"We stole the yellow car." Baelfire said to break the silence they were both suffering through. It was a week after Belle had discovered the letters, she had managed to sleep most of the nights, something that had been a rather difficult task for her lately. After hours of searching through books and random hidden objects the pair had stopped for dinner. Belle was a horrendous cook but to her relief Baelfire was halfway decent. Eggs especially were a strong point, he had memorized a pancake recipe and Belle had accomplished not burning the ham.

"Hm?" she replied.

"The yellow bug, me and Emma stole it." He smiled widely. "Well technically I stole it first and then Emma stole it from me while I was sleeping in it."

"So she stole your stolen car?" said Belle smirking.

Baelfire nodded while grinning, "This one morning eleven years ago I parked it in this alleyway when I was driving through Oregon. Then all of a sudden I wake up and see Emma driving it."

"Did she know you were in the backseat?"

"No she was pretty surprised, she had glasses back then, and she wore her hair in a ponytail." Baelfire's smile shrunk slightly, "She was happier back then."

Belle thought back to before everything, when she and Rumple had their own private world in the Dark Castle and there weren't any threats or curses or prisons. She missed the quips, the flirting, the bickering, the mixed signals, and the general playful atmosphere. Gods, Belle just misses being with him. Like Emma and Baelfire, they had been happy too, then everything came tumbling down and things were never the same.

After they reunited a year ago, things were always tense, she felt they had more problems then when they weren't in a relationship to begin with. Rumple was her best friend, she was his only friend, they made each other at ease. But in Storybrooke everyone around them clashed with their ideal lives, his lust for magic and power, all the enemies and misfortunes. Belle missed safety. She missed consistent happiness.

Perhaps after they could find a way to revive Rumple, after that they could find a way to get back to Emma and Henry, they could have that happiness. There was the smallest chance they could bring him back.

Light hit her eyes, the sunset rays outside annoyingly blinded her, Belle got up to cover up the windows but hen she did she froze. Her body felt heavy and leaned to the side slightly, her head felt like there was a bullet traveling through it.

She remembered.

She remembered taking them down and falling into Rumplestiltskin's arms, she remembered all of it. Every moment of interaction between the two of them. Countless conversations that lasted hours, midnight tea, lying in bed together in their Storybrooke house, attempting to cook before resorting to magic, gifts of books, the fact that he half a foot taller than her so she always wore high heels to make up for it, him introducing her to music and books from the new world, long kisses, hugs where they squeezed each other tightly for so long, playful flirting, wearing his clothes, playing with each others hair, deep conversations, pointless conversations, all of it.

The realizations came crashing down to Belle all in one second that all those moments were gone forever and that she would never have them ever again. Never. She would never see Rumplestiltskin again.

Her hand gripped on the thick velvet curtains, even through the fabric her fingernails pierced her skin. They smelled like burning wood and flowers, Rumple. Her Rumple. She wanted to scream at nothing in particular, maybe the castle, maybe herself, maybe Baelfire or Pan or Rumplestiltskin or the idea of death itself. In one swift motion she tore the curtains down, letting them fall down to the floor in a folded pile, she began kicking against the wall, letting ouat all her fury at everything. She could taste blood in the back of her throat and her whole body was vibrating with emotion. Belle knelt down into the cloth, took an end of the curtain and without reason began trying to rip the thick velvet apart. All surroundings were lost to her, all her pent up emotions poured out of her.

'I'm never going to see him again, I just got him back and I'm never going to see him again.'

After her two years in the castle she had spent thirty years as a prisoner.

Then they had two months together.

Then her memory had been lost for six weeks.

Then he had gone to Neverland for one week.

Then they had two days where nothing was wrong.

Two years, two months, two days.

Not enough time, never enough time. There was always something against them, Regina, Hook, Pan. Now there was no more damage to be done.

"Belle," there was a hand on her shoulder. Baelfire had walked over, her face was a red mess with her make up smeared. Belle didn't turn around. He was towered over her but he put his arms around her and rested his head on the top of hers. Her breathing steadied and he let go after a second, she wiped her cheeks and faced him, her eyes looking at the floor.

"I'm never going to see him again." She finally stated. "I just got him back and I'm never going to see him again." The truth in her voice stood out and hurt the both of them. Her hands cupped her mouth and she choked up slightly.

"Hey." Baelfire put his hands on her shoulders and looked her straight in the eyes, "we're not giving up, we're getting him back. If there's one thing I know this family for it's doing the impossible." He said with so much determination in his voice that she almost believed him. He gave her a hug but it felt as though he was trying to prevent her from lashing out at something, Belle stood there in the embrace as Rumple's words rang in her ears.

"Magic can't bring back the dead"

"No magic can bring the dead back to life"

"Magic can do much but no that, dead is dead."

Rumple had known magic better than anyone , if he couldn't do it then how could they? But maybe he could do it, maybe the price was just one he didn't want to pay, maybe there was a way but he had simply never tried it. He never once mentioned anyone he would have wanted to bring back. Anyone except… her.

The letters, the letters had to have something, maybe he had tried to bring her back, maybe he had mentioned something.

Maybe Belle just wanted to hear from him again.

"I have to go do something." She said quickly as she stepped away from Baelfire. He let her have space and proceeded to clean up the dinner while she darted to the library.

She had placed the box back in the cabinet behind the bookshelf, she quickly took it out and grabbed the stack of letters while sorting them out on the floor. She sorted by date, though they all seemed to be in that order anyway, and in all there were about thirty letters. The last one dated back to a year before the curse hit, he had started writing them when he was told she died which was presumably when Regina had captured her. Belle had spent a month wandering around the realm before she was taken and she was a prisoner for nearly two years before the curse hit, that meant that there was a year period when Rumple wrote his letters to her. She didn't know why they stopped after a year, she knew he hadn't gotten over her with his reaction when he saw her again and the fact that he kept the cup. Something had happened to him in that time.

She put the first four back in the box and reached for the fifth one.

Dearest Belle,

The deal went rather smoothly, I gave the princess the potion although she has not used it yet. She's waiting until she knows there is no chance of being with Prince James, or as she calls him 'Prince Charming',

She could hear his playful, mocking tone as she read that name. She remembered a game the two of them used to play, they had thought the name was so ridiculous that at completely random moments one of them would burst out "Prince Charming!" in a funny voice, followed by a great deal of laughter from the other.

I know for a fact that these two will produce the Savior that will break the curse and allow me to find Baelfire. I've seen into the future that Queen Regina will cast a curse that will get me to the Land Without Magic (where my son is), then the product of True Love will break that curse allowing me to search for him, and finally a young boy will lead me to him.

"Henry," she smiled, she didn't remember exactly what had happened since her memories had been gone at the time. But she did know that when Rumple had gone looking for Bae in new York he had brought Emma and Henry with him, leading to the surprise that Baelfire was Henry's father.

Though, she thought, the prophecy said that that boy would be his undoing. Henry wasn't his undoing, that was Pan. Perhaps he had somehow been the one to lead Rumple to Baelfire in a way that wasn't obvious. Or more likely future-telling was unpredictable and unreliable.

There are more world than ours Belle, many of them magical and several I have seen for myself. Though there is one that is almost impossible to reach and that is where my Baelfire is. It is the Land Without Magic, he wanted to go there in order to get rid of my power without killing me. That's was the only way I knew I could get rid of the power of the Dark One back then. Now I suppose there is a way, with love, but I was a coward, I was always a coward.

I could have just let you kiss me and take my power away, I could have gone back to the man you wanted for reasons that are beyond me. But I am a coward, I've spent centuries as the Dark One and I wouldn't know how to adapt back to the way I was before. I wouldn't know how to live without it, I would be terrified.

Belle wondered back to when they had first been reunited, the minute the curse back he had brought back magic, his magic, his power. As he said, "a crutch he couldn't walk without". Was that true of him? Belle believed in him more than he believed in himself, she thought he could have, but if he had convinced himself that he was worthless without magic, how long could he last without it?

She saw plain that it hurt him, the magic had taken him over so much that he had been drowning in it and he hadn't been able to tell. Belle could tell, whenever he used magic there was always a nearly wicked shine in his eyes that she could tell gave him a feeling of security and made his armor invincible.

Baelfire had known what he was like without magic, Belle thought of what she knew of his life before he had magic, how his wife had left him, his son was going to be taken from him, how everyone had hated him, from his leg to his reputation the fates seemed to have a personal vendetta against the poor spinner. It was no wonder he held onto the power as if it could be taken from him at any moment, why it took him a while to trust anyone with anything, why he was the way he was. Why he had been vulnerable to the drug that was power.

She would have to ask Baelfire about it.

But when I am to go to the Land Without Magic, I will be as I once was, that's what my son wanted.

I suppose I should explain how I know I will go there, how all this nonsense I've told you will add up. It's a long story but you'll never read this so it doesn't matter.

Before my son was born I was drafted for the Ogre Wars (the first ogre wars), after a few months of being with the army I was put to watch a child seer. She told me that my wife was pregnant and that my actions on the battlefield would leave my child fatherless. Prompting me to injure myself so I could be sent home. Years later, after I had lost my son to the portal, I found the seer again and took her power to see how I would find him.

When we were together and I was falling in love with you I could have seen how things could have turned out with us, how I could have prevented so many tragedies and saved you. I could have done so many things to save you.

But if there was something I learned all those years ago, it is not to tempt fate, something would have happened to you or me or both of us that would have been worse than death.

Belle pondered that line. Something worse than death, was imprisonment, the loss of her memories, and his death, all leading to the state of things now. Were all those things worth having a bit more time together? Yes, she decided, she would have gone through all those things again to have if only a day more with her Rumple.

She touched the spot on her cheek that he loved to stroke.

I loved you Belle, I should have told you that long ago. I loved you. I always loved you.

I hope wherever you are, you're happy, and you know that.

Yours, forever, Rumplestiltskin

Belle smiled and ran her thumb across the bottom of the page where Rumplestiltskin put his love for her on the page in careful handwriting. Careful not to wrinkle the paper she lifted it up and pressed her lips to his name. She took a glance to the floor of letters, at least one of them had to have some way, somehow to bring back the dead.

Even if they didn't, she needed some essence of her beloved.