Chapter 9 - Lovefool
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The first stage of the plan went more smoothly than they previously expected. Miles distracted Trager and Manera by inviting them to a hearty game of tag. Right after Trager and Manera rushed out to ensure the imminent demise of Miles, Waylon slipped into the kitchen and gathered as many sharp objects as he could and carefully carried them to the gymnasium, only to experience something truly peculiar. In the centre of the gymnasium, Eddie Gluskin was searching for something on the floor. A few seconds later, he bent down to pick up one of the weights to which the balloons were connected with strings. When he was straight up again, Waylon could see there was a wrinkly, bald human head in his hands. He almost yelped, but managed to muffle his own scream by biting his own hand and almost cutting his own head off. He became all the more shocked when he realised that Gluskin was speaking to that head.
"Are you sure that this concoction will work, Mr. Agrippa?" his voice sounded worried. The head answered gently, with a faint foreign accent. "I am 100 % percent assured, my friend. When I had my body, I brewed love potions to entertain the lads in my village. They never came back dissatisfied. Just don't forget to…" the head was interrupted mid-sentence, for Gluskin promptly put him in a bodybag. "I am sincerely sorry, old man, but Manera promised me to make a piñata out of you for my darling."
Waylon's eyes widened with bewilderment. What amount of batshit crazy is Gluskin capable of? Now he wanted to give him some kind of a love potion to acquire his support for the imaginary wedding! This madness had to be stopped. He rooted for Miles to be able to reach the canteen in time, because Waylon was about to set the plan in motion. He barged into the gymnasium, but rapidly come to a halt to spend time on contemplating how to carry out precisely the next phase of his plan. This proved to be an asinine move.
A lovesick smarmy voice began to resonate through the hall and Waylon's skull. "Hearts go astray, leaving hurt when they go. I went away, just when you needed me so. Filled with regret, I come back beggin' you. Forgive, forget, where's the love that we once knew?"
Waylon got more startled the moment he recognised voices other than Gluskin's to join in the chorus. Had he actually persuaded others to play a part in his insane game? "Open up your eyes, then you'll realize" An elongated pause in the sickly serenade gave an opportunity to Waylon to slip away through a vent. He leapt to get his hands on the edge of the vent (dropping all his accessories in the process), when a Variant with a pink bowtie pushed him down, sending him to the ground. Waylon ended up sitting on his almost naked bottom, stuck in the farthest corner of the gymnasium, facing Gluskin, who apparently entered the area and slowly walked near him. Two Variants accompanied him, dressed as old-timey chorus girls. Approximately how many dresses have Gluskin sewn? How much freetime did he have!?, Waylon's thoughts rambled. They continued singing. "Here I stand with my everlasting love! Need you by my side, girl to be my bride. You'll never be denied, everlasting looove!" Upon reaching Waylon, Gluskin knelt down before him and offered his hand.
"Forgive my earlier rudeness, darling! I orchestrated this humble performance for you to beg again for your dear hand" pled the creepy Groom. Waylon knew that he had to pick up the pieces of his plan and roll with the current situation if he wanted to make it to the cake somehow. Hence he started to stretch out his hand for Gluskin's, who used this careless opening to strike him in the upper arm with an injection. Waylon flailed with his arms ineffectively as a reaction; Gluskin somewhat impatiently, but forgivingly restrained him. "Darling, I need you to move less. How am I supposed to live with myself if I accidentally stick this into your beautiful eye?"
"Romeo… must… die" Waylon pouted before falling into the deep abyss of images of multiple Jeremy Blaires pointing at him and laughing and Gluskins dressed as Bavarian jodlerins.