Hey everyone, a day early as I have no internet tomorrow :( I hope you like it. Tanks for all the reviews, I will PM you all later, but don't have time now. Here is the next chapter, lots of hurt!Cas and angsty!Dean. Everyone's favourite! Not my best chapter but some holes needed filling and it needed to happen so I can move on with the plot a bit. I hope you enjoy it anyway...

Chapter 6

Alkaline Trio- I'm Only Here To Disappoint

These simple things I just can't say,

Remove the you from you and me.

I stand to bring you to your knees,

Again and again and again.

And I'm crying,

For someone to show me,

Real tears.

I've tasted them.

I've wasted them.

So many empty years.

"What about C-Jimmy?" The nurse didn't reply, averting her gaze to her newly cut nails before she placed a hand on Dean's knee and gave him a weak, sympathetic smile.

Dean froze when he saw that look on the nurse's face.

The look that told him that something was badly wrong.

The look that no-one ever wanted to see, especially not when they are sitting in the waiting room of a hospital nursing a crappy cup of coffee.

It was the look that never bore good news.

"What's happened? What's wrong with him?" Dean stood abruptly, about to sprint out of the room when he realised that he had no idea where Cas was.

"Physically we have managed to patch him up."

"And…"

"I can't really tell you much; you are not his immediate family are you?"

"No, but me and my brother are the only family he has." Dean wasn't quite sure if that was the truth. He had no clue as to whether Cas had any parents or siblings. In fact, he didn't have a clue what was going on with his family life. Dean thought his relationship with Sam and Dad had been messed up, but by the looks of things Cas' family had taken things to a whole new level. He made a mental note to ask Cas, if he ever got to see the boy again.

"I really shouldn't…"

"Please. I'm begging you." Not that Dean Winchester ever begged, well, not unless he really had to, and anyway, surely this didn't count as begging per say… Dean gave the nurse a huge pair of puppy-dog eyes that even Sam would have been proud of, and she crumbled. Ah, the good ol' Winchester charm strikes again.

"He was in a pretty bad state but the doctors successfully gave him a blood transfusion and he is no longer anaemic. We have him hooked up on IVs which are giving him the nutrients and fluids he needs, I am afraid to say that he is really underweight, well anorexic really. This will mean that he takes a lot longer than usual to recover from his wounds."

"I'm sure you're just waiting to drop the worse news, just go for it, I can handle it."

"Well, the major issues seem to be physiological. Many victims of muggings and stabbings suffer from physiological trauma, which can often last for extended periods of time, even for the rest of their life depending on the brutality of the attack."

"It was certainly brutal."

"Pardon?" Dean hadn't realised that he had spoken aloud, and quickly bit his lip.

"Nothing, um, can I see him now?"

"There are some other points that I should probably cover. Your friend seems to be extremely distressed, we were forced to sedate him earlier to stop him from harming himself or a member of staff, he is still sleeping."

"YOU WHAT? HE'S HARMLESS…DO YOU REALISE HOW MUCH YOU PROBABLY SCARED HIM?"

"Sir please!"

"How do you think you would have felt, if you woke up in an unbearable amount of pain having been stabbed and finding yourself surrounded by strangers in a room full of frickin beeping equipment and god knows what else. No wonder he flipped!" Dean lowered his voice, ever so slightly. He was now aware of the numerous pairs of eyes staring at him causing a scene.

"Just let me see him, I think he'll be calmer if he wakes up to a familiar face." Dean looked slightly uncertain but gave a curt nod, still slightly shaken after being shouted at. Her day was defiantly not going well for her so far.

When Dean was outside Cas' room he felt a sudden rush of fear. What if he blames me? Maybe this wasn't such a good idea…I should probably go. He was about to turn when the nurse gave him a comforting nod, placing a hand on his shoulder and gently steering him over to a hospital bed.

Dean stared down at his sleeping friend, who was lying curled up on his left side so as not to hurt his arm or his stab wound.

"He keeps curling up into a ball, it seems like his natural defence mechanism, you'd have thought he was tied up or something! Anyway we saw that he reacted with pain when we touched his arm, it looked as if it had been recently dislocated, can you confirm this?"

"Yeah, he tripped." Dean was out of clever excuses and just hoped that the nurse would let it ride.

"Thank you sir. I'll leave you be, just press that button if you need anything." Dean nodded before sinking heavily into the visitors' chair, taking Cas' hand, beign careful to avoid the cannula which was sticking out of his pale flesh. Both of Castiel's wrists had been heavily bandaged and Dean could only guess as to the state of the rest of his body as Cas was buried under three sheets. Despite this the poor boy was still shaking and Dean wondered if he was still being terrorised by fear, even in his sleep.

"C'mon Cas, wake up man." Dean sat by Cas' side, watching his chest rising and falling before deciding that he was being ridiculous. Dean stood and began to pace the room, anything to avoid the unbearable waiting. He was standing by the window at a young family walking down the sidewalk when a nurse coughed behind him to gain his attention.

"Are you Jensen?"

"Yeah I am." Dean lied smoothly, he had given himself and Sammy aliases just in case Bobby had been unable to sort things out yet, he couldn't leave any tracks.

"Your brother has woken up, he's doing well. He's pretty insistent about coming over here, he's worried about your fried. The nurses are going to give him a quick once-over and then he'll be allowed to come and wait with you." Finally, one fucking break. It's about time!

Dean settled back in to his seat and turned when a concerned looking Sam made his way over to Dean.

"Hey man, you ok? How's the head, didn't damage any of those Stanford brain cells did you, or knock any of that floppy hair? We all know how much of a calamity that would be!"

"Shut it, jerk!" Well at least Sammy is ok then.

"Bitch."

"Whatever, anyway, you look like shit man. Have you slept at all?"

"Nope."

"Maybe…"

"No."

"But…"

"I said no…sorry man. I'm just worried about him, he hasn't woken up yet after they sedated him, surely it shouldn't take this long."

"Sedated him?"

"Yeah…can you believe them? Called him dangerous, said he might hurt someone…bloody idiots!" Dean then pondered what he had just said, technically Cas had hurt his brother, killed him really, but Lucifer had had it coming.

"Dean, you ok?"

"Yeah, I need some air. I'm going out for a while, back in an hour, tops." Sam turned and watched as his older brother walked out, somehow managing to look defeated, despite his head being held high. Sam knew his brother well enoguht to be able to tell when something was up. It wasn't like him to hang around in hospitals, yet he had spent hours here, and it wasn't like he would leave a friend in need behind, but he had now wandered off somewhere. Weird.

Sam took up Dean's position by Cas' side and waited, carding a hand through his hair and watching the second, and then the minute, and then the hour hand rotate slowly around the clock. An hour and a half after Dean had left and Sam was getting worried. Where the hell is he?

Ten minutes later, Dean sauntered into the room as if nothing had happened and if anything, looking rather pleased with himself.

"Where have you been?!"

"The cottage."

"WHAT?"

"I had some stuff to pick up and I couldn't just sit around here waiting."

"But what if something had happened?"

"It didn't."

"It could have done. Then what would you have done, if something had happened because you decided to go on a road-trip in the middle of your watch? What was so important that you had to go swanning off like a prize asshole?"

"Nothing is going to happen to him. He'll be fine; we've dealt with enough shit without loosing him as well. Anyway, I went to see if he had any clothes, they weren't worth taking and I picked up his Bible, I thought he'd want it back."

"I sure hope so man." Sam softened a bit at the mention of the Bible, Dean was only doing his best to help, he was never good with emotions and Sam supposed that if going for a drive in the Impala calmed him down, who was he to have a go?

"Mnnn…" Dean and Sam both whipped around to see Cas staring around blearily and Dean felt Cas attempting to pull his hand away from Dean's tight grip.

"Cas, I mean um Jimmy…Are you ok? Can you hear me?" Dean hoped that Cas was lucid enough to realise that he had been booked in under a fake identity, but from the way that Cas was flailing his arms in the Winchester's direction in a bid to make them get away, it didn't seem likely.

"C'mon, it's ok. It's us…calm down. Please." Sam backed away carefully, not wanting to cause any more distress but Cas didn't seem to have noticed his retreat.

"No. NO. PLEASE! Don't. Don't. I won't. I can't. Sorry. I'm so sorry, so sorry, so, so sorry. Please, no…leave me alone…hurts. It really hurts, make it stop, please." Dean quickly pressed the attention button when he saw Cas' face screw up in pain and watched his friend bursting into tears. Racking sobs shook through his body and the previously steady beeping of the heart monitor was now rattling out rapid, irregular bleeps that sounded far too like a distress signal on the EMF reader to Dean. Of course, it wasn't indicating the presence of a ghost but still, to Dean it didn't seem like a good omen. Years of hunting had told him that a high percentage of omens were actually bad signs. If something gave Dean a bad feeling, it was 99% of the time for a good reason, or a bad reason depending on how you want to look at it.

Dean couldn't just leave Cas to struggle so he took a seat on the edge of his bed, not flinching when Cas' hands feebly lashed out at him.

"It's us, you don't need to be afraid. He's gone." Dean was cut off when two nurses hurried into the room and rushed to Cas' bedside without a moments hesitation.

"Hello Jimmy, are you with us? Everything is alright now, you are in the hospital. You have had surgery on your abdomen but there have been no complications. You'll be up and out of here in no time, just try to calm down for me." The nurse talked in a calm soothing voice in an attempt to soothe Cas, but it didn't work. His sobs increased in intensity and his face was full of pure terror, blotchy and red from tears.

"No" Cas began to scream, his low voice cracking and waning as he continued to thrash.

"Kate, please can you get me some sedatives, the poor boy is still clearly distressed."

"No, cant you just…"

"I'm sorry but there is nothing we can do with your friend if he is this terrified. Some sedatives will calm him down and stop him from pulling on his stitches. The last thing we want is for that wound to be ripped open again."

"Fine." Dean huffed and slumped back into the visitors seat, feeling nauseous as he watched the needle tearing a hole in Cas' milk white skin. After all the grime, blood and horrors he had seen, there was still something about needles that made Dean uneasy, although they kind of came in the job description considering how many times he had to stitch himself, or Sammy up after a hunt.

Cas was soon sleeping again, this time seemingly less distressed as although he still twitched, he was no longer lashing out at thin air.

"Well that went well…" Sam attempted to make conversation but the glare Dean sent him immediately made the younger Winchester shut up.

It was another two hours until Cas woke up. He blinked blearily and attempted to push himself into a sitting position but a combination of dizziness and Dean's hand pushed him flat against the bed.

"Hey, Cas? You with me now?"

"D-Dean? Sam?"

"Yeah buddy, it's us. We're in hospital Cas, but you're safe now. We've cleared everything up, Bobby called to let us know that he managed to wangle a few things. A policeman apparently owed him a favour. Oh, by the way you are registered as Jimmy here, and you need to call me Jared and Dean is now Jensen. We had to give fake names just in case…" Sam trailed off when he realised that a) he was babbling on and b) Cas didn't seem to be listening. Instead, Cas was reaching out weakly in an attempt to touch Sam's head.

Sam leant foreward into the touch, realising that Cas was checking that he wanst too badly injured earlier. Despite having a bit of a headache, Sam was doing fine, The painkillers were seeing to that and he needed Cas to know the same thing. To know that none of this was his fault and that he hadn't gotten his friends hurt, which seemed to be one of his greatest fears before they left to go to the cottage.

"I'm fine. And Dean is too. Just some bruising I promise."

"Yeah, It's you that got beaten to a pulp, again. You really look shit, do you need more meds?" Cas gave his head a brief shake and turned his attention to Dean, a few stray tears trickling down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry."

"What for? You don't need to be sorry, if anything I'm sorry. I should have protected you frm that dick, not left him in a room with you and let him take you away."

"It was my fault."

"No it wasn't Cas, don't you ever think that." Pain flashed across Cas' face at Sam's kind words and he turned his head away from both Winchesters, trying to ignore the dull pain in his side.

"Cas. You did the right thing. You saved my life."

"He was my brother." Cas barely whispered his response, burying his face in the thin hospital pillow in an attempt to hide his tears and shame.

"He was a dick. He hurt you Cas, no-one should be allowed to do that. If you didn't kill him he would have killed me and then probably killed you to. Or worse he would have continued beating you into the damn ground."

"I killed someone." Cas' voice was barely a whisper now and Sam and Dean struggled to make out his words, but they got the gist.

"You killed a monster, not someone." Cas didn't seem to be able to hear him anymore, he was lying unmoving with his face in his pillow, his breathing rapid.

I have sinned. I'm going to hell. I don't want to go to hell, please forgive me Father. I know I have disappointed you, disobeyed the sanctity of life, but I beg you to have mercy. I repent, please forgive me.

Dean gently rubbed Cas' arm in an attempt to make Cas look back up at him, but he didn't and at that moment Nurse Kate decided to pop in and check on the situation, asking Dean to stand back a bit whilst she checked up on her patient.

"Hello Jimmy. Good to see your with us." Once again the nurses attempt at calming Cas and making him feel better failed miserably.

"Are you in any pain Jimmy, can I get you some medicine?" Cas ignored the nurse, favouring the option of pulling the covers up over his face in an attempt to disappear.

"He's just upset about the mugging. I think his side hurts though, he keeps flinching when he breathes in too deep."

"Ok, I'll increase his dose of morphine." After a few moments of fiddling with an IV drip the nurse left, telling Sam and Dean to call if Jimmy showed any more signs of physical distress.

Cas only managed to stay awake for around ten minutes before the morphine sent him under again, and once again he embraced the darkness. Once again, when he woke Sam and Dean were settled by his side, Dean fast asleep with his mouth open snoring and Sam sleeping with his head rested on Dean's shoulder, an open book on his lap. Sam's attempt of passing time and preventing some stress had at least succeeded somewhat, even if the book hadn't been the thrilling literary masterpiece that the front cover reviews had promised.

Cas sat himself up a little and looked around blearily, checking for danger and relaxing when he saw nothing untoward. He was briefly tempted to wake the brothers but by the looks of things they needed some sleep and Cas wasn't sure he was ready to face them anyway. He vaguely remembered freaking out before, and his throat felt as if he had downed ten shots of acid, he had probably acted like a complete baby and cried. Not good.

With a stupid amount of effort Cas was able to pick up a plastic cup of water off his bedside table and took a sip, winching when swallowing caused the burning his throat to flare up even more. He spluttered weakly and felt his eyes prick with tears, but he wiped them roughly and tried to mentally compose himself.

Dean woke to the sound of muffled coughing and quickly snapped to his senses, putting on a fake grin and aiming it at Cas, who was now looking at him like a rabbit caught in the headlights, all wide eyes and pale face.

"Hey sleeping beauty. Feeling better?"

"Uh, yes. I think so, I…" Cas suddenly felt a wave of nausea roll through him and before Dean could grab a kidney bowl Cas had thrown up all over him, and all down his own hospital gown.

"Cas. I got ya, son of a bitch. Better?"

"Ugh…" Cas groaned as he began to dry heave, each movement causing the pain in his side to spike.

"Woah, you're ok, yep…" Sam gently rubbed Cas' back and took his turn to press the emergency button, explaining to the nurse what had happened and watching as she turned to fetch a clean hospital gown. By the time she had returned with a clean rollable bed and gown a very miserable looking Cas was being held up by Dean, with his head buried in Dean's T-shirt.

"Do you need any help with this?"

"I'll do it." Dean took the gown off her and with Sam and the nurses help he carried Dean over to the clean bed. The nurse then took her leave, stating that she would be back in five minutes, leaving Sam and Dean to support Cas and help him dress in fresh clothes.

"Thank you." Cas' cheeks were a deep shade of beetroot, humiliation running through him as he saw the mess on Dean's trousers that he had created.

"Don't worry. I have a spare pair in the Impala. Back in a few." Dean tried not to show the fact that he was marginally grossed out and quickly changed in the back seat of his baby, glad that he had an emergency stash of clothing. With their lifestyle it often came in handy. There are moments in time when walking around in blood and mud stained clothes is not socially acceptable.

When he returned Cas was fast asleep again and Sam was massaging his head in his hands.

"Get some sleep Sammy. I'll keep an eye on him." And that he did. Dean sat up for the whole night, watching as the two of the three most important people in his life (who were still alive) slept, and all the time he wished, no prayed that they would be safe and that he would be able to protect them from the horrors that the world kept throwing at them.

As he picked up Cas' Bible from the side it finally hit him.

It was not the words that really influenced and inspired Cas' way of life. It was the love and the sense of community within the pages, between the lines that he relied upon.

It was the idea that there was someone looking down on him, even when everything was going wrong and he was being beaten, there was someone who cared for and loved him.

Dean now understood why the idea that there was an omni-benevolent presence guiding you was strangely comforting, after all, it was what he did every day of his life. He protects people, strangers, friends, family, even those who don't always deserve protecting. In a way, it was nice to think that he was not the only one who looked after others in a bitter, selfish world.

For the first time in his life, Dean prayed.

Please let them be ok. Help me watch over them…

So there you go, I hope you liked this chapter. Next post will be up by Monday xxx Please review, it means a lot!