Sinterklaas, goedheiligman!
Van Amsterdam naar Spanje,
Daar Appelen van Oranje,
Daar Appelen van granaten,
Die rollen door de straten.

English version:

Saint Nicholas, good holy man!
Put on the Tabard, best you can,
Go, therewith, to Amsterdam,
From Amsterdam to Spain,
Where apples bright of Orange,
And likewise those granate surnam'd,
Roll through the streets, all free unclaim'd [...]

Today it's the second day of Sinterklaas (If you don't know what Sinterklaas is you should look it up ;) ) Fijne Sinterklaas mede Nederlanders en natuurlijk ook de Belgen :) (Word het eigenlijk ook in andere landen gevierd?)

Anyways, I have another song which fits this story it's Birds by Anouk from her album Sad Singalong Songs.

Reviews

Baby Porcupine-Cute but DEADLY : Sarah will be in this story. I'm not sure about Rory and Erica. Thanks for reading!

TrampledRose: Here's your update :)

TeamEthanMorgan: Maybe he'll hug him. I don't know. Actually I know what will happen. But I'm just a stupid Cheese head (Never call someone from the Netherlands a Cheese head. Some of them will get very angry. I'm one of them :) ) who doesn't want to tell you ;). Maybe there will be a kiss, maybe not...

Bethan Forever: I don't like making Benny sad, but I had to :(. It breaks my heart to see him sad... Ethan is one of those people who thinks there is something wrong, but it turns out that there isn't something wrong. (Actually I'm one of those people..) So that's why it took him so long. Maybe this chapter will figure out your questions or not. I'm not sure if it will.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own MBAV or the parts of bleeding out and birds that I post at the end of every chapter. I do own the story line :)

Chapter 6

Ethan's POV

'' so. ... '' I said which made Benny look up. '' Isn't it a little too hot for a sweater? I mean it's .. '' No, I'm fine. '' He said quickly. '' But it's summer. Aren't you sweating?' '' ' well it's a sweat-er. '' He tried to make a joke, but he failed. '' Benny, I'm serious. Maybe that's the reason why you don't feel so good, because it's stuffy. You can better go change for a t-shirt. '' '' No! '' Said Benny loud which scared me a little bit. Did I say something wrong? '' I mean ...I'm not stuffy. I have it cold. ''For a long time I kept looking at him.'' Okay? I think I should go home. Are you okay alone? '' Benny nodded. '' Good. I hope you get better soon. ''

Benny's POV

I looked after Ethan when he walked out the door. Just when I thought all my worries were gone they came back again. Apparently I can not keep hidden everything forever, but I can try for as long as possible. If I . ... No, I'm not ready yet to end it. How many times it sometimes in comes in my head . There have to be another solution. Maybe I should talk with someone about it. Maybe Rory. But what if Rory tells it to someone else? I can already hear reactions from the rest of the school. I once read that writing a letter to yourself helps, but I don't get why this is useful. Most people say that it helps you to solve your problems, but I have a feeling that it's only getting worse when you think about your situation.

My name is Benjamin Weir. I'm sixteen years. My parents died in a Magic battle. I have a feeling that my best friend me in the lurch. I'm being bullied. I cut myself and I always think of how the world would be better if I was not born. Yes, that really helps.

Ethan's POV

There is something going on with Benny. I hate it that I don't know what it is. What if it is something bad. I would never forgive myself that.
'' What are you thinking about? '' I freaked out, only a little bit, and saw Sarahin front of me. '' I was thinking about Benny. '' She gave me a quizzical look. '' What's with Benny? '' '' Have you noticed that he's been acting weird lately, And by weird I mean weirder then normally.'' She shrugged.

'' How does he behave then? '' I left a sigh ''He is quieter, tries to get away fast, wears sweaters in the summer. '' '' Now that you mention it. He behaves indeed different. But I don't know what's going on. Have you talked to him? '' I nodded. '' He didn't told me much. I really think he's hidden something.

Benny's POV

I wouldn't have problems like this a few years ago. It would flow out of my mind so easy. If I could only go back in time and live life like it was eleven years ago.

* Flashback *

''Mommy, he did it again. '' Said the five-year-old version of myself sobbing. The brown haired woman slumped by her knees and took me in her arms. '' What's wrong sweetie? '' '' He pushed me and then I fell. '' I felt her hand comforting on my back. '' It's okay,Benjamin. It will all be better. I'm here with you. It would not happen again. '' She said comforting. '' You don't have to feel like this anymore. ''

* End flashback *

Now I hear those words again it all just seems like a lie. eleven years later a I feel still like that. But I can't feel her arms around me anymore. She can't tell me that it's going to be okay. I have to say it to myself. And right it won't work.

A tear runs down my cheek when I think back on the memories. Sooner or later I would be with them again, but in a different place. Maybe be a better place. everyone would go to that place..

I search in a drawer and find a razor. I pull up my sleeve up and look for a while at the scars. Sooner or later everyone goes there anyway, so why not earlier.

Ethan's POV

' ' Ethan, are you sure it's not better if we go to Benny. You never know what's going on. '' Sarah was right. I can not just walk here while I know there is something with Benny. I have to do something about it. '' Okay, let's go. ''

Benny's POV

* A few weeks ago*

''Come on, let me go'' I said to Chad, a jock, who held me against my locker. ''And why would I, Benjamin?'' He smirked when he saw my reaction when he said my name. ''What? Don't you like your name? Why don't you tell that to your mother? Oh wait, you can't 'cause she's dead, Isn't she Benji? And what about your dad?'' ''Chad stop.'' I said softly while tears came into my eyes. ''He's dead too,isn't he? I bet it sucks to be you. Why would you even want to live anyway? You would make a lot of people happy if you just killed yourself. It's not like anyone is going to miss you. You're just useless.''

When I came home I went to the bathroom. I didn't want to talk with grandma about this. I just wanted to escape from everything. I looked into the mirror and saw that my eyes were red from crying. Chad just laughed at me when I started to cry.

Maybe Chad was right. Maybe I was useless. I just should kill myself.

And that's were it all started. The first time it cut myself. A begin to something I couldn't end.

*End flashback*

With this memory in my mind I stared to cut myself more. I felt the sharp pain in my arm, but slowly I became used to it. With every new cut I became weaker. I knew that wouldn't end school, wouldn't go to college, won't get married, won't raise a family and won't have a painless death. I knew that this would be my end and know one would care.

*Ten years ago*

The ten year old me was crying in front of the house about the death of my parents. They died a week ago in a 'car crash'. ''Why are you crying?'' I looked up and saw a short boy with dark brown hair standing in front of me. ''Who..who are you?'' I asked him drying my tears. ''I'm Ethan. I just moved here. What's your name?'' ''Benja...Benny'' I quickly changed my name into Benny. I didn't want to be called Benjamin anymore. ''Benny is a cool name.'' Ethan said smiling and he sat next to me. ''Are you okay?'' He asked. ''Not really.'' ''Well, maybe I can cheer you up. We can be friends.''

*End flashback*

Ethan was always there for me. I knew he was really my best friend. He could always make me happy when I was sad. I should have told him earlier. I should have told him everything.

But now I'm here regretting that I didn't told him what was wrong. Regretting that I didn't told him how I felt about our friendship. I liked him more then a friend. I loved him. I knew I was jealous of Sarah because he liked her. But it was too late. It's all too late now...

Thnx for reading xxxx

Birds falling down the rooftops
Out of the sky like raindrops
Birds falling down the rooftops
Out of the sky like raindrops
No air, No pride
That's why birds don't fly