Author's Note:
Remember when I promised I'd let you know when I switch up the point-of-view? Well I'm keeping to the promise! This chapter starts out with Gaara's POV, because Lee is you know…unconscious.
Also, things start to get interesting this chapter :) Hope you enjoy!
And please, please, please review if you have the time. They make me so happy and keep me writing!
P.S. Gai Sensei is in this chapter! I love that guy (gai, hehe), even though he's so silly most of the time.
Now on to the story...
It's about an hour past dawn, and I'm already on the road that leads to the village. Within fifteen minutes we should be there. I shut my eyes, telling myself that I have to keep going. All through the night I argued with myself, fighting against my body. Every muscle is burning from the effort of carrying Lee. I had half a mind to ditch my gourd about a dozen kilometers back, but I need it just in case anyone else tries to hurt Lee. In my head I'm realizing that I've been traveling much faster than normal, considering the normal journey takes almost three days, and this one has taken a little over two. I guess desperation can do that to a person and make them go beyond what should be possible.
I can see the tops of buildings peeking through the trees in the distance, and my sweat and blood covered body is filled with a new energy. My feet move on their own accord as I race to the entrance of the village that I'm sure will become visible in a few minutes. I'm extra aware now of Lee on my back. The blood between his torso and my back is even stickier then it was originally, and I'm scared I'll have to peel him off of me once we get there. His head still rests on my right shoulder, and somehow he's still breathing. It's so faint now that I have to concentrate just to feel it, but it's still there. That alone is what keeps me going.
Finally I can see the tall white entrance and the green doors that are wide open. Thank goodness, because at this point I feel like I will soon fall down. I ran out of strength hours ago when it was still dark, but I pushed on for Lee. Nothing scares me more than the thought of losing him. If I lost him, I don't know what I would do. We just finally became friends, and for me it's become even more than that. I just can't lose him; not now, not ever.
There aren't any civilians out in the streets yet because of how early it is, but when I enter I turn to my left and see two men at the little shack located just inside the gate. One glances up and does a double take, and then leaps over the counter and runs over to me.
"Lord Kazekage?" He asks as he nears me. I nod weakly, finally falling to my knees, my body absolutely spent. He reaches out to help me but I shake my head.
"Help him," I say, slowly taking Lee off of my back. Dizziness hits me hard as the adrenaline from trying to get here in time fades. "He's dying…" I breathe. As the world darkens around me, I feel my grip on the sand still residing in his body slip away, and the last thing I see before I lose consciousness is new, red blood starting to drip once again from the gruesome hole I cleaved through his body.
I'm killing him. I know I am, but I can't control it. My eyes are unable to look away from Lee's almost unconscious body lying on the concrete floor. We're in the room we fought in during the Chunin exam, except we are alone and darkness hugs the edges of the room. He's covered in blood, and my sand is still going after him again.
"I'm sorry!" I scream, unable to stop my hands from commanding the sand toward him. In an instant he's enveloped in it, and I fight my hardest to stop my hand as it begins to close into a fist. The pain in my chest is unbearable, and my hands fight the instinct to grip my head in confusion and fury.
Then I finish him. I stand unmoving, my eyes wide in horror. Silently my sand absorbs every trace of his body and retreats back into my gourd. I killed him. Lee is gone, and I'll never see that smile of his again.
"Lee!" I cry out, waking violently and sitting up. I force my eyes open to rid myself of the nightmare that plagued my unconsciousness. I'm not used to dreams since I rarely sleep. However, with my body pushed certainly past its limit, I must have passed out. Looking at my surroundings, I see that I'm in a hospital room. The white sheets over me are wet with sweat, and I throw them off in frustration. Then suddenly I remember that I'm not the only one here.
My heart starts racing like it did when I first awoke and a despairing feeling drops into my stomach. I'm just about to get up to find out where Lee is when the door to my room opens. The visitor's familiar yellow hair catches my attention, and I force myself to smile weakly as he closes the door behind him and sits down beside my bed.
"Naruto," I begin, my fake smile fading. "How's Lee?" I ask him sadly. I'm nervous to hear his answer, and his somber expression isn't helping.
"What happened?" He asks, anger bleeding through his voice. It takes me a moment to realize why he's angry with me. He thinks I meant to hurt Lee. I swallow, pulling my hospital robe tighter against my body. Before I can speak, he continues on.
"They found sand in his wound Gaara…I know you don't like the guy, but you can't just go around hurting people anymore! You may not know this but he's actually a really great person. And now he's fighting for his life because you can't control yourself! I understand why you're angry with everyone; trust me. But you can't do this anymore. You're the Kazekage!" he finishes, standing now. He's huffing with fury, and I stare up at him sadly.
"It was a genjutsu…" I whisper, fighting the tears that start to spring up in my eyes. Ordinarily I'd never show my feelings like this, especially to Naruto whom I look up to so much, but Lee has his ways of making me emotional even when he's not around. At least I know he's not dead, but the words "fighting for his life" echo loudly in my ears.
"What?" Naruto asks, leaning close to me.
"It was a genjutsu. The enemy cast it on me and made me see Lee as an assailant. It wasn't until after I'd attacked him that it was released…" I trail off, the tears winning the battle and falling down my cheeks. Naruto stares at me, and then slowly sits back down in the chair next to my bed.
"So you didn't mean to hurt him?" he asks, his voice suddenly gentle. I shake my head violently, a headache starting to rise up in my temples.
"I'm not the same person I used to be. And I don't want to hurt Lee anymore. I've gotten to know him now and I would never hurt him intentionally." I struggle to say. Although I haven't admitted my true feelings for Lee to him, even expressing our friendship is hard for me. In Suna training areas, the desert, and the forest, it was easy to forget about everyone else. It was just the two of us together, and nobody to judge. However, now that I'm here with Naruto's vibrant, blue eyes staring me down, I suddenly feel ashamed of my feelings. I know what I want with Lee isn't what I should want. And up until now the thought of us together being wrong didn't cross my mind. There's a fear inside of me that Naruto will see through me and judge these precious feelings I hold so close.
"Alright. I trust you. I need to go tell Kakashi Sensei so he can explain it to Gai Sensei. He's still freaking out and I don't want to be near him when he's like this." He sighs, getting up. I recognize the name Gai as Lee's teacher whom he reveres, and also the man who stopped me from killing him during the exam.
"Is he angry with me?" I ask sadly, not wanting the man most beloved by Lee to hate me.
"No, he's just worried. I think Lee will be all right though. He's not one to give up." He says, flashing me a smile. It's not the same, but it's still slightly reassuring.
"Thank you Naruto. When will his treatment be finished?"
"It's been finished since this morning. You guys got here yesterday." Naruto says. Disorientation passes over me, and I look out the window to my right. It looks to be late afternoon by the position of the sun.
"Oh. Can I see him now then?" I ask. Naruto shrugs as a nurse enters my room. She looks shocked to see me awake.
"Ask her. See you around." He says, turning and leaving the room. The nurse smiles at me in greeting and begins to fidget with my shoulder. I look down and it's wrapped with bandages. That graze by the brown haired man's sword must have been deeper than I originally thought.
"Excuse me, am I able to go visit Lee?" I ask politely, trying to hide the desperation tinting my voice.
"Rock Lee," she says slowly, probably going through a list of patients in her head. "Yes, I can take you to him after I change your bandages. But he's in critical condition so we ask that you remain quiet while in his room." She advises. I sigh in relief, glad to finally be getting some answers.
"Will he be okay?"
"We've stabilized him as best we could. Now it's up to his body to see if he recovers or not." She answers, looking a bit solemn. I wince slightly as she rubs a liquid into my wound, which looks much worse than I expected. He really got me good. The fact that he was able to force his way through my armor in one attack like that is bothersome, but that's the least of my worries right now. "If you hadn't rushed him here the way you did he wouldn't have made it." She says, smiling softly at me. I nod once in thanks, unsure of how to respond to that.
"You're all finished!" She declares, smoothing down the new bandages. I pull my sleeve back over my shoulder and begin to get out of bed. When I plant my feet on the cold floor, I start to feel lightheaded. The nurse notices and steadies me with a hand on my upper arm.
"You're going to be worn out for a bit from how far you pushed yourself." She warns, keeping a strong grip on me as we begin to walk out into the hallway together. I don't answer, finding myself lost deep in thought. What will I see when I go into his room? Part of me is terrified to see the damage I did to him, while the other part is desperate to see his face. Another fear is also rising up inside me, one that I've been unwilling to address until now. Will Lee believe me when I tell him it was a genjutsu? From his point of view it must have looked much different than what I experienced. He most likely thinks I betrayed him and attacked him senselessly.
Suddenly the nurse stops, breaking me out of my thoughts. She gestures for me to wait, so I turn and sit against the far wall, facing the doorway. She enters the room silently, closing the door gently behind her. I close my eyes and lean my head back, trying to calm myself down. My head is pounding and a dull pain still radiates throughout my entire body.
Just relax. He'll be okay.
Suddenly the door to the room bursts open, and out stampedes Gai, Lee's Sensei. I begin to stand to greet him and explain myself, but before I can even steady my legs he's picking me up.
"Thank you Gaara-sama!" The over-dramatic man cries out, tears streaming down his face. He's spinning around, holding me to his chest tightly. Wide eyed and surprised, I look to the two people in the doorway for help. The nurse watches with a worried look, seemingly unable to decide what to do. The man next to her, Kakashi Hatake, simply rolls his one exposed eye, crossing his arms with a sigh.
"At first I thought you hurt Lee on purpose, but now I'm being told that you saved his life. Thank you so much for bringing my boy back in time!" Gai screams next to my ear, increasing my headache immensely. I have half a mind to force his arms off of me, but I tell myself to be patient. The man must simply be overcome with emotion, that's why he's acting so unreserved.
"You're…welcome." I choke out, my legs dangling back and forth painfully. Even though he's hurting me slightly, I almost laugh, thinking about Lee's relationship with this man. It doesn't surprise me that he would respect a man so high-strung and silly. After all, Lee himself is a toned down version of him.
I gasp for air as Gai finally stops squeezing the life out of me and sets me down. My legs tremble as I try to stand on my own, but the nurse rushes over to lend me her arm.
"Gai, you do realize he's the Kazekage now, right?" Kakashi says from the doorway, his voice showing his embarrassment for Gai.
"And you shouldn't shake him around like that! He's still weak." Scolds the nurse. Gai's face starts to become red, and he drops down to his knees.
"I'm sorry! I'm just so thankful!" He shouts, crying still. The nurse bends down and gets very close to his face.
"Your student needs his rest, so please stop yelling." She says sternly. It's comical to see the large man get backed down so easily by the small young woman before him. Even Kakashi lets out a small chuckle, closing the door to Lee's room and walking over to me.
"He's a bit overdramatic, but he's got a good heart." He explains. I nod as he turns to the older Lee look-alike. "Come on Gai, Tsunade is waiting for us." Gai nods and stands up, wiping his eyes.
"Alright. I'll see you around Gaara-sama!" He says cheerfully. I can't keep up with the man's changing emotions, so I simply nod and wave slightly as he turns and walks down the hallway, putting his arm around Kakashi's shoulders forcefully. I sigh, reminding myself of why I am here. Lee is right through that doorway, and I have no idea what to expect.
"Will you be alright?" The nurse asks me gently. I nod and let go of her arm, keeping myself upright on my own. She leaves me alone as she retreats back to her work. I find myself staring at the door for many moments, fear taking root once again in my body. I swallow, forcing my hand to grasp the handle. Finally I open the door, walking into the room.
Lee is lying on his back, the blanket over his body rising and falling with his breaths. I close the door behind me and walk over to his bed, sitting on the edge by his feet. His face is cleaned properly now, and he looks almost peaceful, looking simply like he's sleeping. I resist the urge to place my hand upon his cheek, and instead lightly run my fingers through his tangled hair, making it frame his face neatly like it always does.
"Hey Lee-kun," I whisper, removing my hand from his hair. He doesn't respond of course, but speaking to him makes me feel slightly better somehow. The sun is beginning to set, and the orange tinted light is shining through the window, illuminating Lee. He just looks like he's sleeping when I look at him like this. But curiosity gets the better of me, and I slowly begin to lift his blanket.
His shirtless torso is half covered in bandages, and down by his stomach they have become slightly red with soaked through blood. I grimace, thinking about the vicious hole I left in him. His body, despite how muscular he is, looks so fragile right now. I replace the blanket, and instantly he looks as if he's sleeping once again.
"I'm so sorry…" I breathe, setting my hand on the blanket, resting on the lower portion of his left leg. "This is the third time I've almost killed you. I understand if you hate me now. I would have hated me long ago if I were you." I start, swallowing down the sadness burning in my throat.
"I don't deserve it, how you treat me. You're so nice to me, and you make me feel so…cared about. I know it'll be hard for you to forgive me, but I'm begging you, please don't push me away. I would never hurt you intentionally." I continue, my vision blurred severely with tears. I try to wipe them away, but they replace themselves faster than I can remove them.
"I just really…" I pause, unable to come up with the right words to describe how I feel. How can I even begin to express the emotions that Lee brings to me? We've just started to finally get to know each other, yet when I look at him I see the most beautiful face I could imagine. Every time he talks I find myself watching his lips, wondering what it'd be like to feel them against mine. And every time I see his hands, I think about when he held my hand out in the desert, under the protection of my sand dome.
Lee talks to me like I'm a normal person, and sometimes actually makes me believe I am one. Could I really become like Naruto, having friends and living happily with a purpose? I'll never know until I try, and Lee seems to be the key to that life for me.
"I just really need you. You're my best friend, and I care about you more than anything." I finish, unable to say what I really mean even when he's unconscious. If only I could just tell him I want to be with him. That's what I really want, but I've never felt like this before about anyone. This is all so new to me and I've no clue how to handle myself when I'm like this.
I look back down at Lee through my tears, and he hasn't moved a bit. I draw my knees up to my chin, perching at the end up his bed. I'll stay here until he wakes up, then I'll tell him everything. He deserves at least that after everything I've done to him, and besides, I don't think I can hold it in much longer. Thinking back to his subtle, weak breathing when I finally neared the village reminds me that in this world people die all the time. Lee, lying motionless in the bed below me, could disappear at any moment. If I lose him without even trying to show him my true feelings, it will have all been for nothing.
I will stay here until he wakes up.
I wake slowly, immediately knowing that something is wrong. I gasp as I suddenly notice the fierce pain burning in my abdomen. What could possibly hurt this badly? I groan feebly, opening my eyes to find myself in darkness. As my eyes adjust, I realize I'm in a hospital room. By the look of it, I'm back in the Hidden Leaf, judging from the skyline visible through the window. I try to sit up, but I cry out softly as the already immense pain in my stomach surges through with a new wave of agonizing heat.
"Lee-kun, you're awake." I hear someone say quietly from the darkness. I squint, looking forward until I can make out a figure at the end of my bed. My head is spinning, and my eyes can't seem to focus. And the voice, while strongly familiar, does not invoke a name in my head quite yet.
"Who's there?" I breathe, not afraid, but curious. The figure gets up and walks around the bed, and as his face comes into the dim moonlight coming from the window, I immediately recognize it. I smile weakly as I look up at Gaara's pale, black-rimmed eyes, trying to ease the worry in them. Then suddenly everything comes flooding back to me.
The memory of Gaara's sand piercing through my body hits me hard, as if it's happening all over again. Then everything after that is faded images. Gaara flashes across my mind, his hand gripping his chest while tears pour down his face. He's staring at me in horror, realizing what happened. Then I'm being lowered down, lying on my back and watching Gaara's figure up in the trees grow farther and farther away. Then there is darkness, and the earthy smell of sand. Then nothing.
I bring myself back to the present, grimacing at the memory. Gaara is standing over me, still as a rock. Guilt, sadness, worry, and panic are all apparent on his face. I'd do anything just to ease the look he's giving me right now. Yet I can't bring myself to speak.
"Gaara-kun…" is all I can choke out, and he sits down on the bed next to me, silent. He looks away, but I can see a tear catch the moonlight as it falls from his chin. Wordlessly, I slip my right hand into his, weaving our fingers together. For once he doesn't flinch, and instead he squeezes my hand slightly.
"I'm so sorry Lee-kun." He whispers, and I can hear the sadness drenching his voice. I take a deep breath and swallow, trying to wet my dry throat so that I can speak.
"It's not your fault. It was a genjutsu. Don't blame yourself." I finally say, squeezing his hand back. He turns his head to look at me, his eyes wide.
"You already knew?" He asks.
"I saw him cast it, but didn't realize what it was until it was too late." I respond, nodding slightly. My neck is stiff and my shoulder blade burns dully with the movement.
"I almost killed you…again." He says, his voice sounding strangled. He shuts his eyes, tears oozing from between his eyelids nonetheless.
"Well you didn't mean to. And I survived, so everything is fine." I answer, trying to reassure him.
"But you almost didn't!" He whispers violently, standing up. He turns away, leaning on the windowsill.
"Gaara-kun…it's okay, I swear." I whisper in return, wanting nothing more than for him to stop feeling guilty.
"You don't get it. You don't know what you do to me." He sighs, still facing away from me. Instantly, I begin to feel myself become nervous. Is he talking about what I think he's talking about?
"What do you mean?" I ask gently, wishing I could get up and stand next to him. He hangs his head, and I watch his silhouette carefully. Gaara's wearing a hospital robe, and it makes him seem smaller than he actually is. His presence, usually calm and commanding, seems fragile now. What I'd give to just get up and wrap my arms around him. I always find myself wanting to be the one to hold him together. After everything, still all I want to do is make him happy.
"It's hard to…" He trails off. I feel my body tense with anticipation.
Just say it!
"I almost lost you. And I know we just became friends, but I just cannot lose you Lee-kun. You're so important to me. But it's more than that. I…" He trails off once again. I have a feeling I know what he's going to say, but he just won't say it. This is happening so fast, but I've been longing for it more than anything. I take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. I hate to watch him struggle, so I must say it.
"I have feelings for you Gaara-kun." I say quietly, feeling myself blush immediately. He hesitates for a moment and then turns to look at me. He stares at me with wide eyes, not saying a word. I wait for him to answer, but he doesn't. For a moment, I begin to doubt myself. Was I too forward? What if he doesn't feel the same way? I wonder if I perhaps read his signs completely wrong. It wouldn't be the first time I've done that.
I peer up at him, desperately wishing for him to just say something, anything. He finally moves, stepping towards me. Then he returns to his previous seat on the right side of my bed, his body inches from mine. Still, he simply stares at me, and I find my skin prickling under his gaze.
"Say something…please." I whisper, fighting the urge to look away. Embarrassment is filling up my body now, and I start to feel almost ashamed. Why would Gaara like me in that way anyway? He's far above me in stature and could crush me like a bug anytime he wanted. I think about how flawless he looks, and how I'm usually the punch line of jokes when it comes to appearance. His skin is like that of a porcelain doll while mine is covered in scars from training and fighting. I also start to become extra aware of how loud and talkative I've been around him these last few days, and how quiet he's been. I was probably annoying him the whole time, like I do with most people. I shut my eyes, coming to the realization that I may have just ruined our friendship with my hasty words.
"I'm sorry." I breathe, tears springing up behind my eyelids. Why won't he just answer me? I fight it, but still end up letting one hot tear make its way down my face.
"Why are you crying?" Gaara finally says, and my eyes fling open. He's leaning down, looking closely at my face. Nervousness flips my damaged stomach at the sight of his face so close to mine.
"Because…you're not answering…" I can't get out the words. He's unmoving, his pale blue eyes boring into me.
"I think I have feelings for you too Lee-kun." He says suddenly. I stare up at him, unable to answer. Does he really feel the same way? "I didn't answer because I'm frightened." He says sadly.
"Why are you frightened?" I ask, finding my words again.
"I don't want to hurt you." Gaara says simply, averting his gaze from my eyes. My mind focuses involuntarily on the pain below my torso, and I fight to ignore it. He may have hurt me in the past, but I still trust him somehow. No matter how many times he sends his sand at me or pushes me away, I'm not going to stop feeling like this. I'm not going to stop caring about him the way I do.
"You won't hurt me." I argue, trying to win back his eyes.
"I already have." He says, and I can hear a new wave of tears affecting his voice before they even reach his eyes.
"I don't care," I start, reaching my hand up daringly. I slowly let it lie on his cheek, and he finally looks back at me again. "I still feel this way." I whisper. Gaara flinches, and for a moment I fear that he's going to pull away. However, he instead leans into my touch, licking his lips nervously. Then he raises a trembling hand and places it overtop mine for a moment.
"Are you sure?" He asks, pain evident in his voice as he let his hand fall back down. This boy has been hurt so badly in the past, I'm sure it's nearly impossible for him to completely trust me. I'll just have to earn his trust with time.
"I'm positive." I answer, starting to slowly bring his face down closer to mine. He moves with my hand, not fighting in the least. I don't know if either of us are ready, but I can't bite down the urge to kiss him right now. My whole life I've ignored my body's needs by pushing it past its limit daily during training. However, now I'm listening to it without hesitation, and it needs Gaara right now. I've never been kissed before, and I know he hasn't been either. I've never worried about that too much when I've been so focused on bettering myself, but right now it's becoming increasingly important with every moment.
Just listen to your body.
My heart is racing, and now he's mere inches from my face. I can feel his warm breath feathering my moist lips. Then suddenly he closes the distance between us, and our lips connect softly. I let my eyes fall closed as I blissfully lose myself in the kiss, no matter how small and innocent it may be. Our lips simply hold each other's, and I move my hand into his soft hair, letting my fingers get tangled in his red locks. The un-wiped tears still lingering on our cheeks mingle together as he pushes even closer to me, deepening the kiss. I feel his hand slide under my head, holding me to him. All of the feelings pooling in my body are making me feel as if I'm numb everywhere except my lips.
Then he slowly pulls his face away, just enough to separate our lips. His breath once again passes over my lips. We're both motionless, unsure of how to respond to what just happened between us. We remain like that for many moments, Gaara leaning over me, our faces centimeters apart. Then he finally sits up, and I open my eyes to look at him. Even in the dim light I can see pink blazing on his usually pale cheeks. I grin slightly at that, knowing I must look the same way. Catching my breath, I watch closely for any expression on Gaara's face. However, he simply looks thoughtful.
"What are you thinking about?" I ask quietly. He raises a hand and lightly places the tips of his fingers on his lips.
"That was nice." He says simply, staring into space.
"Yeah, it was." I sigh, closing my eyes to relive it again. However, as I close my eyes I realize just how sleepy I am. My body is worn down so much and I know I'll be extra tired until I finish recovering. I know that trying to stay up all night with Gaara again will be pointless at this point.
"Hey Gaara-kun, I'm getting pretty tired. I'm sorry if I fall asleep." I say, my words starting to slur. I feel him get off the bed and hear the sound of him dragging a chair over.
"Don't be sorry. Is it okay if I stay here the rest of the night?" He asks. I nod, still not opening my eyes.
"I would like that." I answer. A smile spreads onto my face as he takes my hand in his. His skin is soft and baby-like. For a moment I wonder what he must think of my rough, weathered hands, but tiredness pushes the thought away. I'm quickly fading, and I hold on to the feeling of his skin until the last second of my consciousness.
I sure hope none of this was a dream.