"So you haven't heard from Matty at all?" Tamara asked me as she sat on my bed. I was currently in my closet, looking for something to wear to this party that Tamara is driving us to. I wasn't feeling a dress, even though Tamara was looking her usual dressed up self. I guess hiding a t-shirt with an oversized infinity scarf with some jeans will have to do.
"Nope, I haven't heard from anyone." I said as I came out of my closet in the outfit I decided on for tonight. I looked in my full view mirror and gave myself a nod.
"That's what you're wearing? Seriously?" I saw the reflection of Tamara judging me in the mirror. I let out a sigh.
"Yes, and you're going to have to deal with it. I don't feel like dressing up." I said. I watched her expression through the mirror and she gave me a concerned look.
"Are you sure you want to go out tonight? Because I can just say screw it to the party." I turned to Tamara.
"No, we always have fun on New Years and I'd like to keep that tradition. Plus I'd like to get really wasted." I said with a laugh. Tamara jumped up and squealed.
"Good, but can I at least put some eyeliner on you…?" she gave me the puppy dog eyes. I nodded in defeat. As long Tamara is happy, I know I could get through the night in one piece, hopefully.
Tamara failed to mention that the party was being held at Sadie's uncle's house.
"This is okay right?" Tamara asked. Little did she know that I was already invited weeks before when Sadie invited me out for food. I just nodded. Despite Sadie and I had called a truce, it still felt too weird to mention it.
As we entered the house, we were welcomed by Jake with a big hug for both of us. I could tell he was already tipsy despite it being only 8:30.
"Hey guys! Long time no see." he yelled over the music blaring.
"It's only been a week, Jake." Tamara laughed. It was good to see them on good terms again. If there was any more drama in our circle, I was sure to explode. I could barely pay attention to the conversation due to observing the crowd in this big penthouse.
"Matty's here, if that's what you were doing." Jake said. I saw Tamara elbow him in the ribs out of the corner of my eye.
"I was actually looking for-"
"Oh look who is here. I didn't know you guys were going to show up." Sadie emerged from the depths of people. I had the urge to say hi, but alas, this still felt weird to me. I waited for Sadie to say one of her sassy comments, whether it was about my outfit, or my hair, or my makeup, or…
"Come on, we need to get you two some drinks." Sadie said, motioning us to follow her. Tamara and I looked at each other. She looked confused, but I just shrugged at her. We both followed with Jake staggering behind.
It looked like the whole student body was packed into this party. I could barely hear myself think with the music and buzz of the crowd.
"Vodka or beer? I have infused strawberries and peach rings too...and a lot of other things."
"All of the above." I blurted. Frankly, I wanted to get fucked up tonight. Sadie gave me a smirk, and handed me everything I asked. I downed the candy and fruit instantly, and then cracked open my beer. Tamara gave me a look of amusement.
"Oh this is going to be so much fun. I want to see Jenna plastered!" Tamara raised her beer for a cheers, and we all chimed in.
"So, Hamilton, just so you know…" I stopped Sadie with a shush.
"I don't care who is here. I am going to dance now." I said, grabbing Tamara by her hand, leaving Sadie and Jake in the dust. It was time to leave my troubles in a red solo cup and in the dancing crowd.
-
It was about 11:30, and I could feel the intoxication all over my body. I was currently on a balcony trying to sober up a little bit. I could see my breath in the air and it gave me a calm peace of mind. I could still hear the party going on muffled by the doors between us. I was feeling like I would never sober up, until I heard the door release the tension inside. I whipped myself around to see who was interrupting my quiet time.
"Hi…" Matty meekly said. I turned around, I couldn't look at him. I couldn't tell if it was my nerves or the alcohol making me want to puke.
"Can we talk…?" I could tell he was approaching me. My brain was giving off red signals. I was screaming no inside my whole being, but I couldn't get it out of my mouth. All of a sudden he was standing next to me. I could feel myself folding into my arms that were cradling my sides.
"Are you cold?" he asked. He took his jacket off and motioned it over my shoulders. I jerked away and looked him in the eye.
"I'm fine. thanks." I said, monotone as could be.
"Jenna...please don't be like this."
"I don't feel like having this conversation right now…" I said quietly. I turned to leave, but I felt my body jerk back into place. His hands were on my arms. I looked up into his desperate eyes.
"Why haven't you called or texted?" he asked. I felt disgusted by this.
"You know that works both ways, right? Besides, we have nothing to talk about."
"She lied, you know…" his eyes lowered in sadness.
"Lied? about what? There are so many things." I was starting to feel uncomfortable under his grasp. I struggled, but there was no release.
"There's no baby." He said. "Can you believe that?"
"Well, we weren't lying because we didn't get along with her…" I said, still struggling.
"You know what this means right…?" He said. his face seemed closer to mine because I could smell the beer on his breath. "We can...you know.."
I had enough at this point. I whipped my body in a circle and finally got his hands off of me.
"WE aren't doing anything, Matty. I didn't pine over this Eva shit because I wanted to get back with you. I was being a concerned friend. That's it!" I proceeded to walk to leave.
When I looked up, I saw Sadie standing in the doorway. I felt a sense of relief seeing her there. I walked up to her and we both left the balcony. Before I knew it, I was following Sadie to a guestroom that was currently calling her own.
"How much did you see of that..?" I asked, as we entered the room. She sat down on the floor, leaning back against the bed behind her. I decided to sit next to her, leaning back as well.
"I only saw the last part. He was totally out of line the second he put his hands on you." her words were laced with disgust. I let out a sigh and let my head tilt back into the comfy bed sheets. I was feeling very sobered up more than I would've liked by the big boner kill that is Matty McKibben.
"Can I ask you something Hamiltoe?" Sadie turned to face me a little bit, and I did the same. I simply nodded.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to but…" I was anticipating her question silently, "Did you...really try to kill yourself?" I looked down and felt a little bit of shame form in my chest.
"Everyone thinks that, but it was an accident." I said, still not being able to look at her. Those old feelings coming up and I didn't feel like dealing with them right now.
"Listen, I'm really sorry for all the nasty things I said to you...and did to you...I can be nasty a lot." she said. I finally looked up to her and could see the sincerity in her eyes.
"It's okay." I said, still sharing a gaze with her. I was starting to feel uncomfortable under her eye contact that I could feel myself starting to blush. "um...so-"
"Jenna! I found you thank god!" Tamara bellowed as she busted through the door. "Oh...oh am I interrupting something?"
Sadie and I instantly jumped and scooted away from other. "Knock much, fire crotch?" Sadie snapped. Tamara scoffed.
"You know that I dye my hair this color right?" I struggled to not laugh at the situation going on in front of me. I was feeling grateful that Tamara interrupted whatever...that was with Sadie.
"Anyway, Jenna, I was just gonna ask you if you seen Jake but…" she looked between us, "I can see he is most def not here, so….bye." Tamara proceeded to slam the door behind her as she left the scene. I couldn't help but laugh.
"She is so wasted. She's always louder when she is." I laughed.
"God, like she couldn't be more annoying."
"Hey! She's my best friend. She's a really good listener...and stuff." Sadie gave me a sarcastic look and nodded dramatically. I nudged her a little bit and we laughed a little more. I let out a happy sigh.
From the distance we could hear the people downstairs counting down to the new year. As I looked up to the ceiling, I thought about the last few months and the chaos that ensued.
"This year has been crazy, hasn't it?" I said, mostly to myself. Sadie "mhmm'd" in agreeance.
"I'm hoping that I can graduate in peace and go start over in college." Sadie said. I looked over to see her also leaning back and looking at the ceiling.
"Me too." I said, "let's do it, Saxton." She looked over at me.
"Let's make a pact to get the hell out of this town." I held out my pinkie finger to her. "promise?"
"Promise." As she linked her finger with mine, the cheers and happy new years erupted from downstairs. I was feeling more at ease with this new friendship I was in, and I was looking forward to more of it.
Now, if only I could be more at ease about Matty.