I don't know about you guys, but that finale still has me in pain. It deeply hurt me.

Writing this story is like therapy for me. Hope it's helping you guys too.

Please let me know what you think!

Disclaimer: Ah you know the drill.

Day 27:

The doctors said it's alright. This sort of amnesia is normal.

Doesn't make it hurt any less.

The man I love is lying in a hospital bed and has no idea who I am, or the history we share. In other words, he's perfectly fine. Other than his inability to remember me and the team.

When he first opened his eyes, I practically jumped on him, crying all over him. His beautiful blue eyes met my own and for a moment, I thought everything was going to be fine.

But when he said those three little words, and not at all the three little words I wanted to hear, "who are you?", my heart shattered into a million pieces.

Day 28:

The doctors say he should have a full mental recovery. It's just going to take some time. His brain scan seems normal, so that's fantastic news.

What I don't understand is, he doesn't remember me, but while he's sleeping, he still mutters my name. The doctors are very glad to hear that. It means his memories are floating around, he just needs time to find them is all.

I need you Leo. I need you so badly. Please come back to me.

Day 29:

Today was the first time I actually introduced myself to him again. The other days I sort of lingered around and watched from afar. It was much too painful. But I knew I had to take that step. When I told him my name was Jemma, there was a recognition behind his eyes, but he couldn't grasp it.

Day 30:

When we're not talking and he's resting, sometimes I catch him staring at me, like he's trying to sort an intricate puzzle. The puzzle of his brain. When I'd catch him staring, a blush would touch his cheeks, making them rise onto my own as well.

Day 31:

Today when I walked into his room, I heard him muttering something about the DWARVES.

My heart raced, thinking he remembered something. I asked him what he was doing.

"Just something that came to mind. Not sure where it came from."

We chat easily most days. He just thinks we're acquaintances though. We talk like we used to. He's still just as brilliant, it just takes him a little bit longer while he's recovering. We still mesh perfectly. It almost feels like we're FitzSimmons again.

Almost.

Day 32:

I haven't told Leo much about myself, don't want to burden him with anything. Just want him to get better. He asks me questions, but I keep as vague as possible.

It hurts so much. It physically hurts.

Day 33:

Doctors say Leo is healthy enough to bring back to the BUS. He's not well enough to make the trip to Scotland, but we wanted to give him some familiarity.

We showed him around the lab again, and he picked up one of his prototypes and immediately started working on it, as if nothing happened.

After a while of me watching him, he turned to me, pointed to my side of the lab and asked who worked there, "Because I'm definitely not Bio/Chem."

I ran out of the lab.

Day 34:

Leo approached me today. Slow at first. He asked if he did anything to upset me, and asked why I ran out of the lab. I wanted to tell him everything that he was in front of him. Years of friendship. Years of platonic, now to be discovered, romantic love. Truth is, I don't care how you explain our relationship. Brother, sister, partners, lovers, whatever. All I know is that he's my other half, and I'm his. I need him to remember me. I feel like a part of my soul is missing.

Day 35:

I still haven't told him I'm on the other side of the lab. He needs to heal and I don't want to make him worse. He's finally getting used to seeing everyone on the BUS and he's not so cautious around us anymore. I know what he looks like when he's uncomfortable, and I can finally see that fading away.

He even told a joke today that he couldn't remember where it was from and who was involved, but he remembered the story. It was a story about me. It was nice to see him smile today.

Day 36:

I was sitting in the living room today and Leo came in and sat next to me. I could feel him staring at me while I was reading. I looked up and saw his vivid blue eyes staring into mine. He asked if he could sit with me, and of course I let him. He said something that gave me hope.

"Jemma, even though I barely know you, I feel really comfortable around you. I can't explain it. It feels like I know you."

I could see the pain behind his eyes and I desperately wanted to stroke his cheek, and tell him that everything would be alright. But I couldn't. I wasn't that Jemma to him. Not yet. I'm just a stranger.

We haven't told him yet about his amnesia. Instead of forcing it, we thought we'd let him remember on his own. But watching him in pain was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

We chatted for a bit, and then he burst into tears for no reason. He allowed me to hug him, and we almost felt normal again. He cried for a long time, until he finally said, "I feel like I'm forgetting something. Something important. And I can't remember what it is. What's wrong with me?"

He eventually fell asleep on the couch and muttered my name in his sleep.

That absolutely broke me.

Day 37:

I was sitting in the living room again, watching Doctor Who. Doomsday was always Leo's favourite episode. He called it 'tragically beautiful'. But as the episode started, all I could think about was the ending. How there was nothing beautiful about it. It was painful and sad, and unfair, that they were so close, yet so far from each other at the same time. Like me and Leo.

He wandered into the room and asked if he could join me. When he said it was his favourite episode, I accidentally let it slip that I knew. He stared at me with his confused face until he turned towards the show again.

"It's tragically-"

"Beautiful" I finished, not realizing what I had done.

We sat in silence for the rest of the episode, and it hit me harder than ever before, all of a sudden I related to Rose Tyler in a whole new way.

When the show finished, neither of us moved, and neither of us looked at each other.

"It's you, isn't it? he asked me simply.

"What's me?" I asked and I turned to look at him. I almost wish I hadn't. He had tears running down his face, and he looked so helpless.

"It's you that I'm forgetting, isn't it?"

Next one is coming soon!

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