Chapter 2
…
"Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty."
- Mother Teresa
…
The world is like a suffocating ocean, pressing down on me consistently.
Confusion. Wistfulness. Loneliness.
These feelings have never felt more profound than in these five years of my new life.
I am an anomaly in this new world, someone never meant to exist, and thoughts on the changed future never fail to leave my mind. Should I die now, if only to minimize the effects? Should I run away to a far off place to never meet them (the characters) again? As I laid next to Garp in his cabin, those questions circled my mind.
In the end, I still chose life over death.
Perhaps it was selfish, but despite all the pain, I still longed to live. I want to take responsibility for my existence and to see the world through the ripples I have caused. To make sure Ace, that tiny life I have grown fond of, lives happily…I wanted to ensure at least that much.
Drowning in the knowledge of the lost future, I opened my lips and breathed in a mouthful of water.
If only for Ace…I want to be strong enough to protect him.
…
Was it good that he was born?
Even after finding Ann, that question still pesters him.
In the time Garp was gone, Ace had thought through many things.
The fact that he is Gol D. Roger's son will never leave him. The answers those men gave him can never be forgotten either. He is a monster's child, and by having the demon's blood in him, he is a demon as well. He ought to die. He ought to kill himself. And his grandfather should never have shown him mercy at his birth.
Was it weird for a five year old to think such about suicide?
He doubted any child of Gol D. Roger would not do the same.
Ace envies the normal children for that naïve world they get to continue to live in. Every day, he ponders how he can ever live a little more like them, if only to erase that monster's blood from him.
But that's not possible, is it? Blood relationships can never be eradicated.
Recently, his nightmares have changed.
Instead of the men murdering him over and over again, he would be tied up, helpless and screaming, as he watched them descend upon his little sister with daggers and knives and guns…Ace was forced to see Ann die numerous times in that same way Dadan and the bandits always kill those rich people…or the way those people at Grey Terminal massacre each other…or with one of Garp's fists of love.
Ace decides after the nth time he wakes up in a fit of sweat that everyone was their enemy.
The adults, Garp, Dadan and the bandits…everyone.
Only Ann was on his side.
Only…his younger sister.
Was it good that he was born?
Ace did not know.
But…He just knew that he thought it was good that Ann was born. Ann brought light to his life every day, comforting him just by providing a little bit of understanding and her constant presence. He never once doubted her existence, and he swore he would protect her simply because of her role in his life.
But if Ann's existence was good…does it mean that his is as well?
He breathed as he closed his eyes, allowing the world's web of lies and truths and opinions and its sheer weight to drag him down a little more into the unending darkness.
Ace just didn't know.
…
It was his protectiveness that drove Garp to abandon them in the forest one day.
"Find your way back to Dadan's within a week, or you would have to spend another two more weeks with the mountain monkeys when you get back."
He grinned widely when Ace jumped back up, seething at him in a long string of curses. His eyes could not help but zoom in on the boy's protective hand on Ann despite his grandson's anger, and he gave an inward nod of approval. Even though Ann was still his grandchild, he tended to be softer on her simply because of her gender.
Though, strength is a thing they both require for survival as Roger's children.
"Bwahaha!" Garp laughed, folding his burly arms. "You might want to get started if you want to make it in time! And just one warning: There will be a storm coming in three days. You might want to watch out."
"If you're worried about us, then take us back! Who the hell leaves two five year olds in the middle of nowhere?!" Ace shouted.
Garp grinned and tossed out his usual line.
"This is all to make you stronger!" He said and he turned on his heels. "Now, you better start going or the mountain monkeys will come!"
"Tch." Ace spat.
Ann stood up and followed him quietly as he stomped off, sending Garp one last stare.
Then, the twins were gone.
"Finally! My eardrums were getting blasted by that temperamental brat!" Garp dug his fingers into his ears as he begun trekking down to Windmill Village. After that worrisome twins, he still has to look after Luffy; Woop Slap would go on another rant otherwise. "Noisy mayor." He grumbled.
Still, as the village begun to come into view, he could not help but wonder about the meaning behind Ann's stare.
Was she worried? Was she angry?
Garp could never understand his granddaughter.
Passing through the large gates, Garp grinned at the large crowd awaiting his arrival. From behind Makino, a child not much younger than Ace and Ann tossed himself onto Garp, his tiny hands struggling to wrap around the entire of Garp's large waist. Luffy looks up and gave the very same grin he has not seen from Ace in a long time. A happy one, unlike Ann's blank face.
"You finally came back, Grandpa!"
Garp smiled.
…
Once upon a time, should she ever be estranged in a forest like this, she would have bawled her eyes out.
Once upon a time, when her arms and legs were not gifted with the hereditary D strength, she would not have stopped walking after several hours and lain down, allowing all predators to come after her.
Once upon a time, she would not have had a brother accompanying her, protecting her back.
Once upon a time, she would definitely have died.
But now, once upon a time was not the present.
"Damn that old geezer! Always putting us into these situations…If we were any normal children, we would have long since died!" Ace raged, plucking one thick branch off a tree.
Quietly, Ann followed his example and placed it securely against her shoulder. This would be their weapon for the next few days…
The first time Garp had left them at the bottom of a river valley, it had been hell. For both Ace and Ann, it had both been their first experience being placed under survival training by Garp. Not to mention, since all creatures require water to survive, they had to sneak pass or even defeat numerous mountain animals as they trekked back. Weaponless, seeing how they had been too foolish at that time to prepare for attacks.
There was a large sigh as Ace fell back in step with her, glancing at her with lidded eyes as always. In return, she gave him a questioning look.
"It's nothing." He stated, folding his arms with ghost of smile. "It's just…Being around you makes me calmer, that's all."
He always says that. Ann tilted her head in puzzlement. Him, Garp and the bandits all do.
The conversation stops there. Ace knew as well as she did that the energy should be conserved for later on.
Hours slid by in silence as they made their way uphill. Once or twice, Ann would trip over her feet – clumsiness from her past life never fails to leave her – and Ace would catch her, just like he always does. For several dozen times, Ann would stop and collect edible herbs for much later uses. And more than a handful of times, a predator would appear.
Her sharper ears catching the slight shuffle of dried leaves, Ann saw the wolf earlier than Ace did and pushed him down to the ground. The wolf sailed over them in mid-air.
"A wolf, huh." Ace grunted in realization.
Pulling away from her, he charged in with his spiky branch. The wolf opened its jaws in ready for a large howl, when Ace stuck the branch right between its teeth.
"Ann!" He yelled.
Ann surged forward, pushing her own branch into the wolf's throat and through it. The branch came out from the back of its neck with a nasty squash. The wolf whined, sinking into the ground as it struggled some more trying to get the appendix out.
"Heh. Nice job!" Ace gave her a thumbs-up.
Without returning the gesture, Ann grabbed Ace and ran, jumping up the bumpy rocks of a low cliff where the wolf had tried to corner them. If there was one, there was more, and she feared the reaction of the pack to its dying member.
More than a couple of times, Ace and Ann found themselves running rather than battling. Ace, being the temperamental and overconfident boy he was, he had tried challenging the animals a couple of times but Ann only pulled him away. She wondered if this was how Sabo felt when he cared for Ace.
As the sun was setting down, they decided to set up camp on a particularly huge tree. It would protect them from the predators on the land, not to mention, they could pick several fruits to eat. In short, it was the best place they had at the moment.
"Berries, plants, fruits…" Ace's face held a boyish grin as he gazed up at her. "As usual, you're so overly prepared for everything, Ann. But that's my intelligent little sis, I suppose!" He patted her gently on the back.
Ann was caught between frowning and smiling, but she opted for the later with a rare smile crossing her lips.
Ace caught her expression with his eagle eyes and his grin only grew wider.
"You know, you really ought to smile more." She cringed as his fingers pinched her cheek lightly. She scowled. "You look really pretty smiling, and it makes you younger…Not that you aren't already. On a second thought, forget that. Any more smiles and you'll look like a baby."
Ann did not miss the irony; Ace always did look much older than their actual age.
With a deeper scowl, she punched his shoulder with just enough force to hurt, and he burst out laughing.
She huffed, gazing up at the sky.
Even in the darkest clouds, there's always a silver lining. If there was one thing good about these adventures Garp forces them on, it is the fact that they get to see the stars – a rare view that required the skies to not be tainted by the nobles. Far out, she could see the ocean shining brilliantly under the light of the stars and moon. A few splashes were visible as sea kings danced out of the water and back.
"Pretty, isn't it?" Ace sighed blissfully.
He leaned back against the tree trunk, arms behind his head in a manner that was like an old man.
Ann hid her amusement and leaned beside him, shuddering at the comforting warmth he always seems to radiate. Before the Flare Flare fruit, it seems like he was already the epitome of warmth, both inside and out.
"You know…I've never really told you before, Ann, but my dream is to go out into the seas some day." He said, eyes shining gently in the light. She looked up at him. "Not as a marine, but as a pirate. I want to be free from everything."
Everything, she repeated in her mind. There has always been one thing she was concerned about. She tilted her head, shooting him a concerned glance.
Understanding Ace, always able to read her inner emotions, knew her question at a glance.
"Of course, it only means I will become closer to him," He spat the word out with much hatred. "But even so, I just want to be as free as I can. More than anyone…More than him…"
She sensed his insecurity as he pulled her closer to his side with an arm.
"Of course, when the time comes, I will bring you along with me. I don't want to leave you alone on this island, with that bastard of a grandfather. I want you to be as free as me when I sail on the seas. And I want to see you happy as well." He paused, looking back down at her. "…Will you come with me?"
The words astound her to no ends.
Looking into his childish yet mature, dark yet bright eyes, she found herself unable to lie.
Slowly, she pulled herself from him and shook her head gently, watching in pain as his face contorted into a mask of rejection.
How she longed to use her voice to speak to him, but…if she ever speaks again, she knew she would be tempted to do so after this.
Pressing a hand to her heart, she sat it firmly against the ground before doing the same to his heart and pointing to the ocean. She did not know if her message was sufficiently clear for a five year old to interpret, but she hope it was.
'My heart belongs here. But I can see yours belong to the ocean, so please go and chase after your dream with all your might.'
"…I see." He whispered, hurt still present in those brown eyes of his.
Ann lifted her hand and once again slid them through his hair like she did a month ago, massaging his scalp comfortingly.
Things cannot change, that was something she wanted to make sure of. And even though Ace's safety cannot be assured out there without her, somehow, she just felt that Ace's entry into the Whitebeard Pirates was something that was fated. Ace would be alright even without her….At least, until Blackbeard rebels. Whitebeard would do all he can to protect Ace, and Ace can finally find the person he needs the most in his life to heal his wounds.
Until then, she has to grow stronger. She needed more power, not just from herself but others as well, such that she can take over Whitebeard when his power weakens and together, they can then protect Ace.
To do that, they must separate.
Ace still had that same heartbroken expression despite her message.
He needed something more to distract him.
Closing her eyes, Ann decided to make a concession just this once. In a low tune, she hummed a familiar cheerful tune that belonged to the pirates. She has never been more glad to know 'Bink's Sake'.
She wonders what expression he had. She hummed for what felt like forever, her throat aching from being unused for far too long. But still, she did not open her eyes until she heard the first snores coming from her side. His head drops down onto her shoulders, a bubble escaping his nose.
His sleeping expression was sweet, the freckles on his cheeks making him look like his age once again.
Ann smiled in amusement.
He's heavy.
With a soft smile, she overlooked Ace until sleep dragged her in forcefully.
…
The second and third day continued in a similar manner.
In a practiced manner, the twins kept their stamina and continued trekking. Up was the only way. The mountains were too big to search, but from above, they could recognize all its features and make their way down to Dadan's.
As the altitude increased, the level of danger the predators posed increased as well; They grew in size. They ran more than they fought, and even when they did fight, it was for the sole purpose of getting some meat.
Then, on the forth day, just as Garp said…A storm came.
…
Ann can never thank Garp enough for at least warning them about the storm; It gave them time to prepare for it.
With all firewood already gathered on the third day, all they needed to do was to find a suitably located cave in the middle of the thick forest and to make it cosy for them.
While Ace started the fire – he was more used to doing it than she was – she went out to gather some food for the next few days. They had collected a fair amount of fruits and herbs from the first three days, but it never hurt to get more. Above her, the clouds rolled in large clumps, oddly enough reminding her of Garp's grey hair. She stifled a laugh and continued gathering.
The first drop of rain soon fell from the heavens. She was just ducking back into the cave when they both heard a screech coming from the distance. It was the yell of a human.
"…You heard that?" Ace muttered, gazing at her, alert.
She nodded.
By all means, they should stay in their own shelter, away from the danger that was posed to them just by being outside. Still, even with Ace being as reluctant as he is, they still could not find it in themselves to abandon the poor fool out there.
They left the shelter, crouching carefully as they ran.
By now, all the animals have ducked under shelter. The predators should be at their dens now, hiding away from the storm. Besides the buckets of water poured down on them, there was no other obstruction.
"Ann! He's here!" Ace yelled. She could hardly see him under the raindrops.
It was Ace's signature red shirt that allowed him to find them. Through the falling rain, Ann could barely make out another child a few centimeters shorter than Ace, donning all black with a large top hat miraculously not blown away lying beside him.
Her blood froze as she realized who it was.
"Ann! Can you pick up his things?!" Ace yelled.
She nodded and grabbed them, pulling and tossing the mental goggles on the top hat far away. If there was one thing she knew about storms, it was the fact that metal becomes a synonym to danger.
Ace dragged the boy over his shoulder as Ann ran before him, making things thankfully easier by pushing aside large leaves or lending him a hand to support his new weight or pushing down branches for him to hold on so, since the flowing mud no longer provided sufficient support.
The twins made their way back skillfully, and by some strange twist of the hereditary D luck, Ann recall turning back when there was a flash of lightning – just to see it striking somewhere near where they had found the boy. A chill was sent down her spine with the epiphany that perhaps, just perhaps…they may not have survived if she had not abandoned that pair of goggles.
By the time they plopped back into the cave, nothing could describe the sheer relief Ann felt.
That…was the closest they have ever been to death, or in Ann's case, in this life.
"…This big stupid idiot!" Ace cursed through gritted teeth, throwing the boy down onto the ground. "Going around the forest in such a big storm…And all alone, at that!"
Ann agreed with his words, but found his action to be unnecessarily violent.
Shaking her head to rid herself of the water, she gingerly picked up the blond boy from the ground and lay him down on his bag pack. From the waterproof bag, she then extracted several pieces of clothes the boy had thankfully packed for himself and lifted a white button-up shirt and brown pants for him.
"Mh…" Ace grunted and accepted it. "At least we got new clothes, I guess. D-Don't look at me, kay?"
Ann hid a smile and shook her head at Ace's shyness. How did 'this' became 'that' (shameless flaunting half-naked man in the future)?
She selected a black shirt for herself and changed into it quickly with her back turned to Ace. The shirt was big enough to reach her knees since she was much tinier than both boys, so she decided not to steal some pants from the boy.
Hm…For the boy, since he only had two sets of fresh clothes…He will have to deal with just cyan pants and his long blue jacket.
"Ann, I'm done." Ace called.
She looked up and smiled in amusement at the finished product, watching his cheeks colour at once.
"W-W-What?! I've never worn clothes like this, o-okay?!" His voice hitched.
The buttons were all buttoned incorrectly.
Ann strode forward and gently helped him to re-button the shirt, leaving the top button open and tucking the rest of it loosely into his pants.
Ace became even more embarrassed, if that was possible. Well, anyone might be if they require their younger sibling to help them dress up.
"T-Thanks." Ace half-grunted and half-squeaked.
Ann smiled and turned towards the other boy present, pushing his set of clothes gently into Ace's hands.
"What?" It took three seconds to process before Ace looked up at her with serious lidded eyes. "…No." He stated gravely.
Ann nodded her head and pointed once more for emphasis.
"No. Nononono. I'm not going to help a grown boy change his clothes." Ace said, folding his arms.
Ann only gave him an odd look. Ace flushed once more.
"S-Sure, you helped me. But it doesn't mean I have to help him!" He stabbed a finger in the boy's direction.
Ann stared.
"No."
Ann stared again.
"N-No!"
Ann frowned.
"N-No…Okay, I will do it." He gave in with a sigh.
Ann nodded, the joy in her eyes making him remember once more why it was good she was born, and he snatched the clothes from her hands.
"D-Don't look." He said over his shoulders.
Ann nodded and sat facing the wall.
Ace cursed inwardly as he turned to the rescued boy.
Damn him for looking so happy in his sleep. When he wakes up, Ace swore he would give him hell.
…
Dried of all wetness, it was the morning after that she had noticed something was wrong.
Sitting up, her eyes widened as she sat her palm across his forehead. The unnatural heat drove her to wake her brother with rough shakes, brown eyes wide at her discovery. Ace groaned, his glare softening into a questioning gaze when he met her eyes.
"…What happened?" He asked.
Ann tugged his hand onto the boy's head, watching as Ace's dazedness transformed into shock.
"…Shit." Shit was right. Ann peeked out of the cave to find a mild drizzle still continuing. "To be sick when we're so high up the mountains…This idiot! What should we do?"
His eyes were wide, wavering with a horrid mixture of emotions that made both of them want to puke their guts out on the ground. Ann pursued her lips as she analyzed their situation, her eyes narrowing more with worry the more in-depth she read.
They were close to being at the top of the mountain, meaning they would have to face the worst of the dangers if they want to continue on their original route. On the other hand, the herbs are more than likely able to be found at the top, and by travelling back to Dadan's, they can get treatment for the boy. That being said, the third day was already tough enough, and she doubted they could continue this route with their newly added disability.
Another route was downhill, to where the villages are. Garp has always left them somewhere between the villages and the mountain so as to reinforce the marine security nearby. If they go down, medicine was guaranteed for the boy, although the dangers are similar: She alone would have to fight the animals off to make a path for Ace and the boy, and that path was much longer though less tedious than the one uphill.
So, up or down? Both options held dangers, and both were equally difficult.
There was, however, a third option.
To stay in the cave and wait until the boy awakes. But this option had a different set of risks: They had limited amount of food and water, things which were most precious to Ace given his upbringing. To tell Ace to give them to anyone is suicide.
She could remember the first time came back with a boar three weeks before. He had outright refused to give them to any of the bandits and beat up anyone who came close. It was not until Garp, the one who helped him catch the animal, chided him lightly did he give in and share, albeit still much reluctantly. She recalled his words back there, directed at her that night.
"Everyone is an enemy." Ace spat despite stroking through her hair with gentle motions.
Ann wondered why the full moon seems so lonely in the sky until she realized the stars were blocked out by the haze coming from the central city.
"We are alone in this world. No one is an ally, Ann. Not Dadan, not the bandits, and most certainly not Gramps. I will give them the meat this time round…But only because it will allow us to continue living here." Ace glanced into her eyes and scowled. "We are alone, Ann, but we will survive."
"Ann, how long do you think the storm will last?" Ace questioned with determined eyes.
Ann paused to ponder and held up two fingers before shaking her head and replacing it with three.
"Two to three days, huh." Ace stated. He glared at the stranger with all his might, a furious scowl crossing his lips. "The food with you should last that long if it was only for the two of us, but not when this idiot is here and sick. …Do you think we can last if we give a portion to him?"
The words came as a shock to Ann.
She could recall seeing the reluctance in Ace's eyes when he saved the boy…feel his sense of responsibility being his only push factor. Ann did not doubt that Ace knew the pain of starvation but to care enough about the boy to give up his precious food? It was next to unthinkable.
Still, staring into shining brown eyes, Ann found a trace of hope.
This Ace is unlike the ten year old Ace she was familiar with in the future; He has yet to fully think of the world as his enemy, however much he wanted to. Perhaps, in the initial universe, this was how Sabo and Ace met, but whatever the case, she felt a sense of relief at her discovery. His words that night were not what he completely believed in.
With a tiny smile, she nodded shakily and turned to gather some things.
A rug, a container, herbs, berries, fresh water…
Some way along the line, she found herself swallowing back her tears and just thanking god that Sabo came along into their lives. He managed to do what she couldn't all this time with just his presence: He opened the door to their world.
For the first time ever, it felt like the gears in their frozen world were finally moving.
…
Ace thinks he will never understand.
He swore to himself that everyone is an enemy; It was the truth. But even so…he just could not deny a person who needs help when he is right before his eyes.
This is wrong.
Once the boy finds out their birthrights, he will just do the same as all the others; he will shun them and call them monsters, run away from them and live happily ever after in his life of normalcy. But there was just that tiny ray of hope in him.
Ace hoped that the boy would not shun them.
"This would be the last time." Ace gritted out between clenched teeth as he watched Ann change the wet cloth on the boy's forehead. His fists were shaking. His entire frame was shaking. "Gramps hurt us by lying. Dadan never wanted us to begin with. The world wants us to die. Everyone is an enemy."
He spat those words out like poison. Ann looks up intently at him, almost pleadingly.
"If he runs away…This would be the last time I will let us be hurt." Ace's brown eyes burned with hatred and regret and pain. "I'm sorry, Ann." For being selfish.
But he did not say it aloud, because Ann always understands.
His little sister only nods her head, placing her hand comfortingly over his on his lap.
It's okay. He read from her eyes. It's okay.
She begins humming that same tune from a few days before, pushing him lightly onto the soft ground beside the strange boy.
"Ann-" He protested.
She only shook her head.
Against his will, his stomach growled and he blushed, burying his face into the ground. There was a cough – to hide an impending laugh – before she continued her humming.
Before Ace knew it, the darkness already caught him in its grasp.
…
When he woke up, he heard gentle humming of a melodic tune coming from his side.
What…happened?
Sabo breathed deeply, his eyes heavily lidded and glazed as he tried to remember.
The memories that came back were of torture. All Sabo could recall was running out into the Grey Terminal in a sudden bout of childishness – to lament his upbringing and family – but never expected to be chased into that thick forest outside. And then, there were only struggles for survival: Everyday, sleeping in an unfamiliar place without a soft comfy bed beneath him, fearing whenever he heard a roar in the distance…Fighting off scary monsters with what little martial arts training his parents had given him…Eating the wrong things and puking…Strangled growls of hunger…
The pain was endless.
Sabo had tried to escape the forest but never could. In the end, he only found himself in a more dangerous part of it.
"Who…are you?" He croaked out through his blurry sight.
He had cried for help – so many times, but it never came. His parents did not look for him, he supposes, and he felt so terribly rejected by it. No one came other than that tiger back then…He had plenty of time to reflect, and he supposes now he never did deserve any help…especially not from the angered residents of the Grey Terminal, who suffered incessantly from the nobles' actions (if their living conditions were any indication).
"Why…did you help me?" The memories made him burst out in tearful sobs, his question near impossible to make out.
Gentle hands wiped away his tears and suddenly, Sabo found himself looking up at a girl with long raven locks and large brown eyes. Her eyes were so wide and so impossibly sad, Sabo's breaths hitched mid-sob.
However, there was something oddly open about her that made him relax. Before he knew it, he was crying against her, lamenting his life.
"I called so long for help but no one ever came…!" He cried. "I was so lonely and so scared…!"
Throughout it all, the girl only patted his head lightly and continued humming.
"Why are you not answering?!" He choked out through his wails.
She remained wordless.
The silence, however, spoke more volumes than words ever could.
With tears soaking in her dress and his head feeling painfully feverish and dazed, Sabo cried himself to sleep like he had done on his first few nights in the forest. Instead of pain, this time, it was of relief.
…
The boy reminds him oddly enough of himself.
Hiding his face still in the ground, Ace listened to Ann comfort the boy gently and closed his eyes.
With all his might, he prayed that this boy will not betray them in the end.
…
"We ought to form a group.
A group called 'Loneliness', that is."
- Gol D. Ann
…
A/N: I rewrote this chapter, as most might be able to tell. Please comment on it.