Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto or it's characters

The pain was unsurprisingly sharp and overwhelming, stealing her breath and leaving her feeling numb to everything else. She had always known that there was little hope to capturing his heart and for years all she had really wanted was his acknowledgement. She had believed that her love was unconditional and selfless. But hope, wonderful and terrible hope had burned in her heart during the war. He had gripped her hand after she had lightly slapped him, and told her how much her support had helped him over the years. She couldn't stop the hope that had blossomed in her heart, was he finally going to give her a chance?

Hinata, you know you are a very special person to me right? I want you to know that I didn't forget what you had said to me when you tried to rescue me from Pain. It really means a lot to me, that you care so much about me. And I care for you too, but…I'm sorry…I can't return your feelings. The small smile on her face remained but she felt herself crack inside, she could not fall apart in front of him. He was trying to let her down gently, and part of her was grateful for that. She had turned her face away and slowly breathed in through her nose and exhaled out of her mouth. She has gone through pain before, she could handle this.

You know how I've always felt about Sakura right? She…well…she finally said yes to me. I want to tell you because I don't want you to be surprised when…if you see us. She could almost hear it…the crack inside her spreading, shattering her. You are still a very special friend to me Hinata, and it hurts me to know I'm causing you pain. I'm sorry. 'Congratulations Naruto,' she heard her voice say with fake cheerfulness, 'I hope you and Sakura-chan are very happy together. You deserve to be happy Naruto-kun.'

The next thing she knew she was in her room, her eyes darting side to side in panic, she didn't want to fall apart. She paced across her room quickly, her breathing steadily increasing. No, no, no, she could handle this…he was right; she always knew how he felt about Sakura. It wasn't news to anyone, he was steadfast with his feelings, never letting go of them…it was one of the things that attracted her. So this pain…she could take, she'll be alright. Nothing will change, Naruto still holds her precious in his heart, a special friend…something she's always been. He acknowledged her, that's all that matters right? That's all she wanted, to finally walk beside him, instead of chasing him. Yes, that's all she wanted, that's all that mattered.

She had been so preoccupied with her thoughts that she never heard the knocking at her door. She had almost gasped with surprise when she had turned around to find Neji standing in her room. She froze, there was no emotion on his face like usual and his eyes denied the gazer from seeing his mind or heart, but there was an air about him. He stood there silently in front of her. It wasn't until she tasted salt in her mouth did she realize that tears had fallen from her eyes, and it wasn't until then that she realized he knew…he knew and was waiting for the storm to overtake her.

Her strength was tearing away from her, not cut clean leaving her pleasantly numb, but ripping away. She could feel each thread pop and tear, shredding her heart with unbearable pain. With a silent and soft sob she felt herself collapse onto the floor, ignoring him as her mind knew nothing except the pain. She hardly noticed when he crouched down in front of her and picked her up into his arms, carrying her to her bed. But when he sat down, still holding her, she heard him whisper, 'Cry Hinata, cry.' And with that, the dam inside of her broke completely. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face into his shoulder as she cried loudly, giving voice to the pain in her heart, reflecting the torrent of emotions lacerating her mind and soul.

All her life she had never been good enough, why? WHY?! Why was she always lacking?! Why couldn't things be easy for once? Was that too much to ask from life? She worked hard at everything she did, she did her best to always be positive and encouraging, why was it so difficult to attain love? She had been denied love from her father throughout her childhood, she had been denied love from her mother when she had passed away, she had been denied love from Neji after his father died, she had been denied love from friends until she graduated from the Academy and put on a genin team, and she had been denied love from the one she had admired the most in life. Was she so undesirable? She knew that her looks were plain and boring, but was she so ugly on the inside that no one wanted the heart she offered them?

She cried harder, never feeling so alone before and so unwanted. The more the pain crushed her heart the tighter she clutched her arms, even momentarily forgetting the arms that were holding her. She cried and cried and cried until there was absolutely nothing left. She felt like an empty shell, a body with no soul. Hollow. She didn't know how long she sat in blessed numbness, it felt like hours. But slowly, she started to notice the beating of a heart…a heart that didn't belong to her. Her mind almost tickled as it starting to think again, remembering a time in the hospital…a time when something secret was willingly revealed to her…a time that shocked her so much that she didn't know what to do with the knowledge so she had locked it away, nearly forgetting about it. Until now.

His arms were still wrapped tightly around her shoulders, holding her close to him. Not once did he let her go. She closed her eyes and sighed feeling her raw wounds being soothed slightly at feeling the warmth he provided. She was not alone; he was with her, even when he hated her he had been beside her. She was lacking in his eyes once, but not anymore. She had done nothing to earn his feelings, or his support. She wanted to thank him, she was grateful to have him in her life. He always looked out for her, guiding her, teaching her, supporting her. She didn't deserve any of it, but she was so grateful for it.

She had shifted her face, too exhausted to move too much, her lips dragging along his skin as she tried to get her voice to work. But he had suddenly stiffened in her arms, the air between them slowly changed; she could feel the beating in her chest begin to increase. Unwilling to think about what she was going to do or what they were going to mean, she continued to press her lips to his neck, brushing his skin up to his chin. He pulled away from her and the pain that was just starting to sooth started to throb again. She just wanted to be close to him, she didn't want to be alone.

'I k-know what I'm asking of you i-isn't fair, but…' but what? What was she going to say? Was she really going to drag him down into her dark world? She truly must be ugly on the inside to do such a thing to him, after he nearly lost his life saving hers.

'I can't love you like I love him.' she whispered to him softly, she had never really did give him an answer…though he had never asked her in the first place. It was a pathetic apology for her selfish actions and the cruel words she had said. Never had she hated herself more. He remained silent and unmoving…he must be realizing just how mean she truly was on the inside. She must have shocked him and now she had just made her only ally her enemy once again.

'But you're not asking for love, are you Hinata?' His deep voice asked, she didn't understand what he was saying. She finally looked up, her confusion in her eyes, but he pulled her back into his arms and whispered in her ear, 'And I am not expecting any.'

Her questions momentarily vanished, his lips on her ear causing her body to tremble. All she could think of was how he was close to her again, she was back in his arms again, and that she always wanted those arms to be around her. She wrapped her arms around him and lifted her face, this time she knew what would happen and what it would mean. But for the first time in her life, she didn't want to care. She let her soft lips cling to his firm ones, giving him the gift of her first kiss, mimicking his movements as best she could. The desire didn't shoot through her like lightening, instead it was slow moving like the beginning of an avalanche. But as he continued to kiss her, awakening her passion, like an avalanche it started to overwhelm her.

She wasn't close enough to him anymore; she needed to be closer much closer to him. The kiss was not enough, not nearly enough. She slowly pulled away from the kiss and looked up at him, pleading with her eyes for him to understand. 'Neji…I…I want…could we…' she couldn't finish, she was so embarrassed. She was so new to this and she was fairly certain that he was not like her, inexperienced.

'Lie down.' He said softly, she shivered in anticipation as she did what he said. She watched him slowly follow after her before lowering himself on top of her, she gasped in surprise at the feeling of his weight pressing down on her. Yes, this is what she wanted. She kissed him hungrily, her passion surprising them both. But he didn't back down, he didn't turn away from her, he stayed with her. Part of her couldn't believe this was happening, but those thoughts quickly left her when he gently pulled her chin down and kissed her deeply, tangling his tongue with hers.

Passion burned throughout her body like a raging fire and a small ache started between her legs, making her restless. Her thirst started to become insatiable; he tasted so good, felt so good. Without breaking their deep kiss, she felt around until her hand found his, leading it down until it rested on top of her breast. To her surprise and embarrassment, he stopped and pulled away, looking down at her. She turned her face away, feeling her cheeks heat up to a bright red, slowly letting go of his hand. She bit her lip in shame when his hand left her breast, did he not want to touch her? Did he realize that he didn't want her after all?

'Look at me Hinata.' He told her, she shut her eyes tightly unwilling to listen to him, but when he remained silent, waiting, she relented. Steeling herself for the look of disgust in his eyes, she turned her head to face him. His eyes held hesitancy as he brought his hand up to unzip her jacket. Relief flooded her mind; he was not disgusted with her. Sitting up, she smiling shyly, he always thought of her. She understood his hesitancy, but she was no longer an ignorant and naïve little girl. She was a woman and she knew just how far things could go between them. Was she willing to change the relationship they had now? But…they had gone through so much together already…how much damage could this do to them?

He had paused once he had unzipped her jacket, giving her time to think, to reconsider, but she was now resolute. Sitting up, she took her jacket off completely, tossing somewhere on the floor. She debated on what to do next, before lifting her arms straight up in the air, a small smile playing about her lips. 'Help?'

He lifted his brow at her antics, but smirked when he grabbed the bottom of her shirt and pulled it up over her head. She bit her lip and looked away again, as she unclasped her bra, but kept her chest covered with her arm when she lowered the piece of clothing on the floor. She trembled when she felt his hand on her wrist, knowing that he was going to pull her arm away.

'Please…d-don't look.' Heat flooded her face when he successfully pulled her arms away, keeping them firmly in his grasp. He lifted her arms above her head and pressed her back down, pinning her hands into one of his own. She kept her eyes shut, but then felt his lips brush her own.

'You're beautiful Hinata.' He told her softly.

'Liar.' She whispered back, but unable to hold back the gasp at the feel of his warm hand upon her breast.

'I have never lied to you.' He said trailing lips across her face and down her neck.

'But…'

'And I will never lie to you.' He continued, stroking his thumb against her nipple. The small ache between her legs suddenly became a painful throb as her heart slammed against her chest.

'B-but…'

'Do you still need proof?' he chuckled, nipping his teeth at her neck.

'Y-yes.' She whimpered, as he continued his administrations on her breast. But at her response, he paused. Opening her eyes with confusion, his eyes suddenly were no longer void of emotion. They burned with an intense passion when he suddenly pressed his hips down on hers, his hardness against her throbbing center. She couldn't stop her body from arching against him nor the groan that burst from her mouth at the pleasure that shot through her like lightening. Nothing had ever felt so good. Something had suddenly been unleashed inside of her; she felt her shyness burn up leaving passion and boldness in its wake.

She impatiently tore at his shirt needing to feel her skin against his, even when all of their clothes were scattered on the floor, she didn't pause. She purposefully distracted her mind from anything besides the pleasure of his touch, the feel of his pounding heart, the sound of her name on his lips. She nodded her head and kissed him gently, sweetly, when he paused again, and for the last time. She wanted this, wanted him.

The pain was not unbearable, not compared to the pain she was feeling earlier. She was too eager for this for the pain to last long, her body too willing to his invasion. Yet her mind paused for a moment, he was no longer just with her, he was in her. Neji was in her. Tears slowly gathered in her eyes, she wasn't alone, she wasn't unwanted. Neji was telling her, showing her, demonstrating to her just how wrong she was…her heart throbbed painfully in her chest. She had never been more grateful to him than now.

When he started to move, once again, all of her thoughts completely vanished. He didn't allow her to catch her breath as he kissed her neck, massaged her breasts, and plunged into her quickly. She could hardly marvel at all the things he could do at once when a tidal wave started to bear down on her. The tension coiled around her spine, she found herself panting, a short moan for each of his thrusts. Her body trembled as she held onto him tightly, as much as she wanted to tumble over the edge, she was scared. She couldn't think but she knew that if this continued she would lose absolutely all control of herself.

'N-Neji…w-wait…ahh…I…I c-can't…ahh…I…'

'It's…ok…Hinata.' He whispered to her without stopping, 'Just…let go…let go…of…everything.'

I have never lied to you…and I will never lie to you…it's ok. His words echoed through her mind. She buried her face in his neck as she gave into her body, crying out as she drowned in wave after wave of pleasure, shocking her mind into nothing except the heat. It took several moments to for her to realize that Neji was still gripping her legs tightly as he continued to pound into her. She gasped softly at each remaining pulse of her inner muscles and noticed that he would hiss at the same time.

'Let…me…hear…you voice.' He pleaded, his voice rough and deep. Catching on to his rhythm and allowing his hands to guide her hips, she pulled his head down to her shoulder, letting her lips caress his ear.

'Neji, I…that felt…amazing.' She admitted, feeling embarrassed. He hissed again as his rhythm started to stagger, his movements becoming rougher.

'You...you feel so good inside.' He groaned as his body suddenly became rigid above her, gasping when she felt him climax into her before collapsing on top of her.

Hinata gazed up at her ceiling, thinking back to that first time, remembering how torn her heart was when she had made the decision to change her relationship with Neji. She had not thought about the future, about what it would do to them both, or when it would end. She had tried to put a stop to their sexual encounters, and he was always willing, complying with her wishes. But then she would wake up almost every night with wetness between her thighs and her center throbbing painfully as memories of how he would touch her, kiss her, send her on the most pleasurable climaxes. It would have been so much easier to deny the urges if she didn't know how good he could make her feel.

But every time afterwards, she would be filled with shame. She was using him, plain and simple. He made her feel wanted, beautiful, loved. He gave her exactly what she wanted from him, but what did she give him in return? He never asked for her heart, always willing to take what she gave him…a body. But what was the point of having a body without a heart, without a soul? So then…in actuality…she gave him nothing.

Tears slowly slide down and soaked the hair at her temples as she thought about what happened today. The look Neji had given her when she comforted Naruto, the questions, the accusations he flung at her as he took her in the training field. He had apologized afterwards, but he had nothing to apologize about. He had asked if she would leave him for Naruto and she had side-stepped the question. She knew he let it go on purpose because they both knew what her answer would have been. If Naruto wanted her, truly wanted her…she probably would leave Neji. And she hated herself for it.

She wished Neji would leave her; realize that he deserves someone better than a woman like her. She pretended to be good when deep down she was the worst person ever. People thought she was nice and thoughtful, but Neji knew differently. He knows what a bad person she is, how selfish she is…why couldn't he see that she was no good for him? He should just find someone else…give his heart to someone else…make love to someone else. Suddenly Hinata turned and slammed her fist into her mattress, burying her face into her pillow.

"I hate you! I hate you! You're so mean! You're so horribly selfish! I hate you!" she screamed as tears streamed down her face. She would leave him for Naruto but the thought of Neji with another woman…it made her sick to her stomach. Why did she feel jealous when she didn't love him like he wanted her to? Why couldn't she just love him like she should? Why can't she just fall in love with Neji?

AN: Again sorry it took a while to update. It took me forever to figure out how to write her perspective and what she was/is thinking having a type of 'friends with benefits' relationship with Neji. I hope it comes across that she's as 'broken' as Neji is and that this relationship they have is kinda both their own doing...not just Hinata using Neji. Well, I tried my best at least. The next chapter won't take as long to update since I have it almost finished. But please leave me a little lovin' and I'll do my best to reward you guys with my writing. Much love to my reviewers Nanda Magnail, MakaMaka, anon, Aurora Noir, queenofthenial, princess p, the guest who left me a review for my prologue, embrace the darkness within, Fool on the Hill Far Far Away, and magarni. Thank you so much for your support!