I honestly have no good reasons on why this took so long.
Max's funeral was this bright and sunny day. It was unsettling how the day could seem so nice but was depressing. Jace walks into the bedroom wearing a midnight colored suit. It only makes his hair and eyes shine brighter. "You look wonderful," He says.
"I wish it was for a different reason."
"As do I. Let's go." We leave.
I sit down in Jace's Camero next to him. The silence from Jace is a new unsettling sensation, and it speaks louder than any words could.
The church where the wake was being held is tall and made if stone. The ceremony was in the basement, making the event seem even more dreary than it already was. Stow-away chairs were lined up in rows. At the room's head sits a glossy oak coffin and a podium. Not many people show up. There are the Lightwoods, a few of what must have been old school friends, myself and surprisingly Simon. Isabelle must have asked him here. The handful of us walk up of the coffin individually. When I approach, I look at him. There was no terrifying wound. There was a young boy; a boy who looked way to innocent and youthful to be in the situation. I whisper solemnly to the corpse, "Sorry about Forbidden Planet." Then I make a silent promise; a promise that I would fight this, for him. My eyes rim with water. I can count the times it met the kid on one hand, but still this is too sad.
I look around for Jace. Simon is standing uncomfortably in the back looking concerned at a grief stricken Izzy. The reverend begins to approach the podium and everyone finds their seat. The man begins to speak. Some people come up to speak about Max and his life, not many though. Most already know it, I guess.
After the ceremony is a funeral but I don't go. I head home on ground of feeling horrible. The truth is I really don't want to go and watch them lower Max into the ground. I don't want to go and think about the fact that what beat Max is inside me. Simon drove me back. He doesn't feel like he belonged. He didn't even know Max really. Most of the ride is spent in silence. The city traffic prolonged the ride, but we eventually made it. I thanked Simon for the ride and went inside.
Somehow I end up sitting in bed drawing. The image of Max was bleeding onto my page. The youthful Max that is in all the pictures at the Lightwood house is who I draw. His oversized glasses mounted on a freed face. Line by line the image forms. Art lets me draw him as I want. Make you younger, make you older, make you without IV's and oxygen tubes. I draw until I fall asleep.
0.o.0
I must have been asleep when Jace came back here. He was up before me, his large body slumped over a laptop writing.
"What are you writing?" I ask.
"An essay." His voice is matter-a-fact and stone like. The usually flippancy extinct.
"Do you want breakfast?" I ask him.
"Bagel?" He responds. I say okay and out to the kitchen. I slip a bagel out from the bag and place it in the toaster. The apartment is silent except for the faint tapping of keys. The toaster's spring jumps up. I grab the bagel, butter it, and bring it to Jace.
"Here you go." I say as I set the bagel down.
"You didn't get one?"
"No. I'm not that hungry."
"What are you going today?"
"Not sure." I unplug my phone from its charger and click it on. I don't have to go any farther than the home screen. "Never mind. I know what I have to do."
"What?" He asks softly.
"It's Wednesday." His eyes, for the first time in this conversation, leave the laptop screen. They lock on mine.
"Right, I forgot. What time?"
"11. I've got two hours. You don't have to go. I'll get Simon or someone." I say the last part more forcefully. I don't want Jace to go. It's only logical for Jace not to go. Not yet. I wouldn't make him do that. Jace just nods in response to my statement. I ask Simon to drive me and he says he will.
Simon calls when he is out front and I head down. "Hey," I say when I see him.
"Hey," he unlocks the door and I climb in. "What's up?"
"Nothing," He starts the car forward. " I mean nothing really."
"That's good."
"No, not really. You think Jace would be upset. I don't know, like a crying fit or something, but there is nothing. He is just acting all matter-a-fact, like nothing is there but him."
"So you want a crying rage fit?"
"No I just want… I don't know."
"Well, when have you ever seen Jace cry?" Simon says with a point. I never have.
"What's up with you?" I ask trying to change the topic.
"The Desk War might of gotten a gig."
"Desk War?" I ask confused.
"Yeah, remember that crap band Eric and I founded a year ago?" I nod. "We are now the Desk War."
"You need a better band name."
"We were the Wi-Fi Fighters."
"Please stop with the horrible names," I say almost laughing.
"Rock Solid Panda?" He suggests and I crack. I start laughing. It isn't until I start laughing that I realize how long it has been since I truly laughed.
"Hamster wings?" I suggest spilling with laughter.
"Or da 'Muricans?" We joke our way through New York City traffic.
0.o.0
The hospital seems colder and more sterile than before. I ride up the elevator thinking how Izzy, Alec, and Jace stood in the place I stand knowing their brother was going to die. Simon leans against the silver walls. It opens up to the floor with the curtained stalls. Simon signs me in and I follow the nurse down the row. She speaks but I only half listen not retaining anything she says. My mind thinks of Max doing this same process. I don't think of Max with an abyss sadness, but more a tired awe. It's more like he was a story that became real.
The nurse draws blood before connecting me to the bag with the clear liquid. Simon watched vigilantly. "What are you doing after this?" Simon asks.
"Not sure. Do you want to see a movie?"
"Sure."