Sorry I didn't update on Saturday I didn't felt so well. (Throwing up and all that kind of stuff It happens almost every month...)

Reviews!

bethanloverxox: It's okay, but I didn't say that benny wasn't going to be the 'Boy' in the relationship. I only said that he cuts himself. A girl can comfort a guy to. And BTW I love Bethan too. It's so much better then the other ships. (Sorry guys who ship EthanxSarah an BennyxErica. I just don't like these ships.)

MissPrincessE: Aww thank you. I try my best. It's a easier language then French. But German is a little easier for me because it looks like Dutch :). Is it mysterious? I didn't know that, but that's good. Thanks for following!

funkybananas47: Hahaha LOL. Here's your second shout out.

TeamEthanMorgan:Ethan has a lot more to find out. But I'm not going to tell ya! I totally ship Bethan too (Otherwise I wouldn't make this story) And don't keep Benny for yourself I want to hug my tall friend too! (He isn't that much taller then me. I mean, He's 5'11. I'm 5'10, 13 years old and still growing. :) But that doesn't matter)

Dominus Trinus 13: I know the chapter are short. It's not only because I'm not so good in English (It's my best class :) ) , But I'm also kinda lazy... Hopefully this chapter is a bit longer.

Bethan Forever: It took him almost a month to find out that there was something wrong with Benny, but he still doesn't know what's wrong with him. And thanks for noticing my mistake. It was 23.00 p.m. so I was a little tired :). Here's the new update hopefully you like it :).

You guys know the Disclaimer. I don't own MBAV blablablabla.

Chapter 4

''Benny why wont you tell me what's wrong?'' Ethan asked. I shook my head.

''Because, there is nothing. How many times do I have to say that! I'm just tired, accept that!'' ''Then why are you like this. You've been acting strange. This isn't the Benny I know.'' He tried to stay calm, but I could see that it wasn't easy for him. I on the other hand started raising my voice. ''Sometimes that happens, E! Ever heard of puberty? That's when these fucking hormones starting to mess with your body and you change!. '' I didn't care that other people were looking, I just wanted to go away.

"I can't always be the happy person you know! Ever thought about why I'm always like that?'' He didn't react. ''Why would you even care. Ever since you started to know Sarah I've been the third wheel. Do you know how that feels? No you don't!'' ''Benny that isn't...'' I didn't let him speak. How would he know that it isn't true.

''If it wasn't true, then you would know what is wrong with me. But no, all you care about is Sarah. She doesn't like you, E! Your just another nerd to her.''

I stared to walk away. ''Benny!'' Ethan Screamed, but I didn't care. Deep down I hated myself for saying these things, but I didn't had a choice. He would probably forget everything by tomorrow. Otherwise I have to avoid him.

I opened the door of my house and saw that grandma wasn't home. Good, then she wont ask me why I was home so early.

I went to my room and looked at my phone. Ethan had called me a few times. I didn't want to speak to him. Would you blame me. Maybe he's mad or sad... or worried? No, I won't call him back. That will only bring problems.

Stupid me. Why did I said all these things to him. I didn't mean to. Maybe it are just the hormones. Or I'm really that stupid.

''Ugh.'' I groaned. '' Why is life so unfair?'' I heard footsteps coming closer. Who could that be.

''Benny? Is that you?'' Oh no. I hearted someone opening the door. When I looked up I saw grandma standing in front of me.

''Benjamin why are you home?'' She asked me. I looked shocked at her. ''Uhm..I-...I didn't feel so well. Yeah, I..I threw up in the toilet and...'' ''I don't have to hear all the details I just wanted to know why you're here and not on school.'' She looked at me for a long time. Hopefully she falls for it. ''You look a little pale. Maybe you should take some rest.'' Thank you! ''Do you need anything?'' ''No, no I'm fine.'' I said with a fake smile. She nodded and left the room. That went better than I thought it would be.

Okay, grandma cares about me, but that could be all a act. Maybe she only did this because she doesn't have that much family left. That could be it.

''In the end nobody would care if I'm not here.'' I told myself. '' I'm can't to anything right, I'm weak, I'm dumb. I just don't deserve to life..'' The same things I told myself everyday. First other people started to say this to me. And now, every time I say it to myself I start to believe it. ''Nobody would care if I die.''

I didn't want to cut myself today. Believe I never wanted to do it in the first place. The first time I did it I was to afraid to look at it. Now it just became a habit. A habit with one final intention. To make a end. The end of my own life.

There could be a painless way. Maybe some pills or magic. But for now I'll do it with the cutting. Just to remind me of all these things I'm not and probably never could be. I can't be the Benjamin Weir like Ethan knows. That Benny is happy, funny, goofy and loud. I'm not. I'm the upside of all these things. it's all an act.

Noybody's perfect they say. If you look at me, everybody is perfect. Everybody except me.

This chapter was 712 words long. Is that long enough. I don't know. Hope you guys liked it!

xxx

When the hour is nigh
And hopelessness is sinking in
And the wolves all cry
To fill the night with hollering
When your eyes are red
And emptiness is all you know
With the darkness fed
I will be your scarecrow