Chapter 2

I woke up to the blinding whiteness. Blinding, like the morning sun to the restless sleeper. I shielded my eyes against the almost unbearable burning sensation, the immense brightness created, letting only a few beams of white light penetrate through the gaps of my fingers until they adjusted to the light completely. After my eyes stopped hurting I looked around and noted my surroundings. Empty. Nothing but the pure white. A seemingly endless white expanse. "What on earth is this place? Am I dreaming?" I questioned the white void in my head. I looked around all angles find an exit. Nothing, but wait! There was something. A black shape had appeared out of thin air in the direction I was looking. My curiosity aroused, I found myself headed in the direction of the black blob, not sure of what it was, yet still knowing that it must be a way out of here.

As I close in on the blackness, its faded edges morph into more clear and straight lines, revealing its true rectangular shape. Something bright yellow was sticking out of its corners. I immediately recognized it as a handle and the black shape as door. I pondered on what may lie behind that door. Could it be tall brick buildings and the grey asphalt with its roaring automobiles on it and the mindless pedestrians walking beside it? Could it be another similar white space? Or could it hold something sinister in comparison to what I had in mind? I had no way of knowing. But I knew I had to go through it, that it must be a way out of this place. I convinced myself that nothing bad was beyond the door and with a quick inhale I turned its handle and entered through it.

It was a small apartment living room. Unlike the bright empty space before, this was a very dull colored, closely packed room with barely enough room to move around. I spun around to see where I had entered the room from, but the black door was gone… strange. There was a small window overlooking the busy street, though it's cars not moving. Right around the centre of the apartment was a small TV, its screen showing a still cartoon character in a desert. In front of the TV was a couch that was as dull as the apartment walls, and seated on it was a middle-aged lady held on by a little boy that I assumed was her son. They were still, not moving an inch to even switch into different positions on the couch, as if somebody had frozen this moment in time. The mother had gentle features on her face and kind eyes. The boy was the absolute epitome of innocence, with his genuine eyes and sweet smile. They were watching whatever program that must have been on the TV. For the time being the mother and child were happy. I walked around the mother-son figurine, my inner desire to remain with the duo, to take in their happiness, to share their moment, to take in their feelings that somehow I closely related to. But my desire to leave this place and return to the real world won over my longing to remain with them and I began looking for a way out of the apartment.

Suddenly as if a light was switched on, everything; the mother, the child, the couch, the TV, the walls disappeared, replaced by the similar whiteness that occupied the room before. What just happened? I looked around for a single clue that might betray what happened to the apartment but alas! There was nothing. To my surprise what I did see was a black door a few paces ahead me. Another door? Why was this here? Where would this take me? I wondered what might lie beyond this door though I knew that it couldn't be something meant to do me any harm. So I opened the door and went inside.

I found something which I did not expect. Like before this was also another moment captured in time. Unlike last time this was a moment of two young people; a teenage boy and a teenage girl. They were kissing, the girl leaning on the school locker; with her hands cupping the boy's face while he held her hands. I'm in some school, specifically in a school corridor, an empty one except for the two lovebirds. The door I came in was gone leaving me no clue as to where I entered from. I looked closely at the boy and girl. The boy had dark brown hair and the girl had light brown hair. I couldn't make out much of their faces because they were in contact with each other at the lips and blocking me from truly seeing what they looked like. They were both dressed in what seemed to be average clothing. The real star was not how they appeared though, it was the feelings they shared.

It delighted me in some way to see these two people so enveloped in each other right now in this moment. Though I had a gut feeling that their young love wouldn't last, it was still it was some sight. Again I found myself wanting to remain in the moment; my thought's being invaded by similar thoughts of the love the two young lovers here shared, as if the love they shared was so great that an excess wandered itself to my heart. Who were they? Why am I feeling like this? More questions popped up in my head and although my desire to stay was strong, my need for answers was greater. I had to find out where I was, and how I could have related to what I saw. I turned away from the couple, looking for the school exit.

Once again the light switched on, taking the entire school corridor, along with its lockers and the two people in it away. I was in another white room, with another black door in it.

I thought about what I felt back in the school corridor; with the two lovebirds. An alien sensation that strangely fulfilled me, which made my heart beat faster. It excited me without a reason, and made me forget that I was a stranger in a strange white world looking for a way out. When I was with the mother son duo I felt comforted, happy and content. What were these feelings? How could I be feeling them? Why was I feeling them? I didn't know what was going on with me. I thought that answers must lie beyond the next doors.

Without thinking about what I may find inside, I had already walked through the black door.

I was outside. I could see the blue sky and the hovering snowy clouds. I didn't know where exactly I was though. I was standing on a lonely pavement, beside a lonely road in some city. There was a bookstore right behind me with an alley next to it. The store sign read "Closed". I figured that it must be the early start of day. I headed along the street in the direction where the alley was, hoping that I'll meet somebody who could tell me where I was. As I was walking past the alley I saw two men in it. Delighted by this I walked over to them hoping I could get directions from them. They seemed strange, still, as if… frozen? They were. I realized that like the people I saw before; the mother and son, the two lovers, the men here were also frozen in time. I wasn't really outside. It was all just another illusion of the white void.

I went over to the men anyway. One of them was dressed in a blue shirt and black jeans. He looked clean and organized. He was about the same height I was, with an average build. He had black hair, his face was slightly rectangular; clean shaven, black eyed and tan. The other man wore a thick, untidy, brown trench coat with pants that didn't match. His dirty blonde hair was all over the place; his hands were as dirty as his clothes. He was a couple of inches taller than me, and slightly skinnier than the other man. His face was similar to the other fellow's but blue eyed roughly bearded.

How they looked hardly seemed to bother them. They were smiling. They must have been having a pleasant conversation. He was handing something cylindrical to the other man. It read the word "Pringles" on it and it had a picture of a coconut with eyes and a mustache. It was clear that these two men were close friends. The bond that they seemed to share made me long to be part of it very badly, to be comforted in the sense of companionship and brotherhood. It made me want to remain here. It seemed to me that the things I saw since I woke up distracted me from getting my answers. Why did I want to remain with the frozen subjects so badly? What did I share with them? What was the connection? I was going to find out, and I was getting out of this place. I couldn't allow anything to delay me from my freedom.

Turning away from the alley I waited for everything to snap into white again. And it did, taking everything away. But this white area was different. All the other ones had black doors, this one had a red one. It was crimson red, very apparent in the whiteness and searing into my eyes. This surprised me as much as it aroused my curiosity even more. There has to be a reason for this door to be different than the others. Could it be the last one? I knew there was only one way to find out. I walked up to it, wondered for a second on what would happen after go through this door, and then finally turned the handle and went inside.

It wasn't all what I expected. Best case; scenario I imagined that I'd find myself outside, as in reality, unlike the illusion of the outside world I saw before. At least I expected to find something vivid, more special than what the other doors held. Something that would explain where I was, what was happening to me, and so on. In a way what I actually found was special; different. The red door lead me into darkness. I couldn't see anything including my own self. I turned my head back looking for where the door was, not sure how much I turned because I absolutely had no idea where I was looking, and found that the door had disappeared. This was different, different from the white expanse that attacked me with its brightness. The blackness seemed to take everything away from me. I soon found myself scared, alone, unhappy and strangely angry. The silence in the dark void seemed to make everything worse. I could hear myself thinking very clearly and it wasn't happy colorful thoughts

Help me

You're pathetic

Are you even human?

Monster

You don't love

You feel nothing

I hate you

I hate everything

Why is this happening to me God?

The voices tear into me deeply. A plague in my head. I try all I can to shut them out, to snuff out the voices with some kind of tune, but I realized that I don't know any. Take me away from here please. No more.

Then suddenly there was a voice, a female voice. It was singing. It was the beautiful voice I could think of. There was music. So clear and apparent, a safe haven from the tormenting silence. What was it singing? I concentrated on what the voice was saying.

Cause I'm just one of those ghosts
Traveling endlessly
Don't need no roads
In fact they follow me
And we just go in circles

Well now I'm told that this is life
And pain is just a simple compromise
So we can get what we want out of it
Would someone care to classify,
Our broken hearts and twisted minds
So I can find someone to rely on

And run
To them, to them
Full speed ahead
Oh you are not, useless
We are just

Misguided ghosts
Traveling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And there's no one road
And we should not be the same
But I'm just a ghost
And still they echo me

They echo me in circles

I wondered where this beautiful song and the angelic voice came from, this song which comforted me, the gentle voice that smothered me, its invisible tendrils chasing away the horrors of the darkness and protecting me. Who did this voice belong to? Who was she?

Suddenly as if an answer to my question, she was everywhere. The darkness was no more, and everything was her. Everything was illuminated by her bright orange hair, her gentle hazel eyes, her lips, her smile, her cheeks, her strawberry shaped face, her porcelain skin, her arms her hands, her legs. Dear God who was she? The void now illuminated with her image, her personality and her presence. Everything about her; her looks, her voice and the nature of her character was perfect. Who was she? I wanted to know more about her. I stood in silence awed by everything about her.

I stood there for a long time taking her in when suddenly a voice said.

"I can tell that she means something to you"

Startled by the voice I turn around to see who it was. There was a man in a black suit standing behind me. He was olive skinned and he had a caring, gentle face. Generally it was unremarkable but there was something about it that eased my fear.

"Who are you?" I calmly asked.

"You can call me Richard for now" He replied, his face showing a hint of a smile.

"How did you get here?"

"I can go to many places, this place is one of them"

"What is this place? Why am I here?" I asked the question that I had from the moment I woke up.

"This place is kind of a holding area for people like you till they decide to come with me"

People like me? What did he mean by that?

"What do you mean by people like me?" I voiced my question.

"Well see, people like you are kind of… lost. Bad things happened to them in life and that's why they're here. When they near the end your journey in this place I go to them and help them make up their minds; to come with me or to stay" He replied kindly.

"What happened to me in real life? And what happens if I come with you?"

"You don't remember but something bad did happen to you. Everyone has to find that out on their own. It's not my duty to tell them that what's there for them if they chose to come with me. It's for them to find out"

He wasn't giving me a straight answer. I tried to remember what had happened to me that was so bad that it brought me here. I tried hard to think, but as I did I realized that I don't remember anything. I can only recollect only up to the events of this day. The strange thing was; I knew that I was somebody back in the real world, that I knew people, that I had a life back there, but as I tried to think about it, nothing came up. The thought about who I was going back to in the real world, what life I was returning to, didn't come up in my head when I was searching for a way out of here. The only thought that was there was the thought of going back to my life, even though I really had no idea what my life was.

"Why can't I remember anything? Who am I?" I asked my need for answers growing by every second.

"When you wake up in this place you are relieved of the memories from your entire life. But we don't fully take your memories either. We leave the general thought that you have a life to go back to. It is only when you reach the end of you realize that you don't remember anything about your life at all. And as to who you are; you can get to know, but only if you chose to come with me"

"What happens if I come with you?"

"I cannot reveal that to you either, it is for you to find out. But I promise you it isn't anything horrific"

He's not going to answer that either. Thinking of something else I asked him a different question.

"Who is she?" I said pointing to the beautiful flame haired woman that illuminated the room.

"What each lost person sees in this place is different. They see what mattered most to them in this life. So the fact that you're seeing her means that she was important to you even though you don't remember it. And since you saw her at the end of your journey means that she mattered you more than anything else because everyone sees what matters most to them only when they reach the end of their journey in this place." He answered me casually.

He was right. The flame haired girl affected me more than any of the other things I saw which must have been a part of my life. Memories maybe? Was that why I was feeling different when I was in those moments? Did I feel that way because I actually was in that moment feeling the way I felt?

"If I was to come with you; would I get the answers? Will I know who I was and what happened to me?

He looked at me gravely; his casual expression removed from his face, and answered.

"I promise you will get your answers, and that's not all you get. Your fate extends more than it did in your past life. You can find that out as well if you decide to join me. But to come with me you have to let go of everything. That's what this place is for; for you to let go of things that hold you to your past life. From the first memory you saw you have been challenged, on whether you are ready to let go of it. You being here right now in the last step of your journey means that you've been able to let go of those memories; that your need for answers drove you to fight the hold that your memories had on you, allowing you to proceed in your journey. Now you've arrived at the last step, the last obstacle that's keeping you between your answers. The final step is yours to take now. Is your need for answers greater than your attachment to your past self?"

After he said this, a door opened in the void illuminated by the orange haired girl revealing a white brightness beyond it.

I thought about what he said. I had faced three memories before I came to this last step. Each time I was confronted by the emotions that I felt in that moment. The comfort and content with the mother and son, the love I felt when I was with the two teenagers, the companionship and brotherhood with the two men was tough to let go but I did, and I moved on. Now I'm in the last step, and I was with her, the unknown flame haired woman. I had to let go of her.

She was the epitome of perfection. There was not a single thing that I found displeasing about her. I wondered whether she was just someone my subconscious conjured up because she was absolutely perfect. I realized that I loved her. I loved her personality, her voice, smile, her eyes, her lips, her hands, her hair, even the unapparent little freckles in her cheeks. I wanted to hold her hands, to taste her lips, to inhale her scent, to be with her. She saved me from the darkness; from the fear, anger and emptiness. She was everything to me. And I didn't want to let go of her.

Finally I decide that I'm choosing to stay; to stay with her. I would rather be with her memory than knowing the answers which mattered little to me now. All that mattered to me was her.

"Are you coming?" Richard asked with a curious smile on his face.

I took a deep breath and said "I'm sorry, no. I'd rather stay"

The smile evaporated off Richard's face, a gentle concerned look taking its place.

"Are you sure?" he asked

"Yes" I said my final answer.

"I see. Then this is where I take my leave. Goodbye"

After he said this, the door closed and he was gone. I was alone with the love of my life. I looked at her. She was everywhere, she was so beautiful. Everything echoed with her voice, her personality, presence. I tried to reach out and touch her but she was always too far away.

Suddenly I felt dizzy, my head heavy. I looked for something to hold on to in case I fell but there was nothing. Unable to support myself I collapsed on the floor. My eyelids were incredibly heavy.

No! I don't want to sleep, I want to be with her!

I screamed in my head. But it was no use. I could already feel myself slipping away. Her face was becoming unclear now, my heavy head dragging me way from her.

No…

Her voice fading away into silence

No…

And ultimately everything became a jumbled color palette. No way of making out anything. I lay there helpless as my whole world disappeared from me; as she disappeared from me.

No…

Finally, the embrace of unconsciousness visited me, dragging me away from the faded colors and the woman I loved.