Hey guys! It is so wonderful to be getting these reviews from all of you. It really makes me feel good and gives me good reason to keep writing this for you! I am hoping to keep this going and to hopefully change a bit of the writing style later on. To all those that are sad about Alfred, trust me, it is gonna get worse.
Much worse. And to those who thought that was the end of the chapters, do not worry dear readers, we aren t even close to the end yet.
It's been a few days with Mattie as my boyfriend. Heh. Still get all giddy saying that. Well, things are going really well. I spend nights over at his place and he spends a night or two at my place. And now Tony is back so I don't have to worry about freaking out without Mattie there. I gotta say that now, I don't really doubt my feelings for Matthew anymore. I actually love him, not in the complete brotherly thing but you know what I mean. It sort of helped that Mattie found out and nearly pulverized me with his hockey stick but that's besides the point. Now I know that I am not just keeping him around for my own selfish purposes. His words, not mine.
So now we are all gathered around the giant table for the World Meetings. Everyone is there and chatting it up. The usual suspects are creating a stir but I, oddly enough, am not one of them. I was quickly sending a text to Mattie to ask him where he wanted to go for a date after the boring meeting. As soon as I hit send the meeting begins and that means Mattie can't get back to me now. I glance down at the schedule and groan inwardly as my time was actually pushed back to the end of the meeting! Seriously! How could they do that to the Hero? But I suck it up and stare across the table, rolling my eyes as England goes on and on about his culture development. I can't say anything because Germany already warned me that if I speak out of turn he would close down all the McD's in his country so I bite my lip. I am doing pretty well so far. It has already been five minutes and I haven't said a single thing. But when I look down at my watch that's when it hits me. The ticks of the clock seem to drown out the other nation's voices. Oh no. Please, please no. Not now. Not here. I try to calm myself down enough to ask to go to the bathroom but the only thing my body can even do is start shaking. No. No this isn't supposed to happen here! Tears begin to slip out of my eyes and fall down my cheeks. Sweden is the first to notice as he is sitting right next to me. He nudges my arm to get me to look at him but my eyes are wide and trained on the watch that just keeps ticking. He mutters to me but all I can hear is that damn ticking! Everything is drowned out by that ticking until there is only silence. My voice is struggling to make the smallest sound, it's like every ounce of fight in my body is being locked away so the panic can consume me. Suddenly my chair is shoved back and my legs are as straight as boards. My eyes are out on all the startled nations that are now staring at me. I glance at Mattie to see an utterly frightened look on his face. The pounding of my heart is ringing in my ears so I can just barely make out the shriek that rips through my throat. "Will all of you just fucking pay attention to me, please!?" The last word comes out a broken plea before my legs give out and I drop. Everyone quickly stands up and runs over to me, various voices yelling at me as sets of hands try their best to stop me from shaking and shouting incoherent sounds. I can't breathe. I really can't breathe. It only takes moments before I pass out on the floor with every nation but Russia scared for my safety.
It takes me longer than it should have to wake up. My head is pounding and whoever is talking just won't shut up! I open my eyes only to be blinded by the bright, sterile white of a hospital room. I move my hand to rub my temples but it is stopped short. In fact, both my hands and feet are stuck where they are. My breath is caught in my throat as I pull on the restraints, the action must have caught the attention of whoever is in the room because they stop talking. A mess of blond curls, and tear filled eyes invade my sight and I instantly freeze. Matthew sucks in a breath and gives me a watery smile, hugging my torso as he mumbles a thousand different things ranging from apologies to death threats if I ever pull anything like that again. I stare at him for a moment before tears begin to fill my eyes as well. Well slap me with butter and call me a biscuit. They found out didn't they? I look over to see France and England with these looks of deep pity and it churns my stomach. They all know now. I couldn't keep it hidden well enough. A sudden bubble of anger rises up my throat and I begin to thrash, a growl emitting from lips before I start to shout at everyone in the room. "Leave me alone! There's nothing wrong with me! Stop looking at me like that!" Everyone stares at me, taken back by the outburst. Mattie looks like he was kicked in the chest, Arthur was shocked and Francis was just saddened at the whole thing. The three watched as I freaked out, thinking it was best to let me get it out of my system. After a few minutes I do eventually calm down and I am taking deep breaths against the bed. Arthur is the first to speak through the awkward silence, his tone was very cautious.
"Alfred...would you care to explain what all that was?" He took a slow step towards the bed, almost afraid that I may lash out again. But I won't. I'm too tired now to even say anything sarcastic to him, so I simply shake my head look down at my feet. That gets Mattie upset and he moves right up next to me, cupping my hand between his.
"Al...please. What happened at the meeting...that was terrifying. I thought...I don't know what I thought but I was really scared. You need to tell us what exactly happened." Mattie quietly begged. It tore my heart apart hearing him talk like that but I knew I couldn't tell them. What kind of hero is afraid of being alone? So I shake my head again, whispering hoarsely.
"Please don't make me...not now." Mattie stares at me for what seems like forever before he slowly nods. France stays quiet behind everyone, just silently taking in the scene.
It took a few hours and a lot of bargaining with the doctors before they actually took off the restraints. Which was good but now I was constantly being watched. It wasn't even helping that I was surrounded by people. It kicked any anxiety I had into full gear. After an hour or two I looked up at France, a small frown on my face before I ask quietly. "Hey, dude...can I just...go for a walk outside?" He gave me a concerned look before he nodded.
"I don't see why not. Just...do be careful, Alfred." He helped me out of bed and to my shoes before he patted my back. He muttered a small word of caution before he excused himself to find some food. I smiled to myself for a moment, exiting the hospital with a sigh of relief. I looked around at the sights of New York, a slight panic in my chest as I watch the people walk past me. I need to relax. I need to go.
My feet carry me all the way to the harbor, jumping on the closest boat to my favorite place to be. I didn't even notice where I was until the smell of salt water hit my face. Which is where we are now. That's my story so far. I contemplate just what to do next, I glance down at the waves crashing against the rocks holding my Lady Liberty up. A dark thought passes through, almost silently whispering how easy it would be to solve all these problems, the fear, the pity, all goes away just by taking a small step forward. I barely notice my foot sliding towards the edge before a voice sounds behind me.
"You really have a nice view from here. I can see why you come up here to think." I freeze and turn around, my feet moving from the edge as I look up at Mattie. I must look pretty surprised because he faintly chuckles and nods to a small scribble on the statue. "You don't think I wouldn't know my own brother's hiding places? You don't exactly make it too secret." I raise a brow and follow his nod, my cheeks going pink as I suddenly read a scribbled on 'Alfred the Hero was here!' With a star drawn beside it. Okay, so I tag my hiding places? I just mark my really, really good ones so I know where best to hide. I just huff and shrug, speaking in a hushed tone.
"It just means this is a really good place." Mattie smiles softly and sits down on the edge next to me, far enough back that the wind doesn't blow him off. He looks up expectantly at me and I nod, sitting down next to him before he holds my hand with a sort of careful tightness. It is like he wants to squeeze my hand into oblivion but he doesn't want me to see that he is worried about something. It isn't for a few moments that he does finally speak.
"It won't solve your problems. Doing that." He stares out at the ocean, an almost haunted look on his face. "It solves your problems for a moment but...it pushes them back on everyone you care about. I know how tempting it is, having that sort of option, but Alfred, you need to promise me something." He gets a determined glint in his eyes before he looks right at me. All I can do is stare helplessly at him. "Promise me you will never do it. Promise me you will never go with that option." We have a silent showdown of sorts. He is daring me to tell him no, like I used to so many times when he tried to tell me what to do. While I am trying to stay as passive as I can be. I don't want to say yes because that leads to him asking what happened, if I answer him then he is going to ask me to get help, if I get help then everyone is going to know, and if everyone knows then I am going to be the farthest thing from a hero. But, against my better judgment, I say those three stupid words.
"Okay. I promise." With that he smiles a little, squeezing my hand as if to reassure me that it is still okay. Which I sort of believe him but there is still that bit of questioning when he sighs with a light breath.
"So, now are you gonna tell me what's the matter? It really scared the hell outta me." Crap. There it is. The question of the ages. Why is the almighty hero so afraid to be silent in a crowd? I really expect him to stare at me and laugh when I tell him but he just looks at me and smiles a little more, hugging me tight as he mumbles small words of encouragement. "That explains a lot, eh? Why didn't you tell someone sooner?" I stay quiet a moment before I huff, half hugging him back.
"I didn't want to be a loser for being afraid of not talking to someone…" He laughs and I can't tell why until he kisses my cheek.
"You're not a loser because of that. You're a loser cause you stink at hockey and obsess of comic books." He teases with a little snort, god I love it when he snorts. But that doesn't distract me from the fact that he just told me that my hockey skills and comic books are bad. I'm about to lash back at him when he squeezes my hand again and says something that almost makes my heart stop in my chest. "You should probably see someone about it though." That freaks me out. That makes me want to jump off the head of Lady Liberty and hide in the torch for the rest of my life but he stops me. His thumb is rubbing small circles into my head and it calms me for the most part. I look at him and shake my head, the fear probably evident in my eyes.
"Ohh no. No, no, no. Nonononononono. I am not going to see a therapist about this. No way. Not gonna happen." Mattie stares at me as if a child was throwing a fit, which I sort of am but I am no child! So he sighs again and kisses my cheek, mumbling ever so softly in my ear.
"If you go talk to someone for one hour...I'll let you plan the next date. And it can be whatever you want." He practically purrs the last part and a shiver runs up my spine. Planning date night is huge! That means scary movies all night or just pizza and hockey. I immediately get pulled into the trap and nod twice, a smile pulling on Mattie's lips before he gives me a kiss and stands back up. "Good. Now come on, Hero." He pulls my hand and I stand without question, only just noticing now that he tricked me. So I gawk at him and make a loud surprised noise where he starts to laugh because he knows that I just caught on now. Oh boy, this is gonna be crazy.