Thank you everyone for the reviews, follows

Hope you continue to enjoy it

A/N I have no idea what Brian's mother's name is searched and found nothing so made a name up if anyone knows her real name that would be great only heard Mrs Cassidy that once (prefer another Mrs Cassidy though )

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Glancing at Murphy standing at the door and Olivia's retreating back without a second glance at him, was there trouble in paradise "everything ok Liv"

Not even looking at him "I wish people would stop asking me that I'm not going to break each time something happens, I wish people would stop treating me like I am broken" turning to face Nick "I am not going to fall apart if something happens there are ups and downs shit happens I have come through some horrific stuff and I am still here. Just treat me normally. Going out with Declan does not interfere with my work, I am ok"

"You and Murphy"

Tossing the car keys at him "just drive Nick"

Looking at Olivia staring straight ahead deep in thought "I'm here Liv if you want to talk"

Glancing at Nick a smile on her face "thanks it's fine"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo

She hadn't seen Dr Lindstrom in months now the nightmares had stopped she was confused and when she was confused or stressed she had them again, the last night wasn't as bad as they were but again she had them again but this time she had Brian saving her.

Her relationship with Declan was in tatters she didn't even know if she wanted to repair it or was there any truth in what he said. He had wanted to talk to her, she had been avoiding him she didn't want to face the fact that another relationship had failed or was failing. Deep down she knew she had to talk to him sort this mess out and that she had been avoiding talking to him to admit that Brian in hospital had shaken her and brought out feelings she had suppressed. Her mind was on Brian the thought that not only she could lose him but what if he woke up with brain damage or wasn't himself it was her fault he took the job.

Waiting for Dr Lindstrom she needed to figure stuff out could he actually help her figure out what she wanted, did she know what she wanted.

"Olivia it's been a while have your nightmares come back, has something happened?"

Looking at him and around the room she couldn't speak for a while "I think there's something wrong with me."

She can see him looking at her, could he see the worry in her eyes "Why? Are you feeling sick"

Shaking her head "No nothing like that, it's Declan I mean, he's really trying hard through all of this, and he's really good in bed. But I just keep pushing him away"

Looking at her hands fiddling in her lap "Well, maybe it's your subconscious She's telling you to keep away from cops, look at Cassidy you didn't think he was ready to take it to the next level and now this, or maybe as he is your superior"

Deep in thought "Yeah that could be it I think you might be right but then Declan wanted to take it further he wanted us to try for a baby"

"what's stopping you Olivia isn't that what you wanted, why you stopped seeing Brian"

Her eyes down nodding was there anything stopping her "yes for a while I thought I was but someone asked if I really did love him I wouldn't question if I did I would know, is it right to bring a baby into the world when the two parents don't love each other, would I fall in love with him because of it"

He could tell she wasn't totally opening up "is there something questioning your relationship with Declan now, did something happen Olivia?"

Closing her eyes she could see him lying there still "Brian was shot and bashed about two week ago and in a coma in the hospital" looking up at him "he came to my apartment a few weeks ago just before he went undercover" fiddling with her hands "he asked me to marry him just like that out of the blue"

Rubbing her hands over her eyes "I told him to get out. It was what I wanted from him for so long. Declan he…" the pain still there from his words "he…." Shaking her head "I've spent so much time at the hospital that I haven't seen him as much when I do, I just want to forget about everything that has happened. I thought I was over Brian he was out of my life now and I was moving on but all of this wondering if he was going to make it if he was going to pull through"

Glancing at Olivia deep in thought "you mightn't be over Brian like you think you are, him being in hospital has bought back memories for you, the thought of you losing him has started to make you question and re-evaluate your life again. Maybe you need to reassess everything like you did after William Lewis"

Shaking her head "this is nothing like Lewis"

"Things happen Olivia and we learn from them, it sounds like you are having second thoughts about your relationship with Declan and your feelings for Brian maybe you need to talk to both of them"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo

Walking into the room seeing Brian sitting up on the bed relief in her eyes that he was going to be ok, seeing his eyes move to hers not showing any emotion nothing

Moving over to the bed reaching for his hand holding it in hers, feeling him pull away biting her lip "how are you feeling"

Looking up at Olivia she made herself pretty clear before he went undercover "what are you doing here?"

Moving away slightly from him "I wanted to see how you were, I was worried"

Looking up his eyes still showing nothing "I'm fine so you don't need to come back Olivia"

Blinking back the tears that were threatening to form he sounded so formal and cold he never called her by her full name she can't even remember the last time he called her that, all she wanted was for her to call her Liv. Turning to walk away "I'm sorry Brian"

Looking up at her "you always are Olivia you're always sorry for what you've done it's always on your terms and conditions, this time I don't care"

Turning around to look at him "that's not fair Brian"

"Life's not fair you don't have the right to come here after you kicked me out, everything is always what you want you wanted to break up I said we were out of sync, you never opened up to me about Lewis it wasn't about protecting me it was all about protecting yourself I wanted to work it out I never wanted to break up but it is what you wanted so I went along with it, I gave you the apartment I did everything that you wanted, you never gave us a chance to fix it"

Tears forming in her eyes "I thought it was what you wanted too you said you didn't see yourself growing old"

"I mightn't off seen myself growing old but I could see myself with you, I wanted to talk about it and work it out you just took control of it all"

"I'm sorry I thought it was what we both wanted, I don't want to fight with you, I just wanted to see how you were I won't come back"

Blinking back the tears that were forming hearing his voice "Fine with me Olivia"

Walking out the door down the corridor the tears coming to her eyes walking outside away from everyone the tears coming in force she had pushed him away she had kicked him out of the house a few weeks ago now he wanted nothing to do with her for a moment all she wanted was for him to call her Liv instead he wanted nothing to do with her he had given up her and wanted nothing more to do with her she couldn't even say goodbye to him properly.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo

Feeling his mothers eyes upon him "don't say anything mum"

Looking at Brian he had never heard him so cold towards her "she visited every day Brian, stayed, held your hand talked to you, she is still in love with you and I know you still love her how could you be so cruel to her"

His eyes staring straight ahead he did still love her but he poured his heart out to her and she stomped on it the final time "I'm over given Liv chances, I've given her too many and I can't do it anymore she made the decision to break up that it was over why should I give her another chance to do it again I was the one who wanted to work it out she was the one who couldn't open up"

Looking at her son lying in the bed she could tell that he still loved Olivia she was the one woman that he had fallen totally in love with "from what I heard love she went through an awful four days with this man what she must have been through she wouldn't want to relive it and as hard as it is for you opening up describing what he did to her would you want that in your mind the emotional scars were with her for ages, even if you didn't tell me what happened I could of guessed from just seeing her"

Looking up at his mother "not knowing was just as bad, the images I already had in my head of what he did to the previous girls, torturing them, raping them I know he didn't rape her the test came back negative on that one and seeing the physical scars on her I could only imagine is that worse than actually knowing? She made the decisions about everything she went through the worse imaginable time of her life with that and the trial and I could only go to a few days of it, Lewis had a strong hold over her and I was there for her every step of the way when she pushed me away the nightmares, it was then I realized I couldn't imagine my life without her in it but I am not giving her the chance to do it all over again"

She could see the love and fear in his eyes "now you do Brian, even if it means a chance with her again I gather you were hurt by her but she has been at the hospital every day visiting you I could see how much you mean to her, why not give her another chance love. You have never stopped loving her even in the year apart I can see it in your eyes"

Turning to face his mother "I asked her to marry me mum, she kicked me out of the apartment does that sound like someone who loves me, wants to be with me"

Trying to hide the surprise she never though Brian Cassidy would propose she had always hoped he would to Olivia "did she give a reason why she said no"

Trying to move up a bit on the bed "I'm not going there again she made herself pretty clear how she felt I should of learnt 16 years ago"

Her eyes moving away from her son "doesn't it show something love, that 16 years on you still love her, can't you try to work this out"

Tilting his head sideways the pain evident when he moved "she's going out with her boss at SVU, so much for not getting involved with co workers, she's moved on mum and that is what I am doing"

Seeing the pain on his face "she might be going out with someone love but I am not sure she is in love with him she never really talked about her boyfriend in the days we sat here, just proposing love was no doubt a surprise to her"

Turning to face his mother "that doesn't mean anything mum, I doubt she would talk about her current boyfriend with her ex boyfriend's mother whilst he is lying in hospital. They're trying to have a baby does that sound like someone who isn't in love or wants to get back with her ex, I have to face reality mum that Olivia has moved on and it's time for me to move on and realize that I have lost the best thing that happened to me. That I realized too late that I would love a family and grow old with her" his voice filling with anger "she took that choice from me, she thought she knew best we were growing out of sync she never once, not once opened up about what happened with Lewis she went through this horrible unimaginable ordeal and all I could do is guess what happened to her, hold her whilst she had these nightmares night after night, imagine what that beast did to her for 4 days, I heard bits in court not knowing was worse than knowing I get she didn't want me to think any less of her but the images that are in my head she pushed me away. I am so in love with her mum but she kept thinking she knew best and didn't give me a chance. I'm better off without her"

Looking at Brian "Love you're hurting now all of this just proves how much you do love her, don't push her away now she is reaching out to you, maybe this boyfriend is her chance to have a child if you want to have kids with her and grow old with her tell her, don't let her get away from you. Tell her how you feel you may get hurt again and that is a risk you need to take but you'll never know if you don't talk to her. Don't let her get away again Brian fight for her, fight for what you want. The Brian Cassidy I know wouldn't let Olivia get away without giving it everything he had. She chose you 3 years ago and moved in with you I saw how happy you two were together, it might take a while to get back there but if you give up now I know you will regret it"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooo'

She had walked into a bar she didn't want to go back to the apartment the memories that it would bring up of Brian it hurt he pushed her away for the final time he made it clear he never wanted to see her again. She had been so worried for the weeks he was in the coma the relief she felt when he had come out of it the thought of never seeing him again was too painful to think about but here it was not for the reason she thought but he had told her to get lost to never contact him again.

Tapping the bar another glass of red poured she wanted to forget everything forget the fact she had a boyfriend did she still have one, she hadn't even talked to Declan yet, forget the thoughts that kept going through her mind, forget the fact that the man she truly loved wanted nothing to do with her.

Hearing her phone beep it would probably be Declan wondering where she was, she didn't want to be with him not tonight deep down she knew what she had to do, but she didn't want to admit it, they were trying for a baby but was it the right thing to do she knew if she fell pregnant she would stay with him try to become a family but was it what she really wanted, she needed to be honest with herself but it was hard she had done it before because Brian and her weren't on the same page so she thought, now Declan wanted what she wanted but was it enough.

Opening up the message surprise on her face the message from Evelyn replying back briefly wondering what she wanted, had something happened to Brian shaking her head no, if it did she would call her not want to meet with her.

OOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo

Looking around it isn't long before she spots Olivia in the corner both even from a distance the smile plastered on her face she could tell she wasn't herself her eyes were slightly red, she had been drinking "you ok dear"

Nodding at her she couldn't tell her the truth or anything "is Brian alright, did he take another turn?"

Reaching out for her hand seeing the worry in her eyes "No Liv, Brian is recovering it is you I'm worried about. I'm sorry for the way Brian treated you"

Shaking her head "he's been through a lot and I know I hurt him I don't blame him for what he said"

Reaching out for her hand "you are a too good woman Olivia, would you give Brian another chance he didn't mean those things he said to you, come back to the hospital and visit him again I know he would really like it"

"he made it pretty clear that he didn't want to see me again" she could still remember how hurt she was by the words he said "maybe he was right we both need to move on. I already have a boyfriend Evelyn I should of told you that earlier"

Her face looking at Olivia "you don't love him do you dear"

Biting her lips did she love Declan "I don't know I wish I could answer that but I can't it's a question I've been asking myself for a while now. We're been trying for a baby and I like being with him"

Seeing Olivia's head down "if you really did love him Liv, you wouldn't even need to ask yourself, that the question would answer itself and you wouldn't even have to think about it. How long have you been going out for?"

"coming up to a year" brushing her eyes she could feel the tears forming looking at Evelyn "It's not like what I had with Brian I don't think any relationship would be like that and I can't keep comparing the relationships I have to that. Brian was the first guy that I moved in with the first guy I truly loved my first serious relationship I can't keep hanging onto that I need to move forward and on which I am trying to do"

Reaching out touching Olivia's hand "what if Brian gave you the family you wanted"

Looking into Evelyn's eyes "I did what I thought was best for both of us, I didn't want Brian to be unhappy and I made a hard decision to let him go we wanted different things, I will always love your son Evelyn it wasn't an easy decision to make"

"please Olivia go and talk to Brian I know you still love him just as I know he still loves and wants you. He told me he proposed to you that is something I never thought I'd see my son do. You changed him into a better person one who was not afraid to show his feelings, you are the first person he has actually fallen in love with and wants to be with just speak to him is all I am asking"

Putting some money on the table "Sorry Evelyn I need to go I can't promise you anything I'll see what I can do. Take care"

Walking out of there was there a chance that they could be together was either of them willing to give it a go.

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Will Olivia go back to Brian or will she try to fix her relationship with Declan Murphy

Will Brian forgive her.