This chapter is slightly longer wanted to end it where it was
If you want updates go to my twitter page igothookedonbensidy suzywinn (name could change again)
Not sure how many chapters to go, the ending is due to things on twitter which got me thinking.
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Looking at the tickets in her hands "how did you get 1PP to let both of us have 4 days off"
The surprise on her face was worth it "I can be very persuasive you know"
Her eyes not moving from the tickets "I think I am seeing that, we leave next Friday for 4 nights"
Nodding at her "we fly out to Alaska Friday morning and board the boat in the afternoon, sail around the passage for 4 nights then fly home Tuesday night a whirlwind trip"
A smile on her face moving over to him flinging her arms around his neck "it is perfect, what about the team both us being away"
Finding her lips his voice soft "both on a convention for the weekend, thought you might like your birthday present"
"Let me show you how much "as her lips meet his becoming more passionate and feverent as they stumble to the bedroom.
Walking aboard the boat it was amazing the flight over looking out the window as he held her hand her head leaning against his shoulder at times. After landing catching a taxi to the terminal the boat not huge fitting about 100 people but it was still perfect for her she couldn't wait to go abroad.
The cabin had it's own balcony a king size bed and ensuite she had to keep pinching herself to make sure it wasn't a dream she had never been on anything like it before a trip to the Bahamas one Christmas with Brian but this was different it was amazing.
Opening the door the view amazing everything was amazing feeling Declan's arms around her waist leaning against him before turning around to face him " Thank you Dec it is incredible"
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Looking around the empty office Amanda looks at Fin and Amaro "you can't tell me that there is nothing going on with them, they are both away for 4 days together, the Sergeant and Lieutenant of SVU"
Looking up from his desk at Amanda and across at his partners empty desk "they are both at a work conference Rollins, back later tonight"
Looking at Nick, she was sure he knew more but was protective of his partner and despite him saying otherwise she was still sure she was right.
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The days had sped by cruising along the passage sitting outside watching it all, the views amazing everything about the cruise was amazing. Wandering down each morning for breakfast before spending the day relaxing, swimming hopping in the spa, or doing one of the many onboard activities, the nights made up of dinner before a show or listening to the pianist. The first night listening to the music before just making it back to the room before they tore each others clothes off the sex fast and furious. Some afternoons they would make the way back to their cabin and spend the afternoon making love to the lull of the water feeling Declan exploring her body giving into his needs the feel of his mouth upon her body his touch she wanted more and more some nights she couldn't get enough of him her body arching at his touch. The feel of the satin sheets on their naked skin as his hands caressed her soft skin. She didn't want to go back to reality she didn't' want the few days to end it was nice to get away from it all, her first proper holiday in a while.
Watching as the boat cruises back down a few hours to go before they arrive back and have to fly back to New York, the scenery incredible. Sitting down opposite Declan at the table sipping their drinks waiting for their lunch he seemed nervous
Reaching out for her hand looking up at her face "Liv, we're been together for 6 months now and I can't imagine my life without you in it. I know you want a family" looking down before looking back up at her "I was thinking that maybe we should start trying for a baby, I know it might take a while and be hard but it's something you want and I would love to have a child with you"
Her mouth open she didn't expect this from him, she didn't know what to expect "are you sure this is what you want"
Reaching for her other hand "yes, more than anything I would love to have a baby with you Liv, you would make a fantastic mother, I know it might not happen but if we need to try IVF to make it work then we will do that, we can have heaps of fun practicing and trying"
Her eyes wide it was what she wanted more than anything to have a child of her own, something that Brian didn't want was she ready for this, was their relationship strong enough her eyes moving up to meet his leaning across the table "we still have a few hours before we land to start practicing"
Watching Olivia pack the few things they had taken away with them, seeing her packet of the pill on the dressing table, picking it up "you won't need this anymore well not for a while" tossing it in the bin
Turning to look at him, she had to face reality "this might never happen, it takes a while after coming off the pill, my age too"
Moving over to her pulling her towards him "we'll take each step as it comes Liv, if it happens it is going to be so wonderful, if not we can try IVF a few times, I know you are in the older bracket but it can and does happen"
Feeling his lips on top of her head "I just don't want to get my hopes up, I did a while ago" looking up at him "I thought I was pregnant I had all this new life that could of happened, but it was a false alarm I took off having the test for a few days and those few days I imagined this whole different life"
Moving away from him packing up the rest of her stuff she can still remember nearly a year ago or longer those few days where she had hope then took the test she didn't feel the relief Brian did she felt disappointment.
Turning to look at Declan "I would love that to happen more than anything"
Moving over to Olivia reaching for her hands "I know, if you don't want to try for a baby Liv I do understand there is no pressure or anything"
Looking up at him, could she throw away trying for what she so badly wanted because she was scared, scared of getting her hopes up or wanting something so badly it didn't happen
Reaching out to stroke his cheek "I do want to try for one" feeling his lips upon hers.
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Closing the door inside the apartment she needed time to herself she needed to think walking into the bedroom tossing the suitcase on the floor walking over to the dressing table seeing the pill packet there picking it up holding it in her hands, did she want to try for a baby despite it being what she wanted more than anything in the world to become a mother did she want to bring a child into the world when she wasn't sure of the relationship she had with its father. She did like Declan but did she love him was she ready to make such a commitment to him how did she really feel. If she fell pregnant one of them would have to leave SVU
Putting her hands on the dressing room table looking at the mirror she was confused, confused about what she wanted was the relationship going to last is it what she really wanted. The thought of moving in with him scared her even though he hadn't come out and asked her she knew it was coming the next stop in their relationship but it was step she wasn't sure she wanted to take if she couldn't make that commitment how was she going to raise a child with him.
What if she fell pregnant straight away was she ready for the next step in this relationship it was still new to her
Walking out to the lounge turning on the TV her feet up looking around the only person she had ever wanted to move in with was Brian, previous boyfriends had asked but none she wanted to she had broken it off with them instead of becoming serious she was younger then. Would this be her last chance of happiness, her last chance of having a family she had a feeling Declan was falling in love with her did she love him or was she falling in love with him.
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Walking along the dimly lit street the moon casting shadow hand in hand she was enjoying this relationship the excitement that came with it, professional at work but the moment they were out of the office it was a different story they were becoming more of a couple now he would cook her breakfast or dinner, she would get take out spending many a weekend in bed exploring each other bodies the scars on her body hardly there a few left from the cigarette burns.
They were trying for a baby if it happened it was meant to be she couldn't give away the chance of her happiness she did enjoy being with Declan and if she was honest maybe she was falling in love with him she just wasn't ready to move in together not yet, one step at a time.
His arm around her waist "are you ready yet Liv to tell the team about us"
Stopping walk looking at him was she ready she doubted she would ever be ready "not really but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't in a way I would prefer them to guess but the gossip will be there one way or another and Amanda I think believes she already knows"
His arm linked through hers "a team dinner somewhere they can pick up what they want from that"
Leaning against his shoulder "sounds like a plan"
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She was nervous was she ready for their relationship to become open, would she ever be ready the only reason after 10 months with Brian was that Nick and Munch turned up at his front door and she stupidly came out of the bedroom even after he said it was fine.
Here she was again this time it had been 7 ½ months they had kept it hidden but she knew that the rumours were there.
Looking at Olivia as they are walking along he could feel her nervous the tension there his arm protectively around her waist "it's going to be ok Liv"
Was it going to be ok, this was her personal life something she kept away from her work life it was one thing Nick knowing to everyone else knowing and walking in together, maybe if she was lucky no one would be there yet they would be the first
Arriving outside the restaurant stopping taking a deep breath looking up at Declan feeling his lips on her forehead "let's do this get it over with"
His hand moving from her waist down to holding her hand opening the door it isn't long before she sees them her hands are getting slightly sweaty feeling Declan squeeze her hand some reassurance she lets got off his hand as they walk inside seeing Amanda and Nick turning to face them was it too late did they see her holding his hand, her breathing increasing she needs to slow it down take a deep breath she can do this she can put one step in front of the other walking over to them.
Nick and Fin are there with her but Declan and Olivia yet to be seen "know what this dinner is about?"
Seeing them shake their head hearing Fin's voice "not going to knock back a free meal"
Looking around the restaurant waiting for the others to arrive before heading to the table "is anyone else coming?"
Seeing both of them shake their head before Fin replies "Melinda was asked she might come later but was held up with some job"
Turning to look at Fin "you and Melinda hey"
Shaking his head "you are getting out of control with your pairing Rollins"
Shrugging his comment off "you'll see that I'm right about liv and Murphy"
Her eyes moving towards the door seeing it open a smile on her face watching as Olivia and Declan walk towards her seeing Olivia freeze momentarily before continuing the grin on her face getting wider "told you those two were together"
Seeing all eyes upon her she couldn't hold his hand she knew Amanda saw it as the door was opened her eyes saying it all "hi guys"
Seeing Fin's eyes moving back from her to Declan trying to keep the smile on her face, his hand moving across her back "I'll get our reservation for us"
Seeing Amanda's eyes upon hers "I knew it, you and he were going out, how long has it been Liv"
Her eyes moving to Declan and back to Amanda "not that long, it's not big deal guys"
Seeing Fin walk up to her "if it makes you happy Liv, then go for it"
Feeling Declan's hand upon her back as they make their way through the restaurant his voice soft "that wasn't too bad"
The dinner wasn't as bad as she thought the conversation flowed freely and away from her talking about work and anything else, the night had gone quite quickly
Walking along to a bar no one wanting to go home yet, feeling him slip his hand into hers moving closer to him seeing Amanda watching them "so how long has it been?"
Looking at Amanda and back to Olivia "long enough to know I want to be with Liv"
Her glance going to Amanda she actually wanted to see her reaction "nearly 8 months"
Shaking her head "shit, that what IA was for"
Walking out of the pub a few hours later his arm around her waist turning to face her "it wasn't that bad was it"
Tilting her head sideways "ask me that tomorrow after work"
Pulling her towards him both arms around her waist looking down into her eyes "I'm falling in love with you Liv I can't help it"
Her eyes upon Declan her mouth open slightly she wanted to say the same but she couldn't the words wouldn't come out she couldn't speak
Seeing her standing there saying nothing "Sorry Liv, maybe I shouldn't of said anything but I am falling in love with you, I'm sorry if that scares you but it's how I feel"
Shaking her head slightly reaching out to touch his face "don't apologise Declan I really like you and want to be with you and I want to keep trying to have a baby with you"
She didn't need to say it but she wasn't in love with him was what she said enough for him though.
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Looking at Brian standing at the door it had been nearly 6 months since she last saw him there he was standing in front of her "what are you doing here Brian?"
Leaning against the door watching as she opens it "Can I come in"
Watching as she opens the door "I've missed you Liv I just wanted to see you"
Opening the door she could smell his breath "how much have you been drinking?"
Helping him over to the lounge "I'll get you a coffee"
Looking up at Olivia her caring face he had missed her so much "do you have any beers at all?"
Shaking her head walking into the kitchen "You're not having a beer I'll get you a coffee"
Walking into the kitchen watching Olivia making the coffee walking close to her, her back turned to his watching as the jug boils. Moving over to her moving the hair away from her neck his voice soft "I've missed you so much Liv I still want you and want to be with you"
Turning around her mouth open pushing his hands away "you can't just come back into my life and expect me to drop everything I have moved on I am seeing someone and in a relationship"
The rumours he had heard were true "what this Murphy guy is it serious so how are things between you and Murphy?"
Getting the cups out of the cupboard she should of known he would of heard "fine, it's none of your business, your interest in my personal life stopped when we broke up"
Walking out of the apartment looking around what was their apartment "if things are fine why isn't he here"
Turning to look at Brian "just because we are going out doesn't mean we're joined at the hip"
Watching her back turned to him "so it's just a casual hook up, does he want a family and kids with you Liv?"
Shaking her head why did he have to turn up why couldn't he just leave her be, unable to look at him "Brian just go don't do this"
Walking to the bookshelf picking up a photo of her and Declan the photo that used to be them turning his head to the kitchen "do you have a beer" putting the photo back down "what do you see in him?"
Her back turned to Brian she knew he had been drinking "I'm making you a coffee"
Seeing Olivia turn around with the coffee "what are you doing here Brian, what do you want?"
Getting the coffee off her "You know Liv, he's not the guy for you, sleep with him or fuck him, but don't marry him or have kids with him"
Her eyes narrowing how dare he "Get out Brian, I have no idea what you are doing here, you cannot just come in here telling me what I can or cannot do, you have no say in my life now we're over"
Sipping the coffee "you throwing me out of my own apartment"
Facing him shrugging "It's not our apartment anymore, I don't know what you are actually doing here"
Walking over to the lounge sitting down looking up at Brian seeing him still there watching as he walks over to the lounge sitting near her, putting the coffee on the table before putting his hand on her face "I've done a lot of thinking Liv whilst we have been apart" pulling a small box out of his pocket kneeling in front of her "Liv, I want to grow old with you, have kids and a family with you. I still love you so much and want to be part of your life not just now but forever, will you marry me?"
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How does Olivia react and what does she say to Brian
Who does she choose Brian or Declan Murphy and how does the other one react.