p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Note:/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Time Skip~! Might flash back to conversations between Life and Marco, but for now one to the story!/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Heads up, Jean has a potty mouth. But that's nothing new./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;" ****/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sometimes it seemed that Life was having a cruel joke at his expense. Or maybe it just seemed that way because Jean was stuck in community college while Life joyfully tipped his world upside-down over and over and over again and cackled as Jean tried to right himself. Or something like that. His mom always did say he had a vivid imagination./p
p class="MsoNormal"Jean sighed. He'd been doing that a lot lately. So much that he was starting to annoy himself. Or maybe sighing wasn't the right word for it, he mused. It was more of a ragged inhale and a sharp exhale through his nose. Was that still called sighing? Maybe huffing would be more accurate. But no… Jean didn't like that one either. Huffing sounded too sassy. Jean wasn't sassy, no matter what Eren said to the contrary./p
p class="MsoNormal"He was so fucking board./p
p class="MsoNormal"A notebook was shoved in front of him with a hastily scrawled 'strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"Do you know what they're talking about?!/strong' in sloppy writing. Jean glanced first at his friend Connie, who was seated in the desk next to him and looked confused as hell, then at Connie's Girlfriend, Sasha, that was one seat further and staring at the front of the classroom with a glazed expression. Lazily, Jean tuned into whatever the teacher was saying long enough to know that he did not care about it, before scrawling a quick 'strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"nope/strong' and passing the notebook back./p
p class="MsoNormal""We're doomed." Whisper moaned Connie. Jean made a noise of agreement. It wasn't that he was stupid, or even a bad student when he put his mind to it(after all, he'd graduated with a 4.0 from high school), but rather it was the fact that he didn't want to be in college and he was only here because his parents were forcing him and he didn't have the cash to live on his own yet./p
p class="MsoNormal""At least there is that party at Annie's house tonight!" Sasha whispered back perking up a bit, "Think of all the food a booze!"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh yeah! You coming to that tonight Jean?" asked Connie eagerly./p
p class="MsoNormal""No," said Jean feeling a little queasy, "I'll be with Eren tonight."/p
p class="MsoNormal""So? Bring Eren along!" Sasha said pouting, "You're always ditching us. I don't think you've ever gone to a party with us aside from Prom and you left early from that!"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Eren doesn't do parties Sash. You know that." Said Jean avoiding eye contact./p
p class="MsoNormal""Laaaame! If you guys come I know you'll like it!" said Sasha before the Teacher glared at them pointedly and all three of them pretended to take down notes so they wouldn't get called on. Under the desk Jean quickly texted 'em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"There is a big party at Annie's tonight. People are wanting us to come.'/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"'fuck.'/em Came the surprisingly quick response(considering that Eren was supposed to be working) which was quickly followed by another message, 'em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"I forgot about that. Reiner was talking about dragging me there. There will be lots of alcohol?'/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"'loads.'/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"'fuck.' /emRepeated Eren, 'em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"meet me at the station after work?'/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"'em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"see you then.' /emJean confirmed feeling a little of the tension leave his body. People, his mom for instance, were always telling him that Eren was a terrible influence on him. He thought the opposite. True, Jean did act a whole lot more cynical and surly when the green eyed boy was around, but it was less of the brunet causing Jean to feel that way and more of the fact that Eren made him a whole lot more honest about a lot of the things he kept bottled inside. Jean felt like shit most days. A deep heaviness had weighed down upon him for quite some time. Most people, when they heard that Jean was depressed, started out really sympathetic and supportive. But then, as days dragged on, as weeks dragged on, as years dragged on with no sign of improvement despite many different medications, therapy, and pretty much everything you could think of, people started to get impatient with him. Why was he still acting this way? Why wasn't he getting better? It's time to move on Jean. Etc. And Jean would feel himself sink even lower./p
p class="MsoNormal"Not Eren though. Eren was his rock. He knew what it was like. He struggled with a lot of the same things. He was steady and sort of backwardly kind. But he also didn't let Jean sit around and feel sorry for himself. Eren was blunt and brutally honest regardless of whether it was rude, and he expected Jean to be too. It was very refreshing to be around someone like that, especially when everyone else loved to pretend everything was fine and dandy so much of the time./p
p class="MsoNormal"The sound of chairs scrapping harshly against the floor roused Jean from his musings as everyone around him began getting up and packing away their things. Class was over and he hadn't paid attention to any of it. Such a waste of money. He didn't even want to em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"be/em at college. Other people worked their asses off just to get a chance, but he'd never been interested in this kind of life. However, his parents had made that decision for him. Along with dictating pretty much everything else in his life./p
p class="MsoNormal"'Well…' Jean thought ruefully of Eren, 'almost everything.'/p
p class="MsoNormal""So, so, soooooo~! Are you coming tonight Jean?" grinned Connie poking him./p
p class="MsoNormal""He's coming! We won't take no for an answer! Our Jean-boy has to come live a little!" Sasha declared. Jean grimaced, he didn't think his definition of 'living a little' included poisoning his liver, making his ears bleed from trashy music, and sitting uncomfortably among a bunch of sweaty and drunk college students./p
p class="MsoNormal""Guys, I told you; I've got plans with Eren." Jean said uncomfortably, quickly stashing his blank notebook in his bag./p
p class="MsoNormal""Psht, you've em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"always/em got plans with Eren!" em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"mostly because people are always asking one or the other of us to parties or drunken hang-outs,/em thought Jean cynically, "You can make it this one time!"/p
p class="MsoNormal""It's rude to cancel last minute." Jean said shrugging, as if Eren would even care if he canceled. He'd just go without style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal""Dude," said Connie shaking his head, "You go on more dates with Eren than I do with my girlfriend. Just marry him already."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Yeah!" Sasha chimed in mischievously while Jean struggled not to turn red… that would only fuel the teasing./p
p class="MsoNormal""Who would want to marry that hot head?" Jean scoffed./p
p class="MsoNormal""You obviously." Grinned Connie./p
p class="MsoNormal""You guys are crazy." Groaned Jean, "And I don't go on dates with him, we just hang out a lot."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Yeah. Sure. Sasha and I 'hang out' a lot too." Said Connie elbowing him and wiggling his eyebrows suggestively./p
p class="MsoNormal""I don't want to know anything about that." Said Jean monotonely staring straight ahead./p
p class="MsoNormal""Aw~ Come on Jean! No need to be shy! I am sure you and Eren are waaay more kinky th-" Sasha teased before Jean slapped his hand over her mouth./p
p class="MsoNormal""Don't. Finish that sentence. You're going to make me sick… not to mention scar me for life." Groaned Jean. Sasha licked his palm and Jean made a noise of disgust as he jerked his hand away before wiping the spit on her shirt despite the girl's protests./p
p class="MsoNormal""Hmm… Maybe he's telling the truth Sash, there's no way he'd be this cranky if he was getting laid all the time." Mused Connie teasingly, Jean glared at him while Sasha cackled./p
p class="MsoNormal""You guys are the worst." Muttered Jean, "And stop acting like sex is the almighty key to happiness, because it's really not."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You're just sad your boyfriend is not giving you any." Sighed Sasha dramatically reaching up to pat his head./p
p class="MsoNormal""He's not my-! Ahg, you know what? I am done with this conversation." Growled Jean hitching his bag a little higher and walking off. The urge to stomp angrily was strong, but he resisted./p
p class="MsoNormal""Have fun with Eren tonight~" his friends sing-songed. Jean flipped them off and tried to pretend he couldn't feel his ears turning red as he walked the long way to grab his bike./p
p class="MsoNormal"Technically, his house was little far from the college to make sense to bike to so consistently, but the bus was crowded and uncomfortable and he refused to drive for the same reason he refused to drink(though he was old enough to do both). He didn't blame Sasha and Connie for pushing so hard for him to always join them since he'd never really explained why he was against it, though that still didn't make it any easier. Eren hadn't needed an explanation. Jean had just said he didn't want to drink and hated to be around drunk people and Eren had just nodded and that had been the end of that./p
p class="MsoNormal"Eren had his own reasons to avoid such situations. From what Jean had pieced together from comments from both Eren and occasionally Mikasa, Eren's father had been an alcoholic that had beaten Eren's mother to death in a drunken rage. For rather obvious reasons, it wasn't something the brown haired man liked to explain to people when they asked him why he refused point blank to have anything to do with any sort of event that involved drinking. Jean's reasons… well if he closed his eyes he could still see the sudden glare of headlights, he could hear the screeching of tires, he could still feel the way his friend had barreled into him and sent him flying off his bike before- Jean shook his head. There was no use agonizing over it. The "accident" had happened years ago and Jean wasn't even living in the same town anymore. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"You've got to move on/em, Jean reminded himself… but part of him thought he would always be a little stuck in that moment, stuck in his young self on the side of the road watching his best friend crumple under the unforgiving frame of that stupid stupid car full of those stupid em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"stupid/em partiers./p
p class="MsoNormal"Jean tried to shake himself out his thoughts and focus on counting out in his head the money that he had left from that last time his parents had handed him a wad of cash. Should be enough. Should be plenty, especially if he was splitting costs with Eren. He focused on the rhythmic peddling on of the bike and the way the warm spring air felt in his lungs. He focused the bubble of excitement in his gut over meeting up with Eren in not too long. He let memories and guilt about things past take the back seat in his mind. Just for now./p
p class="MsoNormal"He coasted into his neighborhood lazily, automatically squinting his eyes against the dull glare of sunlight reflecting off of the pale rooftops of the street of identical houses. Jean nodded at the old lady who lived across the street as she laboriously weeded her small garden and he pulled into his yard. He hopped off his bike and followed the beaten trail of dead and flattened grass in the otherwise green lawn through the side gate where he always parked his bike. His mom wailed endlessly about him ruining the grass with his 'dirty biking habits' but he really didn't care all that much. Honestly, Jean didn't know why she was complaining so much; this way Jean actually exercised, something that if he was the type of teen to drive he was sure he'd never do./p
p class="MsoNormal""Mom, I'm home!" he called, mostly out of habit as he dumped his school bag by the back door. He wasn't touching that thing all weekend./p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh hello Jeanbo, how was school?" his mother said practically fluttering into the room to give him a quick kiss./p
p class="MsoNormal""Boring as hel-uh heck." Jean said, quickly correcting himself under her pointed stare./p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh I am sure it's not em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"that/em bad, if you just put in a little effort…" She tried to coax. Jean gave her a deadpan expression. Seeing as she wasn't getting anywhere with that conversation she quickly changed topics as she followed him back in to the kitchen, "You doing anything with friends this weekend?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Yeah, headed out with Eren in a few." Jean answered as he went to chug a glass of water. He saw his mom purse her lips in disapproval and braced himself for the lecture./p
p class="MsoNormal""You know… I heard from Christa's mom that a bunch of your old friends from high school are getting together tonight, why don't you go to that?" she tried to convince him, the 'not with Eren' went unsaid but Jean was happy to ignore both implications. He briefly considered telling her about the drinking, but changed his mind knowing what a gossip him mom sometimes was with the other moms in the area and how some of his friends could genuinely get in trouble for getting caught with alcohol./p
p class="MsoNormal""Not tonight mom." Jean mumbled instead./p
p class="MsoNormal""I worry about you Jeanbo," she said laying her hand on his shoulder, "You're going to end up on your own."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I am em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"fine/em mom. I hang out with other people. Sometimes." Grumbled Jean pulling away from her, "Just not today."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Jean-"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Gotta pack my stuff!" he called taking the stairs two at a time. Jean let out a sigh of relief once he slipped into his room and clicked the door closed. He let his ashy blond head thump back against the cool wood as he let his eyes flutter closed for a moment and breathed in the familiar stillness of his room. Jean sometimes wished the rest of the world didn't exist so he could remain in this stillness forever. Then the moment passed, he opened his eyes again and pushed off the door. Grabbing a bag, Jean began to hurriedly through random articles of clothing into it, his iPod, his wallet, a partially filled sketchbook, some gum, a toothbrush, etc. He had done these little overnight trips so many times he was a pro at it by now./p
p class="MsoNormal"Glancing at the clock on his desk Jean decided that the time was late enough that he could get away with leaving now and maybe beat Eren to the station./p
p class="MsoNormal""Bye mom!" He called as he tried to breeze through the main space./p
p class="MsoNormal""Wait! When should I expect you back?!" she called./p
p class="MsoNormal""Either tomorrow or Sunday! I'll text you later, let you know what we're thinking!" Jean called quickly slipping out the back door and grabbing his bike before his mother could protest./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Man, you know, I wasn't going for such a strong Jean and Eren dynamic, it just kind of happened. Oops. Oh well./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;" /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"****/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"He'd been in high school and both his parents had been out of town so when some friends asked him to come hang out he'd decided to go. He'd known there was going to be some drinking and drugs but he figured that even though he didn't want to do either he could put up with his friends being stupid. Jean hadn't anticipated his own reaction to it. Maybe it was something about the angle of the lights, or maybe something about smell of cheap beer on peoples breaths, the slurring of words as people pulled him about… whatever it was, an uncontrollable nausea had weld up inside him and a panic so icy he couldn't feel his fingertips/em em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"had overwhelmed him and Jean had fled the gathering with a hurriedly mumbled excuse. He'd run and run and run until he could barely breathe and eventually found himself in front up of the train station. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"The sudden exercise + his previous nausea had caught up to him and Jean had promptly puked his guts out in the nearest trashcan./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"To his surprise he had recognized Eren bundled in a coat sitting on the steps near by and ripping up a hallmark card into tinny bits with a murderous expression flashing through his green eyes. At the time Jean had wondered what the happy card had done to him. Later, he would learn it had been from his dad. But not for a while. They hadn't been friends back then. They'd known each other, sure, but they were more acquaintances that barely tolerated each other's existence. Eren was the hot headed foster-brother of Jean's freshman crush, Mikasa, and that was it. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""You look like shit." Eren had told him bluntly. Jean had bristled, because back then 'shit' had still been a terrible insult, and one that he definitely didn't want to hear from a stranger./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Like you can talk." Jean had shot back and then had immediately regretted it as Eren had leveled his gaze with him and the redness around his eyes made it clear he'd been crying. Real boy's weren't supposed to cry, he'd thought, only pansies. Eren had taught him different since then./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Well I feel like shit, so that would make sense." Shrugged Eren. Jean had blanched; you weren't supposed admit that. He hadn't realized till later that Eren had never questioned his puking or his running out in the streets by himself in the middle of the night, never asked him if he was ill or if he was okay. He'd known, just by looking at him and had given him space. Time would show just how familiar Eren was with panic attacks as a result of being triggered./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Say Jean, you ever just feel like going somewhere far away?" Eren had asked, staring at the trains./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""What, like running away?" Jean had asked recoiling./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""No," Eren had frowned, "Like- I don't know, just getting away from here for a few hours and then coming back."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Er, no, why would I?" Jean had grumbled walking over to a water fountain to wash the nasty taste from his mouth. It was a lie though; he'd thought about leaving lots of times, maybe not running away as in forever, but he'd been tempted plenty of times to just take his bike a span style="text-decoration: underline;"go/span./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Want to?" Eren had asked./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Hah?"/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Want to get out of this city for a while? I was thinking of doing it myself, and you look like you need it." Eren had shrugged as he stood up to throw the pieces of the card away. Jean had gaped at him. Eren had stared challengingly back, daring him to contradict him. He'd agreed. It was so stupid and Eren could have easily been some kind of psychopath and killed him or taken advantage but he hadn't. He never had. And now it was one of the best things in his life. They'd text each other whenever one of them wanted or needed to get away for whatever reason and they'd meet at the station and catch the next train out of town, stay for a bit, and then come back./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Jean had never felt so free./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"****/em/p
p class="MsoNormal""You're early Kirstien!" grinned Eren knocking fist with him after Jean locked his bike in the lot and wandered upstairs./p
p class="MsoNormal""Same to you!" Jean grinned back feeling tensions he didn't even know he had simply fall away in the brunet's presence./p
p class="MsoNormal""Got off work early." Eren shrugged hoisting his bag up a little before turning to the departure boards, "So, where shall we wander today?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""I am up for anything." Said Jean easily settling beside him./p
p class="MsoNormal""Alright… there is an east bound train going to be here in about 15 min… Why don't we get a ticket for that one?" asked Eren tilting his head./p
p class="MsoNormal""Sounds good to me, but how far down the line do you want to go?" asked Jean squinting at the different towns the train stopped at. It was one nicer things about staying in college for his parents; so long as he did then his dad was willing to pay for all his outrageous expenses, including town hopping by train with Eren./p
p class="MsoNormal""Well I want to get where ever we're going to before dark… how about here? We've never stopped there before." said Eren pointing to a town a few hours away, "We could stay the night there and if we like the area we could stay or we could catch another train on further tomorrow. When do you have to be back?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Not till Sunday night. I am not the problem, I am not the one who works." Said Jean nudging Eren as they walked towards the counter./p
p class="MsoNormal""Not this weekend." Said Eren a special kind of grin lighting up his face, his eyes flashing with emotion. Jean paused. To an outsider, such a look might make then think Eren was a bit unbalanced. To Jean, it told him that something big must have happened recently, but since Eren wasn't forthcoming with the information it meant now was not the time to talk about whatever it was./p
p class="MsoNormal""Back em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"again/em boy's?" asked the ticket lady in exasperation, though she smiled fondly at them./p
p class="MsoNormal""Yup, two tickets for the next east-bound train for the… 7supth/sup stop we agreed on right?" asked Jean glancing at Eren, who nodded./p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh to be young…" sighed the ticket lady wistfully as she exchanged their money for tickets, "Better hurry though, that train was late but it should be arriving soon."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Thank you!" chorused Jean and Eren taking their tickets and hurrying off to find their platform. They made it right in time for the train to pull sleekly up./p
p class="MsoNormal""Sometime we should pay a little extra and ride in the first-class carriages." Said Jean as they clambered up to the second level of the train where 'peasants' sat as they sometimes joked, "Don't they get their own little compartment?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Ah, that'd be a waste of money. What would we need our own compartment for?" Scowled Eren as they plopped down into some empty seats and slid their bags into place./p
p class="MsoNormal""It might nice if we ever wanted to go somewhere em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"really/em far that we'd need to do a few over-nights to get there." Said Jean peering down out the window to see how many people still needed to get on board./p
p class="MsoNormal""Meh, even if we did, it's not like peasant seating is that bad. Hell it beats riding on a plane any day." Grumbled Eren rolling his shoulders as he settled. Jean silently agreed with him. He'd only been on a plane once but it was enough to know that he never wanted to do it again if he could help it. The only thing that made planes better than trains was the speed that you got places. Otherwise, Jean liked traveling by train em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"way/em better./p
p class="MsoNormal""Yeah, but I heard some first class tickets get unlimited access to the dinning car." Commented Jean, grinning as Eren twitched ever so slightly./p
p class="MsoNormal""…Maybe one day." Eren eventually conceded. Jean called a silently victory. They talked for a bit longer about classes and school for a while before the train em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"finally/em started to pull out of the station./p
p class="MsoNormal""We must have shit luck, Eren, I don't think we've ever been on a train that has arrived or left on time." Commented Jean, "Surely em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"somewhere/em in this wide world there must be people who's trains come on time."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Well ladi-fucking-da for them." Grumbled Eren yawning./p
p class="MsoNormal""Are you tired?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""No shit Jean, I went straight from classes to work… I've been up since 5am." Said Eren casting him a withering look./p
p class="MsoNormal""My apologies princess, I will let you get some beauty sleep right away." Said Jean./p
p class="MsoNormal""Asshole." Glowered Eren./p
p class="MsoNormal""Hey, you're the crazy fucker who decided he wanted to take a 7am class em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"voluntarily/em." Shuddered Jean./p
p class="MsoNormal""Whatever, the teacher is super cool and the class is interesting. Not my fault it's at the worst time." Grumbled Eren letting his eyes flutter close, "You really not mind if I crash for a while before we get there?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Go for it." Said Jean reaching out to dig in his bag for his iPod while Eren did just that. He scrolled through his music and put it on shuffle before staring out the window. The slow jostling of the train and the beautiful scenery whipping past made a peaceful fog settle over his mind and Jean briefly considered joining Eren in dreamland./p
p class="MsoNormal""Tickets?" the attendant called softly, gaining his attention. Jean quickly pulled out his earphones and handed her their tickets hoping that they wouldn't rouse Eren. The guy needed his sleep, no matter how much Jean teased him he could see the dark shadows under his eyes and the fatigue that bled through the energetic front he put up for others./p
p class="MsoNormal""I've seen you two on the train a lot." Commented the attendant shyly as she handed Jean back his tickets and placed the marker for their stop over the row./p
p class="MsoNormal""Uh, yeah, it's a tradition of ours." He whispered awkwardly while holding back a grimace; he was not in the mood deal with this young woman's misplaced flirting. Like, she was really pretty and all, but-/p
p class="MsoNormal""That's so cute!" she grinned wistfully, "I wish my boyfriend did stuff like that with me. You two make a great couple."/p
p class="MsoNormal""…hah?" blinked Jean, but the girl had already left to go help the next set of passengers. He leaned back against his chair in mild shock./p
p class="MsoNormal"For all their teasing, Connie and Sasha were the only one's who'd ever actually implied that he and Eren were a couple, and he was pretty sure neither of them actually thought they were dating and just liked harass Jean. It felt weird for people to tell him that he and Eren looked like a good couple. Once upon a time, in high school, such a comment would have flustered Jean beyond belief. Now he just frowned, not sure how he felt about it./p
p class="MsoNormal"It was true that he'd used to have rather a wild crush on Eren back when they'd first started doing this. Jean blushed himself silly over simple things like sharing a cheap hotel space and getting Eren's time and attention all to himself. There was still a diary/journal somewhere in his room dedicated to frustrated rants about either how irritating Eren was or how hot he was with his mussed up hair and fiery eyes and long lashes…. Well, you get the picture. He'd been the cause of quite the sexuality crisis for Jean./p
p class="MsoNormal"The problem was that Eren didn't seem to be interested in anyone but because he choose Jean to go everywhere with and occasionally confide in, the blond had gotten it into his over-excited high school head that that had meant that Eren felt the same. It had taken a very embarrassing conversation (for both of them) after Jean had tried to clumsily seduce the green eyed teen at one of the hotels they were staying at, which forced Eren to awkwardly explain that he didn't get attracted to boy's or girls and he wasn't really interested in romantic relationships either. It had taken Jean a long while after that to get over Eren (during which time they agreed to put a temporary halt to the over night train trips) but once he did they became even closer friends./p
p class="MsoNormal"Eren grumbled something in his sleep and Jean let a real smile grace his face for a moment before he put his ear-buds back in and continued to listen to his music./p
p class="MsoNormal"****/p
p class="MsoNormal""C'mon you over grown brat, wake up. We're here." Said Jean poking the brunet warily. There was a time when he would just whack him awake. Hell knows how he managed to survive that brief lapse in sanity. Eren tended to wake up ready to kill shit when startled./p
p class="MsoNormal""Aw, fuck, did I sleep the whole time?" groaned Eren rubbing his eyes./p
p class="MsoNormal""Yup. Now hurry it up, we're almost to the station and I want to get some food when we get there. I'm starving." Said Jean kicking him none too gently./p
p class="MsoNormal""Ow! Yeah, yeah, I am going." Said Eren casting Jean an irritated look as he got up and lead the way down the stairs, "Why didn't you just eat in the dinning car?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Nah, didn't want to wake you." Said Jean dismissively as they mingled with the two other people that were getting off at this stop./p
p class="MsoNormal""You could have." Frowned Eren, "I wouldn't have minded."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Dude, you needed it." Said Jean rolling his eyes./p
p class="MsoNormal""I- thanks." Mumbled Eren slightly embarrassed./p
p class="MsoNormal""Aw, what was that?" teased Jean./p
p class="MsoNormal""I said fuck off." Eren glowered, though his tan cheeks looked a bit flushed. Jean chuckled, Eren wasn't used to people that were not Mikasa looking out for him and he got stupidly flustered from it… much to Jean's amusement and Eren's dismay./p
p class="MsoNormal""How about you go find us a place to stay and I'll grab us some food?" suggested Jean as they got off the train./p
p class="MsoNormal""…what kind of food?" asked Eren suspiciously as they started walking out of the station. The 'and do I trust you enough to get something that I don't hate' went unsaid but was clearly written on his face./p
p class="MsoNormal""Haven't decided, but I'll get something you like, don't worry." Jean assured him. Eren gave him a look with narrowed eyes. Ah, well, it wasn't like his suspicion was ill founded. Jean had to stop himself from smirking at the fond memories, because that was not likely to make Eren want to trust him with his order, "Really Eren, we're both pretty wiped from the week. I won't get you anything "gross" tonight, I promise."/p
p class="MsoNormal""…You're dead if you do." Warned Eren after one more hard look. Ah… it was tempting just to get him something weird just for that, but really, Jean had been telling the truth. They split once they got outside, promising to text each other after they found something./p
p class="MsoNormal"Jean stretched out the kinks in his back from the train ride as he walked a breathed in the clean air. The town was pretty small, so there wasn't as much pollution as he was used to and it was significantly quitter. He didn't even think he saw a highway anywhere when they pulling in. The air was a bit humid for his liking, but the plants seemed to love it. Everywhere Jean looked things seemed to be growing. Flowers grew from cracks in the sidewalk, grass grew pretty much anywhere there was an open space, vines crawled up the sides of old Victorian styled houses, moss was everywhere from the rooftops, to squishing beneath Jeans feet at times on the sidewalk, to hanging in tinsel like wisps from trees./p
p class="MsoNormal"It was almost… too green for Jean's city boy tastes./p
p class="MsoNormal"At the direction of a local, Jean headed towards the place in town where most of the take away food was located. Fortunately for Jean it was within reasonable walking distance. If it hadn't been, then he would have rejoined Eren and ordered some over priced delivery. The back streets near the station had been almost totally devoid of cars, but nearing middle of the town the Friday evening life began to pick up again. Two kids raced past Jean on bicycles laughing loudly as they crossed the street. He smiled slightly as he stepped out into the cross walk himself, they reminded him of happier times when he was a kid./p
p class="MsoNormal"Suddenly there was a horn blaring and somebody abruptly grabbed Jean by the back of the shirt and yanked him out of the road. Jean had time to see the furiously honking car skid right through right where he had been standing moments before, and then he and the stranger were toppling ungracefully back onto the sidewalk. The other person took most impact, but the air was still forced out of him in a rush and he could tell he was going to be bruised./p
p class="MsoNormal""Goodness gracious! Sir, are you alright?" his rescuer asked frantically in a voice that was probably normally pretty low, but at the moment had risen high enough to crack slightly. Jean tried to answer but his heart was beating so frantically it was almost deafening and he couldn't seem to suck in the right amount of air and it was causing his breathing to come in sharp staggered huffs. His backpack slid off his shoulders and to the ground as the stranger carefully sat up and turned him around to check for injuries./p
p class="MsoNormal""I think I got you out of the way in time, but you have to tell me, does anywhere hurt?" asked the stranger and this time Jean managed to shake his head. The stranger let out a sigh of relief. Finally calming his breathing enough that black spots were no longer threatening to over take his vision Jean noticed that the stranger was covered head to toe in winter clothing; coat, hat, scarf, gloves, boots… which was weird since it wasn't really cold. Warm enough for flowers to be blooming anyway. Then Jean looked at his rescuer's face./p
p class="MsoNormal"And promptly felt sick./p
p class="MsoNormal"It was Marco./p
p class="MsoNormal"Oh, he might be all grown up (impossible) since he last saw him, but his face was still pretty much the same as when they were kids… well except for the funny scar all down one side of it. That was weird. But that didn't stop the fact that it was Marco, em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"his Marco/em, that had died almost 15 years ago./p
p class="MsoNormal""Sir-?" Marco began in alarm as tears began streaming down Jean's face./p
p class="MsoNormal""Fuck." Jean choked out, "Fuck, I am dead, aren't I? That car really hit me, didn't it? I must be dead."/p
p class="MsoNormal""What?! No, nononono sir, you're alive, you're fine, shh…" Marco tried to sooth him, attempting to pull him to his feet as they were starting to attract attention. He had to practically carry Jean and his backpack away from the road, since his legs didn't seem to be working at the moment. Probably a side affect of being dead, "Shh… just calm down, you're going to be fine."/p
p class="MsoNormal""No…" groaned Jean, "I can't be fine, I am dead."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You're not dead." Marco calmly told him./p
p class="MsoNormal""I must be if you're here!" Jean exclaimed. Marco blinked at him in confusion, seeming unsure what to do. Jeans phone started ringing in his pocket but Jean didn't want to answer it. He was fucking dead! Why the bloody fucking hell would he want to answer his phone. Uncertainly, Marco pulled out his phone and answered it, "Hello?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"There was a brief pause and then Jean could hear Eren yelling and demanding to know why the owner of the phone wasn't answering amongst some choice threats and impressive swearing,/p
p class="MsoNormal""No, sorry, sorry, your friend is fine, he was just nearly in a car accident." Marco explained hurriedly. More swearing, this time with demands to know where they were and if he was at all injured… Jean's head hurt. Why was Eren and Marco talking to each other? They didn't even exist in the same timeline of his life. Everything was confusing, bits in pieces of Marco's conversation on the phone was registering, but none of it made sense, "No, your friend is fine, I think… calm down, sir, I mean I think he's in shock. He's been babbling a lot of stuff that doesn't make a whole lot of sense… Where are we? We're just off the corner of… wait if you're from out of town it might be easier if you just tell me where you are… oh that hotel? That's not far from where we are. I'll just carry him over… no, really, stay there, I'll be right over."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Jeans world suddenly went tipsy as Marco hoisted him onto his back piggy-back style and snatched up his backpack from the ground./p
p class="MsoNormal""Okay sir, I am going to take you to your friend now. He'll take care of you." Marco said reassuringly as he began to walk./p
p class="MsoNormal""…You're still too nice…" mumbled Jean, but Marco seemed to ignore him. Jean buried his face in Marco's neck and breathed him in… holy… he smelled em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"really/em good. Marco seemed a bit uncomfortable, but Jean was past caring. There was a little golden flower that had gotten trapped in-between Marco's jacket and scarf. Probably got there when they'd fallen, Jean mused. He tried to brush it off, but it seemed to be stuck on something, maybe the thread of the jacket? Jean grabbed it an pulled./p
p class="MsoNormal""Ow!" yelped Marco, stopping and turning his head to look at him wide-eyed. There was touch of fear there that Jean didn't understand./p
p class="MsoNormal""Sorry, there was a flower stuck in your jacket…" mumbled Jean holding it up./p
p class="MsoNormal""O-oh. T-thanks." Said Marco quickly looking away and resuming walking. Jean leaned his head on his shoulder again and stared at the delicate little flower clutched in his hand. It was really pretty. And Marco… Marco was warm. Jean thought ghosts were supposed to be cold. This was all so fucking weird./p
p class="MsoNormal""Ah… there's the hotel! Almost there sir." Said Marco brightly. Jean frowned, why was Marco still calling him sir? Didn't he recognize him? Jean supposed he didn't really look much like he did when he was a kid but…/p
p class="MsoNormal""Fuck! You said he wasn't hurt!" He could hear Eren yell in alarm and Jean heard running footsteps./p
p class="MsoNormal""He's not, but I couldn't get him to walk on his own. Like I said, I think he'd in shock." Marco said and warm familiar hands were pulling him off Marco's back./p
p class="MsoNormal""No, Marco, I just found you again…" Jean mumbled and Marco went ridged beneath him./p
p class="MsoNormal""H-how-? I didn't ever tell you my name-?!" Marco stammered./p
p class="MsoNormal""That's okay, you don't need to… unless you're looking to get paid for helping him?" said Eren frowning, evidentially not hearing Jean's comment./p
p class="MsoNormal""Wha-? Oh, nonono I couldn't possibly accept payment." Jean heard Marco say hurriedly./p
p class="MsoNormal""That's very nice of you," said Eren politely, ducking under Jeans arm and dragging forward, "thank you for all you've done."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh, it was not trouble!" Marco assured him. Eren tried to tug Jean along but he resisted slightly./p
p class="MsoNormal""C'mon Jean, stop being difficult." Eren scowled at him/p
p class="MsoNormal""No, Eren, I can't lose Marco again." Jean insisted./p
p class="MsoNormal""Stop talking crazy Kirstien and let go of the poor stranger." Eren said firmly and pulled Jean away and into the hotel. Jean looked back through the sliding doors and saw his childhood friend standing frozen on the side-walk with a look of horror on his face. There was recognition as their eyes met and Jean saw his name, his full name, form silently on Marco's lips. Then Eren was pulling him into an elevator./p
p class="MsoNormal""You Kirstien, are a piece of shit," Eren informed him once the door closed, "You almost gave me a heart attack."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Sorry…" mumbled Jean, his head still reeling./p
p class="MsoNormal""You better be," grumbled Eren fixing him with a stern glare, "Now we're going back to our room, and you are going to em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"sleep/em while I order us some shitty room service, okay?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Jean nodded. He was exhausted from the repeated adrenaline rushes of the day as well as from traveling and a week of school. So when they finally reached their room and Eren let Jean flop on the bed and he fell asleep almost instantly./p
p class="MsoNormal"He might have thought that it was all a wild hallucination, but when he woke up he found the small golden flower was still crushed tightly in his hand./p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Time Skip~! Might flash back to conversations between Life and Marco, but for now one to the story!/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Heads up, Jean has a potty mouth. But that's nothing new./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;" ****/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"Sometimes it seemed that Life was having a cruel joke at his expense. Or maybe it just seemed that way because Jean was stuck in community college while Life joyfully tipped his world upside-down over and over and over again and cackled as Jean tried to right himself. Or something like that. His mom always did say he had a vivid imagination./p
p class="MsoNormal"Jean sighed. He'd been doing that a lot lately. So much that he was starting to annoy himself. Or maybe sighing wasn't the right word for it, he mused. It was more of a ragged inhale and a sharp exhale through his nose. Was that still called sighing? Maybe huffing would be more accurate. But no… Jean didn't like that one either. Huffing sounded too sassy. Jean wasn't sassy, no matter what Eren said to the contrary./p
p class="MsoNormal"He was so fucking board./p
p class="MsoNormal"A notebook was shoved in front of him with a hastily scrawled 'strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"Do you know what they're talking about?!/strong' in sloppy writing. Jean glanced first at his friend Connie, who was seated in the desk next to him and looked confused as hell, then at Connie's Girlfriend, Sasha, that was one seat further and staring at the front of the classroom with a glazed expression. Lazily, Jean tuned into whatever the teacher was saying long enough to know that he did not care about it, before scrawling a quick 'strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"nope/strong' and passing the notebook back./p
p class="MsoNormal""We're doomed." Whisper moaned Connie. Jean made a noise of agreement. It wasn't that he was stupid, or even a bad student when he put his mind to it(after all, he'd graduated with a 4.0 from high school), but rather it was the fact that he didn't want to be in college and he was only here because his parents were forcing him and he didn't have the cash to live on his own yet./p
p class="MsoNormal""At least there is that party at Annie's house tonight!" Sasha whispered back perking up a bit, "Think of all the food a booze!"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh yeah! You coming to that tonight Jean?" asked Connie eagerly./p
p class="MsoNormal""No," said Jean feeling a little queasy, "I'll be with Eren tonight."/p
p class="MsoNormal""So? Bring Eren along!" Sasha said pouting, "You're always ditching us. I don't think you've ever gone to a party with us aside from Prom and you left early from that!"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Eren doesn't do parties Sash. You know that." Said Jean avoiding eye contact./p
p class="MsoNormal""Laaaame! If you guys come I know you'll like it!" said Sasha before the Teacher glared at them pointedly and all three of them pretended to take down notes so they wouldn't get called on. Under the desk Jean quickly texted 'em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"There is a big party at Annie's tonight. People are wanting us to come.'/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"'fuck.'/em Came the surprisingly quick response(considering that Eren was supposed to be working) which was quickly followed by another message, 'em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"I forgot about that. Reiner was talking about dragging me there. There will be lots of alcohol?'/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"'loads.'/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"'fuck.' /emRepeated Eren, 'em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"meet me at the station after work?'/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"'em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"see you then.' /emJean confirmed feeling a little of the tension leave his body. People, his mom for instance, were always telling him that Eren was a terrible influence on him. He thought the opposite. True, Jean did act a whole lot more cynical and surly when the green eyed boy was around, but it was less of the brunet causing Jean to feel that way and more of the fact that Eren made him a whole lot more honest about a lot of the things he kept bottled inside. Jean felt like shit most days. A deep heaviness had weighed down upon him for quite some time. Most people, when they heard that Jean was depressed, started out really sympathetic and supportive. But then, as days dragged on, as weeks dragged on, as years dragged on with no sign of improvement despite many different medications, therapy, and pretty much everything you could think of, people started to get impatient with him. Why was he still acting this way? Why wasn't he getting better? It's time to move on Jean. Etc. And Jean would feel himself sink even lower./p
p class="MsoNormal"Not Eren though. Eren was his rock. He knew what it was like. He struggled with a lot of the same things. He was steady and sort of backwardly kind. But he also didn't let Jean sit around and feel sorry for himself. Eren was blunt and brutally honest regardless of whether it was rude, and he expected Jean to be too. It was very refreshing to be around someone like that, especially when everyone else loved to pretend everything was fine and dandy so much of the time./p
p class="MsoNormal"The sound of chairs scrapping harshly against the floor roused Jean from his musings as everyone around him began getting up and packing away their things. Class was over and he hadn't paid attention to any of it. Such a waste of money. He didn't even want to em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"be/em at college. Other people worked their asses off just to get a chance, but he'd never been interested in this kind of life. However, his parents had made that decision for him. Along with dictating pretty much everything else in his life./p
p class="MsoNormal"'Well…' Jean thought ruefully of Eren, 'almost everything.'/p
p class="MsoNormal""So, so, soooooo~! Are you coming tonight Jean?" grinned Connie poking him./p
p class="MsoNormal""He's coming! We won't take no for an answer! Our Jean-boy has to come live a little!" Sasha declared. Jean grimaced, he didn't think his definition of 'living a little' included poisoning his liver, making his ears bleed from trashy music, and sitting uncomfortably among a bunch of sweaty and drunk college students./p
p class="MsoNormal""Guys, I told you; I've got plans with Eren." Jean said uncomfortably, quickly stashing his blank notebook in his bag./p
p class="MsoNormal""Psht, you've em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"always/em got plans with Eren!" em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"mostly because people are always asking one or the other of us to parties or drunken hang-outs,/em thought Jean cynically, "You can make it this one time!"/p
p class="MsoNormal""It's rude to cancel last minute." Jean said shrugging, as if Eren would even care if he canceled. He'd just go without style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/p
p class="MsoNormal""Dude," said Connie shaking his head, "You go on more dates with Eren than I do with my girlfriend. Just marry him already."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Yeah!" Sasha chimed in mischievously while Jean struggled not to turn red… that would only fuel the teasing./p
p class="MsoNormal""Who would want to marry that hot head?" Jean scoffed./p
p class="MsoNormal""You obviously." Grinned Connie./p
p class="MsoNormal""You guys are crazy." Groaned Jean, "And I don't go on dates with him, we just hang out a lot."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Yeah. Sure. Sasha and I 'hang out' a lot too." Said Connie elbowing him and wiggling his eyebrows suggestively./p
p class="MsoNormal""I don't want to know anything about that." Said Jean monotonely staring straight ahead./p
p class="MsoNormal""Aw~ Come on Jean! No need to be shy! I am sure you and Eren are waaay more kinky th-" Sasha teased before Jean slapped his hand over her mouth./p
p class="MsoNormal""Don't. Finish that sentence. You're going to make me sick… not to mention scar me for life." Groaned Jean. Sasha licked his palm and Jean made a noise of disgust as he jerked his hand away before wiping the spit on her shirt despite the girl's protests./p
p class="MsoNormal""Hmm… Maybe he's telling the truth Sash, there's no way he'd be this cranky if he was getting laid all the time." Mused Connie teasingly, Jean glared at him while Sasha cackled./p
p class="MsoNormal""You guys are the worst." Muttered Jean, "And stop acting like sex is the almighty key to happiness, because it's really not."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You're just sad your boyfriend is not giving you any." Sighed Sasha dramatically reaching up to pat his head./p
p class="MsoNormal""He's not my-! Ahg, you know what? I am done with this conversation." Growled Jean hitching his bag a little higher and walking off. The urge to stomp angrily was strong, but he resisted./p
p class="MsoNormal""Have fun with Eren tonight~" his friends sing-songed. Jean flipped them off and tried to pretend he couldn't feel his ears turning red as he walked the long way to grab his bike./p
p class="MsoNormal"Technically, his house was little far from the college to make sense to bike to so consistently, but the bus was crowded and uncomfortable and he refused to drive for the same reason he refused to drink(though he was old enough to do both). He didn't blame Sasha and Connie for pushing so hard for him to always join them since he'd never really explained why he was against it, though that still didn't make it any easier. Eren hadn't needed an explanation. Jean had just said he didn't want to drink and hated to be around drunk people and Eren had just nodded and that had been the end of that./p
p class="MsoNormal"Eren had his own reasons to avoid such situations. From what Jean had pieced together from comments from both Eren and occasionally Mikasa, Eren's father had been an alcoholic that had beaten Eren's mother to death in a drunken rage. For rather obvious reasons, it wasn't something the brown haired man liked to explain to people when they asked him why he refused point blank to have anything to do with any sort of event that involved drinking. Jean's reasons… well if he closed his eyes he could still see the sudden glare of headlights, he could hear the screeching of tires, he could still feel the way his friend had barreled into him and sent him flying off his bike before- Jean shook his head. There was no use agonizing over it. The "accident" had happened years ago and Jean wasn't even living in the same town anymore. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"You've got to move on/em, Jean reminded himself… but part of him thought he would always be a little stuck in that moment, stuck in his young self on the side of the road watching his best friend crumple under the unforgiving frame of that stupid stupid car full of those stupid em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"stupid/em partiers./p
p class="MsoNormal"Jean tried to shake himself out his thoughts and focus on counting out in his head the money that he had left from that last time his parents had handed him a wad of cash. Should be enough. Should be plenty, especially if he was splitting costs with Eren. He focused on the rhythmic peddling on of the bike and the way the warm spring air felt in his lungs. He focused the bubble of excitement in his gut over meeting up with Eren in not too long. He let memories and guilt about things past take the back seat in his mind. Just for now./p
p class="MsoNormal"He coasted into his neighborhood lazily, automatically squinting his eyes against the dull glare of sunlight reflecting off of the pale rooftops of the street of identical houses. Jean nodded at the old lady who lived across the street as she laboriously weeded her small garden and he pulled into his yard. He hopped off his bike and followed the beaten trail of dead and flattened grass in the otherwise green lawn through the side gate where he always parked his bike. His mom wailed endlessly about him ruining the grass with his 'dirty biking habits' but he really didn't care all that much. Honestly, Jean didn't know why she was complaining so much; this way Jean actually exercised, something that if he was the type of teen to drive he was sure he'd never do./p
p class="MsoNormal""Mom, I'm home!" he called, mostly out of habit as he dumped his school bag by the back door. He wasn't touching that thing all weekend./p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh hello Jeanbo, how was school?" his mother said practically fluttering into the room to give him a quick kiss./p
p class="MsoNormal""Boring as hel-uh heck." Jean said, quickly correcting himself under her pointed stare./p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh I am sure it's not em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"that/em bad, if you just put in a little effort…" She tried to coax. Jean gave her a deadpan expression. Seeing as she wasn't getting anywhere with that conversation she quickly changed topics as she followed him back in to the kitchen, "You doing anything with friends this weekend?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Yeah, headed out with Eren in a few." Jean answered as he went to chug a glass of water. He saw his mom purse her lips in disapproval and braced himself for the lecture./p
p class="MsoNormal""You know… I heard from Christa's mom that a bunch of your old friends from high school are getting together tonight, why don't you go to that?" she tried to convince him, the 'not with Eren' went unsaid but Jean was happy to ignore both implications. He briefly considered telling her about the drinking, but changed his mind knowing what a gossip him mom sometimes was with the other moms in the area and how some of his friends could genuinely get in trouble for getting caught with alcohol./p
p class="MsoNormal""Not tonight mom." Jean mumbled instead./p
p class="MsoNormal""I worry about you Jeanbo," she said laying her hand on his shoulder, "You're going to end up on your own."/p
p class="MsoNormal""I am em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"fine/em mom. I hang out with other people. Sometimes." Grumbled Jean pulling away from her, "Just not today."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Jean-"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Gotta pack my stuff!" he called taking the stairs two at a time. Jean let out a sigh of relief once he slipped into his room and clicked the door closed. He let his ashy blond head thump back against the cool wood as he let his eyes flutter closed for a moment and breathed in the familiar stillness of his room. Jean sometimes wished the rest of the world didn't exist so he could remain in this stillness forever. Then the moment passed, he opened his eyes again and pushed off the door. Grabbing a bag, Jean began to hurriedly through random articles of clothing into it, his iPod, his wallet, a partially filled sketchbook, some gum, a toothbrush, etc. He had done these little overnight trips so many times he was a pro at it by now./p
p class="MsoNormal"Glancing at the clock on his desk Jean decided that the time was late enough that he could get away with leaving now and maybe beat Eren to the station./p
p class="MsoNormal""Bye mom!" He called as he tried to breeze through the main space./p
p class="MsoNormal""Wait! When should I expect you back?!" she called./p
p class="MsoNormal""Either tomorrow or Sunday! I'll text you later, let you know what we're thinking!" Jean called quickly slipping out the back door and grabbing his bike before his mother could protest./p
p class="MsoNormal" /p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Man, you know, I wasn't going for such a strong Jean and Eren dynamic, it just kind of happened. Oops. Oh well./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;" /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"****/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"He'd been in high school and both his parents had been out of town so when some friends asked him to come hang out he'd decided to go. He'd known there was going to be some drinking and drugs but he figured that even though he didn't want to do either he could put up with his friends being stupid. Jean hadn't anticipated his own reaction to it. Maybe it was something about the angle of the lights, or maybe something about smell of cheap beer on peoples breaths, the slurring of words as people pulled him about… whatever it was, an uncontrollable nausea had weld up inside him and a panic so icy he couldn't feel his fingertips/em em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"had overwhelmed him and Jean had fled the gathering with a hurriedly mumbled excuse. He'd run and run and run until he could barely breathe and eventually found himself in front up of the train station. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"The sudden exercise + his previous nausea had caught up to him and Jean had promptly puked his guts out in the nearest trashcan./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"To his surprise he had recognized Eren bundled in a coat sitting on the steps near by and ripping up a hallmark card into tinny bits with a murderous expression flashing through his green eyes. At the time Jean had wondered what the happy card had done to him. Later, he would learn it had been from his dad. But not for a while. They hadn't been friends back then. They'd known each other, sure, but they were more acquaintances that barely tolerated each other's existence. Eren was the hot headed foster-brother of Jean's freshman crush, Mikasa, and that was it. /em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""You look like shit." Eren had told him bluntly. Jean had bristled, because back then 'shit' had still been a terrible insult, and one that he definitely didn't want to hear from a stranger./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Like you can talk." Jean had shot back and then had immediately regretted it as Eren had leveled his gaze with him and the redness around his eyes made it clear he'd been crying. Real boy's weren't supposed to cry, he'd thought, only pansies. Eren had taught him different since then./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Well I feel like shit, so that would make sense." Shrugged Eren. Jean had blanched; you weren't supposed admit that. He hadn't realized till later that Eren had never questioned his puking or his running out in the streets by himself in the middle of the night, never asked him if he was ill or if he was okay. He'd known, just by looking at him and had given him space. Time would show just how familiar Eren was with panic attacks as a result of being triggered./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Say Jean, you ever just feel like going somewhere far away?" Eren had asked, staring at the trains./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""What, like running away?" Jean had asked recoiling./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""No," Eren had frowned, "Like- I don't know, just getting away from here for a few hours and then coming back."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Er, no, why would I?" Jean had grumbled walking over to a water fountain to wash the nasty taste from his mouth. It was a lie though; he'd thought about leaving lots of times, maybe not running away as in forever, but he'd been tempted plenty of times to just take his bike a span style="text-decoration: underline;"go/span./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Want to?" Eren had asked./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Hah?"/em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;""Want to get out of this city for a while? I was thinking of doing it myself, and you look like you need it." Eren had shrugged as he stood up to throw the pieces of the card away. Jean had gaped at him. Eren had stared challengingly back, daring him to contradict him. He'd agreed. It was so stupid and Eren could have easily been some kind of psychopath and killed him or taken advantage but he hadn't. He never had. And now it was one of the best things in his life. They'd text each other whenever one of them wanted or needed to get away for whatever reason and they'd meet at the station and catch the next train out of town, stay for a bit, and then come back./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Jean had never felt so free./em/p
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"****/em/p
p class="MsoNormal""You're early Kirstien!" grinned Eren knocking fist with him after Jean locked his bike in the lot and wandered upstairs./p
p class="MsoNormal""Same to you!" Jean grinned back feeling tensions he didn't even know he had simply fall away in the brunet's presence./p
p class="MsoNormal""Got off work early." Eren shrugged hoisting his bag up a little before turning to the departure boards, "So, where shall we wander today?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""I am up for anything." Said Jean easily settling beside him./p
p class="MsoNormal""Alright… there is an east bound train going to be here in about 15 min… Why don't we get a ticket for that one?" asked Eren tilting his head./p
p class="MsoNormal""Sounds good to me, but how far down the line do you want to go?" asked Jean squinting at the different towns the train stopped at. It was one nicer things about staying in college for his parents; so long as he did then his dad was willing to pay for all his outrageous expenses, including town hopping by train with Eren./p
p class="MsoNormal""Well I want to get where ever we're going to before dark… how about here? We've never stopped there before." said Eren pointing to a town a few hours away, "We could stay the night there and if we like the area we could stay or we could catch another train on further tomorrow. When do you have to be back?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Not till Sunday night. I am not the problem, I am not the one who works." Said Jean nudging Eren as they walked towards the counter./p
p class="MsoNormal""Not this weekend." Said Eren a special kind of grin lighting up his face, his eyes flashing with emotion. Jean paused. To an outsider, such a look might make then think Eren was a bit unbalanced. To Jean, it told him that something big must have happened recently, but since Eren wasn't forthcoming with the information it meant now was not the time to talk about whatever it was./p
p class="MsoNormal""Back em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"again/em boy's?" asked the ticket lady in exasperation, though she smiled fondly at them./p
p class="MsoNormal""Yup, two tickets for the next east-bound train for the… 7supth/sup stop we agreed on right?" asked Jean glancing at Eren, who nodded./p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh to be young…" sighed the ticket lady wistfully as she exchanged their money for tickets, "Better hurry though, that train was late but it should be arriving soon."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Thank you!" chorused Jean and Eren taking their tickets and hurrying off to find their platform. They made it right in time for the train to pull sleekly up./p
p class="MsoNormal""Sometime we should pay a little extra and ride in the first-class carriages." Said Jean as they clambered up to the second level of the train where 'peasants' sat as they sometimes joked, "Don't they get their own little compartment?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Ah, that'd be a waste of money. What would we need our own compartment for?" Scowled Eren as they plopped down into some empty seats and slid their bags into place./p
p class="MsoNormal""It might nice if we ever wanted to go somewhere em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"really/em far that we'd need to do a few over-nights to get there." Said Jean peering down out the window to see how many people still needed to get on board./p
p class="MsoNormal""Meh, even if we did, it's not like peasant seating is that bad. Hell it beats riding on a plane any day." Grumbled Eren rolling his shoulders as he settled. Jean silently agreed with him. He'd only been on a plane once but it was enough to know that he never wanted to do it again if he could help it. The only thing that made planes better than trains was the speed that you got places. Otherwise, Jean liked traveling by train em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"way/em better./p
p class="MsoNormal""Yeah, but I heard some first class tickets get unlimited access to the dinning car." Commented Jean, grinning as Eren twitched ever so slightly./p
p class="MsoNormal""…Maybe one day." Eren eventually conceded. Jean called a silently victory. They talked for a bit longer about classes and school for a while before the train em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"finally/em started to pull out of the station./p
p class="MsoNormal""We must have shit luck, Eren, I don't think we've ever been on a train that has arrived or left on time." Commented Jean, "Surely em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"somewhere/em in this wide world there must be people who's trains come on time."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Well ladi-fucking-da for them." Grumbled Eren yawning./p
p class="MsoNormal""Are you tired?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""No shit Jean, I went straight from classes to work… I've been up since 5am." Said Eren casting him a withering look./p
p class="MsoNormal""My apologies princess, I will let you get some beauty sleep right away." Said Jean./p
p class="MsoNormal""Asshole." Glowered Eren./p
p class="MsoNormal""Hey, you're the crazy fucker who decided he wanted to take a 7am class em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"voluntarily/em." Shuddered Jean./p
p class="MsoNormal""Whatever, the teacher is super cool and the class is interesting. Not my fault it's at the worst time." Grumbled Eren letting his eyes flutter close, "You really not mind if I crash for a while before we get there?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Go for it." Said Jean reaching out to dig in his bag for his iPod while Eren did just that. He scrolled through his music and put it on shuffle before staring out the window. The slow jostling of the train and the beautiful scenery whipping past made a peaceful fog settle over his mind and Jean briefly considered joining Eren in dreamland./p
p class="MsoNormal""Tickets?" the attendant called softly, gaining his attention. Jean quickly pulled out his earphones and handed her their tickets hoping that they wouldn't rouse Eren. The guy needed his sleep, no matter how much Jean teased him he could see the dark shadows under his eyes and the fatigue that bled through the energetic front he put up for others./p
p class="MsoNormal""I've seen you two on the train a lot." Commented the attendant shyly as she handed Jean back his tickets and placed the marker for their stop over the row./p
p class="MsoNormal""Uh, yeah, it's a tradition of ours." He whispered awkwardly while holding back a grimace; he was not in the mood deal with this young woman's misplaced flirting. Like, she was really pretty and all, but-/p
p class="MsoNormal""That's so cute!" she grinned wistfully, "I wish my boyfriend did stuff like that with me. You two make a great couple."/p
p class="MsoNormal""…hah?" blinked Jean, but the girl had already left to go help the next set of passengers. He leaned back against his chair in mild shock./p
p class="MsoNormal"For all their teasing, Connie and Sasha were the only one's who'd ever actually implied that he and Eren were a couple, and he was pretty sure neither of them actually thought they were dating and just liked harass Jean. It felt weird for people to tell him that he and Eren looked like a good couple. Once upon a time, in high school, such a comment would have flustered Jean beyond belief. Now he just frowned, not sure how he felt about it./p
p class="MsoNormal"It was true that he'd used to have rather a wild crush on Eren back when they'd first started doing this. Jean blushed himself silly over simple things like sharing a cheap hotel space and getting Eren's time and attention all to himself. There was still a diary/journal somewhere in his room dedicated to frustrated rants about either how irritating Eren was or how hot he was with his mussed up hair and fiery eyes and long lashes…. Well, you get the picture. He'd been the cause of quite the sexuality crisis for Jean./p
p class="MsoNormal"The problem was that Eren didn't seem to be interested in anyone but because he choose Jean to go everywhere with and occasionally confide in, the blond had gotten it into his over-excited high school head that that had meant that Eren felt the same. It had taken a very embarrassing conversation (for both of them) after Jean had tried to clumsily seduce the green eyed teen at one of the hotels they were staying at, which forced Eren to awkwardly explain that he didn't get attracted to boy's or girls and he wasn't really interested in romantic relationships either. It had taken Jean a long while after that to get over Eren (during which time they agreed to put a temporary halt to the over night train trips) but once he did they became even closer friends./p
p class="MsoNormal"Eren grumbled something in his sleep and Jean let a real smile grace his face for a moment before he put his ear-buds back in and continued to listen to his music./p
p class="MsoNormal"****/p
p class="MsoNormal""C'mon you over grown brat, wake up. We're here." Said Jean poking the brunet warily. There was a time when he would just whack him awake. Hell knows how he managed to survive that brief lapse in sanity. Eren tended to wake up ready to kill shit when startled./p
p class="MsoNormal""Aw, fuck, did I sleep the whole time?" groaned Eren rubbing his eyes./p
p class="MsoNormal""Yup. Now hurry it up, we're almost to the station and I want to get some food when we get there. I'm starving." Said Jean kicking him none too gently./p
p class="MsoNormal""Ow! Yeah, yeah, I am going." Said Eren casting Jean an irritated look as he got up and lead the way down the stairs, "Why didn't you just eat in the dinning car?"/p
p class="MsoNormal""Nah, didn't want to wake you." Said Jean dismissively as they mingled with the two other people that were getting off at this stop./p
p class="MsoNormal""You could have." Frowned Eren, "I wouldn't have minded."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Dude, you needed it." Said Jean rolling his eyes./p
p class="MsoNormal""I- thanks." Mumbled Eren slightly embarrassed./p
p class="MsoNormal""Aw, what was that?" teased Jean./p
p class="MsoNormal""I said fuck off." Eren glowered, though his tan cheeks looked a bit flushed. Jean chuckled, Eren wasn't used to people that were not Mikasa looking out for him and he got stupidly flustered from it… much to Jean's amusement and Eren's dismay./p
p class="MsoNormal""How about you go find us a place to stay and I'll grab us some food?" suggested Jean as they got off the train./p
p class="MsoNormal""…what kind of food?" asked Eren suspiciously as they started walking out of the station. The 'and do I trust you enough to get something that I don't hate' went unsaid but was clearly written on his face./p
p class="MsoNormal""Haven't decided, but I'll get something you like, don't worry." Jean assured him. Eren gave him a look with narrowed eyes. Ah, well, it wasn't like his suspicion was ill founded. Jean had to stop himself from smirking at the fond memories, because that was not likely to make Eren want to trust him with his order, "Really Eren, we're both pretty wiped from the week. I won't get you anything "gross" tonight, I promise."/p
p class="MsoNormal""…You're dead if you do." Warned Eren after one more hard look. Ah… it was tempting just to get him something weird just for that, but really, Jean had been telling the truth. They split once they got outside, promising to text each other after they found something./p
p class="MsoNormal"Jean stretched out the kinks in his back from the train ride as he walked a breathed in the clean air. The town was pretty small, so there wasn't as much pollution as he was used to and it was significantly quitter. He didn't even think he saw a highway anywhere when they pulling in. The air was a bit humid for his liking, but the plants seemed to love it. Everywhere Jean looked things seemed to be growing. Flowers grew from cracks in the sidewalk, grass grew pretty much anywhere there was an open space, vines crawled up the sides of old Victorian styled houses, moss was everywhere from the rooftops, to squishing beneath Jeans feet at times on the sidewalk, to hanging in tinsel like wisps from trees./p
p class="MsoNormal"It was almost… too green for Jean's city boy tastes./p
p class="MsoNormal"At the direction of a local, Jean headed towards the place in town where most of the take away food was located. Fortunately for Jean it was within reasonable walking distance. If it hadn't been, then he would have rejoined Eren and ordered some over priced delivery. The back streets near the station had been almost totally devoid of cars, but nearing middle of the town the Friday evening life began to pick up again. Two kids raced past Jean on bicycles laughing loudly as they crossed the street. He smiled slightly as he stepped out into the cross walk himself, they reminded him of happier times when he was a kid./p
p class="MsoNormal"Suddenly there was a horn blaring and somebody abruptly grabbed Jean by the back of the shirt and yanked him out of the road. Jean had time to see the furiously honking car skid right through right where he had been standing moments before, and then he and the stranger were toppling ungracefully back onto the sidewalk. The other person took most impact, but the air was still forced out of him in a rush and he could tell he was going to be bruised./p
p class="MsoNormal""Goodness gracious! Sir, are you alright?" his rescuer asked frantically in a voice that was probably normally pretty low, but at the moment had risen high enough to crack slightly. Jean tried to answer but his heart was beating so frantically it was almost deafening and he couldn't seem to suck in the right amount of air and it was causing his breathing to come in sharp staggered huffs. His backpack slid off his shoulders and to the ground as the stranger carefully sat up and turned him around to check for injuries./p
p class="MsoNormal""I think I got you out of the way in time, but you have to tell me, does anywhere hurt?" asked the stranger and this time Jean managed to shake his head. The stranger let out a sigh of relief. Finally calming his breathing enough that black spots were no longer threatening to over take his vision Jean noticed that the stranger was covered head to toe in winter clothing; coat, hat, scarf, gloves, boots… which was weird since it wasn't really cold. Warm enough for flowers to be blooming anyway. Then Jean looked at his rescuer's face./p
p class="MsoNormal"And promptly felt sick./p
p class="MsoNormal"It was Marco./p
p class="MsoNormal"Oh, he might be all grown up (impossible) since he last saw him, but his face was still pretty much the same as when they were kids… well except for the funny scar all down one side of it. That was weird. But that didn't stop the fact that it was Marco, em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"his Marco/em, that had died almost 15 years ago./p
p class="MsoNormal""Sir-?" Marco began in alarm as tears began streaming down Jean's face./p
p class="MsoNormal""Fuck." Jean choked out, "Fuck, I am dead, aren't I? That car really hit me, didn't it? I must be dead."/p
p class="MsoNormal""What?! No, nononono sir, you're alive, you're fine, shh…" Marco tried to sooth him, attempting to pull him to his feet as they were starting to attract attention. He had to practically carry Jean and his backpack away from the road, since his legs didn't seem to be working at the moment. Probably a side affect of being dead, "Shh… just calm down, you're going to be fine."/p
p class="MsoNormal""No…" groaned Jean, "I can't be fine, I am dead."/p
p class="MsoNormal""You're not dead." Marco calmly told him./p
p class="MsoNormal""I must be if you're here!" Jean exclaimed. Marco blinked at him in confusion, seeming unsure what to do. Jeans phone started ringing in his pocket but Jean didn't want to answer it. He was fucking dead! Why the bloody fucking hell would he want to answer his phone. Uncertainly, Marco pulled out his phone and answered it, "Hello?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"There was a brief pause and then Jean could hear Eren yelling and demanding to know why the owner of the phone wasn't answering amongst some choice threats and impressive swearing,/p
p class="MsoNormal""No, sorry, sorry, your friend is fine, he was just nearly in a car accident." Marco explained hurriedly. More swearing, this time with demands to know where they were and if he was at all injured… Jean's head hurt. Why was Eren and Marco talking to each other? They didn't even exist in the same timeline of his life. Everything was confusing, bits in pieces of Marco's conversation on the phone was registering, but none of it made sense, "No, your friend is fine, I think… calm down, sir, I mean I think he's in shock. He's been babbling a lot of stuff that doesn't make a whole lot of sense… Where are we? We're just off the corner of… wait if you're from out of town it might be easier if you just tell me where you are… oh that hotel? That's not far from where we are. I'll just carry him over… no, really, stay there, I'll be right over."/p
p class="MsoNormal"Jeans world suddenly went tipsy as Marco hoisted him onto his back piggy-back style and snatched up his backpack from the ground./p
p class="MsoNormal""Okay sir, I am going to take you to your friend now. He'll take care of you." Marco said reassuringly as he began to walk./p
p class="MsoNormal""…You're still too nice…" mumbled Jean, but Marco seemed to ignore him. Jean buried his face in Marco's neck and breathed him in… holy… he smelled em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"really/em good. Marco seemed a bit uncomfortable, but Jean was past caring. There was a little golden flower that had gotten trapped in-between Marco's jacket and scarf. Probably got there when they'd fallen, Jean mused. He tried to brush it off, but it seemed to be stuck on something, maybe the thread of the jacket? Jean grabbed it an pulled./p
p class="MsoNormal""Ow!" yelped Marco, stopping and turning his head to look at him wide-eyed. There was touch of fear there that Jean didn't understand./p
p class="MsoNormal""Sorry, there was a flower stuck in your jacket…" mumbled Jean holding it up./p
p class="MsoNormal""O-oh. T-thanks." Said Marco quickly looking away and resuming walking. Jean leaned his head on his shoulder again and stared at the delicate little flower clutched in his hand. It was really pretty. And Marco… Marco was warm. Jean thought ghosts were supposed to be cold. This was all so fucking weird./p
p class="MsoNormal""Ah… there's the hotel! Almost there sir." Said Marco brightly. Jean frowned, why was Marco still calling him sir? Didn't he recognize him? Jean supposed he didn't really look much like he did when he was a kid but…/p
p class="MsoNormal""Fuck! You said he wasn't hurt!" He could hear Eren yell in alarm and Jean heard running footsteps./p
p class="MsoNormal""He's not, but I couldn't get him to walk on his own. Like I said, I think he'd in shock." Marco said and warm familiar hands were pulling him off Marco's back./p
p class="MsoNormal""No, Marco, I just found you again…" Jean mumbled and Marco went ridged beneath him./p
p class="MsoNormal""H-how-? I didn't ever tell you my name-?!" Marco stammered./p
p class="MsoNormal""That's okay, you don't need to… unless you're looking to get paid for helping him?" said Eren frowning, evidentially not hearing Jean's comment./p
p class="MsoNormal""Wha-? Oh, nonono I couldn't possibly accept payment." Jean heard Marco say hurriedly./p
p class="MsoNormal""That's very nice of you," said Eren politely, ducking under Jeans arm and dragging forward, "thank you for all you've done."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Oh, it was not trouble!" Marco assured him. Eren tried to tug Jean along but he resisted slightly./p
p class="MsoNormal""C'mon Jean, stop being difficult." Eren scowled at him/p
p class="MsoNormal""No, Eren, I can't lose Marco again." Jean insisted./p
p class="MsoNormal""Stop talking crazy Kirstien and let go of the poor stranger." Eren said firmly and pulled Jean away and into the hotel. Jean looked back through the sliding doors and saw his childhood friend standing frozen on the side-walk with a look of horror on his face. There was recognition as their eyes met and Jean saw his name, his full name, form silently on Marco's lips. Then Eren was pulling him into an elevator./p
p class="MsoNormal""You Kirstien, are a piece of shit," Eren informed him once the door closed, "You almost gave me a heart attack."/p
p class="MsoNormal""Sorry…" mumbled Jean, his head still reeling./p
p class="MsoNormal""You better be," grumbled Eren fixing him with a stern glare, "Now we're going back to our room, and you are going to em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"sleep/em while I order us some shitty room service, okay?"/p
p class="MsoNormal"Jean nodded. He was exhausted from the repeated adrenaline rushes of the day as well as from traveling and a week of school. So when they finally reached their room and Eren let Jean flop on the bed and he fell asleep almost instantly./p
p class="MsoNormal"He might have thought that it was all a wild hallucination, but when he woke up he found the small golden flower was still crushed tightly in his hand./p