Chapter 3 – Son of a Bitch

Olivia stood in front of the precinct, mentally bracing herself before she walked in the doors. She'd done is over a million times within the last twelve years, and now she couldn't even take a step up onto the curb.

She wanted to tell Elliot, but things were so complicated. She felt so idiotic.

She also hadn't wanted to leave her job, but she didn't want to leave her baby with something else for days on end either; the thought of never getting to see the little boy, or little girl was too much to bear already. She couldn't even think of how Elliot was feeling at the moment…she'd given up so easily.

"What's wrong with me?" Olivia asked herself, letting out a large sigh. She took a few more moments to prepare herself and sucked up her pride.

She walked inside, showing her ID badge for the last time.

The elevator ride didn't do much to help her anxiety either; she almost wished it would suddenly change direction and go back down. On the way up, she wondered how she was going to face Elliot. What could she tell him? Elliot, I'm pregnant with your child. Remember how I said we didn't need that condom, boy what a moron I was.

Yes, she wanted kids…but this was not the situation she predicted. She should have known better. Cleaning up the mess was harder than creating it. The elevator came to a halt then and her heart rate spiked up even faster as she stepped out and walked down the hall into the bullpen. Three pairs of familiar eyes landed on her face; all three filled with shock.

"I forgot to tell Cragen I'd get my things," she said quietly; her eyes locked with Elliot's and she immediately felt guilty. She noticed they were already boxed up and she assumed Cragen had already asked him to do so. Her fingers gripped the box and she watched him stand up from the corner of her eye.

"Liv, can I talk to you for a minute?" He asked as soon as Munch and Fin looked away to 'continue their work'. Eavesdroppers… Olivia glanced up at him; she knew he needed an explanation, she just wasn't sure she could give him the answers.

"Yeah," she replied, "But not here."

"Cragen won't allow us to use any of the interrogation rooms," he said quickly; he wanted to lighten the conversation, but things seemed to just get heavier.

"The bunk room?" Olivia suggested quietly. He nodded and they silently walked upstairs. She still hadn't figured out what she was going to say to him, but the sound of the door closing behind them snapped her out of her thoughts. She remained quiet as he waited for her to speak, "Elliot…I need to go away for a while."

"Why?" His voice was low and eerily calm. She turned to face him after a moment and sighed.

"I'm not sure I can tell you right now…"

"You regret it, don't you?" He accused, "Dammit Olivia…I told you to tell me…you didn't have to quit, you could have asked for some time off…"

"You don't get it," she groaned, "And I can't tell you because I don't think I even figured it out yet."

"Why are you here then?"

"Because you need some form of closure," she whispered, "I'm an idiot, Elliot. I just don't want you to hate me."

"I don't hate you, Liv. But I need to know why you didn't tell me to stop. I told you I didn't want this," he motioned between them, "to be something you'd regret."

"I don't regret it, Elliot—,"

"—Then why? Tell me, Olivia!" He cried, "I need an answer, you're driving me insane here." She wiped at her eyes, shaking her head.

"I don't have any answers, Elliot!" She retorted, "I don't even know if I'm right!"

"Right about what?" He begged, "Please…Olivia…" She had dropped her head into her hands only moments before, but she stood up straight and stopped in front of him.

"I need you to know that I don't regret it, Elliot." She whispered, "Please, know that. I have to go…" she pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth; his fingers held onto hers tightly, only making this harder. "I'm sorry. Goodbye…" When she pulled back, she walked around him and brushed past him out the door.

"Olivia—!" He tried to stop her, but she refused to look back. She grabbed her things off of her desk and left the precinct without another glance back.

XxxxX

Six Years Later

Elliot had been running late again; Kathy had asked him if he could pick Eli up on Fridays after school. Eli refused to take the bus home, Dickie and Lizzie were off at college, Maureen and Kathleen were too busy at work (not even in the state) and Kathy was currently taking two part time jobs to keep up with the bills. Elliot, of course, paid for child support but Kathy wanted to prove she didn't always need his help.

Needless to say, it was a raging headache for the last seven years. But Elliot did it all out of love for his children regardless.

He was stuck behind the high school busses on the way to the primary/middle school; he couldn't believe so much time had already passed. Eli was in seventh grade and pretty soon he'd be off to college like his siblings. Elliot smiled at the thought. His kids were the only reason behind his happiness lately.

Ever since Olivia left, nothing felt the same.

He tried not to think about her, but on most of his hard cases she was all he thought about. Cragen was so sick and tired of sending him home to calm down that he didn't even bother with his mood swings anymore. They were embedded in him.

He began to grind his teeth at the thought of it all. To this day, he still didn't understand any of it. Things were good before that night...deep down he knew she would run off as soon as it happened. As much as he hated to admit it, she never faced things full on. He should have known better, but she seemed so sure that she fooled him so well.

He pulled into the school parking lot and waited as students began to pile out; Eli had appeared then, followed by a little girl in a pale blue dress. Her thick, dark brown hair was in two braids that started at the top, and from what Elliot could see, she was missing her front teeth. They were talking as Eli walked towards the car and her profile got clearing, almost knocking the wind from Elliot's lungs.

She looked almost like Olivia. But…

"Hey dad!" Eli smiled, throwing his backpack into the backseat.

"Hey Eli," Elliot greeted, returning his son's smile, "Who's this?" He wasn't sure if he was even ready for the answer, in fear that his suspicions were right.

"This is Kelsey, she's a first grader here. I'm her reading buddy. Can she come over for a little while?"

"Uh, I don't have a problem with that, but don't you think she should ask her parents first?"

"My mommy usually works late. I don't know my daddy," she said sadly; she perked up then, completely ignoring what she had been feeling only seconds ago, "Mrs. Greene next door to us watches me afterschool. Can you take me to my house so I can ask her? She said she would be home today just before I get there and Eli says you're a police officer." She spoke so clearly for a first grader, Elliot wondered how much she knew before she even left preschool.

"You don't take the bus?" Elliot asked.

"I do," she nodded, "but the bus stop isn't far from my house. I walk the rest of the way with the crossing guard."

"Her bus just left," Eli pointed out. Elliot wasn't sure how comfortable he felt, having just met the little girl, but she didn't have another ride now.

"…Alright," he replied, "I'll take you home. Where do you live?"

"My mommy and I live in the Chandler apartments on Church avenue in Brooklyn," she stated it as though it were memorized; if her mother was who he was currently thinking of, then he knew for a fact she'd memorize that address like the back of her hand.

He started the engine as soon as Eli shut her door and they drove off, "So Kelsey, what does your mommy do for work?"

"She works as a police officer also," Kelsey replied, "but she works for Ident…Ident…uh…"

"Identity Crimes?" He offered.

"Yeah, that's it," she said, "She comes home every night before dinner; Mrs. Greene cooks for me. Mommy says she hates the arrangement because she rarely sees me during the day, but that she does it so we have money." He couldn't get the thoughts out of his head; he had a little girl in his car, who could possibly be his ex-partner's child. He couldn't stop the question from leaving his lips.

"What's your last name, Kelsey?"

"Benson."

XxxxX

Chandler Apartments
Church Avenue, Brooklyn, NY

The drive had taken longer than he hoped, and when they reached the apartment building Kelsey jumped out and ran up to the door, pressing the button he assumed was hers. His suspicions were definitely confirmed, and Elliot wasn't sure he was even ready to see her again.

She quit her job at SVU, moved further into Brooklyn and worked for the Identity Crimes unit. He wasn't sure how their work never crossed all these years. And everything suddenly made sense why she left. Except, now he needed to ask her. To make sure.

The door unlocked and Olivia ran out, swooping the little girl into her arms, "Kelsey you scared me! Where were you?"

"Eli's daddy brought me home," she smiled, pointing at the car. Olivia glanced up, her eyes automatically locking with Elliot's all too familiar blue ones.

"Son of a bitch…" she said aloud, feeling her pulse start to quicken. It was Elliot. And he looked just the same as he did the day she left. He was actually here, and her stomach was instantly filling with butterflies. She remembered too much in that moment but her daughter's voice broke her out of her thoughts.

"Mommy," Kelsey frowned.

"Sorry, Kels." She apologized, looking back down at her little girl, "Why don't you go upstairs and get washed up. I'll be up in a minute."

"But mommy I wanted to go to Eli's!" She protested , stomping her foot dejectedly.

"Kelsey please," she all but begged, "Maybe some other time. I wanted to see you today."

"Okay," she sighed; Kelsey turned back to the car and gave a sad frown to Eli, "I can't today, Eli. Mommy says no." She hated to say no to her baby girl, but things just seemed to keep falling in a spiral. "Thank you for taking me home, Mr. Eli's daddy."

"You can call me Elliot," he said, smiling down at her. She smiled and waved goodbye before heading inside, "Hi Liv." Olivia pushed her hair back for a moment, suddenly sweating in the forty degree weather.

"Hi Elliot," she said, trying her best not to look uncomfortable, "Thank you, for bringing her home. You didn't have to."

"It was no trouble," he said quickly, "Uh, can we talk for a minute?" Olivia was about to protest and he knew it.

"You know, I should really get back upstairs wi—,"

"Please? It'll only take a few minutes." She glanced around at the by-passers and sighed; she nodded after some thinking.

"Not out here," she said, "We can go upstairs, I'll have Maybelle look after Kels and Eli while we talk." Elliot cut the engine and stepped out of the car. He opened the door for Eli and he smiled at Olivia, "Go on up with Kels. Tell her to ask Mrs. Greene if she can watch you for a few, okay?" Eli nodded.

When Olivia turned back to Elliot, her breath caught. He looked taller than before; it that were even possible. Work-related stress showed in his features, but she wondered if most of it was because of her, "It's good to see you again."

"You too," Olivia said, smiling some, "How is it our kids just happened to come across each other?"

"New York City may look big, Liv…but it's really not."

"Yeah," they walked in silence as they went up to the apartment.

"So you moved?" He asked as she shut the door.

"I didn't want you to find me," she admitted guiltily. Elliot nodded once; she shut the door behind them and walked over to the kitchen table; she sat down and stared across the room at the man she left in the dark six years ago. Elliot remained at the counter, leaning against the wood of it. They were quiet again, and Olivia almost wanted to shout just to fill the silence.

"You know I have to ask—,"

"You want to know if the reason I left was because Kelsey's your daughter?" She finished.

"Is she?"

"Yeah, she is," Olivia said slowly, looking down at her hands.

"What did you tell her about me?"

"I told her the truth. Well, I said that I left you," Olivia answered, "I didn't want to lie to her."

"I'm sorry…" He whispered; she glanced up at him confused.

"What for?"

"For not being there."

"What are you talking about?" She questioned, shaking her head, "It's not your fault, El."

"It is," he disagreed, "I should have gone after you, Liv."

"I didn't expect you to," Olivia replied, "I changed my number…I moved…I don't know why I tried to shut you out, Elliot. If it's anyone's fault it's mine. I was just scared, but happy. And I was so stupid…we should have used protection."

"But you kept her," Elliot stated, "And I'm not sorry for that night." He stepped closer to the table and sat down across from her.

"I couldn't get rid of her," Olivia said, her voice cracking to a whisper, "I loved her before I even knew her. I was scared, but I've always wanted to be a mother. And we couldn't work together if Cragen found out so I thought it best that I leave. I don't regret that night either, Elliot, but you need to understand why I left."

"Why didn't you tell me then?" He asked, his tone changed to an accusing one, and she didn't blame him for being angry. She made the mess and it finally caught up to her.

"Because I had taken a pregnancy test the week after, and I hadn't even seen a doctor. I didn't know if the tests were wrong. I just thought it would be better if I left. I didn't want you out of her life but you already had five kids of your own and I was scared, Elliot."

"I've already missed six years of her life, Olivia." He sighed, "I would have made time for her and given her just as much love as my other kids." As if his day wasn't crazy enough, God threw in another. He and Olivia, his former partner of all people, had a beautiful and smart, little girl. "So where do we go from here?"

"I don't know," Olivia replied, biting her lip, "I guess we tell Kelsey first, and of course, Eli. Want me to go and get them?"

"Sure," Elliot nodded, sitting up straight, "SVU isn't the same without you, you know."

"Who's my replacement?" She asked, standing up.

"Detective Laura Fields," Elliot replied. She nodded and headed towards the door.

"You know I have to ask," she said, starting the same way he did, "Do you…like her at all?"

"She's a good detective, Liv. But she's nothing like you were," he said.

"You're not answering the question."

"Do you honestly care about the answer?" He retorted, standing next to her as he grabbed the doorknob. When Olivia glared at him, he sighed, knowing she wasn't going to drop the subject until he gave her a real answer, "I don't have feelings for her."

XxxxX

"Kelsey," Olivia sat the little girl on the couch next to Eli and kneeled down in front of her, looking into her blue eyes; the eyes that reminded her of Elliot on a daily basis, "Elliot and I have something we need to tell you, okay?"

"Okay," Kelsey nodded.

"Do you remember when I told you that I left your daddy?" She asked softly; Kelsey nodded again.

"You said daddy would have loved me, and to never forget it."

"I did," Olivia smiled; he could hear Elliot suck in a breath and she laughed slightly, "Well, Kelsey, I think it was really lucky you ran into Elliot here."

"How come, mommy?"

"Kelsey, Elliot's your daddy," Olivia said; she loved how it sounded coming from her lips, in such a strong and confident voice to top it off.

"Does that mean Eli's my brother?" She asked, excited. They both knew Kelsey didn't quite understand the situation, but when she was older they would explain it better. At the moment, she had a daddy and that was all that really mattered to her.

"Technically, yes," Olivia nodded, "But Eli has a different mommy."

"He does?" Kelsey asked, glancing over at Eli. He nodded at her and Kelsey smiled. She got up off the couch and walked over to Elliot, glancing up at him with the back of her head resting on her shoulders, "You're my daddy!" She giggled; it wasn't a question. She threw her arms around his legs and squeezed tight, "I always wished you'd come home!"

Home. That was another thing they'd have to talk about; they're living arrangements. Because Elliot was 100% he no longer wanted to live in his apartment without Olivia and his little girl. Olivia must have read his mind because her expression was the same questioning look.

"Daddy has to return to work for now," Elliot said, kneeling down to her height so he could hug her properly, "Do you think I could come back afterwards?" He looked up at Olivia at the same time Kelsey did.

"Of course," Olivia nodded; she couldn't keep him out of her life, it wasn't right and she knew how relentless Elliot was. She always knew where Kelsey got it from. "Kelsey has to be in bed by seven, though, El. Can you come by around then?"

"I'll try to," Elliot replied.

"Can I stay up if daddy's a little late?" Kels asked.

"That means no sugary snacks after dinner then, got it little missy?" Olivia said, picking her daughter up in her arms. Kelsey nestled against her chest, wrapping her arms around her neck.

"But mommy, what if I fall asleep before daddy gets home?"

"I'll be here before you go to sleep, I promise," Elliot said, pressing a kiss to her forehead, "I love you."

"I love you too, daddy." Elliot wasn't sure what to do then; did he hug Olivia too? It was great to see her again, but he didn't know how comfortable she was with the situation. Despite, the brave face of course.

She must have been a mind reader.

Olivia leaned forward and wrapped an arm around him; her lips were at his ear and she whispered, "I'm sorry about the last six years, Elliot. We'll talk tonight. Thank you for bringing her home."

"I was glad too, Liv."

XxxxX

"Hey Elliot," Fin greeted, glancing over at Munch; they both noticed his sudden change in behavior. Elliot Stabler was actually happy, for the first time in six years. Fin and Munch both had their suspicions, they figured it was because Olivia had left. And when Elliot let it slip one day, they knew it.

"You look happy for once," Munch added; ignoring the suggestive glare from his own partner. "Meet somebody who makes you happy?"

"Actually, yes," Elliot grinned, nodding.

"Do we get to meet the lucky lady?"

"I don't know," he said with a shrug, "I'll have to talk to her mother." He watched their faces drop suddenly and he broke into loud rumbles of laughter. It got Cragen's attention; he stepped out of his office and called Elliot in. When Elliot had himself under more control, he stood up from his desk and walked into Cragen's office.

"I see you're in a better mood today," Cragen said, "It's good to see this side of you again, Elliot. I know you weren't happy that Olivia left."

"It's fine, Cap…really." Elliot replied, shaking his head, "Everything's fine now. I actually just saw her a little while ago."

"You saw Olivia?" Cragen asked, "how is she?"

"She's good." Elliot nodded once, "She's working with Identity Crimes now. I guess she revoked turning in her papers."

"Is that where you ran into her?"

"Uh, no," he said, sitting down; they really had nothing to lose now, "Look, Captain. I need to tell you something. We talked—like, really talked today—and we have a daughter. Her name is Kelsey and she's absolutely beautiful. And you can take away my pay for this, but we uh…we broke that window in the interrogation room six years ago." This was definitely embarrassing, especially since Cragen was practically glaring at him now, "Liv left because she got pregnant. She thought it'd be better if I kept my job here and she left."

"I don't want to know about the interrogation room." Cragen said after a long moment; he was pinching the bridge of his nose as he spoke, "I think some things are left better unsaid." Elliot breathed a sigh of relief.

"Can Fin or Munch cover for me around seven?" Elliot asked, "Kels wants to see me again and Liv and I still need to sort things through."

"As long as your report is on my desk before you leave." He was still clearly pissed about the window, but Elliot was thankful he didn't say no. He stood up and left the office, his smile was still plastered to his face.

"What kind of girl are you dating, Stabler?" Munch asked as soon as he sat down. Elliot laughed, shaking his head.

"I'm not dating anyone, John," he said, "I was completely kidding, for the record. I saw Liv today," he explained, watching as they both perked up to listen.

"How is she?"

"She's good," Elliot replied, "She—uh, we have a daughter. She's six, and her name is Kelsey."

"We always knew you two would grow up to have tons of little babies running around," Munch deadpanned, smirking slightly. Fin started laughing and Elliot rolled his eyes.

"We only have one." Elliot said, leaning back in his chair.

"And when did all of this take place?" Munch questioned, "Because we now know why Liv left at least."

"I'm not telling you any of that," Elliot said, shaking his head, "that's the last thing I need to hear from you."

"What exactly was that argument about that caused you two to break the window?"

"Jesus Christ, John—," Elliot sighed, rubbing his eyes, "Fine, you know what, we did break that window! Happy? Because that's all I'm telling you."

"You already told us you two broke it. I just find it hard to believe it was an argument now."

"You're relentless…"

XxxxX

Elliot slid his hand down the bells, listening to the roar of buzzes; there was a softer buzz and he opened the door to the building. He made it up to Olivia's floor and knocked on the door; he smiled as he heard her yell from a further room, "Come on in!" He pushed the door open and stepped into the living room, "Kelsey!" The little girl came running out into the room, jumping into his arms as he crouched down to pick her up.

"Daddy!" She cried happily, hugging him. "I stayed up just for you!" Olivia entered the room, leaning against the doorway with a tired look.

"Kelsey will you stay in bed if daddy tucked you in?" She asked.

"But daddy just got here," Kelsey frowned.

"I'll be here for a while, baby girl," Elliot promised, "Do you want me to read you a story so you can fall asleep?" Kelsey nodded and Elliot glanced up at Olivia, "We can talk when I come back out."

"Okay, take your time," Olivia said, kissing Kelsey's forehead as he passed her into Kelsey's room. Olivia, however, followed them. She had always loved watching Elliot interact with the kids; the fact that Kelsey was their daughter only made Olivia's chest swell more.

She didn't regret that night. Not one bit.

They should have been smarter, yes, but Elliot gave her something she only dreamed of. She didn't want him out of her life again; for the last six years, she debated with herself if she should call him. Each day passed and she talked herself out of it. Why, she didn't know.

Kelsey had fallen asleep a short while after Elliot read to her and he silently followed Olivia back out to the living room. She already knew what she wanted to say.

A/N: Sorry to end it there! I still have some school work that needs to be sent in before I fly down to Florida on Wednesday. I will update more tomorrow, I swear by it! Like always, feedback is appreciated :) you're reviews are so nice and creatively criticizing (in a good way). I thank you for it and it keeps me going!