Chapter 11:

Quinn had the ticket in her hand, she couldn't believe it when it came in the post, it was the opportunity she needed. She'd spent too long trying to think of the perfect way to fix things, but nothing ever seemed to work out right in her head. Now she knew Rachel wanted her there on opening night and it made her heart race. Since Greg had left she'd sat and thought a lot but no matter how many times she went over it, she still couldn't work out what to say to Rachel or how to ask her if there was still a chance, but she knew she wanted one.

Rachel had been right, Quinn had taken the easy option, she had a simple life that worked and changing that was something she hadn't been ready for then. She was scared to leap into something so unfamiliar.

Quinn had worked hard to make things work in Lima. It hadn't been easy, but she liked what she had become. She was a well respected teacher, had a good relationship with her mother these last few years and she had a husband that loved her.

It all changed when she accepted that none of the things she was clinging to, were a match for the time she spent with Rachel.

The kiss had left her reeling and she'd been in a mess ever since, but she'd made a choice. Quinn knew she had to be honest with herself. She thought she'd ruined any chance with Rachel, that it would be hard to make up for what she'd done but this ticket changed that, she knew it was her last shot at making things right. No matter what had happened Rachel still wanted her there. She couldn't mess this up.

xoxo

New York was as busy as she remembered, she'd been stuck in traffic for too long and was scared she'd miss the curtain, but as she got closer to the theatre she felt a calm wash over her. She knew she'd made the right choice and it left a huge smile on her face. Once she got inside the theatre she was overwhelmed, the hum of everyone talking, the anticipation of seeing a new show, and her own excitement began to fill her veins.

Finally they would talk. Finally she would see Rachel and could be honest about her feelings, the one thing Rachel had insisted on in the letter she'd written. It had taken this long for her to get here, she just had to hope that Rachel was still waiting for her.

For now she was hopelessly trying to pretend that all she cared about was supporting Rachel on her opening night.

The theatre was buzzing and it made the hair on Quinn's arms stand on end and her heart beat faster. She easily found her seat and she was pleased that she had a perfect view of the stage. She quickly scanned the faces near to her but didn't see anyone familiar. She had thought Hiram and Leroy would be here and had been a little nervous about seeing them because she was sure they'd know all about what happened after Nationals. At the least she'd expected to see Kurt and it was him that she was most scared of, she knew he'd call her out for being such a coward, but she was ready to tell him she wasn't one anymore.

The lights dimmed and the curtain rose and there she stood. Rachel looked ethereal on the stage. Her presence had always captivated Quinn and tonight was no different. She didn't know if Rachel had even noticed she was in the audience, but of course Rachel wouldn't show it. She was a star and tonight was about her. Quinn had been right about one thing, Rachel belonged out here, she owned that stage.

xoxo

The applause was still ringing in Rachel's ears as she got back to her dressing room.

"Clem?" She called out as she stepped inside.

"You were amazing. They loved you." Clem's eyes were wide with excitement.

"I know." Rachel quickly cut her down. "It's Quinn, she's out in the audience. You have to go get her, don't let her leave."

"You want her to come back stage?" Clem looked at her watch. "You can't be late."

"Bring her to the party. I'll see you there after I've done the stage door."

"I'll get Nikki to walk with you."

"Thanks."

"Why didn't you just arrange it with Quinn when you invited her?"

"I didn't invite her." Rachel was busy changing out of her costume, she'd just about held it together once she saw Quinn sat in the audience, but she was scared she'd leave like she did the last time. She couldn't let that happen.

Clem couldn't hide her smile. "Maybe she's come to win you over?"

"Just get out there and find her before she runs off with some guy yeah?" Rachel snapped as she pushed Clem out the door.

She collapsed in her chair and stared at her reflection in the mirror. The adrenaline from the performance was just about keeping her functioning, but she felt something else, a nervous energy from seeing Quinn after the last month apart.

Rachel began to remove the heavy stage makeup, she had to look her best tonight for the shows bosses and all the critics and sponsors that she would have to mix with, but now she also had to try and stop herself from running to Quinn the second she saw her. She knew it would be hard, she'd always struggled to resist chasing Quinn.

When she arrived at the bar she could see all the important people were in situ. A lot of well known faces, critics, money men. She took a moment to find Quinn in the crowd, theirs eyes met and Rachel stopped still. Quinn had the power to take her breath away and usually that made her feel happy, but tonight it hurt. She could only remember the moment Quinn left her alone in the green room. Quinn began to walk towards her, but Rachel was suddenly being embraced by the director and whisked off to another part of the room.

It was an hour before Rachel got the chance to speak to Quinn and then she found she couldn't even muster a civil word. It had been too long and she'd been hurting too much. "Why are you here?" She was curt and she wished she could have been more polite, but she was scared of the answer she'd receive.

"You invited me." Quinn looked at her confusedly, the smile that had been lighting up her face quickly vanished.

"I…no…" Rachel shook her head. "Kurt!" she hissed looking for him in the crowd of people, but he was nowhere to be seen.

"I'm sorry." Quinn felt like she'd been kicked in the stomach, she wasn't meant to be here after all and now she was invading Rachel's space and ruining her night. "I can go."

"Don't go," Rachel took Quinn's arm and led her away from the crowd. She hadn't meant to be rude. She'd felt happy when she'd been on stage and saw Quinn sat in the audience watching her, it had filled her with a warmth that she'd missed this last month and now she didn't want to let her go so quickly. "It's…I'm glad you were here. How was I?"

"Amazing," Quinn breathed the word out. Her eyes locked with Rachel's. She'd missed her. She wished she'd called, said something, been brave enough to tell Rachel how she felt. "I left Greg," she blurted out. "I'm sorry it took me so long, I had so much going on and then when you left…I went home and I thought and then I talked and I…" Quinn began to ramble on, her words not forming sentences as she stumbled over them.

"Not here," Rachel stopped her with a shake of her head and Quinn could see the alarm in Rachel's eyes. Perhaps she was scared someone would overhear them. Maybe Rachel was here with someone.

"You have a date?" Quinn looked as broken as she felt. Rachel couldn't miss it and she liked that the idea that she was on a date would bother Quinn.

"No date, but I have an agent and producers. I need to focus right now."

"Sure, the non disclosure thing, I forgot." Quinn nodded, kicking herself for getting in Rachel's way on her big night.

"The what?" Rachel looked at her confusedly.

"Clem wanted me to sign one, I get that it's important, you have to be discreet or whatever." Quinn shrugged simply.

"Um no." Rachel frowned. "I live as I want to." She couldn't believe Clem would do that, but then she knew Quinn wasn't lying. She had a few questions for her assistant, but then she realised the only time Quinn had met Clem was at her house. "She told you when she came to your house, but you never said…we never talked and…you knew I was…Clem thought we were together?…" Rachel couldn't get her head round it at all, she wanted to sit down, but the room was so full she'd never get left alone to process her thoughts.

"I didn't know what to say. I was shocked."
"Shocked." Rachel clenched her jaw, Quinn was surprised to learn Rachel was gay and she wasn't here for the reasons Rachel had wanted, she was just being the friend she'd promised to be. "I get it." Rachel felt her heart fall.

"We should talk." Quinn tried but Rachel was busy backing away until she remembered the part about Quinn leaving Greg and she wondered.

"I've got to work now, but stay and we can meet up later? Wait for me. I'll only be an hour or so. Clem will keep you company."

Rachel walked off and Quinn found herself sitting alone by the bar, Clem was working the room twice as hard as Rachel. She was offered several drinks and a few guys came over to talk, but she quickly sent them away. She saw Rachel look over a few times and she offered a shy smile or a wave, but inside she was trembling.

xoxo

"Rachel asked me to get you." Clem was taking her by the arm. "They're going back to the theatre and waiting for the reviews. It's a big thing."
"Sure," Quinn nodded.

"She's not avoiding you."

"I know."
"Do you? Because if it were me? I'd avoid you. Married!"

"I left him."
"Rachel said you chose him, that's why she left."
"I did, sort of. I wasn't ready, but I am now."

"Any guy over Rachel Berry? Seriously Quinn?" Clem shook her head. "It's okay I get it. You had the nice little picket fence dream, kids and a dog and all that. Boring but stable."

"I never really had a dream. That's what Rachel had. I just drifted and checked off boxes and had bad needy relationships. Got pregnant at High school. You know the usual teenage fuck up. I've spent my life with people judging me for that, so yeah maybe the fact I'm a lesbian scared the hell out of me. So what?" Quinn felt her body shake, it was the first time she'd used that word to describe herself and it was terrifying and liberating all at the same time. "Fuck," she fell back against the wall and Clem just watched her.

Rachel had been a few steps behind them and heard the whole exchange, she was only listening in because of what Quinn had told her about Clem. She'd been curious to know what her assistant would say this time around, but she'd not expected to hear any of that.

"Wow." Clem stifled a giggle and it shook Rachel back to life. "That was quite the big life moment."

"Hey," Rachel stepped forward. "Maybe get Quinn a drink?" She asked Clem, who quickly made herself scarce. "you okay?"

"You heard all that?" Quinn asked nervously.

"I did." Rachel spoke softly, she could see how shaken Quinn was.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at Clem, it's me I'm angry with, not her."

"She can take it. She's heard worse from me." Rachel offered reassuringly.

"It's really good to see you." Quinn reached out and touched Rachel's cheek. "So good."

"So…" Rachel looked Quinn over, she looked tired, but they had to talk. "We kissed."

"We did." Quinn found herself smiling at the memory.

"And then things didn't go so well."

"They went pretty bad," Quinn sucked her lips between her teeth as she thought of what to say next, "and I'm sorry but I was blown away and I just followed, I wish I could take it back, but in that moment I felt that was all I could do. Nothing was clear to me, but now…well now I'm here and I hope we can talk and that you want to and that maybe we could…I can do this, if you still want me, want to…" She couldn't find the right words so instead she took Rachel in her arms and kissed her and as Rachel melted into her she felt like she could never let her go. "I want to do that a lot."

"I'd like that." Rachel giggled, she wasn't used to Quinn stumbling over her words, but she liked how she kissed and she was now filled with a hope that they actually could make something happen between them. "How about we go back to mine after? I don't think I'll sleep, not tonight," she remembered how tired Quinn looked, "or you could go back to your hotel and we could meet for breakfast?"

"I don't want to wait until the morning." Quinn was adamant. They'd spent too long apart.

"They're in!" A voice called from the stage and Rachel smiled apologetically before leaving Quinn's side again.

xoxo

They got back to Rachel's apartment a few hours later. Quinn had been offered a quick tour and now they were sitting on Rachel's couch and sharing a bottle of wine whilst Quinn insisted on reading the reviews out again.

"Unbelievable!" Quinn poured herself another glass of wine and smiled at Rachel. "I'm so proud."

"I'm blown away. I mean it was good, but wow. People will be flooding in now. I can't believe it."

"You deserve it."

"Perhaps it was worth leaving Lima." Rachel pressed on the sore point between them and Quinn visibly deflated.

"You were right to go."

"I recall you asking me to stay at one point? Do you still feel that way?" Rachel asked a little nervously. Their feelings were still very unclear.

"Rachel I would love that. I would love to see you everyday." Quinn moved closer and chanced a chaste kiss to Rachel's lips. It left her tingling and craving more. "But…" Quinn stopped, she didn't want to talk of the reasons they couldn't be together all the time, but it was inevitable.

"I work here, but I don't feel alive like I do when I'm with you. I can leave it all Quinn. I was happy in Lima, happy with you. This is amazing. It's a dream, but it's not living. I feel alive when we're together, that's better than dreaming."

"You look alive on that stage Rach, there is nothing else like it and you can't give it up, not for me and I can't make you do that. You belong here and I'm happy in Lima, maybe that's been the problem all along. Why I kept pushing you away, why you let me."

"Bullshit!" Rachel snapped. "You kept telling me I don't belong there but neither do you and you never did!" Rachel was standing up now, her fierce gaze focussed on Quinn. They were too fiery and remembering her Dads warning she knew they'd never work things out if she didn't ease off. She took a deep breath and sat back down, placing her palm softly against Quinn's cheek. "Neither of us belong anywhere. What we really need and deserve, is a chance. Would it be so bad to come here, to move to New York? Take a chance on us?"

"Leave my life and follow your dream?" Quinn shook her head resolutely but she couldn't look Rachel in the eyes. "I couldn't sit around here, I can't give up my work." Her independence and own income mattered to her, she'd worked hard for it and to make her life in Lima.

"I don't want you to do that."

"Oh, Then?"

"Teach here! Move here. Why is that so frightening to you, or is it just the idea of being with me that scares you?"

"It does scare me. We're volatile and what if it doesn't work?" Quinn didn't want to say it, but it played on her mind.

"We're good together, it'll work." Rachel had few doubts, she knew that if Quinn would agree that they'd find a way to make things work, but it was too much for Quinn to deal with right now. Rachel could understand, she'd had longer to deal with how she felt, a lot of this was new to Quinn. "But we can try from a distance for a bit, see how that goes, if that's better for you?"

"I'd like that."

"Then maybe you'll consider coming to New York permanently?" Rachel persisted, she knew work was going to fill her days and she couldn't help but fantasise about the idea of returning home to Quinn at the end of each day.

"I don't know, maybe. I love my kids, I just feel that I can't leave them, it's too much."

"You love them," Rachel took Quinn's hands in hers, "and I love you." Quinn's eyes snapped up to meet hers. "I really do." Rachel nodded as she spoke, pulling Quinn closer before kissing her softly.

"Fuck!" Quinn sighed into the kiss, letting Rachel take control of her and fill her senses. She couldn't imagine not spending every minute with her. Rachel's lips were soon at her neck and Quinn was powerless and she liked it.