How many of you want to eat a Hath?, thing is they actually have fish fingers... custard anyone?
"Now then" said the Master rubbing his hands together "I am starving" just then he looked over and saw a fish and chip shop "that'll do"
he said to himself and went inside. minutes later he came back out with a bag of chips "Kinda good" he said to himself as he stepped into his Tardis, when he walked through the doors there was a woman there who just looked in shock holding a shopping bag "Where am I?"
"w-who are you!?" but before she could answer the Master's tardis shook and rumbled, everything vibrated until they came to a stop
"what just happened?" she asked
"Oh just a temporal time shift, I only got this Tardis today" he replied stroking the tardis console then looked over at the shocked woman
"Oh you humans!" he groaned "So primitive"
suddenly the Tardis warped through time shaking along the way "don't worry its a new Tardis, bound to be a few bugs" said the Master.
"Who are you?!" the woman shouted
"I'm the master" he shouted "And I should probably ask who you are"
"Lucy Saxon" she said "the Master isn't a name"
"Of course it isn't, it's a title, my title"
"Are you by any chance clinically insane?"
"Probably, how did you get in here, I should have working defences, shields, lasers and an alarm that sounds like do-da-de-do!"
"The door was open"
"Ok... mental note, lock that"
"What is this place?" asked Lucy
"This is the Tardis"
"It's bigger on the inside"
the Master hung his head in shame "Yes, yes it is"
"But how?"
"It's a time machine, human science goes out of the window at this point"
"Time machine?!"
...
The Tardis came to a halt "Yes a time machine, and we've just landed, want to take a look?"
Lucy nodded her head in compliance then they walked out on a battlefield
"Not again" said the master stressfully
"Not again? you were here before?"
"No, just a war"
"World war 2?"
"That's adorable" smiled the Master
then they casually strolled through the battlefield
"State your buisness" springed a Hath but that was cut short by the Master succer-punching him in the face "dibs on the gun!" he said picking it up
"Okay... Hath, who's this war, that you're losing by the way, between?" he asked holding the gun to his head
"The Hath and the Sontarens"
"Sontarens? oh balls, what are you fighting for?"
"Those mindless Sontarens try to prove they are the greatest warriors."
"So that's it?!" asked the Master "I'm no stranger to murder but this is just... no."
Sontaren soldiers beamed in and grabbed Lucy and held her at gun point "Lower your weapon human scum!"
"Human? you insult me sir" he smirked
"What are you then?"
"I'm a the Master, potato head"
"Scan the Master-potato-head" shouted the Commander to a trooper
"Sir, he's a Timelord" the Sontaren all pointed their guns at him
"you're not Human?!" shouted Lucy
"I know you're trying, but you're still a little slow on the uptake aren't you?"
"Are you a Timelord or not?!" shouted the Commander
"Yes I'm a Timelord, this is my Human Lucy and my Hath... Malcolm, oh by the way Malcolm, your new name is Malcolm"
"Uhh... no it's not" he told the Sontarens
"silence all of you! you will surrender to us!"
"ok, lets go" said the Master jumping into the commander's arms "I'm bored already" he said teleporting.
...
In a matter of seconds they were in the Sontarens base "I love what you've done with the place, it's all mossy and... army-ey"
"Silence Timelord!" the Master zipped his lips "What do you know about this war?"
"mm hm mm mm ahmm hm hmm"
"speak!" the Commander shouted
the Master unzipped his lips "Nothing, nothing at all I just came here by accident"
"Lies!"
"Well, I guess I was pulled here" he said calmly scratching the back of his blonde...ish head
"you see it was probably the magnetic pull from the ion cannons on this battlefield polarising the nearby Tardis making me and my companion here come to this planet."
"...what?" asked Lucy confused
"I... well... I hate having to explain"
"Silence Timelord! we will utilize you to aid us in the war against the Hath by using your Tardis for the glory of the Sontaren empire, Sontar-ha!"
"No" said the Master sitting on the floor crossing his legs
"Silence Timelord and co-operate or we will ground you into dust"
"you can't ground the Master" he said like a child, crossing his arms
"Sontarens, fire!" the commander shouted but the guns only fizzed and made a crackling sound then the Master got up
"Well potato men, you know how you can stop machine gun fire by magnetising the copper in the bullets? same thing but I'm better at what I do with lasers"
he said walking calmly to his Tardis "Come on Lucy" he said "you too Malcolm" he said so Malcolm just shrugged and entered the Tardis
"If you leave now we will find and destroy you!"
"No you won't" said the Master shutting the door
"Get back here!" but the Tardis vworped off.
...
"I don't like that noise much" said Lucy
"Oh I'm sorry" he said rudely, leaning over the console, flipping a switch "There, happy?"
"Sorry I just never got your name" said Lucy
"I've told you, it's the Master"
"No, your name"
"Yes the Master, or just Master if you prefer"
"Master who?"
"No, no don't do that"
"How about Harold?"
"No, absolutely not" he said contemplating "Oh right, Malcolm I forgot you were here" he said pulling away from Lucy and rushing over to the fish
"You want to be dropped off somewhere?"
"Actually if it's alright with you I would like to travel with you"
"Alright, could be fun" Malcolm smiled or at least... tried
"And Lucy" he said running across back to her "You wanna come to?"
"I don't know, I mean other worlds are exciting and time travel as well but i'm just not sure, this is all so sudden" she said
"Oh, alright then" said the Master
"You're not sad are you?"
"Course not, if you knew me then you'd know I don't need a primitive ape" he said shaking and turning his back
Lucy shouted at him "Who are you to judge me! You just left the battlefield, you didn't even do anything!"
"Oh now I'm getting judgement from a Human who doesn't want to view all of time and space!"
Lucy raised an eyebrow "One trip could be fun"
"Good enough for me!" shouted the Master as he pulled a lever and made his Tardis shake "We're off!"
Next time: steampunk, French robots and clockwork apples... wait, no... that last one isn't right.