A/N: I greatly apologize for the wait! I meant to post this before I left for Florida but clearly that never happened! Don't shoot, it's up now and hopefully I can get chapter 5 up much faster. Like always, I own nothing but the plotline. Also, minor warning: you will come across a 'self-harm' reference (if it can even be classified as that) involving aspirin and/or sleeping pills. I just don't want to offend anybody, though I don't believe it will be taken the wrong way but just to be on the safe side. I do not condone self-harm but I know it's a natural instinct for people with traumatic experiences (etc.). Feel free to message me if you need someone to listen because I am all ears. I want to help if I can, even if all I can do is listen and respond. :)

Chapter 4 – Major Changes

Olivia settled in on her side of the couch, handing Elliot the bottle of beer she had offered him; he thanked her quietly and they sat in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes; she wanted to talk first, he could sense it, but he knew she was waiting for the right words.

She turned her body in his direction and curled her knees in as she made herself smaller, "Elliot, I—I wanted to tell you about her the moment I found out, but you already had five kids…I know you wouldn't have left me to take care of her myself, but I don't know what made me hide it. I was scared—,"

"Olivia—,"

"No, listen," she said, stopping him before he could interrupt her thoughts, "I wanted that night to happen…for so long, Elliot, I really did. I didn't expect to get pregnant and I know I should have because we weren't careful, but you gave me the one thing I wanted and I wanted her so bad. I wanted to love her, and hug her. I wanted to hold her in my arms, and for some reason I thought being alone with her would make that better somehow. I feel awful keeping you out of her life; seeing you again this afternoon felt surreal, Elliot," she sighed, looking down at her hands in her lap, "The fact that it was you, her own father, who had dropped her off…"

"I looked for you, Liv." He said softly, "For three years. I didn't want to give up but eventually I found myself doubting you'd ever show up again."

"I tried to remain hidden," she admitted sadly, "I don't know why. I guess I just didn't want to be found yet. I figured if I joined a different unit, one that wasn't as commercialized as SVU, I could keep a low profile."

"You did a damn good job at that," Elliot said, his tone was slightly bitter as much as he tried to stay calm. Truth was, yes, he wanted to yell at her. He wanted to chastise her for shutting him out for six years, but he knew that would lead them nowhere besides being pissed off at each other and he didn't want to lose either of them again.

"I'm really sorry, El," she whispered.

"Where do we go from here, Liv?" He asked, "I need to know that you're not going to disappear again now that I'm in your lives. I want to be in Kelsey's life, for the rest of my days." She understood his pain; he had suffered because of her and she didn't blame him of accusing her. She knew she always ran, but that was something she wanted to change for their daughter's sake.

"I want you in her life," Olivia replied; her voice cracked and her eyes began to spill over some, "I want you back in my life, too. I wanted to call you, every day I tried to force myself to after I left, but I just couldn't. And that makes things an even bigger mess because I screwed up, Elliot. I shut you out and hid…it's what I've always done and most times I never gave any of it a second thought." Elliot could see just how hard she was being on herself; it softened him instantly, he knew he couldn't yell at her when she was already beating herself up. He reached across and held her hand in his; he willed her to look up and when she finally did he spoke again.

"I'm willing to try whatever you want to do, Olivia." He said gently, "I just don't want you, or Kelsey, leaving me behind again. If you want, you can steer this thing however you see it best. Just don't shut me out anymore." She bit her and nodded, carefully pulling her hand away. His touch burned, and as much as she wanted to keep it there, it distracted her too much to think.

"We can try living together for a few weeks," she suggested, glancing up at him, "For Kelsey. It'd probably be easier for you to see her that way. And it would maybe give us a feel for the situation at hand here…" she was weary on the idea, but if things were going to change she was gonna have to get used to it; sanity be damned. "I have a guest room that you can use in the meantime."

"You want me to move in with you?" The beer he had been holding was long forgotten now; he had placed it on the coffee table, having only taken one sip.

"Not technically," she answered, trying to hide her nerves at his choice of words, "I just mean this as a test run. I don't want to send her off to your home on weekends when you can see her more often than not here. I just think it'd be easier." Elliot nodded after a moment of thought. "Just bring over whatever you're going to need…clothes, a toothbrush…that kind of stuff. We only have one bathroom," Olivia explained, "however, the apartment is big enough to offer us some space every now and then. Mrs. Greene usually watches and cooks for Kelsey when I'm not home. Since we both work late jobs, it'd be nice for Kelsey to see at least one of us at home at night."

"Are you comfortable with this, Olivia?" He asked, "I'm fine with it if you're not, you just need to tell me."

"I don't mind it," she answered.

"Alright," he nodded, "because I think that's something else we're gonna have to change together. You and I barely ever talked when something was bothering one of us. I don't want everything to fall apart because we can't communicate like normal people."

"I agree," Olivia was almost relieved he had pointed that out; she knew they had a hard time saying what was on their minds, but things had to change for the better, "The guest room is ready whenever you are. My room is down the hall, and Kelsey's is right next door." They were really only thinking for Kelsey right now; they wanted her to be happy. Despite his and Kathy's attempt at keeping their marriage alive for Eli, Elliot felt more confident this time around—even though he and Olivia weren't married. He suddenly wondered if that would ever be the turn of things, or if they were simply just roommates raising their own child now.

That sounded like a horrible next twelve years.

Elliot sighed and sat up straight, watching Olivia for a moment; he didn't even need to ask to know she was iffy on the upcoming events; he was glad she was at least trying, and for that, he wasn't going to give up now.

"Feel free to look around the apartment," she said standing up, "you can stay here tonight if you'd like. If you need to, there's hot water for a shower. I'm going to get some sleep because today has been eventful…goodnight."

"Goodnight." She left the room moment later and Elliot remained on the couch; he was deep in thought as he went over their conversation. At least they weren't yelling like they used to at SVU. They had actually talked, which made things a little more positive. He stayed in the living room for a few more minutes before he headed to the guest room; he kicked his shoes off by the end of the bed and stripped down to his boxers.

He pulled the covers back on the bed and slipped beneath the sheets. The entire apartment smelled like Olivia, and it was almost intoxicating, but the familiarity of it drifted him off to sleep quickly.

XxxxX

Standing in the interrogation room, as Fin and Munch interrogated their perp, brought back fond memories. The glass was different now, of course. Elliot realized then that he and Olivia should have at least taken care of their desire somewhere less...cold?

Maybe the bed in his apartment; though she probably never would have left because that would have been quite a sight. He was aroused just at the thought of what they would have done. To see her brown, wavy curls sprawled out across his pillows; to truly appreciate her body. He imagined running his fingers down her sides playfully, watching her squirm under the tickle of it.

Or to kiss her lips until they were red and swollen; what he wouldn't give to see the make up slightly smudged under her eyes, knowing he had caused that. He also couldn't get the idea of running his fingers through her hair out of his head; or even to hold her face still in his hands and watch her come as he thrust into her. The way her eyes would roll to the back of her head as she cried out in pleasure…

He was killing himself as his now, fully hard erection pressed against the fly of his zipper.

He mentally cursed himself out for thinking of things like that when they had just resolved some issues not even twelve hours ago. He tried to focus his attention on the investigation to clear his mind, listening for anything to turn him off.

XxxxX

Olivia had preoccupied herself at her desk filling out paperwork. Her mind kept flickering back to the conversation between herself and Elliot. Thing were looking up, and she was somewhat thankful that Elliot wasn't too angry with her. She honestly wouldn't have blamed him if he had been angrier; she actually wanted him to be. She wanted him to yell at her, to tell her she was stupid for running off…but he didn't.

Her mind had practically been racing for the rest of the night afterwards; he was asleep in the next room. She had stayed up, listening to the sounds of Brooklyn outside of her window but he caught her attention around six the next morning as he got up and left for a change in clothes, she assumed, because he had returned about an hour later, all changed and waiting to take Kelsey to school with Eli.

She made a mental note to herself to give him a spare key to the apartment so she didn't have to get up and let him back in. The arrangement, she feared, was not going to last long if that happened every morning. They had quickly departed and she got ready for work.

Her mind had wandered off to a different thought then; the night Kelsey was conceived. She remembered Elliot's arm going through the window; she remembered their private joke on the days that followed when Cragen had discovered the broken window. Needless to say, they were both put on desk duty for what their 'argument' had caused.

She remembers that being the best sex she ever had.

Her stomach flipped and she sighed, throwing her pen down in front of her. The way he'd filled her; she almost moaned at the thought, but bit her lip to hold it back. For a man his size, and despite the pure, raw need for each other in those moments, he was surprisingly gentle.

And now she was turned on.

The way he had held her against the wall, his arm wrapped around his stomach as he worked his fingers on her. She needed to stop this line of thought now before it was too late. Or before she called him to the apartment and jumped him…

No! Bad Olivia, she scolded herself. She wondered then how turned on she's be if Elliot had scolded her that way, NO! Don't even think about that!

She sighed again and pulled her hair up into a ponytail; the room had gotten about ten degrees hotter and she only had herself to blame for that. There was no way she could just have a quickie with him and get it over with; it was wrong, and it didn't seem like a good solution to the entire situation at all. Not even if it were to get her needs out of the way.

XxxxX

Knock, knock!

Olivia got up from her seat on the couch and grabbed the spare key off of the side table; she had been helping Kelsey with her homework at the coffee table while watching some black and white reruns on the television. By habit, she looked out the peephole before unlocking the door and opening it.

"Hey," Elliot greeted, smiling. He had a duffle bag with him, which she assumed was filled with whatever he needed for his stay. He could go back to his own apartment whenever he pleased, of course, but with Kelsey in the picture she doubted he would leave unless he had too.

"Hi," Olivia replied, returning his smile, "Before I forget, here's your key so you can get in and out." She handed him the small, silver key and he placed it on his key ring.

"Thank you."

"No problem," she stepped out of the way so he could come in, "And for the record, I don't mind it but I don't want to have to keep getting up every morning to let you back in." He laughed, causing her to smile; things were easy, happy. She suddenly wondered when it would all come crashing down. But Olivia tried her best to suppress those thoughts. They would only cause her to freak out and run again…that was the last thing any of them needed.

Though, she was just always waiting for everything to turn bitter.

She shut the door as he stepped in, walking around her. Kelsey had long forgotten about her homework; she jumped and into ran to her daddy's arms, almost choking him with her hug. He kissed her cheek and moved over to the couch to place her down next to him. She was excited that her father was home, which made her explaining her homework to him all the more funnier.

"Did you eat?" Olivia asked, sitting on the arm of the couch beside him. He was so close, yet the small gap between them felt so far. She refused to give herself the 'he's-no-longer-my-partner-it-could-work-out' speech; it was fruitless because she would always talk herself out of it in the end.

Long story short, Olivia Benson did not easily give in to her desires.

And she didn't want to classify her emotions as desires either, but something's exposed themselves like flashing, neon lights. It was only a matter of time before he figured things out. So she had to do her best to keep him at arms-length once again; it was just too embarrassing to voice how she felt. She didn't even know if he'd understand, or if he would even be interested after all these years.

Sure, they had sex all those years ago, in the precinct interrogation room of all places—when there were beds right upstairs; they had a daughter to top it off, but that sort of thing couldn't happen again. It was the thrill of the moment, a moment without hesitation or consideration. It was pure want and need mingled together to create a confusion of sorts. Her head pounded at the thought of it all; if only it weren't against her better judgment, three or four 500 milligram pills wouldn't hurt too much, it would stop the pain and probably numb her senses—

Seriously, Benson? You have a child, set a good example for her. Olivia sighed under her breath just as Elliot spoke.

"No, but don't go crazy I don't need to eat anything right now," he said, rubbing her forearm with his thumb. It was too affectionate, too tempting, the circles he was burning into her skin with just a small touch. She pulled back slowly, glancing down at the floor. She didn't look back up, and Elliot, sensing she didn't want to talk about something in front of Kelsey, returned his attention back to the little, wavy brunette sitting on his lap. He ran his fingers through her hair; this made him think of Olivia.

Late nights at the precinct that made him focus his attention to her small details. He would imagine her beneath him, on top of him, around him. What would it be like to be inside of her. He would think of how he would kiss her, with his fingers slipping through her brown locks. He would imagine the sounds she could make, the volumes she could possibly reach. Maybe she purred, or maybe she'd break glass. Elliot wondered if she would bite her lip to hold it back, or scream into his shoulder with her hot, wet mouth and teeth sinking into his skin.

He thought about his fingers circling her wrists above her head while he sucked and licked at the spot behind her ear as he whispered things into her ear; slipping in and out of her slowly, gradually adding to the pace she craved. He would let her call the shots, so long as he had his turn. But he would also make her beg for it, just to hear the whimper in her voice.

Elliot found himself, more often than he could shamelessly admit, wondering what she tasted like; her lips were wine, but the rest of her—his erection was painfully hard.

As he remembered those thoughts, he moved Kelsey down on to the couch again. He tried to discreetly shift and was thankful that Olivia had busied herself with the soft carpet below her bare feet. He turned back to Kelsey and they worked on finishing her homework.

Olivia was off in her own thoughts. Her skin had nearly burst into flames with the sensations pulsing through her nerves; did he know what he was doing to her? Was he aware of the intensity of his effects? Maybe that's why he did it, to get a reaction from her? Olivia sighed again, this time much louder. She was overthinking things again; her specialty.

She caught Elliot glancing up at her from the corner of her eye but she tried to act natural, like she hadn't noticed a thing.

He wasn't buying in to her bullshit, much to her dismay,

She hated him, she really did. He knew her too well; he was the bullets to her gun, basically. More clichés came to her mind and she realized how stupid she must have sounded, even if she could only hear herself.

"Are you sure, El?" She asked, "I don't mind really. I can go out—,"

"Relax," Elliot said gently, holding his hands up to stop her. He was grinning, almost smirking and she glared for a short moment, "I'm fine, Liv. I promise. I don't need to eat right now." She wanted to protest; she knew the job, hell, she used to work next to him. He had to have been hungry…

She decided not to dwell on it and sunk into the back cushion; Elliot watched her for a moment. She was acting odd, but he could understand why; they were both in awkward positions at the moment. He was a dad, but no longer a husband. She was a mother, but no longer his partner. They hadn't talked in six years, but suddenly here they were.

Moving in with Olivia was definitely a stretch, and neither were quite accommodated yet. They were thrust into the situation because of their own stupidity, though they were absolutely sure they didn't, and would never regret Kelsey at all.

"Would you at least eat something small?" She continued after a moment. Elliot sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Fine, would that make you relaxed and happy?" He was teasing, but serious as well; he knew her, she wouldn't drop something that was bothering her. Question was, why the hell something so passive was upsetting her? So he missed eating for a day, it wasn't like he was starving at the moment.

"Yes, actually, it would."

"Alright," he replied, shaking his head, "What do you have, I'll grab it myself."

"I can get it." It clicked then, as she scurried off into the kitchen; she was hiding something, no doubt, but he was pretty sure he knew what. So he followed her into the kitchen.

"You don't need to baby me, Olivia." The use of her full name; he rarely used it anymore, unless he was being serious. Her eyes narrowed slightly.

"I'm not babying you, Elliot."

"Okay," he shrugged, "Then what are you hiding?"

"What makes you think I'm hiding something?"

"For one, you suck at lying to me. Two, I've known you for almost thirteen years, I can tell when something's bothering you. And three, I just know."

"Good reasons, you'd wipe the floor with Alex in court," Olivia said, turning away from him. Elliot reached out instinctively, whipping her back around to face him. He lowered his voice so Kelsey didn't hear him.

"Can you just tell me your goddamn problem, Olivia!" He hissed, "I hate when you do this! You shut me out. Why can't you tell me anything?" He was glaring at her, and she was matching his stance. He always riled her up, but she always pushed him to it. "I feel like we're running in a full circle—,"

"You're one to talk—,"

"This is no different than you running off with Kelsey six years ago, Olivia." That did it. Olivia stepped back, yanking her arm free of his grasp. She lowered her voice too, trying her damnest not to yell in his face.

"I thought we were passed that! You always do that to me! You bring things up, and you knock me down Elliot! When are you going to stop throwing things back in my face, huh? Because I said I was sorry for that! And I mean really, really sorry…" She jabbed him in the chest, hard, almost enjoying the slight cringe he gave.

"Why can't you just tell me what's wrong?"

"And why can't you stop being such an asshole?"

"Calling me names isn't going to solve any of this, Olivia." Elliot said coldly; his face was mere inches from hers, but this was out of anger. Space didn't mean shit at the moment. "I know I'm not one to talk, but you know what, if we want shit to get fixed we need to start talking now."

"Don't talk to me like you're a shrink. I've seen enough of them thank you very much." Olivia argued, "You shut down the moment someone talks about something you refuse to bring up. We're wired the same, Elliot. Why do you have to know?"

"Do you want this to work out, yes or no?"

"Elliot—,"

"Yes or no!" He asked again, harsher, "Because if not, I'll leave now. But Kelsey will never see me again; I don't want that, she doesn't want that, and I know for damn sure you don't want that, do you?"

"No…" Olivia sighed. His expression softened some, and he placed his hands on her shoulders; when she looked up he continued.

"Do you want this to work, yes or no?"

"Yes." She nodded; inside, she felt like a puppy that was just kicked. How could any of this work if they were going to fight? Everything seemed good up until now; she needed to stop overthinking things, but it was second nature to her. She didn't want him getting close, just to lose him later on. God forbid fate should step in once more; her track record with guys and relationships was like the Titanic's sinking.

"Can you tell me what's wrong now?" His blue eyes would be the death of her; they silently pleaded her, begging for answers. He looked almost scared, it made her want to run. She wanted to run because it was what she knew, and he wanted to get close.

She did too, but the closer she got the more it would hurt in the end.

"I just want this to work, El…" she said quietly, "If not for us, then for Kelsey. But you and Kathy tried for Eli and it didn't work out…my history with guys is a mess. I'm just not sure of what I'm doing, this is one hell of a shot in the dark, Elliot. I have no clue what I'm supposed to do, and I just want to be a good mother to her. I don't want her to have the life I did; I want her to smile every day and feel safe every night. I want her to have two parents, ones who care about her and love her. There's nothing between us, Elliot, nothing that's happening and I don't want Kelsey to think—," she stopped, shaking her head. She tried to look away, but Elliot gentle, coaxing fingers pulled her chin back up.

"To think what?" He asked, "Olivia, please talk to me."

"I don't want Kelsey to think that her parents don't love each other. I feel like this whole idea will give her the wrong impression of love, and marriage, and family. I feel like she's going to think you're just trapped her, like you had no other choice because I got pregnant."

He absorbed everything she said; she was absolutely right. There was nothing between them besides friendship, though that certainly didn't mean he didn't want more from her. They could teach Kelsey about it, though that would turn out painfully awkward for all three of them.

Elliot knew what she was saying though; and he wanted the same thing for her. He wanted her to see what real love was like, and what a real family was supposed look like. He had to pick his words carefully, he didn't want to scare her off, "Let me show you a real relationship, Olivia..."

A/N: Like always, feedback is appreciated :)