A/n: In the episode "A good man goes to war" River tells Rory that the Doctor took her ice skating for her birthday and Rory says "at least there's not two of them" to which River replies "that was another birthday" so my thought is that the Doctor (Matt Smith) and another Doctor and so my final thought is: Did River, Eleven and... Eleven have a threeway? Imagine that.
The Tardis was calmly orbiting Earth "Lucy, do you want a sprite?" asked the Master
"Uhh... sure" she said as he looked in his pocket for change and put some money into the machine "where and when did you get that?"
"How did you not see this yesterday?" he asked.
The Tardis crashed into something "what the-!"
turning on the monitors "no, no no no no no!" he shouted kicking the console
"What is it?" Lucy asked hyperventilating
"Of all the people!" he said before the monitor flickered on "Here Lucy is evil in it's purest form, the Rani."
"Hello Master" she said calmly
"What an honor it is to greet the face of Bo, your majesty-ness" he replied mockingly
"Is that really any way to speak to me?"
"Why are you so happy
"You just crashed into my Tardis!" he shouted flailing his arms
"You're still calling it a Tardis?"
"Well why wouldn't I?"
"Because that's what the Doctor's grandaughter called it and it became popularised" said Lucy
"How did you- oh right, I told you my life story"
"Who's this?" asked the Rani
"I-I'm Lucy"
"Ushas, stop scaring the human, what do you want?" said the Master crossing his arms Ushas is the Rani's real name, learning with Jack!
"Well... I was hoping that you could transport me somewhere"
"No, no no no no no"
"Master..."
"but Lucy! she's-"
"Master!"
"Fine!"
"Whipped!" interrupted the Rani.
...
"What's going on?!" shouted Malcolm cocking his rifle in the air as the Rani entered the Master's Tardis with a briefcase
"Hi honey, you still haven't changed the exterior then" she said mocking him
"Chameleon circuit is broken"
"It's not broken, you and the Doctor skipped that day of the academy to play in your father's grass"
"Half of me wants to throw you out of the Tardis"
"And the other half?"
"Wants to hit you with it"
"We used to date" she said turning to Lucy
"Just to clarify, we didn't" he said raising his hands to Lucy
"Oh Master, how could you forget this?" she said before holding his head and kissed him,
him obviously trying to get her off, Lucy stood there with her jaw dropped,
Malcolm... was there
"Wh- why, why why why would you do that?!" he gagged "What are you doing anyway?" he said sitting on the console
"I'm on the run, debts as I recall"
"Ahh... the smartest in my class back at the academy now has debts"
"Shut up, get a haircut" she said ruffling through it
"Not in front of Lucy" he whined
"Ah, the human" she said deviously, walking over to her "You must be Lucy, I'm the Rani" she said holding out her hand to shake
"Pleasure to meet you" Lucy lied shaking her hand
"Right then I'll go unpack" she said before walking off, Lucy gave the Master a stare.
"Lucy don't do that"
"So... she seems nice"
"Believe me, she's not"
"So were you two ever..."
the Master stared blankly
"Have you ever... you know... dated?"
"No, no no no she always liked the Doctor, you could tell but she was more..."
"Your type?"
"Exactly!"
Lucy's jaw dropped again
"That's not what I meant, not at all
"So you like her"
"No! I-" he stopped in mid-sentance
"What?!"
"Uhh... uhh... erm... I..." he said rushing off
...
Malcolm approached Lucy "You're jealous"
"What? no!" she shouted as Harry entered
"I heard mocking and murderous intent, what's going on?"
"someone called the Rani" said Malcolm
"oh no" replied Harry
"You know her?"
"Yes... or at least he-me knew her before I was me... yes, yes I do know her"
"Wh- what?!" asked Lucy
"You know what, let me borrow a grenade, it'll either kill her or trigger a regeneration."
The Rani entered the control room followed by the Master "get off my Tardis now!"
"Oh, you're really offended by that?"
"Offended by what?" asked Harry, the Rani looked towards him "and who's this?"
"My clone" said the Master,
the Rani pressed the Master up against the wall "Two of you? now that is good" she whispered pressing her finger against his chest,
the Master was now breathing heavily "M- Malcolm, my flamethro-" the Rani pressed her finger against his lips "no talking"
the Master was now scared for his lives when the Tardis crashed again "Who keeps doing that?!" he shouted checking the scanners
he saw he was in a tractor beam, the moniters beeped "Just a second, have to answer the space phone" he said gleefully "Hello"
"This is Torchwood, we have reason to believe the Rani is aboard, we're taking this Tardis capsule for boarding"
"Debts huh?!"
"Well... terrorism..."