I took a deep breath and wiped a tear from my eye. Ellen, Nancy, Jack and the other man were still all seated in chairs around me.
"And now I'm here waiting." No one spoke for several seconds. Nancy handed me a tissue and patted my elbow softly.
"They will both come through just fine dear, I'm sure of it." The rest of the group echoed the same sentiment. Before I could thank them the room door opened. Every head turned and watched the scrub clad doctor enter the room.
"Miss Cabot?" he called to the room. My heart raced even harder then it had ever before. I tried to read his facial expressions for some clue as to how good or bad the news was going to be.
"Alex Cabot?" the doctor called again.
"Right here!" Nancy answered for me as I struggled to pull together words. "Go on now sugar. Go meet your child and give your wife a kiss from a couple of seasoned grandma's."
"Would you come with me please?" The doctor said holding the door opened. Taking yet another deep breath I stood from my seat and started towards the door focusing on the doctor and the open door.
"Just breathe dear. Just breathe." Ellen said giving my hand a reassuring pat. I paused momentarily managing to face the little group and nod. I felt bad wanting to do or say more but not having the ability.
I reached the door and stepped into the hallway. The white walls and antiseptic smell did nothing to calm my nerves. The doctor followed me out then indicated for me to follow him. We walked a short distance to a well-lit area with several floor to ceiling windows sunk back creating alcoves; I stepped into one of the alcoves.
"Ms. Cabot my name is doctor Corbett. I'm the OBGYN who preformed the C-section on your partner." He spoke fast with a flat emotionless drone, as if he was board and had better places to be.
"When she was first admitted our examination showed no signs of abdominal trauma from the fall just some scrapes, bruises and a few small contractions. Everything with the baby was fine and being at forty weeks the contractions were not an issue and may have even been a relief. However we missed a small laceration to the spleen, most likely from some sort of knife being stabbed into her abdomen, that was slowly leaking blood into the abdominal cavity. Once two much blood collected in her abdomen her heart started to slow and eventually stopped stressing out the baby. We had to make a decision to either get the baby out first or work to restart your partners heart." My breathing started to become erratic making me light headed. I wished like hell he would just tell me if my partner and baby were dead or alive no matter the condition before I passed out.
"Fortunately we were able to get your partners heart beating again quickly and with minimal toxic drug usage, some fluids and a few blood transfusions allowing us to remove the baby then tend to the hole in her spleen.
"So that means?" I chocked out.
"It means your partner is going to be fine and so is you baby boy." He answered with a hit of happiness in his tone and even a small smile.
"Boy? So their both ok? My partner and…. and…. our….so…son?" My brain was struggling to comprehend, last time I had seen Olivia she was near death and nurses were telling me they would be luckily to save one let alone both and I needed to prepare myself. Now I have both.
"Your partner is still in recovery and will be for another few hours then she will be moved to telemetry. Your son is in the new born nursery if you would like to see him." The doctor finished.
"Yes. Please." I whispered choking back tears.
"I'll show you were it is." I followed sobbing silently behind him letting everything wash over me; on the brink of losing everything I now had everything, fate had an evil sense of humor.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Several hours later I walked circles around a large private room, rocking and cradling my beautiful baby boy as he slept. Olivia lay in the only bed in the room having not yet woken up from surgery but she had been weaned off the ventilator and all her vitals were stable so they moved her down to the telemetry ward. The nurses from the newborn nursery had brought up a bassinet for the baby so they could be in the same room. I felt exhausted and energized at the same time. Everything had spiraled down so quickly I felt like passing out, just leaving reality to be in my own world, holding Olivia, spending every minute with her. Then it spiraled back up even faster and I had trouble believing it. It wasn't until the nurse in the newborn nursery handed me the little bundle now snuggled in my arms did it sink in; I had my partner and baby.
As I hummed a lullaby and circled the room the baby let out a small momentary cry as he tried to stretch his little limbs before slipping back into a slumber.
"Shhh. Your safe momma's got you." I whispered to him. A louder moan filled the room. Lost in my mother baby moment I looked down thinking it had come from him, only he was sound asleep. Then a weak, horse voice tried to speak and I remembered we were not alone in the room.
"Al….Ale…x…Alex." I crossed the room quickly to reach her bedside.
"Yeah baby I'm right here." She opened her eyes, blinking several times to clear the fog. "You're doing really good. You've been asleep for awhile." I said soothingly. She let her eyes roam around the room before resting on me. Her hands moved to her stomach and I could see the fear rising in her eyes.
"Its ok. Remember when you were jumped a few months back by that suspect you chased, well you neglected to mention that he stabbed you as well as kicked and punched you. The doctors said you had a small knife wound in your spleen that was slowly leaking blood into your abdominal cavity. You lost so much blood your heart stopped and the baby was in distress so they took you to surgery." I explained. "But everything is all good now." I could still see fear rising in her eyes and I knew she needed some sort of evidence that I was telling her the truth.
"Here hold this for a few minutes while I tell the nurses that your awake." Without further warning or explanation I placed the baby on her chest, kissed both of their foreheads then left the room grinning ear to ear.
When I returned I found Olivia with her arms wrapped tightly around the baby, both fast asleep.
"Well she was awake." I said quietly to the nurse.
"No big deal. I'll make a note in her chart. Just buzz me when she's awake again and ill come back." The nurse responded already starting the note on the chart. "Have you chosen a name for the baby yet?"
"We will when she wakes up." I answered. She finished her note, took a quick look at the monitors before leaving the room. I pulled the chair as close to the bed as possible then attempted to remove the baby from Olivia's arms so she could sleep more comfortably, but when I tried to lift her arms snapped down like a spring trap.
"Don't you dare." She whispered.
"Honey you need to rest. I promise he will be right here when you wake up and you can have him right back." I said gently.
"Do you promise?" she asked already loosening her grip.
"On my honor." I said holding up my left hand.
"Ok counselor." She replied letting go completely allowing me to take the baby. I settled back down into the chair.
"He needs a name." Olivia said, her eyes still closed and her voice just barely above a whisper.
"What baby boy Benson isn't good enough?" I quipped.
"Ha ha ha." She mocked. "I was thinking Cabot Benson."
"Name our baby with two last names? And why is he a Benson?" I asked.
"I gave birth so to him so he carries my last name. When you give birth to the next one it can have your last name, that way both our last names will carry on." She opened her eyes for a moment taking in my stunned expression. Hearing her suggest another child already, after the current one almost got her killed twice, and that she expected me to carry it was a shock but not wanting to go there right now I refocused the conversation to naming the baby.
"How about Benson Cabot? We can call him Ben." I suggested slowly stroking his cheek. Olivia stayed silent for so long I figured she had fallen asleep and we would have to finish the conversation later until she spoke up with the strongest voice she could muster.
"Benson Dean Cabot. We can call him Ben but if later in life he hates us he can go by Dean if he wants to or BD. Plus it sounds nice together, rolls off the tongue easy."
"Are you sure? You don't mind giving up the last name? You said you wanted him to have it." I asked. Inside my heart was ready to explode with excitement but I needed to be reassured that she really was ok with the name.
"Forget the last name, he has my name first." She responded her voice returning to a whisper.
"Ok. Benson Dean Cabot it is then." I couldn't help but smile ear to ear as I held Ben tightly to me with one arm and with the other held Olivia's hand. "I love you both so much." Tears started to fall down my cheeks and I did nothing to stop them. Although the circumstances were not ideal I sat there holding the two most precious things in my world, everything had worked out. As Olivia drifted off to sleep in my arms I made a mental reminder to thank Ellen, Nancy and the two men for listening and helping me through it all and to tell Nancy she was right all along.