This chapter is quite different from the other chapters.
It will be Natsu's POV in a diary way.
I know some might not agree with this style, but I feel like this story works better this way and it would have been very difficult to write almost an entire month day by day.
I hope you will like it.

If I had known at that time what was going to happen to me, would I have stopped it? Would I have made sure that I wasn't going to create the cage that ruined me, or would I have still continued to pursue the goal that I was never going to reach?
–

My heart was beating loudly in my chest due to my excitement towards my new path. It would take time and patience, but I was definitely going to do it.
I would become a person who Gray would start to appreciate more, someone who could be loved!

I found myself smiling to myself. This was perfect!

Now, I just needed some sort of plan and I knew who I could talk to about this.

–

It took about five hours but the person I wanted to see appeared. She walked to the counter and greeted the person behind it before ordering something.

I walked over to her and tried to act casual, even though I was pretty unsure how to start the conversation without raising any suspicions. I didn't want her or anyone else knowing what I was doing.

I walked to her and greeted her: "Morning Lucy." She greeted me back with a smile.

Now how was I going to do this?

"Do you want something Natsu? I could treat you something as a thanks for always helping me out with my rent." She said and I quickly shook my head.

"No, no. I'm fine." I said a bit too quickly and she gave a strangely sad smile which confused me.

"Natsu, you know, you don't have to worry about what Gray has been saying. He's just being a jerk. You don't have to change yourself at all." I appreciated her words and I nodded at her. However, I was completely focused on trying to do just that. I couldn't back out now.

"Yeah, thanks. I know." We stayed silent for a while before I continued. "Tell me Lucy, what if someone would...want to change themselves? What would they need to do? Just interested." I added in the end and hoped that my intentions wouldn't be revealed. She looked at me with surprise but then she seemed a bit thoughtful before she started to explain.

"Well, that depends on how one would want to change themselves. Some want to grow muscle and some want to lose weight-"

"-Losing weight. How.. do you girls do it?" I asked and crossed my fingers in hope that she wouldn't get angry with me or find me strange for asking stuff like this.

Fortunately, she only seemed delighted to answer.

"Well, at least I go on a diet once in a while. There are different types of diets to choose from but I really think exercise is the key to everything."

I nodded and listened to her explaining.
She kept telling me about diets and how it would be easiest to maintain them and she gave many good tips. She only laughed when she finished explaining, not knowing that she really helped me out a lot.
I was going to start a diet.

-Natsu's diary-

Day 1

So, Lucy told me that writing my thoughts down is good when I'm trying to lose weight. She also told me to write down what I had eaten during the day. I think that this is a bit stupid but whatever. I guess it won't do me any harm to try it out.

Morning: Two sandwiches, glass of juice

Day: Some kind of stew at the guild, I was hungry so I took three portions.

Evening: Grabbed some left-overs from fridge at home.

I also ate some other stuff, like one piece of cake Erza gave me. I know I shouldn't, so from now on I should decline.

Feeling a bit hungry now that I'm heading to bed. I ate way less than usual but I'm trying not to sneak anything from the fridge at night.

Day 2

I saw Gray today. He was being an asshole again.
He has no idea that I.. shit. I can't write this stuff down.

Still, it makes me kinda sad that he's still not over that girl and he's so angry all the time. I wonder if there is anything I can do?

Lucy's advice was to exercise a lot, so I went running today. Three times. The last time was just because I fought Gray and I ran out after that. It was a good way to blow off steam. It was also good for my hunger. I actually became less hungry when I ran. I have also been drinking a lot of water. It helps too. Still, I felt really hungry today an hour after I had eaten lunch. I had to order some soup after that. It shouldn't be too bad, right?

This is what I ate today:

Morning: Happy made some fish today. Pretty sure it was sardines. I didn't count how many I ate. Quite a lot though, I thought it would be good to start a day with a good meal.

Day: We had some chicken at the guild for lunch. Took some soup afterward.

Evening: I wasn't too hungry after running. I ate two sandwiches and I drank a glass of milk.

Day 3

Today I began to train together with Erza. She was surprised at first but she accepted gladly. It's really good exercise even though I get punched more than I want to admit. I will continue to spar with her but I enjoy running way more. I ran early in the morning and then again after I left the guild.

I started to concentrate more on what I am eating. I got some tips from Lucy too even though she and no one else has no idea I'm trying to lose weight.

I bought a mirror today too since Gray made a remark about that too. He said that it was no wonder I couldn't see how fat I was as I didn't even own a mirror. Well, now I do.

Morning: As bread isn't apparently too good, I found that I didn't have too much to eat at home. I ate a couple of sausages we had left it the fridge before I left for my morning run.

Day: I went to the market and bought a lot of things before I headed home and cooked for myself. It was fun since I don't usually do that stuff. I roasted some meat and ate it with some vegetables. I still have to get used to those. Quite yucky to be honest.

Day 7

I was taking a mission and I [smudged] I didn't take this notebook with me as I didn't want anyone seeing me writing this stuff.

It's been a week now. I think I'm finally getting the hang of this.
I have even exceeded my own expectations many times as I have felt less hungry and I have been able to skip meals or eat even less than I had planned.

I exercise every day. It takes up most of my time actually. Other times I am making my meals or planning on what I am going to eat.

During the mission I got a lot of tips from Erza and Lucy. I don't think they suspect anything.

Gray wasn't with us.

I actually think he is feeling a lot better lately. He still makes fun of me, but he seems a lot more relaxed and happy. I hope this goes on. Unfortunately, his attitude towards me is annoying and I feel myself getting really tired with him.

I have a headache so I won't write much more. This is what I ate today:
Morning: A couple of apples

Day: -skipped-

Evening: Spaghetti at home with Happy. I threw in a lot of tomatoes.

Day 8

Today was a horrible day.

I have had a headache the entire day and I had a huge fight with Gray. I have no idea what I see in him! Why do I feel like I do? Shit. I even cr- [smudged over]

And everyone else seemed to be way more annoying than usual. Erza especially. I even snapped at Wendy for some reason. I didn't even apologize to her. I'm such an idiot..

I really wish I could see some results soon. Every time I see myself in the mirror, I just feel disappointed. Maybe Gray has really been right all this time.

Morning: -skipped-, someone told me it's better to take the morning run without eating.

Day: I ate a many plates of what we had at the guild today, we were having a barbecue and I just couldn't say no!

Evening: -skipped-, I felt really sick for some reason and the thought of all that I had eaten on lunch.

Day 9

Too tired to write today.

Morning: Glass of milk (fat-free)

Day: Went home and made a new kind of salad and grilled some chicken too.

Evening: Ate some of the leftover salad

Day 10

I don't know what's going on. I feel so angry all the time. Even now.

I feel angry at others, but mainly at myself. I'm not getting the results I'm wanting.

Gray has noticed that something is up with me. He still calls me names though.

Day 14

God, I don't know what's going on with me. I'm so stressed all the time.

I just shouted to Happy when he offered to make me dinner. He flew out, I think he was crying. What the heck am I doing?

But I just don't want to eat now. Doesn't he get it that I can't eat right now? Shit, I'm doing it again.

Morning: -skipped-

Day: Ate some salad at home

Evening: -skipped-, I didn't feel like eating after having my argument with Happy.

Day 15

Why won't I get thinner?! I have been doing this for two weeks now! I'm training like a madman: when I'm not eating, I'm training. I have asked so many people for help but nothing is working!
My stomach is bulging. I hate it. I'm disgusting.

Morning: -skipped-

Day: -skipped-, I felt so anxious at the guild that I couldn't eat anything.

Dinner: I bought some fresh bread today as an apology to Happy. I ate three breads with some cheese and salad. I felt guilty afterward but it was delicious.

Day 16

Gray was a jerk yesterday. Like usual.

But now I did something else from usual. I changed my clothing. I couldn't stand looking at myself in that open vest. I took one of my loose hoodies to hide my body a bit. It didn't make me feel any better though. I felt like everyone was staring at me strangely.

Morning:-skipped-

Day: It seems like my anxiousness wasn't a one-day thing. I can't eat at the guild anymore.

Evening: Happy cooked us some salmon today. I ate some salad with the salmon.

Day 17

It's strange but I haven't really felt hungry in a long time.

It's definitely a good thing. I can skip more meals. I actually went through today by just drinking water. I have had terrible stomach pains though...

I also spend a lot less time at the guild nowadays. I just feel uncomfortable there. It's really weird.

Day 18

I'm noticing that people are staring at me all the time. What are they looking at?

Are they all like Gray? Do they think I'm disgusting? I'm trying to hide myself the best I can but it seems like I just can't do it... I stare myself in the mirror every evening and...

Gray hasn't talked to me in a long time. I think he really loathes me. I don't know which is worse, him not talking, or him only saying hurtful things.

I'm feeling sad and tired all the time.

Day 19

I have no idea what's going on with me.

Today, after I ate at home... I threw up. The thought of me eating that greasy meat. I just couldn't do it. I started to feel sick and I wanted it out of me. And then I just... shit.

Day 20

I can't stand these looks everyone is giving me.
I had an argument with Lucy and Erza today. They were saying that I was acting different. I got so angry that I grabbed Lucy by her arm and even threatened her. I'm such an asshole.

I just stormed out after that. Master followed me out and offered me a mission so I could gather my thoughts in peace. I gladly accepted. I need to be alone right now.

I'm leaving this notebook back here. I don't think I need this anymore anyways.

Bye.

The next chapter will be from Gray's point of view.
It will probably also be the last or second to last chapter. I know it's a bit sudden but I don't see any reason to drag this story out.
Until next time!