Turns out Olivia started desk duty just at the right time. As she moved into the third trimester she really started to grow, fast, slowing her down quite a bit. There was also the growing frequency in which she needed to use the bathroom. No longer in the field meant Olivia was home every evening for dinner and most Saturday and Sundays. This brought me the most joy being able to spend the time shopping for all the necessary baby supplies like cribs, high chairs, strollers, changing tables and bouncy seats. It became evident very quickly that our apartment was simply not big enough. It took many attempts at arranging the furniture to totally satisfy Olivia. Several Sundays were spent with her sitting on the couch; swollen ankles propped up on pillows directing me were to put things.

"How about over by the island?" she suggested.

"Liv we tried over there already." I wined. She would never understand just how tiring it was to constantly move the furniture by your self. "It's fine where it is." I said exasperated. "I think this just proves how dire our need for a bigger apartment is." I walked over to the couch picked up her feet, sat down where they had been sitting then rested them on my lap.

"A new apartment? But you love it here." She said.

"I'm comfortable here." I corrected. "I LOVE you! Besides we need OUR place, one that we choose together, not the apartment formally known as mine." She giggled at my reference.

"If you think its necessary I'll go along with it." Olivia said non-chalantly. She wasn't fooling me though. I could tell Olivia was just itching to pick-up the iPad and start searching straight away.

"Lets get through the birth and first few months of being parents before making more life altering decisions." I suggested. The excitement quickly left her face. "But there is no reason we cant start looking now, OUR dream home may be waiting for us right now." I said. She squealed with delight retrieving the iPad.

"I had hoped you would say that." I laughed at her gorgeous features as they glowed with excitement.

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As the weeks crept on the morning sickness, fatigue and worst of all the mood swings returned with a vengeance Every morning I would hold Olivia's hair back while she vomited. During that time I would try to convince her to take maternity leave early she could rest but every time she would pull herself to her feet use her large belly to push past me then waddle her way out of the apartment never so much as uttering a word to me. Being the protective partner that I am I would wait ten minutes or so, the time it took her to make it down stairs, then follow behind catching her as she reached the bus stop. I would apologize, tell her I trusted her judgment and knew when the time was right she would tell me, we would then hug and I would drive her to work.

By time she reached thirty-eight weeks that was still our morning routine. One morning after dropping her off I realized she had left her bag in the back seat. Knowing she would be looking for it I turned around and headed back to the parking garage were I saw Captain Creagen step out of the elevators on his way to his squad car.

"Hey Don!" I called through the window. He immediately stopped walking and turned to find the source of the noise.

"Alex? Long time no see." He said approaching the car.

"Yeah I know. Homicide keeps me busy and Olivia's been keeping me busy." I said with a smile.

"I can imagine. She's nearly forty weeks isn't she? The squad started taking bets on weather she'll deliver in the squad room or at a scene." He said chuckling. At first I chuckled along but then his words set in.

"What do you mean at a scene?" I asked. He immediately stopped chuckling and dropped his smile.

"You didn't know she is still working cases?" he asked.

"I know she is still working cases but she told me it was from a desk and that she hadn't been in the field since she got attacked. I don't understand then how has she been getting home for dinner every night?"

"She told us that was the only way you would allow her to keep working." He explained. "We have been trying to convince her to slow down but you know how much of a hard head she is. I even threatened to suspend her."

"How did she react to that?" I asked slightly amused.

"She threatened to turn me into HR for gender inequality." he answered.

"Sounds like a mood swing. Good thing you didn't press she was likely dead serious. So where is she now? I need an explanation for her laying to me." My amusement quickly left replaced by anger and disappointment. Creagen did not immediately answer but from the guilty look on his face I knew I wasn't going to like the answer.

"Alex I sent her to a scene. DB found raped with a needle in her arm in an ally off of east fifty Fourth Street and second ave. Sounded like a hooker who did a john then over dosed." He answered. "I've been throwing her softballs since the attack trying to keep her from over exerting herself if that's any consolation. This one sounded straight forward." I could tell he was being sincere and honest.

"I don't blame you Don. I just which she would stop laying to me. I know she thinks she is protecting me but it only makes the situation worse." I could feel myself starting to break down. How do people deal with this stress? First the ups and downs and twists of the pregnancy which lasts for nine long months, then before you get a breath the stress of parenthood wears you down for eighteen plus years! Lost in my thoughts and trying not to break down in front of Olivia's boss I did not notice that Creagen had retrieved his phone from his pocket and was now on it listening intently. I watched as his features changed from shock to anger before settling on fear. With fear issuing from every line on his face he finally spoke.

"And they took her where? No don't brother she's sitting here talking to me. I'll bring her over." He ended the call and returned the phone to his pocket. He looked at me with intense eyes that sent chills down my back.

"Alex let me drive." He said. Between the way he spoke and the look he was giving me I did as he said getting out of the drivers seat and hustling around to the passenger side. By the time I was in he already had the car in drive.

"Olivia's hurt again isn't she?" I asked as he pulled forward squealing the tires. Creagen did not answer right away instead focusing on the road ahead. Even without a siren he exceeded the speed limit, blew through intersections and wove in and out of traffic.

"Did she get attacked again?" I asked searching for answers.

"No she didn't. The uni at the scene said she slipped down a flight of stairs looking for evidence." Creagen replied.

"Oh my god! The fall may have included labor." The realization sent another wave of chills down my spine. Now not only was my partner in danger, but our baby was also at risk. "Don please get us there." He obliged by slamming the gas to the floor pushing the car to its limit.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When we finally reached the hospital my mind was racing with thoughts and scenario's, all with the same terrible outcome.

"Come on Alex they took her up to labor and delivery." Creagen grabbed my upper arm gently steering me towards the elevators. My mind continued to produce scenario after scenario leaving me numb. I payed no attention to Creagen or the other people around me; I must have looked like a zombie. Creagen led me onto the maternity ward, down several hallways before stopping in front of the last room.

"Alex you go on ahead. I'm going to talk to the officer out here." Unable to find words I settled for nodding. He seemed concerned but satisfied enough by this response to walk away from me with the uniformed officer. I took a moment to try to clear my thoughts but it was no use, until I saw her mind kept coming up with scenarios. So with a deep breath I pushed open the door, stepped into the room, then around the curtain.

"You know we were supposed to do this together remember? At home snuggling together, you start to feel the contractions, I run around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to remember the bags, the keys, the car seat all while keeping you calm."

"I know! Its not like I planned this. Stupid stomach got in my line of sight, I never saw the stairs." She sighed. I crossed the room to the bedside. "And I was looking forward to the cuddling and you running around like a chicken with its head cut off." She said sympathy. Even sitting there in her hospital bed, swollen stomach, looking exhausted I couldn't help but smile at her.

"It's ok. You can ask Creagen later, but I think my reaction was better then a chicken with its head cut off." I said.

"What could be better then you freaking out?" she asked. "I mean being the ice queen and all I am certain you never once freaked out over anything. Always cool, calm, and collected." She said. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at this statement. To this day I have no idea who came up with the name ice queen, but it had stuck.

"Well then I lived up to my name because I froze. Creagen nearly had to carry me up here." She started to laugh only to grimace in pain.

"Liv what's wrong?" I asked aware of the sharp rise in panic in my voice.

"Nothing serious, just a contraction." She breathed through gritted teeth.

"Ok, Ok just breathe and visualize…." I started to ramble trying to control my own breathing but Olivia stopped me.

"Babe just hold my hand until it's over." I was in awe; even in child labor Olivia was calm, cool, and in charge of the situation.

"I can do that." I responded taking the hand she had offered me.

For the next five or six hours I held her hand while she squeezed through every contraction. Olivia continued to be my rock telling me exactly what to do and when to do it.

"Honey could you rub my back please." She asked. She was lying on her left side facing the chair I occupied.

"Happily." I left my chair, than staying on the same side of the bed reached over her and started massaging the small of her back.

"Mmmm, perfect." She moaned. "Work your way up and down please."

"As you whish." I responded. "Like this?"

"Mmmm, yeah that's great." I smiled into my shoulder so she couldn't see my face, I couldn't help but take pleasure in her pleasure. My thoughts wondered to romantic moments we had spent together.

"Alex?" she whispered bringing me back to the present.

"Yes my love?" I whispered.

"You're massaging my butt."

"I'm massaging your-?" I looked down at my right hand placement and immediately stopped its movement.

"Not that I'm not enjoying it, but I'm really not in the mood and my back really hurts."

"Of course. I'm Sorry. How about now?" I asked moving my hand north once again.

"Mmmm. It feels nice but the pain is getting worse." She spoke so quietly I almost missed what she was saying.

"Do you think it's a contraction building?" I asked with concern.

"It doesn't feel the same. OOOOH! AHHHHHHH!" she screamed out squeezing my left hand so hard I was sure she had broken something.

"Liv what's wrong? Does it hurt?" I forced my voice to be calm not wanting to add to the stress.

"Alex…. I…. lo…lo…. ve-." her eyes rolled back into her head as the monitor's alarms all around started making a tremendous amount of noise.

"OLIVIA?! Olivia baby, talk to me." I knew it was no use, but my mind had come to a screeching halt. The hand I held in my left had slackened no longer crushing my bones. "Liv don't leave me! Please! You are more important then this baby." I cried unable to stop the tears. Several nurses and doctors rushed into the room. One grabbed my elbow roughly dragging me away from the bed.

"Mom is crashing, we need to deliver NOW! Call the OR for a room and the NICU for a resuscitation team." One of the doctors called out to the chaotic room. I watched through blurred, tear soaked eyes as Olivia was rushed from the room. As the group passed one doctor removed himself and turned to face me.

"Mam are you and your partner married?" he asked. I am not sure how I managed to respond as my mind was still frozen.

"No, but I have power of attorney."

"Ok good. I know a lot of stuff is happening and your scared but I need to know, if we can only save one of them, which one should we save?" That was the question no soon to be parent wanted to hear and for most would never be able to make a decision, but I had spoken the answer so quickly the doctor was taken aback.

"Olivia. Please, she is my world, I can't imagine my life with out her, and I need her."

"Ok. I will have a nurse show you to the waiting room. As soon as we know I'll come find you." The doctor recovered quickly from his momentary shock, turned and ran from the room. Looking around the now large empty space where minutes before my world had laid, glowing with excitement over finally becoming a mother. I attempted to slow the sudden surge of horrible scenarios racing through my mind yet again.

"God PLEASE! I cant live without her! Keep her here with me." I said aloud to the empty room.