Chapter 2 ~

Sami stared silently through her window at the scenery passing on the outside of the car. It was a perfect spring day. The sky was blue without a cloud in site; a balmy breeze circulated through the car, bringing with it the intoxicating fragrance of the season in full bloom. The sun shone brightly through the windshield, touching her face with just the right amount of warmth, and she closed her eyes, letting her head tilt back to feel it more fully.

It was the sort of day she and EJ loved. The kind in which they usually looked at each other and simultaneously decided to play hooky from their everyday cares and responsibilities by spending it outside together laughing, playing and loving as had become their way. Once she had come to her senses and started running toward instead of away from him

That was probably why EJ had insisted on bringing out the Maserati today and taking the out-of-the-way route through their favorite canyon on the way home. This old car held so many memories: the time she almost dropped the transmission driving out to the nature preserve the night EJ showed up drunk to one of their dates, picnicking under the stars at the same preserve just before she proposed to him under the light of the full moon. Sami remembered many times-so many times-screaming with laughter and exhilaration when EJ would find an open stretch of road, let the top down and put his old race car driving skills to the test. In fact, they'd gone for a drive not that long ago, and it had been as breathtaking as the first they'd ever taken.

Sami opened her eyes, and lush scenery spread out for miles in front of them. She knew this spot. In just another minute, they would be cresting a hill, and the view would be stunning...panoramic...and before she could finish that thought, there it was. Miles of nothing but beautiful, unspoiled nature. This was probably her favorite spot in the canyon, for it was this spot that always reinforced her and EJ's decision to not only move away from Salem, but to move out of the city limits of Castle Rock as well.

It represented the new start they had wanted for their family because it was so different from anything they were used to, and the kids could have lives without already having a reputation to fight. It represented purity in an environment so far removed from the toxicities and ugliness of their lives in Salem that they felt like those problems didn't even exist. It represented the little bubble they wanted to create for their marriage, a place where the outside people and influences and situations that had helped pull them off track before did not have a place.

Yes, EJ's family would always be an issue, and no, the Bradys weren't ever really going to like that Sami married him. Yes, they were going to have knock down, drag out fights; as hard as they loved, they could fight just as hard. But they were certain that if they were left to their own devices, they would be better off than with all the naysayers around, and they had been right. Were they perfect? No. Was their marriage? No.

But their life together was pretty darn close.

Cruising down the hill, Sami closed her eyes against the rush of tears that suddenly overcame her. How many days like this did she have left? How many days did she have left period? I made her sick to realize how much time she had wasted. It killed her to think of how many years she had spent pushing EJ away when he would've laid the world at her feet if she would've only let him love her. If she hadn't been so stubborn, they would've had so much more time. Maybe it would've been enough to face the thought...no. They could have fifty, sixty years, and it wouldn't be enough. No amount of time with EJ would be enough to make her accept leaving him. Didn't she pray to God everyday that he would take them like Noah and Ali in "The Notebook": together?

Of course even with that prayer, Sami had never considered—really considered—the idea that neither of them would live forever. Once she let EJ in, she never had any intention of letting him go. When she pictured her life as an old woman, he was an old man right beside her, and then...well...she didn't know. All she knew was that she never had to live another day without him.

She had heard it said that death only hurts the loved ones left behind, but Sami wasn't so sure. She knew what the church taught about the afterlife, but she still had to wonder if she wouldn't miss EJ with all of her being if they were separated even there?

Wouldn't she watch him go through life and long to slip her hand into his large, protecting grasp? Long to hold him and be held in return? Wish with all her might to beat the daylights out of every woman that looked his way? Because they would. EJ was still too handsome not to be noticed. He was still healthy and active, and he was rich and powerful. Yes, the ladies would definitely be trying to grab his attention.

At least he would never look twice at another woman. As soon as the thought crossed her mind, Sami felt a slight twinge of quilt. Is that selfish: not to want him with another woman? Especially knowing how miserable I'm expecting to be without him? Shouldn't I want him to find happiness-a way to ease that pain-any way he can?

She turned to stare at her husband's profile, trying to picture someone taking her place in his life. Tried to envision what it would look like to have someone else loving him, kissing him...sharing his bed... Sami had to stop; just imagining it was about to kill her on the spot. Selfish or not, she couldn't bear the thought of him moving on with his life in that way.

EJ was still concentrating on navigating the curves of the road safely, and to anyone else, it wouldn't appear that he had noticed his wife's scrutiny at all, but Sami knew better. He rarely missed anything, especially when it came to her and the kids, and indeed, as soon as the road opened into the flat straight away which would take them home, he reached for her hand. Without taking his eyes from the road or saying a word, he intertwined his fingers through hers, lifted her hand to his lips and brushed a gentle kiss across her wrist bone. Then he pressed their clasped hands to his cheek.

He didn't let go until they were home.

And Sami didn't say anything when she felt a tear run down her arm.

"Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women..." Nanny Crumb slowly, painfully worked the rosary beads between her gnarled fingers as she prayed. Her arthritis was acting up today. "...and blessed is the fruit of thy womb.... "

Her life hadn't always been that of the most devout of her faith, but she had always been diligent about her daily prayers, and today, she prayed with a special burden on her heart. Nothing and no one had ever been able to move her to prayer like her little EJ.

That is how she still thought of him: her little EJ, even though he was a grown man with children and grandchildren of his own. She still saw him as that mischievous little boy with a restless heart (at the age of five, he nearly had been too much for a girl of twenty). She still saw that rackish young man that hid the depths of his empty soul behind fake smiles, laughter and always looking for the next adventure.

"…Mother of God, pray for us sinners now..." That emptiness in his eyes and soul is what always drove her to her knees when he was young, kept her there when he went away to become the son of Stefano DiMera and renewed her purpose when he returned a broken man to mend his shattered heart.

But at that time, she prayed in joy. She prayed in joy because for as much pain as he was feeling, it meant his soul was no longer empty. He had found something—and more specifically, someone—to give his life meaning, and for that, she rejoiced. She knew that this Samantha he spoke of was "the one", but that it would take an act of God to bring them together, so she had prayed with a fervency that she hadn't known before.

Unfortunately, EJ was never one to make things easy, and for a time, Nanny Crumb feared that her prayers were going no higher than the ceiling. But the day he abruptly came to tell her goodbye, the light in his eyes told her everything she needed to know: he wasn't going to forget about his love; he was going home to fight for her. When the news of their engagement finally came, Nanny doubted that even his own mother was happier for him than she was as she wept with the formal announcement clasped to her heart.

Two weeks later, a second letter from EJ had arrived, requesting—begging, actually—for her to come and be the nanny for his young children, and she didn't have a moment's pause about accepting. She would have accepted if he hadn't included the list of provisions that he had already neatly taken care of for her life in England and detailed the life he hoped to provided for her in the US, making it pretty impossible for her to refuse. As soon as her flight could be arranged, she had come.

Now it was almost thirty years later. Nanny Crumb knew that she was nearing the end of her life, and she often reflected on the past. She had precious few regrets, and none of them had anything to do with living with EJ and his family. Raising his children had been a delight, and meeting his Samantha, finally meeting the source of the light in EJ's eyes and seeing how much he doted on and adored her—and was doted on and adored in return—had been nothing short of a gift from God. For this reason, she added a special prayer to the end of her Hail Maries:

"Please…he won't survive. Take me instead."

Sami stepped through the front door of the house and let her eyes rove around the foyer and then over the dual staircase to the floor above. She had always pictured living in a regular house with a regular yard in a regular neighborhood when she pictured raising a family, and after spending time in the DiMera mansion, she had sworn she would never live in a house like that. But when they moved to Castle Rock, EJ had insisted that she at least look at this place, and she immediately had fallen in love.

It was a mansion; there was no other way to describe it. It sported a pool, hot tube, tennis courts, hot house...to say that the family lacked for nothing was something of an understatement. There were even a few servants quarters on the property, though none of their staff lived with them. Well, except for Nanny Crumb, but she was family, and had a suite of her own in the main house. No; the servants quarters had been uses mostly by the kids for various reasons over the years. Hide and seek at age eight; sleep overs at thirteen (they felt so grown up out on their own, never knowing that she and EJ would sneak out and set up camp in the dwelling next door when the music was so loud that the kids didn't notice and slip away again before the sun came up). Eventually each one of them had taken one of the houses as their own when they had graduated high-school and gone to college, getting their first tastes of independence before really striking out into the world.

In typical Sami fashion though, she couldn't openly admit that she was in love with this place. It's opulence reminded her too much of "The DiMera Mansion" of Salem. But in typical EJ fashion, he could read her like a book, and he had held her in his arms and painted a verbal picture of their life for her. A picture in which "The DiMera Mansion" was a place where family loved unconditionally, laughed, argued and cried together and didn't keep secrets from each other. A place where friends were always welcome and strangers wouldn't leave as such. A place where they remembered how richly they were blessed, and empty hands were sent away full.

"Imagine it, Samantha," he had whispered. "This isn't a mansion. This is our home. And our home will be so different from my father's, you could never compare the two."

How could a woman argue with that? Sami couldn't, and she had marveled several times over the years about how right EJ had been. It was their family that dictated what memories were associated with this house. Not Stefano, Kate, deceit and lies or any other bad memory from their past. You couldn't compare the two.

Silent feet carried Sami up the staircase to her left. Soon she was standing in front of the portaits of her children, and she studied them as if she was seeing them for the first time.

First was Will's—his grin as boyish as ever. His smile had been missing lately, and though he wasn't ready to talk about it, Sami was sure it had to do with the demise of his last relationship. She hadn't ever thought his partner was good enough for him, but Will had been head-over-heels in love, so she had done her level best to keep her mouth shut.

In front of Will, anyway. EJ and Lucas had certainly gotten many ears full of her feelings that Will was being taken advantage of for his money and connections, that whatever-his-name-was was rude and condescending to them all and any number of things on her long list of concerns. Sometimes they agreed; sometimes they didn't. But they were both very diligent in their encouragement for her not to meddle. All she wanted to do now was find the guy and nail his hide to the wall for hurting her son, but EJ had threatened to tie her to their bedpost if she actually tried it.

"William would not thank you for interfering, darling; you know that." It was all said quite calmly, with a twinkle in his eye and a sweet kiss that said while he was sorry for Will, he was enjoying her motherly tantrum immensely. Sami was also sure that while he wouldn't actually tie her to their bed, he would shadow her like the secret service if he thought that she was serious about carrying out her plan.

Having EJ on your tail was never fun, and she knew he was right, so for now, Sami contented herself with carrying out her plan in fantasies in her head, and praying that her son—so much more a friend these days—would get his smile back.

Next, was Johnny—or John, as he liked to be called now. So much like his father, he took his role and head of his family very seriously, and that devotion shown through the picture of he and his family. It was a few years old; Madelyn had been going through her Terrible Twos (her fierce frown forever a testament to that), and Gracie was just a baby in her mother's arms.

Sami let her eyes rest on Adeline, Johnny's wife, and couldn't love her more if she were her own daughter. She was called Addie for short, and Sami felt a sort of kinship with her. She had been bullied and teased for her plain looks and old fashioned name and even older parents who were poor and couldn't give her the latest, greatest and best. She had often been passed over for someone prettier, smarter or more talented no matter what she tried to do. Sami could relate to that.

Addie had confided in her mother-in-law that she was at the end of her rope, desperately unhappy and contemplating taking her life when she was in the ninth grade, but then Johnny stood up for her one day. He promised to be her friend and that he wasn't going to let anyone else bully her every again. She couldn't imagine why he would do that or why he kept his promise so faithfully even though she kept telling him that he didn't have to. But she prayed every night that he would stay because she had already fallen in love with him.

Looking at Ali was like looking at a younger version of her mother. While Johnny's seriousness and love and devotion to family marked his face, Ali looked like she probably instigated at least half of the trouble her identical twin boys, Max and Zachary, got themselves into. And her husband, Kyle, looked like he would thoroughly enjoy himself right along with them.

Kyle was fun loving for sure, but he worked hard. He was laid back and the perfect balance to Ali's impulsive, high-strung nature. He usually laughed and followed along with whatever plan she had and then quietly picked up the pieces of whatever got wrecked in the process. Sami, EJ and Lucas couldn't imagine the patience that was needed to deal with all the chaos, but he seemed to love every minute, and they loved him for it.

Finally, there was her precious baby girl, Sydney. Sydney had turned into quite a beauty, turning the heads of every man that she passed (giving her father fits of panic every time it happened), but she didn't know it. Sami guessed that she assumed all the dates she had waiting for her on the weekend was normal. But the attention hadn't gone to her head, thank goodness, and she remained as sweet as she ever was. Her and Jeremy's engagement picture reflected that: a beautiful, sweet young woman that was perfectly happy to be in the arms of the man beside her.

Jeremy had fallen into the, "Not Good Enough for My Child" category when they first go together, and both Sami and EJ had struggled in trying not to meddle. Really struggled. He was the most popular boy on campus, and as quarter back of the football time at a top university in the country, the most recognized as well. He was well on his way to the NFL, didn't you know? Everyone adored him, and he knew it. His swagger said, "You should."

Nobody knew exactly how it happened—the sack looked so routine, and the opposing lineman hadn't even hit him that hard—but on a perfect Saturday afternoon, Jeremy's dreams had been shattered when his neck was broken in the middle of a game. The doctor's prognosis had been grim: he likely would never walk again.

Going through that unbelievably dark time had changed him. He was no longer that kid that took everything for granted or thought he was better than anyone because he was loved for throwing a football. Through blood, sweat, tears and determination—and with Sydney—Jeremy learned to walk again. Not as easily or as gracefully as he once had, but he didn't care. He was just grateful that he wasn't in a wheel chair.

And now they were having a baby.

Sami reached out to touch the frame, and a tear rolled down her cheek. More than anything in the world, she wanted to live to see that baby. She wanted to hold that child in her arms, kiss its sweet head and smell its precious baby smell. But she wasn't sure that she had the strength. She wasn't sure that she could make it through more rounds of chemo or radiation, and no matter what front she had put on for her snot-nosed surgeon, the truth was that she was afraid.

She was afraid that she wouldn't live to see the birth of her newest grandchild. She was afraid that she wouldn't live to see the other four grow up, see Will smile again or be a part of the beautiful lives her children were building for themselves, and that caused a pain as harsh as the thought of leaving their father behind.

How could she do it? How could she ever say goodbye?

Nanny Crumb knew that he didn't know that she was watching him. Watching him watch his wife—who was obviously crying—from his position in the foyer below her. She knew that he was unaware of the grief that marked his entire body, giving her the news that she had just prayed that he wouldn't receive.

No. His focus was solely on his Samantha.

Nanny watched as he deliberately took the stairs of the opposite staircase two steps at a time and then slowly approached the woman he loved. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders from behind and gently kissed the top of her head.

For a moment, all was quiet. And then, as if the pressure of EJ arms finally burst through the dam in Sami's heart, she began to sob. Loud, harsh, heartbreaking sobs that would have buckled her knees if EJ had not been holding her up. He swept her into his arms and carried her around the corner and down the hallway that led to their bedroom, Sami's cries heard clearly all the way.

Stepping back into the shadows, Nanny Crumbs own tears fell, and she was not surprised when Hiram, the faithful butler that saw all, heard all and revealed nothing, stepped toward her. By the look on his face, it was obvious he had been watching as well, and he quietly voiced what both of them were thinking.

"Heaven help us. What are we going to do?"

Memories of the Maserati were used with permission for another fiction called, "The Journey" , by wallflower.

Nanny Crumb came to us, also with permission, from England and "Moonlit Wishes", by cheergirl

Both authors and their stories can be found at Forbidden Love, and EJami fan forum, the #1 place for all things, EJami.