Author's Note: I just realized this storie's gonna take a lot of math... Crap.
- Grant & Ripley towers, Acmetropolis -
Ace began pacing back and forth, reviewing his uncle's will. He had already read it five times, but that still didn't make it any more realistic. "Mr. Jones, lemme get dis straight. My uncle died and lef' me over 100 million dollars?"
"And that's after all of the taxes have been paid." Mr. Grant interjected.
"That's right," Assured Mr. Jones, the executor of the will. "Made it all in Acme-Bolivia. He was digging for a neanderthal specimen when he struck tin."
"Yeah, but a hundred million, dat ain't tin... What was my uncle like?"
"Oh, Jim was a fine man. Not much of a family man, but, he liked his little jokes."
"Was dis one of dem?" Ace asked, still in unbelief of the requirements of the will.
"No, no. He just didn't want to spoil you."
That made Ace laugh. "Didn' wanna spoil me? He lef' me a hundred million dollars, provided dat I spen' thirteen million by high noon of my twenty-fourth boithday?"
"He didn't want you to become a spend-thrift or a waster."
"Now wait a minute Mr. Jones, how can someone spen' thirteen million in two months and not become a spen'-thrift or a waster? My uncle born crazy, or did it jus' kinda sneak up on 'em in his late' years?"
"No, no. His idea was perfectly logical. You see, when he was a boy his father made him chew a wad of tobacco. He got so sick of it he never chewed or smoked again. He wants you to spend until your sick of it. He wants you to learn to hate spending money."
"Oh C'mon Mr. Jones! Who can loin ta hate spendin money?"
"When is you 24th birthday?"
"October 13."
"Hmm. Sorry to give you such a short notice Mr. Bunny, but you see, your uncle died 5 months ago while you were on Blanc; we couldn't contact you. And your brother was still thought to be dead, so not included in the will. Hmm, let's see," Mr. Jones said as he picked up a calendar. "Today's August 13th. Two months from now, October 13th exactly at noon, if you can spend the 13 million with no assets, you will inherit the balance of your uncle's estate."
"Sinch! I'll give it to charity!"
"Not that easy son. You can only give 5% to charity."
"A'ight. I'll buy war bonds!"
"War bonds are the most valuable asset you can own."
"Ok... I still tink I can knock de money out wit two hands tied behind my back. Plus I've gotta few pals dat can help me."
"You can use both hands and your head but no pals. It must be kept secret."
"Secret? Why?"
"So that your friends can't help you, nor hinder you."
"Well, what's a man got friends for if dey can' help him spen' his money?"
"Umm, there are a few more conditions I think you should hear. Grant, will you read them?"
"Of course. It says, 'no indiscriminate gifts or giving away of funds,' but don't be stingy though. Your uncle hated a stingy man. 'No more than ordinary dissipations,' your uncle hated a saint. And above all, 'No matrimonial entanglements.'"
"No m-m-matri-... Now wait a minute gentlemen, wait a minute. I'm gettin married tomorrow!"
"Well, you'll just have to postpone your wedding Mr. Bunny. A wife might become a very valuable asset."
Ace looked at the will. Then thought of Lexi. Then thought of the money. Then thought of Lexi. For him, it wasn't a very hard decision. "Well, was nice havin 100 million, even if it was only for a few minutes." He said as he set the will on the desk and prepared to leave.
"Now wait a minute son! If that girl won't wait two months she isn't worth marrying!"
"Two months? I've been waitin two years! Dats quit a long time!"
"Besides, you don't want all of that money going to a bunch of old bones, do ya?"
"O-o-ole' bones?"
Mr. Jones took 6 large stacks of money out of a brief case, all in twenty thousand dollar bills, and began counting them out loud before answering, "That's right. The astrological society of Acme-Bolivia gets it, if you don't."
"D-dose twenty tousand dollar bills ya got... Dey real?"
He laughed and handed Ace one. "Real, and good, any place in the land. So, what will it be?"
He took a few moments to consider his options. Get married tomorrow and never see his inheritance again, or get married in two months and have over $100,000,000 to support whatever future they were going to have. 13 million in 60 days... That would mean he would have to spend at least 260 thousand a day... "I'll do it!. I'll spen' de money six times as fast and be finished in thoity days!"
"That's the spirit! Sounded just like your uncle when you said that!" He said as he offered Ace his hand. Ace accepted the friendly handshake before reaching for the money. "Wait just a minute son. There's the little matter of an oath."
"An oath?"
"Oh, not that we don't trust you." Mr. Jones assured before picking up a Bible. "But it may bolster your conscious in case you weaken. Please place your hand on the Bible and repeat after me."
"Ok," Ace complied.
Mr. Jones: "I Ace bunny,"
Ace: "I Ace Bunny,"
Mr. Jones: "Solemnly promise and agree,"
Ace: "Solemnly promise an' agree,
Mr. Jones: "That I will faithfully uphold,"
Ace: "Dat I will faithfully uphold,"
Me. Jones: "Every condition of my uncle's will,"
Ace: " 'Ery condition of my uncle's will,"
Mr. Jones: "And I will not communicate to any person,"
Ace: "An' I'll not communicate to any poison,"
Mr. Jones: "About any information,"
Ace: "Bout any information,"
Mr. Jones: "Relative to the provisions,"
Ace: "Relative ta de provisions,"
Mr. Jones: "That which I may inherit,"
Ace: "Dat which I may inherit,"
Mr. Jones: "The additional 87 million dollars on my 24th birthday,"
Ace: "De additional 87 million dollars on my 24th birthday,"
Mr. Jones: "So help me God."
Ace: "So help me God."
"Ok then Mr. Bunny," Said Mr. Jones as he handed Ace one of the six stacks. "Here is one million. The rest will be transferred to your bank account."
Author's Note: Sup peoples! Yeah, sorry that it's pretty short. But it was sorta made to be short so I can simply spam chapters. I just made the prologue and chap 1 this morning! Anywho, please review and tell me whatcha think and how it should end!