The memories flooded over, falling and breaking to pieces
If there are no words, I have a painful premonition
Sometimes, I couldn't stand to be alone. She was always there, when the lonely nights became unbearable. We fell into escapism faster than ever. We used each other to run from an unrequited love, and we allowed ourselves to be used.
We ran, searching for each other, when the emotions were so overwhelming it hurt.
For me, it had changed. The first few times were more or less to get Usagi off our minds, but gradually, I began to take serious notice of the blonde that liked to creep into my bed on those absolute worst nights, that I allowed to slide under my blanket, that I allowed to kiss me.
None of my fellow Scouts could understand what it felt like to have your soul removed from your body, but I remembered, with all the agony of the moment, the sheer pain. She'd crept into my bed that night; those hands were so comforting when they touched me.
After that, my meditations and dreams had changed. The gods still allowed me to see whatever I needed to see to be relevant to my duties as a Scout, but more and more of Mars' memories, the most amazing memories and the most soul-crushing memories, came flooding back to me every time I gazed into the flames, every time I slipped off into sleep's cold embrace. It was beginning to take a toll on me.
I remembered meeting the others for the first time as I was transplanted to the moon. Fighting together, having fun together. I remembered Serenity and Endymion's wedding. I remembered the complete destruction of Mars. I remembered the grief. I remembered training. I remembered consoling Venus every time she was hurt, physically or otherwise. I remembered falling in love with her, and I remembered making love to her. I remembered a love that had spanned a thousand lifetimes, and I remembered a love that would span a thousand more.
Kami-sama, were the others tormented this way?
I saw the future, and more and more of it concerned Aino Minako. I saw us fight together, train together, fight each other, together. I saw the depth and intensity to our relationship shift. I saw physical passion, but I couldn't see the one thing I'd hoped to see.
My dreams left me waking up soaked in sweat more often than not. The first time Venus and Mars had made love was always at the edge of my unconscious mind. The passion pouring through Mars' veins...the way she kissed Venus...the love, the lust we'd shared. My heart pounded just thinking about it. The embraces we shared. We? Yes, we. We were Mars and Venus incarnate. The intimacy. And I could remember curling into her chest, kissing her. Her reminding me that our love was eternal.
"So much for eternal," I would mumble to the blackness of my room every time.
I had my memories; I had my feelings. I knew she'd keep climbing into my bed at night, but I didn't see anything more than that ever happening. It hurt me more deeply than I'd ever imagined. My body would come undone with her hands, and hers with mine... but she had my soul, too. The pain lay not in the bittersweet physical pleasure we gave each other, but with the knowledge that those deep, blue eyes possessed my soul more than this fire ever could. I loved Aino Minako, and I could only hate Tsukino Usagi for possessing Minako's heart.
Addendum: The lines at the beginning of each chapter are pulled from a translation of Aikawa Nanase's "Koigokoro." (恋心) Furthermore, both chapters were revised and slightly expanded in May of 2016.