The ambulance ride felt like an eternity to Scully. She knew he was only unconscious, but she had no idea what the extent of his injuries were and the last thing she needed was for him to slip into a coma that he would never come out of. She had instructed the EMT to take them to her own hospital, to ensure he would get the care he needed and Skinner would follow once everything was taken care of at the crime scene.

As she continued to make note of Mulder's injuries, she felt more tears coming. Mulder had had countless brain injuries. She only hoped he could make a full recovery. "I'm sorry, Mulder," she whispered. "For the things I said…I know you can hear me. I need you to make it through this, okay?"

As she prayed their destination would come soon, Scully eyed a piece of paper hanging loose from Mulder's pocket. Curiosity getting the best of her, she snatched it up and opened it. The familiar grainy image caused her to gasp. It was her ultrasound photo.

He knew about the baby, but what was he doing carrying this around? She felt a brief moment of anger that Mulder would go and do something this reckless if he was aware he was going to be a father. The brief memory of when he found out about William flashed through her mind. She only hoped he didn't think she was keeping this from him because it wasn't his.

She pocketed the piece of paper and looked back at his lifeless face, causing her anger to quickly dissipate. She couldn't be angry with him. This was who he was, what he did. But she was terrified that maybe he was still angry with her about William…even six years later it was a touchy subject. Maybe he didn't want to go through it all again; maybe this baby brought back painful memories from which he wanted to escape.

When she found out about the pregnancy, she too was less than pleased. She had a hard time being excited about this baby, knowing the dangerous world she would be bringing her into. But she was almost 43…miscarriage rates were already 30% and her chances were probably double given her age and medical history aside from the fact that she couldn't conceive. Unable to go through with an abortion…she figured it would be better letting her body naturally dispose of the fetus. She wouldn't have to tell Mulder and get him emotionally invested in a pregnancy that wasn't likely to be viable anyways.

However, she instantly regretted that feeling when she woke up bleeding at around 8 weeks. Once losing the baby became very real, she didn't realize how attached to the baby she already was and couldn't bear the thought of losing it. She recalled making up some excuse to Mulder that she was called into work when she rushed to the hospital.

Much to her relief, she didn't suffer a miscarriage, but it still was not out of the realm of possibilities. The doctor wanted to monitor her for a high risk pregnancy, meaning unlike most other women of childbearing age, she still had very high chances of suffering a later term miscarriage or even a still birth and that still terrified her. She couldn't go any longer without Mulder's support.

Once they arrived at the hospital, she found herself telling borage of hospital staff about the extent of Mulder's injuries…that she knew of anyways. Scully was told what she was already expecting to hear…she was too close to the patient to do any procedures on him.

"But, I'm his doctor…I'm the only one who knows his medical history," she insisted.

One of her colleagues tried to assure her that he was in good hands, which she knew. She wouldn't let anyone do anything to him that she didn't trust could do that job.

It was agonizing being a Dr. herself and not being able to follow the gurney as they took him away to emergency. She bit her lip in an attempt not to breakdown in sobs before everyone she worked with on a daily basis.

Thankfully, Skinner was at her side guiding her to a chair in the waiting room. Here she was, a doctor and she had to wait in the waiting room, utterly powerless to do anything for her partner.

It was only an hour or so later, when a physician she knew quite well approached her.

She was on her feet before Skinner even knew what was happening.

"Dr. Scully…"

"How is he? Is he going to be okay," her voice broke.

He averted his gaze and hesitated, which did nothing to calm Scully's nerves.

"As I'm sure you know already, he has suffered a concussion along with several wounds. He does have mild bruising from the accident and we did find the acepromazine you mentioned he was injected with."

Scully knew there was more by his troubled facial expression.

"What else did you find?"

He sighed. "Dr. Scully, you partner has some swelling of the brain…and we need to operate on him as soon as possible in order to prevent an aneurism."

He didn't need to finish that sentence as Scully already knew what that meant. Mulder could suffer from serious brain damage. She looked away as tears filled her eyes.

"Another thing…we noticed in the CT scan that he has had several other brain related trauma…you are aware of this, correct."

Scully nodded. "He has had…procedures, some ethical and some not."

"I can show you the images if you'd like."

Scully nodded and looked over at Skinner. "I'll be right back."

She hurriedly followed her colleague into the imaging room. He didn't waste any time in showing her the images on the screen…of the swelling…of the previous brain injuries.

"He should be okay…as long as we're able to relieve the swelling…he should be okay. We're going to have to put him into a drug induced coma and I'm sure I don't need to explain the risks."

Scully nodded. It was very risky to put Mulder into such as state given his injuries, but it had to be done.

"Can I see him now, please?" Scully asked in a pleaded whisper.

He nodded slowly and proceeded to show her to the room Mulder was in. "I will give you a few minutes, but not too long. We need to get him ready."

Scully's mind was focused on Mulder's body on the operating table, already prepped for surgery. Several nurses saw her approach and followed the doctor's lead to leave the room.

Scully couldn't contain herself anymore and let out a loose sob as she approached Mulder. His face was cleaned up and he lay naked on the metal slab operating table with just a cloth covering his bottom half.

"Oh Mulder," she whispered as she touched his face.

She wiped away a stray tear that had fallen onto his skin and fought for words. "I'm here, Mulder. We're going to take good care of you, okay? I promise. I'm not ready to lose you, so I need you to fight through this, okay?"

She gently touched his hand and kissed his cheek. "I will be here waiting for you to come out. I…I love you so much. I need you to know I meant what I said the other day. I was just so afraid…afraid of this. Of you getting hurt and not coming back to me."

She was startled by a twitch of his hand under hers. She looked away and back at his face again. Despite the lack of movement…she knew that he must hear her somewhere in there, even if it was in a dream.

"Please Mulder…I need you to be strong for me…because I haven't been able to."

She finally forced herself to pull away and let the other doctors do their work.

She found Skinner still waiting for her in the hospital corridor. Obviously concerned, he placed his arm around her shoulder and led her to a chair.

"Dana," he started.

Scully stared at the floor, hating that she felt helpless despite the fact she saved lives every day.

"I should have gone with him," he voice broke.

"Dana…I know what you're thinking. That you're somehow responsible for this."

"I told him I wasn't going home, that I couldn't look into the darkness with him anymore. But I should have known this was going to happen…that this is who he is. I've always known it. It couldn't stay this way forever once he was exonerated."

Skinner sighed as he rubbed her back. "If Mulder could get through all the things he's been through, Dana, I'm sure this won't stop him."

"I hope so."

Skinner continued to hold Scully through her tears.

To be continued…