me. Please leave."
Allen's lip quivered. "Fine," he said defiantly, hating how his voice shook. Tyki turned and stormed out of the room and into the bathroom.
Tears burned at the back of his throat as Allen gathered his clothes and stuffed them in his backpack. He glanced back at the bedroom, searching for anything he may have missed.
He let the tears fall as he walked out, hearing the shower running behind him. Allen reached the front door and called: "Bye, Tyki," weakly.
Allen unlocked the front door of the apartment and swung it open to find Lenalee and Kanda making out in the recliner facing the TV. Lenalee had her hands tangles in Kanda's hair, while his were hidden beneath her shirt. She looked up momentarily and caught the stunned Allen standing in the foyer. "A-Allen!" she said, breaking away from Kanda and jumping off his lap. "I-I thought you were, uh, spending the night with a friend…" she stuttered. "He had an, uh, family emergency." Allen hated lying, but there was no way his roommates could know he was gay. Kanda would harass him till the end of time. Shaking his head, Allen walked to his room, backpack slung over his right shoulder. "Carry on."
_About 3 weeks later_
Allen rolled onto his back, dreading the day ahead of him, as always. I'd love to trade spots with Lavi. I'd never have to deal with waking up in the morning ever again. He thought, staring blankly at the ceiling of his messy bedroom. The white-haired boy had always been something of a neat freak, but ever since the accident and the mess with Tyki, he had slowly lost himself and drowned in a sea of hopelessness, and his room began to resemble his state of mind.
Dragging himself out of bed, Allen stepped carelessly on books, blankets that had fallen from his bed, dirty clothes, and papers, without a second thought.
He made his way to the white dresser placed next to his bedroom door. The drawers on the left side were open, clothes hanging lazily out of them; in the dark, they resembled the tendrils of depression that were slowly claiming Allen's mind.
He flipped the light switch on and began rummaging through the top drawer. Allen grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of jeans that he may or may not have been wearing for the past two weeks and tossed them on his bed. The days had begun to blur together and he didn't really care.
Slipping the t-shirt on over his bare chest and torso, he looked down—only to notice it was the one Lavi had given him for his birthday. Tears stung the back of his throat. Fuck. He thought, collapsing to the floor and sobbing uncontrollably. He swore.
Allen sank numbly into his bed. The tears had long stopped and he just stared at the ceiling. His eyes slowly growing dull as he was drawn into a sort of emotional comatose.
_A couple hours later _
Lenalee—who had also fallen into a depressed state—had gone to see her therapist, Kanda had driven her, and Allen was home alone.
All week, the white-haired boy had been drawn to the clear, orange-tinted bottle on the counter. Filled with diamond-shaped pale blue pills, it had looked tempting, just waiting to be swallowed. Today is the day. Allen thought to himself, grabbing the orange juice from the fridge and pouring it into a glass.
He replaced the carton and stared greedily at the pill bottle. Allen reached for it, ready to escape to a paradise—a wonderland. He held down the tab and unscrewed the white top. Shaking two pills into his slightly trembling hand, he read the label. "Lamotrigine 200 milligrams. Take one half tablet by mouth daily." Allen took a deep breath before opening his mouth and placing one tablet on the back of his tongue. He took a swig of orange juice and down it went. There was no going back now, he thought, so he repeated the process with the second pill.
He screwed the top back and replaced the bottle carefully, ensuring that no one would see that it had been moved. He drank the rest of the orange juice and placed the glass in the sink.
_About 30 minutes later _
The pills had begun to set in and Allen decided to watch a movie.
About fifteen minutes in, the main character started cracking immature sex jokes. Normally, Allen would've cringed and left the room or turned it off, but in his current state he simply could not control his laughter.
For once in a very long time, Allen felt pleasantly numb, almost happy. Everything seemed funny, hilarious even. There was a sort of pleasant drunkenness to it.
He abruptly stood up and raced to the kitchen about halfway through the movie. He made instant macaroni and cheese, then pulled a soda from the fridge.
Eventually, the numbness subsided and his head was pounding. Lenalee couldn't stop chattering when she got home, and it only made it worse.
Allen began feeling guilty. The high he had experienced was just one of many he would induce to get away from the pain of life.
A/N: Okay, so here's my speech for the day: DO NOT TAKE DRUGS THAT AREN'T PRESCRIBED TO YOU. It's a bad idea. And, I wrote Allen's experience based on my own when I took the same antidepressant (it was my mother's). I only did it once and I felt so very guilty afterward. So please, if you're ever thinking about it, message me. I'll put a link to my Tumblr and you can always message me there. Thanks for reading and please leave a review 3
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