Hey! So, this is the longest chapter so far! Some good news: My hand is out of the cast. Bad news: I'm forbidden to write. Good news: I hate people telling me what I can't do. Huge thanks to my beta, OneandOnlyFangirl. You are such a huge help! Don't forget to R&R please!
P.S. Those who read the sneak peek and know what's coming, it only gets worse.
I've seen Jace almost everyday for the past two weeks. Today is the beginning of the end. I rise early and meet Simon outside, he is driving me to the hospital. I wish Jace was coming with me. He'll probably never want to see me again after he finds out. "Hey Fray, relax." says Simon as we hit another red light.
"I can't." My eyes lock straight ahead. They don't focus just stare. I just stare and watch. I am unfocused and helpless.
"You haven't told Jace." Simon deadpans.
"No."
"or Mags?"
"No."
"Do it, Clary, just do it. Like the Nike ad."
"I can't they'll leave."
"Am I still here?"
"You're locked in with seniority."
"Do you want me to stay?" he asks.
"Please." I whisper.
o.O.o
I elevator doors open to the Oncology floor. I feel like I am marching to war with each step. I check in at the desk and behind it is a row of curtained beds. Some are open and displaying patients, others are closed. I nurse at reception passes me on to another wearing a purple nurse shirt and white pants. Simon follows us as we walk along the wall of curtains. The nurse introduces herself as Shannon. We tell her our names but she already knows mine. She drops us off at the end of the line of cloth. I climb into the leather-ish medical chair. The nurse explains that she is going to draw blood before hitting me a needle.
"Doctor Smith decided that placing a VAP machine in our arm would be the best way to administer the medicine." I already know this fact but she says it calmly. This will be hard to hide. long sleeves maybe. The nurse injects me with some novocaine. It burns a little bit but soon enough I can't feel a thing. That is probably a good thing. Simon is sitting in the rooms wooden chair. He looks revolted as the nurse puts a clear pipe into me. If it wasn't for the industrial strength novocaine I would of been out of that chair in pain. There is a small box attached to the pipe and more lines off of that. The nurse taps it into place and flushes it. A clear liquid runs perfectly through the device and into me. At least it won't have to be redone.
The box is on my left arm, theory being I don't use it as much. Shannon starts talking about at the pre-chemo drugs that are going into me.. I tune her out. Eventually she justs hooks me up and leaves. "Did that hurt?" Simon asks kind of freaked out.
"Not really. Why do you looked weirded out. I had one of these before."
"Yeah, but I never saw them put it in!"
"Get off your high horse. I'm fine." Si just shrugs. We sit for the rest of the time making small talk. Not long after the nurse enters again and hooks me up to a different set of drugs. The chemo drugs. It takes hours for this to enter me. Simon and watch videos off his phone. Shannon enters the room again this time someone is behind her. A particular guy with dark hair and blue eyes. Alec.
"Hey Clary," starts Shannon, "This is Alec. He's a med student at Columbia University."
"Clary?" he asks.
"Alec." This. can't. be. true. The drugs must be doing something to me. Please someone help.
"You guys know each other?" Simon and my nurse sya at the same time.
"Ehm. Yeah." I say before turning to Simon, "He's Jace's brother." that shuts Si up. Alec and I stay in an awkward silence while Shannon detaches me from the medicine line. Alec and i are just locked in eye contact. It is as if one of us looks away an unseeable force will crush us. We just keep looking at each other in silence until Alec says, "Jace doesn't know?"
"Not yet." I see a slight nod or at least I think I do. That is the entire conversation. My pump gets flushed and I'm cleared to go.
As soon as we get in the empty elevator Simon starts. "Who was that?"
"Alec. Jace's brother."
"Is he going to tell him?"
"I don't know." I say. "Please just be quiet. I've got a headache." Simon is quiet and I rub my temple as if the pressure will send the ache away. We walk into the lobby area. It if busy with people going to and fro. We go out to the car. Wind pounds though the gaps in the concrete parking garage. Simon's car is not far from the elevator. I get in shotgun and Simon starts the car up. It makes a large purr. I check my phone. New Message from Jace. Thats where I halt. Alec must of called him. Jace will know and he'll probably never want to see me again. All my energy goes to pushing the open button.
Jace: Do u plan on seeing me 2nite?
I physically sigh. Simon glances at me funny but goes back to focusing on switchin lanes.
Me: Not feeling up to anything.
Jace: u sick?
Me: In a way.
Jace: I am a fantastic nurse! u home?
Me: heading there
Jace: C U soon.
I shut my phone. "You okay?" Si asks.
"Yeah." I lie.
-o.O.o-
I had just made it up to my apartment. Simon cocooned me in a blankets and turned the TV on. He leaves when Jace enters. I toss all the blankets Simon wrapped me in on the floor. "Hey you okay?" he asks.
"No."
"I'll takes care of you. First order of business; tea." Jace pulls a styrofoam cup out of the cardboard tray in his hand.
"Thanks."
"Now what do I need to do to make you get back to normal?"
"Just sit. I need to tell you something."
"What is it?" He sits with his back against my coffee table, facing me at almost eye level.
I open my mouth to speak but have trouble finding the words. How exactly do you explain this? I just close my mouth and try again. "I'm sick."
"I can figure that out, Red."
"I mean, like, long term. I have cancer." His face goes blank but as if a heavenly power is watching Jace's phones goes off. He ignores it.
"Really?"
"Yeah," I sigh, "I had my first chemo treatment today."
"When's your next one?"
"A week."
"I'll take you." He doesn't want to leave. Jace wants to stay with me. There is a long pause before he speaks again. "What type do you have?"
"Leukemia. I had it before."
"Well, Red, I have no doubt that I will be seeing you for a long time to come. Just relax... oh damn."
"What" I say leaning back.
"Oh just nothing. I just have class in twenty minutes."
"Go"
"No."
"I'll be fine." I say not letting this go.
"Let me have Izzy come over."
"Fine." So we negotiated.
"Alright. Don't be late."
- Jace P.O.V -
I walk out of Clary's apartment. I can't believe that she has cancer. She should've told me earlier at least. I get in my Camaro and drive. Then Alec decides to call. My finger dances over the button before pushing it. "What?"
"Geez."Alec says, "What's wrong?"
"Not a good day."
"Why?"
"I just found out Clary has cancer."
He pauses, "I'm sorry dude."
"You home?"
"Yeah."
"Max alright?"
"The usual."
"Thanks, I got to go to class."
- Clary P.O.V-
Isabelle can be something else. I only meet her a handful of times in the past. She was sitting on the loveseat flipping through a magazine. "I don't need you to baby sit me."
"I know but Jace will kill me if I leave you alone. Do you have some nail polish?"
"Umm. Yeah" I stand up and grab a pouch from my bedroom. Then I hand it to her.
"Give your foot." She demands. I sit back and place my feet on her lap. She brushes the paint brush up along my toes one by one. She finishes my right foot when someone knocks on the door. "I'll get it."
"Alright." She stands up. Isabelle opens the door, but has it closes enough so I can't see who it is.
"Hey, is Clary there?" Says a voice I instantly recognize as Simon.
" is asking?" says Isabelle.
"Her friend Simon."
"Friend," stresses Isabelle.
"Yes, friend. Can I come in now?"
"Do you have a pen?" I can hear Simon moving around.
"Yeah," Isabelle pulls something out of her back pocket, a receipt. "Here, and you can come in now." The swings open. "Simon's here!" she announces loudly.
"Hey, Si."
"Hey Fray, you alright?" he asks.
"Good." I get up and go place a plastic cup inside my Keurig. It makes me coffee. I casually check my phone while it works. Magnus texted me.
Magnus: Hey let's hang out
Me: Not up to it now
There is like two people in my itsy bitsy apartment already.
Magnus: Ill come over and just watch movies of sumthin.
Me: Simons already here
Magnus: R u avoiding me?
Me: no.
I take my mug and sit down. "Mags?" asks Simon inquiring about my phone.
"Yep." I say popping the p.
Magnus: You home?
Me: Yeah
"He's coming," Guesses Simon.
"Totally."
"Who is Mags?" asks Izzy.
"Just wait." says Simon.
-o.O.o-
I buzz Magnus in and Simon opens the door. "I'm here!" He exclaims making a grand entrance.
"Yes, I know." Magnus is wearing a sparkly jacket that reflects the light and causes transparent circles on my walls.
"Hey you didn't tell me Isabelle Lightwood was going to be here."
"This is Mags?" Izzy says.
"You guys know each other?" I ask.
"Same class. What are you doing here Isabelle?"
"Jace asked me to take care of Clary." He wheels on me.
"You are with Jace?!"
"Umm... I am going to say yeah."
"Details!"
"Not in the mood."
"Excuses." He sighs. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing really." I can feel Simon's burning gaze. Isabelle is giving me a similar one. "Screw it..." I pause. "I got cancer."
"Really?"
"No I'm lying." I say sarcastically.
"So you have cancer." he says
"Yes. I had chemo today for the first time."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't say that."
"Why?"
"Makes me feel like I'm dying." That quiets everyone. There is quite a pause in the conversation until Magnus asks, "Where is it?"
"Leukemia, in my blood."
I look around. Everyone has looks of sympathy or pity. Some are more depressing than others. All of them are bugging me. I don't want people to feel bad for me. I don't want people to look at me like I'm a glass doll who is falling from a second story window. "Please stop looking at me like at that!" I tell them.
"like what?" Izzy asks.
"Like I am you favorite toy that your brother lit on fire." They realize what they are doing and try to stop. "Let's go outside."
"Where?"
"Anywhere." I put my flip flops and notice I only have one foot painted green. Oh well. "I am getting sick of these walls." And all of sitting around not sure what to say.
"You sure?" asks Simon.
"Yep. Let's go for ice cream."
"Alright." We take Simon's car and only have to drive two blocks to we reach the closest ice cream shop. It's a Cold Stone. Simon is lucky enough to find a parking spot and we go inside. I order a Vanilla soft serve. The others tell the serving lady what they want. I lick lamely at the cone. I am not hungry, but I just needed to get these three outside. I sit down on the booth and the others come over and join me. Someone's phone rings. It's Izzy. There is a slight flash of fear behind her eyes. The same flash that was in Jace's eyes on our first date. She opens the phone and the remains quiet listen to the person on the other end. Eventually she says, "I'll be there soon." Izzy's eyes lock mine for a second. "I have got to go. Really sorry." She gathers her stuff and hurries out. We watch her leave. Her ice cream is still on the table.
"So, What's up?" Si asks awkwardly.
"I don't know but that isn't the first time a Lightwood has run off on me."
Jace texted me saying he was super sorry, but wasn't going to be able to come back and hang out with me. I asked what was wrong. He didn't respond. That was an hour ago. Now I am calling him. It goes to voicemail. 'Hey, it's Jace. Either I'm not at my phone or I am avoiding you. Leave a message and I might call you back.' I end the call and drop my phone on my couch. Then the phone starts ringing again. I answer.
"Hey, Clary." Jace's voice is tight. It's natural cadence, gone.
"What's wrong?"
"Max," he breathes out, "he's sick."
"How sick?"
"Like you Clary, almost exactly like you."
"What do you mean like me?" I ask.
"Like cancer. He's dying." The only noise is the dead air that comes over the phone.
"I'm sorry."
"It's fine."
"Do you need anything?"
"No. I'll call you later." My day had hit rock bottom. How could Max be so sick. The kid was sweet and innocent. Isn't that what most people are when they are dying senselessly. I shove my phone and in my pocket and look around not sure what to do.