Song: Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood
She didn't know what he was doing, why he was holding her this way. Sitting on the floor with his back against the wall, he'd pulled her to him. Her body angled to the side, between his legs, he forced her to rest her head in the crook of his neck as he wrapped his arms around her and stroked her hair.
"Do you regret it?"
A strange question. It was a little late for that, whether she did or not was irrelevant; even so it made her pause. What was he asking? Did he want to know if she was upset, if she was angry or sad? She was none of those things.
"No."
But, she was confused; more so with him than herself. Sure, he'd gained pleasure, but was it worth the cost? He'd been intimate with her. That had to mean something, maybe more than was safe.
"Relationships are a risk at best," she muttered. "A liability at worst."
It was true. She'd made bad decisions, too many stupid mistakes to count, because of her feelings for Eren. She cared more about him than all of humanity combined and that was dangerous.
He scoffed. "Who said anything about a relationship? That was physical, nothing else. It doesn't have to mean more."
She noted that he hadn't said it couldn't mean more.
"I—I don't know what I should do," she admitted, facing reddening. "I love Eren."
"Yeah, you've got feelings for the shifter, but he doesn't have a damn clue."
"Its kind of a lost cause, I know. I know that, but it doesn't change anything!"
He gripped her shoulders. "What if I said I want you to change your mind?"
She was shaking her head before he finished speaking. "But you won't so it doesn't matter."
"Don't fucking act like you know me, bitch. You have no idea what I want." His voice held no real threat.
If he did... If he did what would she do? She couldn't just let go of Eren, that wasn't possible, and it would be torture to add another person to her heart, especially one who was so often on the front lines of battle. He was Humanity's Strongest Soldier, but that meant little when you got to root of things.
"Fact is," he began. "I could die tomorrow. I could make a mistake, my gear could fail and I would be dead. I've heard about your past, but believe me when I tell you that I know how it feels to lose family. Its happened too many times for me to count."
Mikasa didn't like to think of that; his inner circle had been wiped out not long ago and it had likely happened before, would doubtlessly happen again.
"People come and go, Ackerman. You can't hold on to them forever. If a titan doesn't take Jaeger out, if by some twist of fate he actually lives to see the day that those bastards are exterminated and you make it too, what do you think will happen? He'll suddenly notice you're a girl?"
No. She knew he wouldn't. He didn't think of her that way; she was his sister and nothing more. If she died he would be devastated, but not paralyzed. He would keep fighting, harder than ever before and do everything he could to avenge her death while holding on to his original goal: Annihilate the titans.
"I know, damn it," she hissed. Much to her disgust her vision blurred. "I know that. I know he doesn't see me like that and I know he never will. You don't have to tell me!" She made to push away, but he held fast. "Let me go shorty!"
"Why? So you can go cry? With my luck Jaeger would find you mid-meltdown, blame me and fucking shift in his attempt to get back at me. He's got no control."
"Don't talk about him like that!"
She hated the way he belittled Eren, the way he acted as if Eren was just some child. He was so much more than that.
"It's fucking true, Ackerman. You can keep him on a pedestal, but that's not going to change the fact that he is a kid with power he doesn't really know how to use and you propping him up isn't doing him good."
She was shaking with rage.
"And you're just like him. Even now you'd like to fly off the handle and beat me to a pulp, only problem is I'm holding onto you. I've got some news for you bitch, if you manage to break free I'll give you an ass whooping like you've never experienced. Pain is a great teacher. Without it you'd never learn anything."
He was telling her something, but she didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to let go of Eren. She didn't want him to feel pain.
"Jaeger is hard-headed. He's not going to learn shit if you can't leave him be to figure things out on his own."
Leaving Eren? No. She wouldn't do it.
"Did you know that birds push their progeny out of the nest? They shove them out, force them to fly. If they don't they hit the ground and die. Even fucking birds know there are some things you do on your own."
On his own Eren would die. He wasn't strong enough, he wasn't smart enough, he acted too quickly, he-
"If you can let him make mistakes he'll learn from them. If you can't he'll probably get it eventually, but he'll resent you for holding him back."
Mikasa, back off!
Just leave me alone, Mikasa!
Mikasa, let me do this!
"He already does," she whispered.
"No he doesn't. Don't be so fucking dramatic. You get in his way and on his nerves, but he knows you're trying to help him. Sooner or later though there's going to come a time when you cause a problem. You're going to step in front of him and things will go wrong. That is when he will resent you."
Back off.
But how could she do that? What if she left his side and he died?
"You've got to trust him. That's what it comes down to. You need to trust him to take care of himself. He's not on a suicide mission, his goal requires him to live and Jaeger might be a dumb ass, but he's nothing if not driven to succeed."
Mikasa, just trust me!
He'd told her before, told her what he wanted from her. Trust. Eren wanted her to trust that he could do things on his own, but personal experience said otherwise. He always rushed into the fray without a plan, with little thought of consequences and she was there to save him.
"It doesn't mean you can't offer an opinion, like I said he's an idiot, but if he rejects what you're telling him don't force it on him anyway. Give him support."
"I've always supported Eren!" she couldn't resist defending herself. "I'm here aren't I? Even though I didn't want him to do this, even though I tried to protect him, I came with him!"
"Because you don't trust him. You don't think he can survive without you. That's not the kind of support he needs from you."
She disliked the things Levi was saying, he had no right to counsel her over her relationship with Eren. What she liked even less was the fact that she knew he was right.
"So you're saying that I should just—that I should just-"
"I'm not telling you to give up on him, fool, I'm telling you to put your fucking faith in him. That'll do him better than constant nagging and worried looks. What damn part of this don't you get, Ackerman? Stop acting like his mother, he doesn't want that from you and you're holding him back."
Her heart was heavy; leaving Eren to fend for himself was unthinkable, not jumping to his defense was inconceivable.
Locked in a loop of unwelcome ideas she froze when he yanked her into sitting position, only to pull her into a hug.
"Besides that," his speech was halting. If she didn't know any better she would have thought he was embarrassed. "Besides that, if you keep looking at Jaeger, you'll never look at me."
Her eyes widened in alarm.
"This is a fucking stupid feeling to have, an even dumber thing to say and I should fucking keep it to myself because you're right about relationships. They're dangerous, especially when the one you care about is perpetually on the road to a painful death, but I'd regret it even more if I didn't tell you. If I find myself about to die at least you'll have known, damn it. At least I told you. I don't give a shit if you hate me for this and its fine if you reject me with a loud and resounding, "Hell no", but you had damn well better consider what I fucking told you Ackerman because I mean it. I want you to look at me."
A/N: What if I said this was the last chapter? Well, I thought it would be, but Levi got way more into it then I thought he would so ONE MORE.