Okay so I just want to start off and say something.

I know I said that I would update sooner but A LOT happened, I swear on my life i'm not lying to cover my ass.

I just wanted to apologize for not posting sooner, I've been EXTREMELY busy. My grandmother was in the hospital for about a week and I was with her Also .day and when she went home AND while she was recovering. She's doing alright now and she's perfectly healthy and I was lacking a computer since I lent mine to my brother while he took care of her so I could go to school but he also was staying almost 2 hours away from me so...I couldn't get it and everything was a little hectic for a while there bUT! I'm finally here, Posting a new chapter for you all!

- X -

Eren P.O.V (Point of view)

I could feel my chest tighten as I heard those words come from Mikasa's mouth. I had totally forgotten that today was our mothers anniversary of her death. I'd forgotten because of my own stupid drama. "Oh" Armin said from the kitchen, "Then we better get ready Eren.." It was a bit silent due to the fact that both me and Armin had forgotten. I turned away from Mikasa and Annie, I started walking towards my bedroom and Armin shortly followed. I yawned as I looked through my drawers for a suitable outfit, I picked a dark grey dress shirt with a black tie and suit. I remembered that mom always liked it when I dressed up like this. I walked out and Armin got ready, I walked to the bathroom and I brushed my hair and teeth. Once I was finished I sprayed a bit of axe onto my body. I checked myself out in the mirror and I walked out to Armin, Mikasa and Annie.

"Wow Eren, What's with the fancy get up?"

Annie asked me as she raised an eyebrow

"Well my mom always liked it when I dressed myself up...So"

Mikasa smiled softly at Eren

"You look great, C'mon we should get going but..Eren can we take your car? Annie refused to drive me so we took her motorcycle"

I had forgotten that Annie had one, She really enjoyed riding it and she never really bothered to drive an actual car. "Sure, Let me just find m-" Suddenly my memory hit me, Levi had drove me home...My car was still at that house. "I- uhhhh...It's not here?" They all gave me a questioning look, As if asking me where it was without actually saying anything to me.

I sighed "I left it at a party...I was to drunk to drive...Okay?"

I didn't want to really ruin the 'mood' but they wanted to know. "We can just take my car..." Armin said in a sort of awkward yet cheery tone. He had always tried to lighten things up when they were gloomy, That's just the kinda kid he was. I looked away from everyone, I couldn't bare seeing Mikasa's expression. I started walking towards the door quickly, I wanted to avoid this conversation. Today was about my mom, Not about my stupid bullshit. As I was walking someone grabbed my wrist and I stopped in my place.

"You're still drinking Eren? How many time's have I asked you to stop...Is it getting worse? I saw you and Levi last night, What happened?"

Mikasa reached over and grabbed my hands, She looked into my eyes with concern...Just like a mother would. I gently pulled away from her and I shook my head, As if telling her I didn't want to deal with this right now. I walked out of the apartment...I was the first one to make it to the elevator, Everyone was still getting their stuff together. I sighed as I waited for the door to those elevators to open. How did she know about me and Levi? What does she mean by 'I saw you and Levi last night'...Was she at the party? Oh god- She must've saw how drunk I really was...I started to shake ever so slightly, The thought of me hurting or disappointing Mikasa honestly scared me. I can't handle breaking both Armin and Mikasa's heart. I pressed the elevator button again, This time more furiously. I wanted to get this over with, I didn't want another reason to drink. As I tried to think about visiting my mother, The thought of alcohol kept popping up...I grunted and the doors opened, I entered and I quickly pressed the button on the elevator and the doors closed. Once I made it to the first floor I exited the elevators and I made my way to Armins car and I waited for them.

Eventually they all showed up, We all got into the car and we drove to the spot where my mothers grave had been resting for so long. The drive was silent, I didn't say a word, Armin would casually drop little comments here and there but we never really had a real conversation. I let out a heavy sigh as we arrived, Everyone got out of the car and I grabbed the flowers that Mikasa had been holding. She told me in the car that she'd want me to place them onto her grave...I told her I would, I always had..For so many years, Even as kids me and Mikasa had visited this grave countless amounts of times a year. We never missed her death anniversary and we always got her favorite flowers to place on her grave. Once every one was ready we all started making our way to my mothers grave, The wind was blowing gently against us, The smell of the cemetery was so familiar and comforting. Once we made it to the grave, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in and out, Mikasa grabbed my hand gently as I put the flowers gently onto the ground in front of her grave stone, I whispered 'hey mom' very quietly, I sat here for a moment. I looked at her grave stone as I read it, I've seen it so many times but it honestly breaks my heart every time I see it. I covered my mouth with my hand and I looked down at the ground as I stood up, I felt a two hands on my back. One belonged to Mikasa and the other, Armin. Mikasa smiled gently as she removed her hand from my back, Only to grab Annie's hand, She pulled her closer to the grave. Annie held Mikasa's hand gently as Mikasa began to speak. "Hey mother, How are you doing? I'm sure you're doing good...I wanted to introduce you to someone, This is Annie...My girlfriend." Annie smiled softly at Mikasa as she spoke, Mikasa's voice was quiet. "She really means a lot to me and she's a very important person in my life. I hope you approve of her" I looked over at Mikasa "I'm sure she would, Mikasa..." I cleared my throat, I went to go speak but I suddenly stopped when I felt sudden warmness on my cheek. Was I crying? Why am I crying? I've done this so many times...Why now? "Why...?" I whispered to myself, It slipped out of my mouth and I didn't realize it. Armin looked over to me, It seems like he was the only one that caught it. "What, Eren..?" I shook my head and I wiped my tears "No, It's nothing." I sighed and I finally began to speak. I told my mom what i'd been up to and what's been happening in my life, I choked up when I finally got to the part about my drinking problem, It was such a painful subject to talk about. Especially because my father was drunk the whole time he was around...I shook my head and I squeezed my eyes shut. I felt the tears coming, I didn't want to cry in front of everyone but it slipped out.

"I...I'm...i'm sorry mom...I haven't been myself lately, I've been such a disappointment to you, Mikasa and Armin...I'm skipping classes and my grades are starting to get bad...i'm so sorry...I'm such a failure..."

I choked out a sob and I crouched down and sobbed silently into my hands, Armin frowned and he crouched beside me, He put a hand on my back and he comforted me.

"Eren you're not a failure, Don't say that."

I shook my head and I stood up and I walked away. I didn't want to bawl my eyes out in front of Mikasa, Annie and Armin. I walked towards the car in a quick pace. My hand was covering my mouth due to the fact that I was trying to contain my sobs that were threatening to slip from my mouth. My pace quickened and I looked down at the floor. My mind was flooded with memories of my mother and what she would think of me if she knew how big of a mess I've become. I wasn't paying attention as to where I was walking, My gaze was focused on the floor and my eyes were slightly open. I passed someone but I didn't bother looking up to see their face, Not that it mattered anyway. I went to the car and I opened the door. I entered the car and I sat in the seat with my knee's held closely to my chest. I wasn't a very weak person but lately I haven't been myself, I've drinking uncontrollably. I didn't care honestly, I'm only crying because I miss my mom. She was always there...Always there whenever I had a problem unlike my dead beat father who moved away from us and became a hard working doctor who got off to beating his son and drinking profusely everyday. I didn't want to become like my father, He was never there...and even when he was he was always drunk...Sounds like someone I know. I groaned and I leaned back into the seat, I could still feel the warmness run down my cheek but I wasn't making a sound. I just starred out of the window in front of me. It was kind of stormy outside. Funny, It always was on this day. I continued to sit and stare out of the window, A long time had passed...Around an hour or so I think..I looked up at the sky, God I loved the way it looked. I always liked the rain, I love the sound of the thunder...I loved the sound of the rain hitting the window, I loved how windy it would get. The grey in the sky was so calming, I probably wouldn't be able to explain why if someone asked. Everything around me was quiet. I had completely blocked out my surroundings. I'd blocked where I was...Why I was there. It didn't matter. I heard a soft tap on the window, Oh...It started to rain. They should be coming back soon. I sighed and I turned my head to the side to look out of the window. I saw the three of them walking towards the car, They looked so sad. Of course it's only natural, It's been so long yet none of us can come here without crying. I'm sure other people would be over it by now but it's so hard to stop feeling sorrow because you lost someone so close. I closed my eyes, I knew they were coming and I knew they were probably going to ask me if I was okay. I wasn't going to answer them, I didn't feel like talking. I just wanted to enjoy the silence and rain. Eventually they made it to the car and got in, Mikasa in the drivers seat and Armin and Annie in the back. I sighed and Mikasa looked over to me, She hadn't started the car yet...so we all just sort of sat there in silence until she spoke up.

"Hey Eren, Are you okay?"

I just waved my hand as if telling her not to bother me about it, The rain started to come down more heavily. The sound of the water hitting the windows was the most calming thing, I didn't bother buckling my seat belt. Mikasa would normally protest but 1. we weren't even moving and 2. I guess she took the hint that I didn't want to be bothered.

"Hey Eren, ...Me and Annie were going to go out to eat and I was wondering if you'd like t-" I cut her off "No..."

Armin reached over and he smacked my arm gently and my eyes shot open, I turned to face him and I whispered "What the fuck, Armin...?" I let out a heavy sigh

"I mean no thank you, I honestly want to go home. If you want someone to go along with you then drag Armin along.." I leaned back even further into my seat "Eren..No offense or anything but..." She hesitated "But what..? If you want to say something then say it." She looked at me with a sad expression, I could tell that she wanted to say something but she was deciding whether or not to say it. "I don't think...We should leave you alone, Especially not tonight. You've had a rough day and you got really emotional while you were talking to mom and I just don't want you to ru-" I sat up straight and I looked at her dead in the eye. "To what? Run off to some stupid party and drink? To think that you'd think that i'd do that today of all days...You heard me when I talked to Mother. " Mikasa sighed and her expression sort of softened a bit

"Eren, You used to say that you wouldn't run off to a party and drink- Even when you were a teenager! But now look where you are. You're always drunk...You drink your problems away! That's not the way to solve them, You're starting to become like that asshole of a father, Grisha! You don't care if today's mothers death anniversary...Well of course you care but what i'm trying to say is...When you get really emotional you sit at home and you stress about it and then you run off to some stupid party and get completely hammered! I just don't want you to go home and drink away your problems!"

I sat up and I faced Mikasa "Mikasa...I don't want to talk about this right now...Please.." Her expression looked a bit angered "No Eren, I never talk to you anymore! You always avoid me at school and when I come to visit we never have a serious talk and every time I bring up your drinking problem you ignore me and change the subject, You always run away from the issue! You run away and you get drunk! And with Jean breaking up with you you've been getting a lot worse! I'm so worried about you, Eren! I really am..."

I raised my voice "Can't you see i'm trying, Mikasa?! I always avoid the issue because I don't want you to see what a big failure I've become! You don't think it's hard not to drink!? What the fuck else am I supposed to do? Cry about it? Invite you over and tell you about how i'm feeling?! Half the time you're with you're stupid girlfriend anyway and when I call you don't answer! You used to care about me so much and i'm sure you still do but do you honestly care about me as much as you used to? Do you know how it feels to be thrown away..? To be lied to by the person you're in love with? Things have been so fucking hard Mikasa, I'm trying so hard for you guys but it's starting to get so hard! It really is...I'm just giving up. I'm done trying to please everyone!"

I started to shake, I could feel tears threatening to spill from my eyes. I was so frustrated, I wish she knew what it felt like- No...I don't wish that. It's so hard, It's so fucking hard..I quickly opened the car door before she could say anything else. "Wait Eren!" Mikasa called out my name in a desperate tone...No offense but I wasn't trying to have an intervention. I didn't care if it was pouring, I didn't mind it at all. I heard Mikasa and Armin yell out to me, I ignored them and I kept walking. I heard the car start, I knew they were going to try and catch up to me but I honestly didn't care, I just kept walking. I decided that i'd just go for a walk around the cemetery since I was alone. I didn't care if it was raining, It felt so nice..After walking for a few minutes I stopped, I stopped because I almost ran into someone..I glanced at the person and I took an awkward step back once I realized who it was. It was Levi, It's weird...Out of all the places to run into him of course it would be here. "Eren..?" His expression stayed the same. I sniffled and I looked away from him, This was the second time he'd seen me cry. He probably thinks i'm weak...Maybe he's right. "E-...e-excuse m-me" I quickly walked around him, He turned around as I tried to walk away and he grabbed the sleeve to my suit. "Wait, Eren." I looked down, I didn't turn around. I held my tears in, "what..." I said in a quiet tone. I heard a sigh come from him, "Why are you out in the rain, You're going to get sick." I turned around to face him and I squinted my eyes slightly. I sniffled again and I wiped the water on my cheeks, Thank god it was raining. I don't think he could tell that I was crying.

"I just h-had to get away from s-somewhe-ere...and...I-i didn't know i-it was going to rain t-today.."

Fuck.

I kept stuttering because of my breath. I couldn't catch my breath because I was a sobbing mess. I hate crying, I really do. It's so tiring and it makes me look weak. I wasn't a very weak person but lately I haven't been myself so it doesn't surprise me that I've been so weak lately. Levi had an umbrella so he was completely dry.

"Are you okay? You keep stuttering."

I looked down and I covered my mouth. I closed my eyes and a single tear fell out from my eye.

"Y-yeah i'm f-fine..."

Levi's face sort of softened, I could tell he was crying but I wasn't going to bring it up.

"Eren I'm not stupid, You aren't fine...What's wrong?" I tried to catch my breath, I took a deep breath in and out

"Today is my..m-mothers death anniversary...a-and i-it's just...really s-sad..."

I wasn't lying or anything, I didn't really want to tell him the real reason why I was out in the rain by myself.

"Ahh, Sorry for your loss...Wait, Don't you have a sister? Where is she, Did you come here by yourself?"

Jesus fucking christ why was he asking so many questions? Why does he care? I looked up at him, I wouldn't say I was annoyed but I was confused.

"No, I-I didn't c-came h-here alone. Why d-do you care..?"

He looked to the side for a moment and then he looked at me again "I don't know." I let out a heavy sigh, I tried not to get irritated. I didn't want to blow up in his face like I did with Mikasa. I went to say something but I was cut off "Eren!" I heard a familiar voice yell my name from behind, I turned around quickly and that familiar someone was suddenly in front of me.

"Armin? Why did you follow me? Go home!" Armin frowned at me

"What the hell Eren, You left your sister a sobbing mess! Go apologize right now! I understand that you're struggling but you never see her and all she wanted to do was talk to you about your problem and I can't believe you blew up in her face like that, She's only concerned about you" Everything happened so fast I didn't know what to say

"Jesus christ Armin, Calm the fuck down! What the hell was I supposed to say!? She compared me to my father! The man that practically ruined my childhood-The man that enjoyed beating his own son to the point where I could barely remember what had happened! The man that used to drink every second he was home!" I let out a sigh and I relaxed myself ror a moment "Either way, Armin. It's not even that big of an issue, This isn't the first time we've fought, I think she'll live!"

Armin went to yell but he suddenly stopped when he saw who was behind me "Levi? What are you doing here?" Levi cleared his throat "Well we're in a graveyard so i'm clearly visiting a grave, I was about to leave but I ran into this soaking wet sobbing brat." Armin glanced at him and then at me "You were crying?" I looked to the side

"Well...n-no...I wasn't sobbing...I jus-...Mikasa made me feel like absolute shit about myself and she compared me to the man I hate the most in this world, Of course i'm upset."

Levi sighed "So that's the real reason you're crying, Why'd you lie to me?" I turned to face Levi "I didn't lie to you, I just didn't tell you. Why are you still here? Didn't you say you were leaving?" Both Armin and Levi raised an eyebrow at me. "Didn't I tell you to watch yourself?" He make a 'tsk' sound before leaving me and Armin "Seeya, Armin." I guess him and Armin were friends. They had talked to each other at the diner too. Once he was gone, Armin faced me and he crossed his arms. "Wow, That was a little rude there Eren." I rolled my eyes, The rain continued to pour on us. Armin sighed "Look, Eren. I know you're upset right now but we should probably get going. We're going to get sick but...Mikasa's probably worried about where you ran off to." I grunted. I didn't want to go back but I didn't really have a choice. I started to walk in the direction from where Armin came.

- X -

So that's all,,I know it's short but it was all I could manage for now. I SWEAR ON MY LIFE I'll try to update sooner and post a longer chapter. I finally got my computer back so I can write more. c:

Thank you for the support and love I appreciate it!