Chapter 9:
A month passed and Rachel hadn't stopped thinking about that last morning in the choir room. She hadn't planned on leaving like that. She'd half expected Quinn to show up at her Dads that night, but she didn't.
In her time back in New York she'd been to numerous meetings and some fittings, but nothing was happening quickly enough or that's how it seemed. Her mind kept drifting back to McKinley and to Quinn.
Rachel hadn't ever asked Quinn to take over Glee, she didn't feel able to ask for anything when she left. She made a call and Jesse had come, with a lot of persuading, to help steer the club towards winning Nationals. She tried to speak to him daily and although she knew what was going on and that they were all capable she couldn't rid herself of the feeling she'd abandoned them just as she'd given them hope.
Jesse told her that Quinn was checking up on him and he'd assumed it was at Rachel's request but it couldn't be, they'd not spoken. Quinn hadn't called and Rachel hadn't tried. She didn't want Greg answering the phone, she couldn't take that. Rachel rolled over in bed, burying her face in her pillow, just as she heard the front door slam shut.
"Good morning," Clem called loudly from outside her bedroom door, pushing it open before making a little too much noise in the kitchen. Rachel had barely put her foot on the floor and Clem was busy making her bed. "You've got a busy day."
"Aren't they all," Rachel sighed. Clem ignored her, just pushing her towards the shower.
Breakfast was made and an outfit chosen before Rachel even realised she was truly awake. Clem had her dressed and ready to take on whatever meeting they had planned that day, there always seemed to be meetings.
Rachel tried to eat a slice of toast with a modicum of enthusiasm but she could tell Clem had something to say. Finally she put her hand in her pocket and placed an envelope on the table in front of her.
"A job?" Rachel didn't need another job right now.
"Something a little more personal," Clem replied and for a second Rachel felt her heart stop, Clem couldn't quit, she couldn't do this without her. She'd come back to New York and was trying to make it work. She believed in what she was doing, but she missed Quinn and she ached for what she couldn't have. Clem had done her best to keep her occupied. She got her out of bed on the toughest of days and never asked too many questions. Rachel didn't want to talk about it and Clem left her be. Losing Clem now was a blow she couldn't take.
Warily she picked the corner of the envelope, looking back at Clem, but Clem's face was set to stone and giving away no clue. She knew she had to open it.
Finally she pulled out a card from inside.
The class of McKinley would like to invite Ms Rachel Berry to watch our performance at Nationals this coming weekend.
Rachel put her hand to her heart, the relief washing over her. "They want me there."
"But of course!" Clem beamed. "You're cleared to fly Ms Berry. If you want to that is?"
"I…" Rachel read the card over. Of course she wanted to be there. She had to be there. These were her kids, the ones she'd given a chance to dream. "I can't wait."
xoxo
Rachel rushed through the doors, no matter how much time she thought she'd have it was never enough. She was desperate to see the McKinley glee club perform and anxious about seeing Quinn. She knew she'd be there, Jesse had told her the night before. She told him not to let anyone know she could make it. She wanted to surprise them all.
As she raced towards the auditorium she saw Quinn stood by a side door. She stopped running and walked slowly towards her. Her nerves were making her stomach do somersaults, but she found herself smiling, something she always seemed to do when she saw Quinn.
"You're here." Quinn folded her arms across her chest as she eyed Rachel curiously.
"They asked me to come." Rachel warily stepped a little closer.
"We weren't sure you'd make it, no one heard back, so…" Quinn paused and looked Rachel up and down before meeting her eyes. "Its good to see you." Quinn finally dropped her guard, her eyes shining as she looked at Rachel.
"I wasn't sure you'd be here." Rachel lied, she had so many emotions whirling through her and it didn't help when Quinn looked at her like that. She found she could only focus on one thing. "I thought maybe you'd be renewing your vows or away on a second honeymoon." Rachel hadn't meant to sound so bitter, but seeing Quinn looking as amazing as ever, had only made her ache for what she knew she couldn't have.
"Nothing's happened and no honeymoon, there's a lot going on. I wanted to be here, I knew how much this club meant to you."
"It still does." Rachel was hurt by the insinuation that she no longer cared, but she also felt bad for being hard on Quinn. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry, really."
"Everyone is going to be pleased to see you, they're doing well. Worked hard." Quinn spoke so warmly and it reassured Rachel that her leaving hadn't been too hard on them.
"I hear you've been helping."
"A little, Jesse isn't exactly accommodating to my suggestions, but some of his ideas were…well…"
"He tried to change the entire set list didn't he?"
"The whole thing!" Quinn laughed. "We had a few heated discussions along the way." Rachel couldn't help but laugh along with her, she knew that Jesse was difficult, but she also knew Quinn was more than a match for him.
"I shouldn't have left."
"I wish you hadn't." Quinn's voice cracked involuntarily as she spoke the truth. She offered Rachel a soft smile, it had felt like forever since she'd seen her face or heard that laugh and now she realised just how much she'd missed her.
She'd spent the last month talking with Greg, agreeing to his plans, then finding excuses to push things back a little more. She had finals, she had glee club now and she had the last words Rachel had said to her ringing in her ears.
xoxo
Quinn didn't get the chance to deal with Rachel walking out because the next thing she knew Jesse had stormed in like a hurricane and almost destroyed the club. Quinn had been the one that persuaded Jimmy and Mischa to come back and to fight him. Together they'd stood firm. Rachel hadn't called her, so she felt no need to let her know how bad things were, but she wasn't going to let something Rachel had worked hard for be ruined by Jesse St James.
Quinn still hated him for the egg incident. She never understood how Rachel saw him as a friend after what he'd done, but then Rachel was always good at giving people second chances. She'd given Quinn plenty and always tried to be a good friend to her, even when she least deserved it.
"Hey, you two better get a seat quick." Jesse grabbed them on his way past. "The show is about to begin. You're going to love my changes." He beamed and the look he gave Quinn made her want to punch him in the face.
"Rachel made this club, they win and its down to her hard work." Quinn narrowed her eyes, she really didn't like him at all.
"Have you met the president of the Rachel Berry fan club?" Jesse mocked, taking his seat.
Quinn was seething, the rage was rising and she was about to snap when Rachel squeezed her arm.
"Ignore him." Rachel whispered.
Quinn softened and sunk down into her seat. The music played and the judges were introduced on stage. The next few hours were a blur. Rachel was a bundle of nerves, fidgeting constantly in the seat next to her. One minute on her feet, the next grabbing hold of Quinn's arm as Mischa ran her solo to perfection. She turned to see Rachel with a tear rolling down her face and for second she felt like she couldn't breathe.
The last month had been more than hard. She'd missed Rachel more than she imagined possible.
xoxo
"They lost." Rachel gasped. Quinn looked from the stage to Rachel.
"If I'd been called in sooner, perhaps I could have done better." Jesse rolled his eyes, he wasn't taking any responsibility for their failings.
"If you'd not messed around with everything, maybe then they'd have felt more confident." Quinn spat.
"If I'd stayed." Rachel whispered.
"It's not on you Rachel." Quinn tried, she could tell Rachel felt responsible, but it wasn't anyones fault.
"It is." Rachel was making her way to the stage. Quinn sat back and watched as she consoled the glee club. They both knew how it felt to lose, they'd tried themselves and lost, but Rachel had kept them all believing and Quinn knew she'd do the same for the club that looked up to her now.
"She'll be back in New York in the morning and I bet she doesn't look back once." Jesse purred. "I hear this new show is going to be the 'big' hit this fall. Rachel will be an even bigger star than me."
"Rachel's in it, so of course it will be." Quinn felt an ache in her chest. Rachel would be leaving again. It was how things had to be.
"And I'm sure you'll wish her well." Jesse looked at her knowingly, before picking up his jacket. "All the best Quinn, I hope you realise I was just trying to help," he shrugged, not needing her to believe him.
"You're leaving?"
"I've got a career to be getting on with. Turns out Lima can suck you in and destroy you after all. These last few weeks have proven it to me. No star can survive here."
"No." she nodded and watched as he said a brief farewell to the club he'd been mentoring.
xoxo
"I'm sorry Rachel." Quinn had lost sight of Rachel on the stage, but finally found her alone in the green room. She was sitting on a chair in the middle of the room, staring at the wall.
"They keep saying they didn't lose. They came second. They seem happy, but if we won, then so can they," Rachel shifted in her chair, looking up at Quinn.
"I'm sure they will. If we can keep the funding together, maybe we can find a new teacher next year. I don't think Jesse wants to commit to something like a glee club, but I can help some."
"More than three weeks anywhere and he gets itchy." Rachel giggled. She knew him too well. "We don't need a new teacher though. I'm going to do this Quinn, no more distractions. I won't walk out on them again." She was suffering from pre-show nerves and looking for an excuse to run. Hiding back in Lima and staying at McKinley seemed a comforting option right now and seeing Quinn again had made her never want to leave. It had been hard being away and not even speaking to her.
"You will." Quinn sat down on the chair opposite Rachel and looked at her sternly.
Rachel looked up in surprise at what Quinn had said and then anger gripped her. "I will not," she countered.
"You are about to be in the hit show of the season, or so Jesse tells me, and you know as well as I do that something else will always come along. There will always be a script, a director, a chance. You don't belong here Rachel. Jesse is right, a star can't burn bright in Lima. It will fade, it can only fade." Quinn's words made her ache inside. She knew what she was saying, that Rachel couldn't give up her life to be in Lima and she knew that meant that Rachel had to leave.
"Oh now we listen to Jesse?" Rachel stood up and paced the room. "What if this is what I want?"
"It's not though."
"How would you know!" Rachel turned to storm out of the room, before turning back to look at Quinn. "You don't know what you want, so you have no right to tell me what is best for me."
"You're messing with these kids." Quinn was firm, her voice level.
"What?" Rachel couldn't believe what she was hearing. She'd done her best by that club, she'd tried, there wouldn't even be a glee club without her.
"Coming in and out of their lives like this. It's not fair. They're not able to deal with it. You can't…" Quinn knew it wasn't the kids that couldn't handle it, it was her. She didn't want Rachel to go anywhere, but she couldn't see her staying. Lima wasn't enough for Rachel.
"I'm not playing games Quinn. I want this for me, I want it for them. Is it too much to have me around?"
"No, it's, I." Quinn shook her head in frustration, her composure gone. She couldn't think. The room felt like it was spinning. Rachel was staring at her. She hated seeing Rachel angry. She'd caused it. "It's a waste of your talent. High school isn't for you."
"You don't want me here?" Rachel stepped towards her. "Can you not stand to have me around or something?"
"It's not that."
"You keep telling me to leave."
Quinn's eyes snapped from the floor to meet Rachel's. "I told you I missed you."
"But you'd prefer it if I left and didn't come back. I really thought we'd become friends? Well, don't worry I can stay out of your way. So please stop thinking you need to push me away. It hurts more than you realise."
Rachel backed away again, but before she could reach the door Quinn had caught her up, she grabbed her wrist and stopped her leaving.
"Rachel."
"What?" Rachel span around to look at her, the tears she'd been fighting back were stinging at her eyes.
Quinn couldn't miss them. They stung her heart. She closed her eyes for a split second.
"I don't want you to go." She finally spoke the words she had been fighting with herself not to say. She opened her eyes and felt her heart melt. Before she could think she was leaning towards Rachel. Rachel's eyes flickered in confusion before they registered what Quinn was doing.
Quinn paused, her eyes searching Rachel's one last time as she gave in and pressed their lips together, but then Rachel's hands were on her shoulders and pushing her back gently.
"Do you really want this?" Rachel asked, her voice shaky.
"I...I should go." Quinn felt fear wrack her body. She didn't know what she was doing, but she wasn't walking anywhere.
"People really need to stop leaving." Rachel cupped Quinn's face in her hands. "If you leave, I'll never get the chance to do this," and then Rachel was kissing Quinn. Tentatively at first, but then her need won out and she kissed a little firmer. "Don't run away from me," she whispered before kissing her again.
Quinn felt her body ignite with each second that passed and every move of Rachel's tongue against her own left her powerless to resist her desires anymore. She couldn't hold back any more, reaching out she pulled Rachel's body in closer, but it could never be close enough.
Breathless, she had no choice but to break the kiss, she rested her head on Rachel's for a moment. "I couldn't run. I can barely stand," she breathed before hurriedly returning her lips to Rachel's. Her body melting against Rachel's gentle touch and she couldn't move, she couldn't run, all she could do was feel and it felt amazing.
Rachel was making noises that left Quinn aching deep inside. She never wanted to stop kissing her, but then Rachel's lips were on her jawbone and moving down her neck. Quinn felt her knees give and suddenly she was staggering back, her connection to Rachel was broken and she could instantly feel the space between them. She wanted to get back to that warmth she craved.
She looked in Rachel's eyes and saw a hundred questions in them and it frightened her that she might hold some of the answers.
Quinn took a deep breath, before placing her hand softly against Rachel's cheek.
"Rachel, I…I don't know what's been going on with us and it's been driving me crazy, but…"
"I want this." Rachel nodded fervently as if she thought she was answering the questions Quinn couldn't ask. It was enough for Quinn. She wanted it too.
Rachel pulled her back into her body, the warmth was still there and the fire Quinn could feel burning within began to flame.
"I want you," she whispered, but she didn't know if Rachel heard, because all she heard was a soft moan and her lips were being kissed needfully and she understood that need and kissed back as hard as she could.
Her hands pulling at Rachel's top, her skirt, touching her skin. Nothing stopped her yearning. Each touch left her wanting more, craving more.
Then her cell phone rang and she instinctively paused. In that second, a million thoughts ran through her head.
"Don't" Rachel breathed into her neck and Quinn felt like she would fall to the floor.
She ignored the call, but a moment later it rang again and seconds later she could hear voices coming towards the green room, as the door pushed open she hastily pulled away from Rachel.
"She's probably in here." Mischa entered the room, she didn't notice the flush on both women's cheeks in that moment and she didn't notice how white Quinn turned a second later when Greg walked in behind her.
"I've been calling you." Greg didn't notice how quickly Quinn moved away from Rachel, but Rachel did.
"Sorry, we were talking." Quinn offered feebly as she straightened her clothes.
"I heard it's bad news." Greg looked solemnly at Rachel. "I'm sorry, I know from what Quinn says that this meant a lot to you. She's been working so hard trying to help, it's been hard on her since you left town," he patted Rachel on the arm before turning back to Quinn. "But now I've got some good news, great news even. Father Wallace can fit us in next week. Late cancellation and well it's all go. Your Mom is on her way over to ours, all set for hair and makeup plans, so if you're all done here…" he looked around the room and noticed that all the kids had already packed up their things. "Then we need to make a move."
"I…right, sure." Quinn began to follow him out the door.
Rachel coughed and Quinn looked back at her. "I'm sorry. We can talk later." She didn't know what else she could say in that moment and she hated the look it left on Rachel's face.
xoxo
Quinn followed Greg out into the parking lot, her body shaking, she felt like she was going to be sick. "I forgot my cell!" she turned and ran back to where she'd left Rachel, only to find her still stood in the exact same spot.
"What was that?" Rachel asked confusedly.
"I'm sorry. We can talk later?" Quinn knew she was just trying to buy time to work out what to say and what she was feeling.
"After you see some priest about your marriage? Seriously, we just kissed!" Rachel was struggling to hold it together.
"I know. It was…Rachel…" Quinn moved closer but Rachel took a step back. "I can't. He's such a good man and he doesn't deserve this. He really wants our marriage to work."
"What about what you want?" Rachel pressed.
"I don't know, I can't answer that." Quinn bit on her bottom lip nervously.
"I want you." Rachel stepped closer, she knew this was when Quinn had to choose or she had to leave.
"I can't." Quinn shook her head. Tears threatened to escape, but she couldn't cry, she had no right. Rachel was just staring at her and she had no idea what to do. Quinn dropped her head, she hated herself for making Rachel look like that. It was all too complicated and she wasn't ready for this, she didn't know what she was doing at all.
"I'll think of you always." Rachel pulled Quinn into her arms and held her tight, before letting her go and turning her back.
"I will too, every day." Quinn tried to swallow the lump in her throat, as she felt the tears finally fall down her cheeks. She quickly wiped them away. "I'd better go."
"Sure," Rachel said cooly, but didn't turn back around.
Quinn wanted to pull her back, kiss her again, but she didn't, she couldn't. She knew Greg would come back looking for her if she didn't hurry up, so she found herself running back out to his car.
xoxo
A/N: Chapter 10 will be posted later today.