It was a few days after the new years that Leonard realized something was wrong. Jim had missed all his ranch duties and seemed to have disappeared all day. He was finally convinced something was wrong after Joanna kept asking where Uncle Jim was that Leonard finally said he would go look for them.

He found Jim in the bedroom. He suddenly realized Jim hardly ever spent any time in the room. He never looked so small or alone. He had curled himself up into a tight ball on the couch. A bottle of half-emptied bourbon was standing precariously on the edge of the counter. There was a low hum from the holo screen. An image was frozen in place. He barely glanced at it. "Hey," he whispered.

His voice seemed to have startled Jim. It surprised him. He had come to believe that Jim always seemed to know when he was around. He looked up. His eyes were blood shot red. At that moment, he looked so fucking young. "Hi." Jim whispered. He hastily rubbed his shirtsleeve over his eyes.

He sat down next to Jim and lightly nudged him in the leg. The kid returned the nudge. It was much stronger than he thought Jim was capable of giving at that moment. Leonard reached for the bottle of alcohol and the two shot glasses that were leaning precariously against the book he had given him for Christmas: Moby Dick. He thought it seemed appropriate at the time. "What're you watching?" Leonard asked. He passed one of the glasses to Jim.

Jim didn't answer. He merely shifted his eyes at the holo screen. Leonard looked up. He immediately recognized the image. It was after all on the air every year. It was the Federation's means of honoring the dead. Was it already the anniversary of that cruel and horrible kamikaze attack?

"It's the Kelvin." Leonard said simply. He wondered when the events had finally stopped haunting him, or when he had stopped watching the annual remembrance program. "It was horrible, simply horrible."

"They call them heroes." Jim croaked out.

Leonard took a sip from his glass. "Eight hundred lives lost. Saved the Federation."

"Yeah."

"Her final captain was only captain for 8 minutes. They say he tried evacuating the ship. That he had meant to be the only one to go down with the ship. They say he'd go down in history as one of the greatest Starfleet captains."

Jim didn't respond. He was strangely quiet. He rotated the glass in his hands.

"Jim." He gently touched the kid's arm.

The kid turned. His eyes seemed even redder then when Leonard first entered the room. His cheeks were even a little tear stained.

"Do you?" Jim quickly looked down. "Never mind."

"Jim." Leonard muttered.

Jim picked up the remote. He started the program again. He paused it again on the face of George Kirk. It was a picture from when he received his Lieutenant Commander stripes. He had been one of the youngest first officers of the fleet. He looked so fucking young.

"Do you think he gave up too easily?"

Leonard vaguely remembered that day. He was just a few weeks shy of six when it happened. He didn't understand back then. All he remembered were the tears that appeared on his first grade teacher's eyes when the announcement was made over the school's PA system. He remembered how tightly his mother had hugged him and his sister when she came to pick them up from the abridged day. He remembered how haunting his father's words had been 'so much lost potential'.

"He probably thought it was the best solution. There is an old saying. The good of the many outweighs the good of the few."

Jim laughed. It wasn't one of his normal laughs. It was so hollow. "You believe that Bones?" Jim turned towards him with those blazing blue eyes. He looked at him. He really looked him, so full of emotion and pain. At that moment, it seemed the fog Leonard thought he had been living in had finally lifted. The air around them grew hotter. He could almost taste the electricity in the air.

"No," he found himself whispering. He felt his breath hitch. Slowly he leaned forward. Their lips inches apart.

Suddenly, he felt a rough shove to his stomach. The moment suddenly faded. He wondered if he had misjudged the situation.

"No Bones, can't." Jim whispered.

Leonard paled. "Fuck Jim. I thought."

"No, no." Jim shook his head sadly. "You and Jocelyn, it's supposed to be you and Jocelyn." His voice suddenly sounded so fucking raw. "I'm no good for you."

"Jim." Leonard whispered.

"That perfect life, you deserve that perfect life. You and Jocelyn, you guys are written in the stars."

"Jim!"

"You're marrying Jocelyn again in a month. You're going to give Joanna that baby brother or sister she always wanted. You guys are going to grow old together." The kid was ranting now.

"Jim!" He grabbed the kid's arm. It was electric. It seemed to startle Jim as much as him.

"You can't love a dead man, Bones." The words left Jim's lips so easily.

At that moment, it seemed like all the pieces of the puzzle suddenly aligned together. The other shoe seemed to finally drop. Jim seemed to realize what he had said. His eyes widened. Leonard felt his grip loosen. "Fuck," Jim whispered.

"What you talking about, Jim?" Leonard whispered. The explanation that he really didn't want. The explanation that he somehow knew would change everything.

Jim pointed at the screen. George Kirk's face stared back at them. "He's my dad."

Leonard's eyes narrowed. He always thought he was a reasonable man, and that Jim was as equally reasonable. "Jim, if this is some kind of twisted joke."

"His wife, Winona was also on the Kelvin."

"Yes, they were serving together. She was…" His voice faded. Leonard's eyes widened. "Pregnant," he finished.

Jim nodded. He set the glass on the table. "Yeah, I was the baby."

"But, you have a body. You're solid. Everyone on the Kelvin died that day."

Jim shook his head. He motioned at his body. "This is all an illusion. When a child dies before they get a chance at life, they become an angel."

"An angel?" His eyebrow rose. At that moment, a thousand questions raced through his head. Some questions he wasn't sure he wanted the answers to. In some cases leaving Pandora's Box closed was the correct choice. "Okay Jim. Humor me, where are your wings?"

Jim laughed humorlessly. "They got it partially right in that old movie. I haven't earned them yet. You're my first case."

"Case?"

Jim scratched the back of his neck. "I was sent here to save you Bones."

"Save me?"

"But I guess I messed that one up. Sorry."

He thought of Jocelyn and Joanna, and the state he had been in after his father's death. Without Jim, he wasn't sure he would have ever climbed out of his guilt. Joanna was happy and bubbly again. As for he and Jocelyn and what he had almost done with Jim, that was for another day. That perfect life that he wanted, he was on track headed due north for it. "No, no Jim, you didn't."

"You should go," Jim mumbled.

"Yeah," Leonard returned.

However, he found he couldn't find the strength to get up. They ended up finishing the rest of the bottle of bourbon. They spent the night toasting to dead men and women. The face of George Kirk looked on at them.

It was on the last drink. They were both a little too far gone by then for various reasons. Only then, for a brief moment on the edge that divided consciousness from unconsciousness, did he suddenly realize. How had he been so stupid? They had spent the night drinking to dead men and women.

"Happy birthday Jim." he whispered. He never expected Jim to hear him.

"Thanks, Bones."

They didn't talk about that incident in Jim's bedroom. They didn't discuss any of the ramifications of the exchange either. Instead, they seemed to be skating past each other. Jim spent his free time choosing flowers, decorations, and cake flavors with Jocelyn when he wasn't fulfilling his ranch hand duties. Once Leonard found himself half way to the barn to tell Jim that he didn't have to keep working before he quickly retreating back into the ranch house.

When the big day finally arrived, Leonard could immediately identify the choices that Jocelyn had made from the ones that were all Jim. He found himself enjoying this wedding and ceremony more than his first. Instead of the pink and orange color scheme that Jocelyn had chosen; this time it was a pleasant gold and blue.

At the ceremony, Jim stood by him as his best man. His gold tie framed his golden hair. At that moment, Jim never looked more radiate. Leonard found himself wanting to cry.

After the ceremony and Jim's script that didn't leave a single dry eye in the room, the kid seemed to have vanished from the festivities. He found Jim standing on the patio outside. He felt his breath hitch. The low lighting seemed to give the kid a holy glow. Like always, Jim seemed to know exactly when he appeared. He wondered if it was one of the kid's special abilities.

"Hey, stranger," Jim whispered.

"Hey," Leonard muttered.

The silence was palpable.

"So…" Jim tugged at his necktie.

"Jim Kirk, finally speechless. I didn't think that was possible." Leonard joked half-heartedly.

"Nice ceremony."

Leonard snorted. "You and Jocelyn did all the work. I didn't know you were also a wedding planner."

"What I can I say? I'm a man of many talents." Jim smiled. For a second, Leonard could almost see the shadow of Jim's radiate smile.

Leonard sighed. He knew from the light, awkward teasing between them that Jim was just as aware of the large, unspeakable elephant in the room as he was.

"They have never looked brighter." Jim shifted the conversation easily away. He tilted his eyes upward. It was so easy to take and accept Jim's out. He was used to Jim throwing out non-sequiturs when he was trying to avoid or change the subject. Leonard looked up. "The stars."

"There's less pollution out here."

"You ever wanted to sail through them, Bones? See them all close up."

Leonard shrugged. "I'm afraid of flying."

"Really? Shame, we could have worked on that."

"Yeah." Somehow, he wasn't surprised. Jim had fixed so many other things in his life. He couldn't put it past the kid to cure him of his aviophobia.

"I would have liked to sail through them."

"Starfleet?"

"Captain James T. Kirk, what do you think?" Jim grinned cocky.

"Right, it sounds right." Leonard smiled. It really did feel right. He could almost picture Jim in that blazing gold Starfleet uniform sitting in a captain's chair: the golden boy in a golden uniform on a silver ship.

"They say we live in a multiverse. Maybe there is another universe out there somewhere where we are sailing through the stars together Bones. Maybe there is a me who is captain and a you who is my CMO."

Leonard laughed hollowly. Everything sounded so final. "What's next, Jim? What're you going to do now?"

Jim sighed. He rubbed the back of his neck and toed the back of his heel. "Back, away, on to my next case."

Of course. Leonard always knew. He knew since the day Jim told him the truth. One day, Jim would have to leave him. Somehow in the intermediary days, he had foolishly come to believe that he could keep Jim here longer, that the someday would be years in the future.

"What about you Bones, what are you going to do now? Today's the first day of your new life."

He looked back at the chateau, the warm glow and the soft music that was playing behind him. Jim, Jim had given him a second chance. "Guess I get to live that perfect life." When he turned back around, Jim was no longer there. Leonard smiled sadly. "Bye Jim." He whispered. "And thank you." Slowly, he walked back inside.

Jocelyn found him first. She slipped in beside him. Gently she interlaced their fingers together. "Where's Jim?" she whispered.

"Gone, he's gone home." The words seemed to come easier than he thought was possible.