Darkness was closing in and yet again, Usagi found that she was unable to sleep. Every single time she closed her eyes, those haunting images flashed before her once more. Over and over again she had to relive that awful, agonizing moment of watching Haruka pull that trigger. The image was burned into the back of her mind, her words taunting her with every passing moment. It's funny... When you say it, it's almost like I believe you really will... Save the world... The soft vocals, the way her blue eyes had looked at her... It all haunted her, it all tormented her. Her entire existence was caught up in surviving post losing the Outers, of rewatching each of them die and being unable to do a damn thing. It always came back to that, to her being useless, to her being unable to fight back and protect those she loved the most. How many more sleepless nights would she endure? How much longer could she go on living and feeling such a way?

Beside her, Chibiusa slept soundly, her dreams much sweeter than her own. Usagi envied her, that little girl, who to an extent still yet lived carefree. A little girl untainted by the darkness of being the one people died for, the one people died to protect. The one who had all the power, yet could do nothing at all. Untangling herself from the bed sheets, Usagi rose from her bed and shed her pajamas. Within moments she'd thrown on her outfit from earlier that day- a black jumper with a pink blouse beneath. Slipping her socks back on, she pocketed her heart-shaped compact and exited her room. Tiptoeing past her parent's bedroom, she paused only a moment at the sound of her father's sleepy cough. When it had ceased, she was gone, stepping into her shoes in the doorway.

High above her, the moonlight shined on, though it offered her little comfort that night. Truthfully, she wasn't sure where she was to go, nor did she truly care; just being out in the warm, summer air was enough to calm her a little. The wind was gentle and it reminded her of Haruka. The blonde continued down the main street, veering off only when she came to the entrance of the local park. The night was warm and dark, but the moonlight lit up her way, as if putting her onto the path she needed to be on. Wandering the dark park, Usagi hummed softly, the tune one she had heard Michiru play many times. Her feet took her the ever familiar path she took to and from school, which cut through the middle of the park, a part of the park that was near and dear to her heart. As she approached the bench, Usagi could almost swear she saw Haruka sitting there, waiting for her to arrive. But as she neared closer, she knew her eyes to be mistaken, for there was no one there. There would never be someone there. A heavy sigh escaped her lips and Usagi sat down, her elbows resting on her knees, her cheeks cupped into her palms. As she sat there, her mind drifted back, over those awful moments, ones forever engrained into her mind. She could still yet recall the heaviness of the door as she threw it open, could still recall the stab of pain as she felt the loss of Neptune. She could still remember barreling into the room, to throw her own body against the enemy's, knocking the gun from her hands. And then... The sight of it in Haruka's hands.

Closing her eyes, Usagi leaned back, fighting back the tears threatening to spill from beneath her eyelids. Why... Why hadn't she been able to get there a few moments earlier? Why hadn't she been able to achieve this next powerup without the Holy Grail? Why did the grail have to exist? Why, why, why?! She asked herself why over and over again everyday, wondering why things had to be this way. The very thought of transforming into Super Sailor Moon sickened her and she'd avoided it at all costs the last few weeks. And while the Grail offered them hope, she could not allow herself to use and rely on a power that had taken so much away from her. Her power was infinite, yet she'd been unable to prevent the needless deaths of the Outer Senshi. She could only stand by and watch. She sat up straighter, reaching a hand into her pocket, pulling out her heart-shaped compact. The gold shined in the moonlight, but the sight made her queasy. In a moment of rash, self inflicted rage, Usagi let out a cry and tossed the compact away, hearing it bounce a few times as it landed several feet away. What was the point in having such a thing, of having such a power, if she could not save the world without sacrifice? What was the point in calling herself a heroine, a messiah if her power could not stop the deaths of beloved friends and of innocent bystanders? How many times would her friends die for her? She had lost them once and they'd come back... But the next time could be like this time, like with Haruka and Michiru. The next time they might not come back. Losing the Outers was a pain like no other, a pain more agonizing than she had ever thought possible, but to lose the rest of her friends? No, she couldn't let that happen. She could not and would not lose anyone else. Not Hotaru, not anyone at all.

"Princess?"

The voice caught her off guard and Usagi turned, blue eyes widening at the sight of Setsuna standing before her. The older woman offered her a small smile and approached, her heart breaking at the sight of her dear princess; hair disheveled, blue eyes swollen, her cheeks stained by tears. She looked as Setsuna felt. She had always known the loss of Neptune and Uranus would come- but she could have never prepared herself for how it truly would feel. They had not yet met in this life, but Setsuna had watched over them from afar. From the moment that Neptune had awoken and sought out Uranus, she had watched them. An inseperable pair that had a steadfast loyalty to their duty to the mission. The mission could not, however, be completed without their sacrifice and forever the world would go on without knowing what had been given for its surival. The girl before her though, truly knew what it meant to be so loved that people would die for you. She knew and understood loss better than anyone else, because look at all of it she had suffered through? Setsuna found she could not find the words to say and instead she extended her hand, in which the girl's compact lay. Silently, Usagi reached out and took it from her, and she retreated into herself, her shoulders curving as she leaned forwards. "Can I sit?" Setsuna finally asked, waiting until the young woman silently nodded her assent. Taking the seat beside her, Setsuna tried to smile, but the sight of Usagi's heartbreak was just too much for her to take. "I'm sorry things had to be this way..."

"Had to? Had to?" Usagi exploded, turning sharply, hair whipping about her face, her blue eyes frenzied. "It didn't have to be this way." She clutched tightly to her compact, shaking her head, hating herself for every single tear that fell down her cheeks. "I could have... I can... I can do it without the power. I don't need to be Super Sailor Moon. I don't need the Grail." Setsuna felt her own heart breaking at the misery of the girl before her, feeling the same pain, but in a much different way. "Why am I so helpless..." She murmured then, falling apart at the seams, her whole body quaking with the sobs that suddenly poured from her. "I wanted to protect them. I wanted to save them!" She cried into her hands, rocking back and forth, wishing with all of her heart to go back and change things. To make them see that she could do anything if only they'd stood behind her.

Usagi could not stop the tears that flowed so freely from her eyes, she could not breathe she was crying so hard. Losing Michiru and Haruka... It hurt more than she had ever thought it would. Life was cruel and fate was unfair, she thought, recalling how she had never even known of their existence before the present. In her past life, as Serenity, she had only known of her own four guardians, never of the two that guarded the galaxy from afar. In this life, they finally had met, had finally found one another, but were forced apart by more than just death. From the moment they'd met, the two sets of senshi had clashed, had been unable to work together. Usagi couldn't see how they couldn't work things out and be a team. they were all after the same goal, after all. "I remember feeling helpess." Setsuna's quiet vocals caught her attention and Usagi lifted her face, turning slightly to look upon the older woman. "Once, I too could do nothing but stand by, helpless as people I loved died." Setsuna watched as realization skitted across Usagi's features and suddenly the tears were fading and her big blue eyes were wide in her face. "All three of us could do nothing but watch as the Moon Kingdom turned to dust. I could not leave my post, nor they from theirs. It was our duty, our orders." Setsuna explained softly, her eyes betraying just how painful those memories still were. "Duty doesn't make it less painful, but it gives it more meaning." She continued, turning her eyes back onto Usagi, who remained still and silent. "Haruka and Michiru knew what it cost to be a solider, they knew what their roles were going to be in this fight. They sacrificed their lives to give you and the others a chance at winning. Because they believe in you."

Those words sent shockwaves through her and despite it all, Usagi found herself to be smiling. "Believe..." She murmured softly, lifting her gaze to the starry sky above them. And though the weight of her guilt was still heavy, for the first time in weeks, she felt it lift, if only a little bit. "We'll meet them again, right?" She asked then, turning back to Setsuna, a childlike plea to her tone of voice. Setsuna nodded and the girl was suddenly full of hope. "I won't let their deaths be in vain. I will save this world." She stood up then, her fierce determination flaring up, igniting like a fire in her eyes. Her hands squeezing into fists at her sides, Usagi sucked in a breath and then let it out, turning slightly to look at Setsuna, still seated on the bench. "Thank you," the young woman smiled and Setunsa rose up, nodding slightly. She watched as the girl waved goodbye, as she took off at a jog down the paved pathway, her blonde hair billowing behind her. In an instant she was gone, but Setsuna was full of her aura, her warmth and her scent. After all this time, she was still the same, the very same princess she had been a lifetime before. It would take time, but she would heal from the loss of the other two, she would move on but she would never forget. And nor would she. Setsuna knew she would carry the loss of Haruka and Michiru until she drew her very last breath, just as her princess would. Someday she would kneel before her as she had once knelt before her mother and Setsuna knew it wasn't really all that far off. Turning to head for home, Setsuna lingered only a moment longer, suddenly feeling the wind as it sent her hair dancing about her face, and a smile slowly spread across her features. Death couldn't keep them apart, not completely anyways.

As she climbed back into bed, Usagi snuggled close to Chibiusa, who mumbled something and buried her face into her pillow, Usagi felt at peace. For the first time since Haruka and Michiru had died, she felt sleep grasping at her brain and she willingly gave in. She dreamed of them, of Neptune and Uranus, their blurred features racing past her in a torrent of images. She dreamed of their voices, of their speeches and their eyes. Haruka's lingered the most, watching from afar, her features brightening with a smile as she tried to tell her something. When she woke the next morning, she no longer felt the cold, dark grief first, but instead thought of Mamoru, of Chibiusa who had already risen from the bed and was gone. The pain came, as she knew it would, but it was not the first thing she thought of that morning, nor would it be the last thing she thought of before going to bed that night. No longer would she be chained to her pain and her grief, merely living with it, and instead she was surviving and getting through it. Her thoughts turned to Setsuna and she smiled, reminding herself to tell Chibiusa that she understood her love for the guardian of time. Her communicator suddenly came to life on her nightstand and without thinking, she was dashing out the door, shouting for Chibiusa across the house.

And just like that, she was bouncing back into her role as a senshi. Her vow was always the same, to protect those she loved, and it was a vow she would not take lightly. There would be no other lives lost during her tenure as a senshi, that she would make sure of.