Time Period: the next day after Chapter One
In the Kerjen universe: follows the same stories in Chapter One, but now also takes place after Goodbye, Amanda
Sarek wondered where it stopped. The wealth of things his wife had left behind: items she wanted given out, the messages for people. The majority of it was for Spock and him, of course, but it amazed him how she was able to put it all together when she was so ill and had so little time.
Too little time.
He sat in her part of their home office and took notice of what she had brought home from her workplace. Not all of it, but, "The things I want here, close-by and around me. Please, Sarek."
She hadn't needed to say please. He would have brought the entire office to her if she wished.
A few things were for other people, such as the recording he had just watched, and the framed holograph sitting on her desk now. Sarek had brought it from her bedside; it was one of the things brought home from her office in the Linguistics building at the Academy.
He took a moment to gather himself. Everything - sights, sounds, thoughts, and feelings - was Amanda during this time, the way it should be. But let him have a minute to engage in his disciplines.
He thought he sensed movement at the open doorway, but when he turned, no one was there. Odd. In the next second, he heard a noise in the hall and then Saavik entered the office. He wondered: had she arrived, seen him at his introspection and left, making some noise this time so he'd know she was there?
Saavik did move silently, a trait learned in childhood, and Amanda had told Sarek of a time when she, upset with something that happened, had snapped at the younger woman to stop walking around like a ghost. Saavik had gone out and came back in, making sounds with household items to signal she was coming.
"You asked for me, Sarek?"
He motioned for her to sit down. She pulled his chair from his desk and turned it to face him. He needed to give her the last two items Amanda wanted her to have.
He led into it by asking, "Did the memorial service go well?" She had been concerned.
Saavik's eyes hardened and she crossed her arms tight across her chest. "Matthew Fzitzer felt it necessary to point out I missed Amanda's funeral."
Sarek's back straightened. That the advanced linguistics student should do such a thing. "He dishonored you and Amanda's memory this way? I should have heeded you. This cannot be allowed."
She nodded, but then eased the stiffness in how she sat. "I was both right and wrong. He did give his eulogy properly. I must give him credit, he showed Amanda's memory proper respect then. The rest of the memorial service went as it should."
Sarek eased again into the chair, as much as he could be easy when his focus was Amanda. It made his voice gentle even more. "Have you watched her message to you?"
Saavik had to look away. Her controls weren't as strong. "I did."
"You left the house." Sarek had thought she would listen to it here in her room. She must have gone to her own home. He wished she could see that she didn't need to hide what she was going through, but he had to let her mourn in her way.
"Yes, I- went to a place uniquely our own."
That did not sound like Saavik's house, but Sarek wouldn't intrude further. He did feel a little peace that she left here for that spot, wherever it might be; she hadn't felt she needed to get out of his home.
"Saavik," he said. He watched her compose herself before turning. He made sure she saw him taking in her action, so she would know he understood, not disapproved. "Amanda wished for you to have something else."
He gave her the framed holograph of Amanda and her together at the ShiKahr ceremony. Saavik laid her hand on it for an infinitesimal pause. She needed another before she could speak. "Amanda gave me a copy of this. I suppose she meant for me to have the original."
"Yes, and also because it is unique in another way."
"It is?" She began inspecting it and its frame. "I do not see how-"
She found it.
Sarek turned away to face the desk, so she had some privacy to show whatever she must when faced with the poem Amanda had copied on the back:
Not very long after we met, I found your wit, and your goodness, I found your character and your beauty. Most of all I found your loving heart.
The daughter I found in you...
He still respected Saavik's need to take in what this gift meant, but he also appreciated the need to be alone for it. He would have left the office if he didn't have one more thing to do for her.
He kept his eyes away, still giving what discretion he could. "Amanda left this message as well."
Saavik's head came up and she drew closer, which is how he saw her. "Another letter?"
"Yes. It is also for Spock and I."
She seemed to relax somewhat, no doubt thinking it wasn't so personal if it included the three of them. If that was what she thought, she would learn it was wrong with his next words:
"I will give you the office. Take the time you need." The way he had required time after viewing it. A moment or two: not enough.
Saavik watched him pass her and faced the computer with an expression that now realized the message would be both loving and heartbreaking.
Sarek heard her move from one chair to the other and begin watching. As he shut the door behind him, he deliberately kept his back to her. He could imagine how she must already look. He didn't need to see it. And he had promised privacy.
He walked down the hall, and heard again in his mind what was in that recording.
"Sarek," Amanda said intently leaning towards the camera, "I need you to memorize this." She smiled softly and gazed with utter love at the lens as if it was him. "Of course, that will mean you only have to watch it one time. But it's important to me."
As if he would have refused.
"I won't make it to the Hall of the Thought - I can't put my katra there. You and I won't-"
They would not be reunited for the next life. That carried its own mourning.
"So I can't give this message myself. You have to take it for me. In fact, have Spock watch it too. And Saavik - although it's going to be hard for Saavik. But I want to make sure the message gets there."
Amanda realized what she had said: that he and their son may not make it to the Hall of Thought either. "You'd better reach the Hall, Sarek. Spock too. I want you to have all that, even if I can't share it with you. I feel better knowing you'll be there."
"My message is for T'Pren, Sarek. You know who I mean."
Yes, he did. There was only one T'Pren in their lives: the Vulcan woman who had gotten word about Hellguard to Spock and therefore to her people before she died.
The woman who claimed Saavik as her daughter even though biology could not.
Amanda put another pillow behind her so she sat up straight, as if T'Pren would see her. Perhaps Sarek would be able to show this message instead of merely telling it. He hoped so, for both Amanda's and T'Pren's sake.
Making these recordings had greatly tired his wife, but no one except he would ever be able to tell.
Amanda began, "T'Pren, we have obviously never met, although you know my son, Spock. I'm going talk to you as one mother to another. It's about Saavik. I am calling you her mother, because that's who you are. The only thing you weren't able to do is have the chance to make it legal, but legalities don't change how it's true."
"Saavik has given your parents a message from her, so you'll hear that too, but I wanted to give you my impressions. I thought you might like that. You may know from Spock being your katra bearer - or even from general knowledge - that I'm human. So my message is colored in that way."
Amanda's eyes sparkled. "Oh, T'Pren, I hope you get to see your Saavik. She's extraordinary. Intelligent - not just Vulcan intelligent, more than that. Charming, strong, beautiful. She has a good heart, T'Pren, and a fire. Unshakable loyalty, brave, and one foot on Vulcan and the other in the stars, just like you showed her. Some of this you know already, but I wanted to say it. Your parents, in fact, hope that she learned a number of these things from you. I know you would have at least encouraged those qualities while you were together."
Amanda's sparkle grew impish. "She's not perfect, of course. Saavik's also stubborn, can be absolutely clueless about herself and others, and has a temper. You don't know how many times I wanted to rattle that splendid head until she saw sense. And when she hears this, she's going to think of a hundred different retorts she'd like to make."
Amanda paused; it first looked as if she hesitated, but Sarek knew it was to emphasize what she said next. "She's been a gift, T'Pren, from you really. I can't thank you enough for her. And I wanted to say all this-" tears sprang to Amanda's eyes, "from one woman who loves her to the other. I tried to take care of her the best I could. I hope you'll think I did. Peace and long life, T'Pren. I know you will see your daughter someday, after she's lived a full, long life."
The recording had ended there.
Spock came down the hall. "Father, one of your aides said you were looking for Saavik. I am trying to find her myself. Do you know where she is?"
His son looked down to the office with its closed door. Something clicked about what was happening and Spock started moving as he spoke. "Is she well?"
Sarek held up a hand to stop him. "Your mother left another message and a gift. I have given Saavik the office for privacy."
He could see Spock slowly convincing himself not to still go to her, and he at last nodded. "Then I will wait here in case she needs me."
Sarek started reaching out, hesitated, and then clapped his hand on his son's shoulder. He walked away with other words from his wife in his ears; these had been when she held her husband's hand, not hiding her sadness, her fear, and her longing to have more time in this life. When a couple had been married as long and as well as the two of them, hiding was never given a thought:
"Sarek, could you grab Spock and Saavik by the back of their necks and shake them at some point? This dance they're doing around each other instead of to each other is infuriating. Maybe you don't see it yet, but when you do - and you will - and if they're still clueless about how the other feels, give them a little push. Wake them up. The two idiots. I adore them, but honestly."
Sarek filed that away too. He walked to the garden for his meditations; hopefully they would bring peace as he thought of his wife's messages she had made for him alone.