Chapter Eight: Setting the Trap

Critic was in an uncharacteristically good mood. It had been four months since he and Layla became lovers, and five since he had seen his twin. He had a positive amount of money in the bank thanks to a deal he had struck with Dominic to get 20% of the money Layla pulled in singing-and she could pull in a lot in a night. True, he still had to do his Job, but after everything he had been through in his life, he wasn't going to complain about that.

When Layla sang, he would watch from backstage as she flirted with everyone, using her assets to her advantage, winking and smirking at the predominately male audience. At first, he had been slightly jealous, but quickly squashed the feeling after reminding himself that it didn't matter how many guys she flirted with. His bed was the one she ended up in every night. After that, he couldn't help but feel a bit smug.

Not that Layla wasn't capable of dealing with customers that got a little too handsy-Critic had seen her punch a guy so hard that he spun three times before collapsing into an ungainly heap on the floor, after which she had continued singing as if nothing had happened. "Healer doesn't translate to wimpy damsel in distress," she told him later.

All these thoughts went through his head as he moved around the kitchen, a cup of coffee in one hand and a piece of buttered toast in the other. He looked out the window at the lightening sky, and silently raised his cup in salute to any other early risers.

"Doug?"

Critic turned and smiled at Layla. "Hey babe. You're up early. Want some coffee?"

"No, I'm good." Layla gave him a quick kiss before fixing herself a cup of tea. Critic made a face at it, and she rolled her eyes in amused exasperation. "I get my caffeine in other ways."

"Ick. Give me good strong coffee over wimpy old tea any day."

Layla chuckled. "Says the man who dumps half a bag of sugar in his coffee. At least I don't put anything in my tea."

"Yeah, well...umm.." Critic's witty reprimand was cut short by the sound of his phone ringing. Layla laughed as he mouthed 'I'll get you later' before answering. "Hello?"

The voice on the other end was Linkara's, and he sounded on the edge of panic. "Critic, has Spoony been in touch with you lately?"

"No, why?"

Linkara took several deep breaths. "I haven't seen them since last Wednesday. They were going to do some work in their lab and then come over and spend the weekend with me. When they didn't show, I called and left a message. Spoony's usually pretty good about checking their phone. I tried the police, but they don't care about us. They've never gone more than a few days without at least a phone call."

Critic frowned. "I haven't heard from either of them since they were in the Palace with you. Want me to call Dominic and see if he can give any info?"

"Yeah, and make it a three-way call if you can. I want to hear this too."

"No problem." He pressed the button for a three way call, then dialed Dominic's personal cell number.

"Hello?" Dominic sounded quite groggy, and Critic realized he had woken him up.

"Dominic, it's Critic and Linkara. Has Spoony been in there since last Monday night?"

Dominic yawned, cracking his jaw. "Nope, why?"

Linkara gulped. "They're missing. I haven't seen them since Wednesday, and I'm starting to get really worried. Insano...he's not the most popular guy in the world. There's plenty of Mages that would happily see him dead."

Dominic sighed. "I thought they were Alchemists, not Mages."

"Spoony is. Insano-I'm not sure what his Skills are, to be honest. He's got Spoony's knowledge of alchemy and potions, plus he can make artifacts-but more often than not, they end up blowing up in our faces. 90's Kid loves it when Insano is the dominant personality. He's always asking for more explosions."

Critic couldn't help the laugh that escaped him. He quickly covered it up with a cough when he saw Layla giving him The Look. "Have you called any of Spoony's fellow Alchemists?"

Linkara snorted. "What fellow alchemists? The Guild dropped him like a hot potato after the accident. He was 'a detriment to the noble art of alchemy.' Bunch of bigoted assholes. Here's the finest alchemist that's ever been in centuries, and because of one slip up, suddenly everyone that kissed his ass turns their back on him!"

Critic 'hmmed' "OK, so that route is out, and there's no point in talking to the cops, since there's few Mortal cops that do understand our world to begin with. What about asking Harvey? Maybe Spoony had business in Shadow Town."

Linkara groaned. "You dolt, that was one of the first things I thought of! Harvey hasn't seen them. What if...what if they're lying dead somewhere?"

"Well, I know for sure they're not dead, otherwise I'd feel my Boss collecting them. So I promise you, they're alive."

The door buzzed, and Layla went to answer it. A small man in an oversized coat a cap pulled over his face handed her a small package, then turned and left without a word. Layla turned the package over in her hands, then held it to her ear. It wasn't ticking, at least. "Doug?"

Critic looked over at her, and she held up the package. "You've got mail." He frowned and indicated for her to open it.

"Hang on, someone sent me something."

Linkara's reply was slightly bemused. "Me too. Dominic?"

"Nope, nothing."

Layla opened the package, pulling out a battered, bloody hat. Critic nearly dropped the phone, then he heard Linkara's strangled sob of "Oh dear gods. Insano's goggles...and they're broken."

Critic gaped at a hat that he had seen Rob wear so often over the years that he could never mistake it for anything else. But Rob was... "Oh fuck...Linkara...I think I know where Spoony is."

Dominic had sussed what his cousin meant. "Shit."

"What? Where is he?"

"Guy has them."

"Wakey wakey, Rob! You've got company!" Guy kicked Rob in the leg, startling him into wakefulness. Behind him was Tom, his arms full of a bruised, bloody, and battered man. Rob noticed that this man was chained up with ordinary steel manacles. Guy motioned to Tom, and he cuffed the half-conscious man to the wall opposite Rob. He was tall, skinny, and very pale, with long black hair. Guy grabbed his chin and slapped his face hard. "Up and at 'em!"

The man yelped. "Who the devil are you?"

Guy cackled. "Who the devil indeed. You may call me...Ask That Guy. Such a pleasure to meet you both. Are you Spoony or Insano now?"

Rob frowned in confusion at his brother addressing the man as if there were two people there. "Guy...there's only one man there."

Guy laughed. "Such a clever one, brother dear! But looks are deceiving, aren't they?" He placed his hand against the pale man's throat, sending jolts of magical electricity through his body. "Watch and be amazed, big brother."

Rob watched in horrified fascination as his cellmate went back and forth between two distinct personalities. "Stop it! You're hurting me I'm going to kill you please stop Oh quit whining Spoony let me kill him what do you want with me I told you there was a war coming!"

Guy turned and grinned at him. "Isn't that a neat trick? Now, as to what Spoony asked-what I want is to live forever, and you three are going to help me achieve that goal."

"How?" Spoony asked. Guy patted his head. Insano snarled at him, and Guy drew his hand back.

"Oooh, you're a feisty one. I'll offer your lover a trade-he convinces my dear brother to hand over the Healer, and I let all of you go relatively unscathed. If Doug refuses, I send you both back to Linkara in a matchbox. After I've tortured you, of course, and I'm very inventive when it comes to inflicting pain. And I can cast a spell that makes it so Spoony feels everything Insano does, and vice versa. I'll give you until tomorrow morning to think about it." He left, and Spoony slumped to the floor.

"He means it, you know."

Spoony glanced over at Rob. "Yeah, I gathered that from his voice. You must be Rob. We're friends with your other brother."

Rob frowned. "Doug?" Spoony nodded wearily. "Guy told me that he's a..."

"A Disciple?"

'That high pitched voice must be Insano, Spoony's other personality', thought Rob. "Yeah. Is he?"

"Yes. Why, are you going to disown him now?"

"No! Of course not. It's just...not something I picture Doug doing, that's all. What's all this about a Healer?"

Spoony sighed. "That's a long story."

"I'm not going anywhere."

Dominic had never seen Linkara so furious. When the Mage found out who had his lovers, he had cursed a blue streak before demanding that Critic meet him at the Pixel Palace five minutes ago. Critic and Layla threw on some clothes and teleported over. Linkara arrived seconds later, looking absolutely furious. "If he hurts them, I'll kill him. Black Mage or no, nobody touches my men. So I propose we find his hideout and we kill him."

Critic rolled his eyes. "Brilliant strategy, Napoleon. We don't know where it is, we don't know what sort of creatures he has working for him, we don't know what countermeasures he's used to keep Mages out, and we don't know why he kidnapped Spoony and Insano in the first place."

"Well, it can't be for anything good! Gods, why are we just sitting on our asses?"

Dominic sighed. "Linkara, I know you're upset, but Douglas is right. You cannot go up against Guy blind. Though what his purpose in kidnapping Spoony when he has Rob is puzzling."

Linkara gaped in horror at Critic, who nodded glumly. "From the looks of it, Rob's been his captive for a long time now."

"And you didn't try to find him?! He's your brother, for gods' sake!"

Critic snarled at Linkara. "Don't you dare presume that, Mage! I have tried!"

"Not hard enough, apparently! What, is scrivening beyond you? That's child-level magic!"

"You are such a fucking idiot. My twin is powerful enough to block that magic without even trying!"

Linkara balled his hand into a fist, and began muttering under his breath. A small wisp of flame appeared on his fingertips. "Call me an idiot again."

"You're an. Idiot."

Linkara snarled in rage and was about to launch a fireball at Critic when a high pitched screech filled the air. Critic and Linkara clapped their hands to their ears, faces screwed up in pain. Layla rolled her eyes at them. "Thanks, Dominic."

Dominic nodded to Layla, then addressed the men, his brogue thick with anger. "You violate Neutrality again, and I will not hesitate to use my Screech in its full power on you both. Luckily, it won't kill you, but it will hurt quite an awful lot and make you think twice about pissing me off."

Layla glared at both of them. "Now, if you're done with the pissing contest, I may have an idea. Guy no doubt kidnapped Spoony to use them as bait. He's got no great knowledge, and in Guy's eyes, Spoony is a nobody. But what he does have is a lover who happens to be acquainted with his brother, who also happens to know a certain Healer-whom Guy has been trying to get hold of for the past four months."

Dominic nodded. "And thanks to Neutrality and Disciple Protection, he can't touch you without alerting the Reaper."

Critic frowned. "But Linkara's not...oh!"

Layla smiled grimly. "Exactly. He could bring me to Guy without violating Protection, because it doesn't extend to him."

Linkara's eyes went wide. "But I would never do that! Spoony would never forgive me if I turned you over to Guy. He's quite fond of you, you know."

"Oh, I didn't know that! This makes things so much better!"

Linkara stared at Guy for half a second before trying to launch himself at him, screaming obscenities. Dominic wrapped his arms around his waist, holding him back. Critic stepped in front of Layla, shielding her. "What do you want?"

Guy cut his eyes to Layla. "Why, I want that gorgeous thing standing behind you, Doug. I must say, she is quite the morsel. I've come with a proposition. You bring her to me by tomorrow night, or I start torturing the Split, and I won't stop until they're both begging for death. If you make the right decision, I can be found on the borders of Shadow Town. Cheery bye!" With that, Guy vanished.

Dominic released the struggling Linkara. "Sorry, but I couldn't risk you getting hurt trying to attack him." He turned to Layla. "You OK?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I am. And I know what to do. We spring his trap and set it off in his face."