A/N: Okay, after disappearing for a couple of years (not that long but oh well), I came back from the dead ((this is the typical writer's saying, I'm just listing excuses)). Also, this story might as well have more than 3 chapters, it depends on your reviews, whether you want it or not! :D I'm sorry I took so long, I was kind of revising the plot ahahaha. *Don't kill me please expression+ puppy eyes*
Thanks to all my reviewers: Red Tomatoe, PanicTime123, Naomizuki, Rubyrose30, and also, thanks for every support, they meant a lot to me. I hope you enjoy the chapter!
~Sorako
People could be so cruel and heartless sometimes.
Everything was so dark.
It wasn't the kind of darkness that makes you feel secured and calm, as if you're listening to the angel's lullaby, slowly luring you to sleep. It wasn't the kind of darkness that makes you feel suffocated, as if you're drowning and all the air was squeezed out of your lungs. It wasn't the kind of peaceful, tranquil darkness that makes you feel relaxed and at peace, nor it was the kind of darkness that embraced you, making you feel like you're floating in the middle of nowhere.
It's just...hollow. Empty. Blank. Unfathomable.
It's as if he's in a never ending maze, where none of the paths are the real way out.
"Kise-nii, how do we do this question?"
The young boy sniffed as he slowly approached his older brother with his test paper, which were full of red marks. The brother, who looked exactly the same as his sibling despite the six years gap between the two, greeted the little boy with a huge smile and started to teach him.
The sad expression that his brother had when he first entered the room was gone, replaced by a happy and contented grin.
Who would know that helping someone in need would not be such a benefit to themselves?
No matter how much I give them, it's always never enough.
In the darkness appeared the small speck of light. So small, yet so strong. And he's sure that it would lead him through, through what he's suffering from, through all his pain.
It was hope.
He was desperate, he really was. And so he chased after it.
He was panting. Hard. His legs feel like it was hooked to heavy chains, and his body feels like they were on fire. It was simply excruciating. But somehow, energy from something me unknown source kept him going.
"Reiji!"
His younger brother's name faintly echoed throughout the empty street as Kise shouted. Thunder boomed above him as rain heavily poured down, drenching him from head to toe. His new pair of sports shoes were soaked with mud and water, which tainted the once white pair of shoes gray. The blonde did not care about that, though. Worry had completely taken over his mind.
"Where are you?!"
Kise knew well that his brother was afraid of thunders. When Reiji was still young, he would always hide from them, whether it was under his bed, in his wooden cupboard, or inside his bedroom.
And it was always Kise who founded him.
But at the moment, it seemed like there's no place for him to take cover.
It was almost midnight when Kise saw his little brother beside an old brick house, burying his face in the privacy of his palms, sobbing.
Overhead him a thunder strike, and Reiji, who didn't know that his brother was there, screamed.
Two pair of strong arms quickly pulled him into an embrace, and despite the cold rain that was still pouring, it felt warm.
It felt like home.
The person he loved the most made him cried the most, too.
It was so far away.
The light, that is. No matter how fast he ran or how much effort he put into chasing it, no matter how much he cried, begging for someone to help him, the light wouldn't wait for him; moreover went even farther. The gap wasn't closing at all.
All he wanted was to get closer to it, to escape his nightmare, but no one was helping him.
No one.
"Hurry, hurry!" Kise shouted, lightly shaking his sleeping brother. "At this rate, we're going to be late!"
"Hai, hai" came the irritated reply. The boy rolled over so that his back was facing Kise before throwing the fluffy blanket over his head. He was absolutely out of it today.
"Mou, aren't you excited? We're going to your favorite amusement park!"
The little boy yawned. "Kise-nii, I know that."
"Then get up, Reiji!"
"But-"
"But what?"
"It's not going to be fun…" he muttered softly under his breath. "Because you'll be paying attention to you fans, not me."
"What did you say?"
The reply was immediate. "Nothing."
Though he clearly heard what his younger brother said, he asked it again, yet received no answer.
Not because he wanted to make sure or confirm the fact, but it was just because he didn't want to believe that the little boy lying in front of him actually said that.
Because he didn't want to believe that his beloved younger brother's slowly growing apart from him.
What were they called again? Fairy tales? True love stories?
I'm sorry, but I never know them.
Why is that?
He was tired. Too tired.
His body were betraying him. Well, everything pretty much did.
Since when did the gods became so cruel?
Before he knew it, he was on the ground, beating his own legs, begging for them to move. Hot, crystal tears fell from his eyes and were absorbed immediately the moment they hit the ground.
He wished that he could be a child again. He wished that his mother was here, handing him her hand and pulling him up, hugging him tightly as he cried while saying encouraging things to calm him down.
"You're okay Kise."
"We're going to try that again, alright?"
"Could you stand up?"
"You can do it! You're my little boy, after all."
He wished that she would be here, helping him when he fell.
But she wasn't.
Maybe he should stop.
"Kise-nii."
The one who was called averted his gaze from the bright computer screen before turning his chair around, smiling, only to find his brother standing nervously at the door.
"What is it, Reiji?"
"Tou-san told me..." he hesitated a little, giving Kise an unfamiliarly cold stare before continuing. "That the teachers sent mails to him about how you're missing tests and slacking off during class, and how your grades weren't at the level that he expected this past semester."
"Oh, that…?" The tired-looking blonde gave his sibling a sheepish grin. "Tou-san said I'm old enough to start paying my condo's rental fee, and the only way that's going to work is to start part time jobs…" Kise paused for a second, wondering what he should say next. "Things aren't that easy for me. I'm sorry, Reiji."
"That's not funny, Kise-nii," the frustrated boy shouted. "Tou-san said you can't do that! He said that you must keep up both your work and studies! He said you must be my model!" He clutched his shirt. "But are you? Are you really acting like you're supposed to?"
"Please don't use that tone, Reiji. I'm your big brother, so we can talk it out, okay?"
"Why?!" The little boy seemed to not have heard. "Why must everyone call me that?! Everywhere I go, it's always 'Kise's brother this, Kise's brother that.'" He sobbed. "Why is it that people remembered someone like you but not me?"
So it's my fault..?
"You don't know…do you? I always got blamed for the things you did. Every time your friends saw me, they always say something like 'Hey, isn't that the famous Kise Ryota's brother? I heard Kise failed his math test. Are you any better?'" He said, giving Kise a teary, heartbreaking expression. "And they would just laugh at me. Where were you when I went through all of that? It's all YOUR fault! But you still haven't noticed..." He brought his hand up, wiping his tear-stained eyes with his sleeves.
"Reiji, I-"
"And you've turned... Into someone I can't remember anymore. Where is he..?" His voice faltered. "My smart, kind, gentle brother that I respected? My brother that always help me with things? Who was always there protecting me? I forget all of it now… ever since you've been a model, ever since you've been forgetting and ignoring me."
I was..?
He really didn't mean to say that last part, but it just slipped out.
"I-I don't find you worthy to look up to anymore, Kise-nii..."
And so he left.
Is it because I'm just not good enough,
Or is it because someone like me doesn't deserved to be loved?
It was slowly blinking now. The light, that is. As if it was going to get swallowed by the darkness any moment.
But it wasn't that surprising though. The light and the dark never belonged together.
Kise was the light. He's joyful and happy and loud. He's dazzling and bright, just like the sun.
So it's possible to just let darkness overwhelmed him, so that he could disappear into the air, as if he never existed, so that he could escape everything, right…?
Kise slowly drew a shaky breath, taking less and less as moment passed, ignoring his lungs that were screaming for air, thumping harshly against his ribcage. Black spots danced in front of his opened eyes, leaving his sight a while later, replacing with dizziness instead. His ears were ringing now, sharp and high-pitched, as if he was sitting next to a boiling jar of hot water that was waiting to be turned off. His eyelids felt so heavy, and so he let them drop, succumbing to his will.
And then there was nothing.
"I've had enough."
A loud, clear voice that certainly belonged to a male echoed throughout the dining room. At one end of the glassy table sat his father, staring thoughtfully at Kise, who was standing opposite at him.
"I gave you more than enough time, Ryouta," the middle-aged man slowly spoke. "I will not have my son be a hindrance to me. Yes, I know you love modelling, and you earned money from it." He paused, glancing at Kise, who quickly averted his gaze to the marble floor. "But it's not enough. You're old enough to do more than that, both taking care of your own things while helping with family affairs. My business isn't going so well, and I expect you to be helpful, instead of creating trouble and fight with your own family members."
There was silence as they both looked at each other as if they were trying to read each other's mind. Then the blonde spoke up.
"I understand, Tou-san," Kise approached. "But modelling takes up most of my after school time, and I still have basketball practice. A tournament's coming-"
"Basketball again, huh?" His father stood up angrily, knocking his chair over. The object harshly crashed down to the floor with a 'thud!' Yet, none of them bothered to pick it up. "When will you learn to stop being selfish and help other people? I asked for straight A's, and you can't get them. I asked you to behave, and you still can't do that. Now, I'm just asking for you to help with things, and you still denied me. Can't you just be like Reiji?! Look at him, he's younger than you, yet he's got better grades and is always on task. He's-"
"You always sided with him," Kise muttered. "It's all because it's me, isn't it? Because I'm just a nuisance added to your already perfect family. Because if I died that day, Kaa-san wouldn't be forced to adopt me, someone who shouldn't even be alive. You said so yourself, that I'm an unlucky charm that only bought terrible luck for everyone, and I should make up for every trouble I caused. You've taken everything I love away, and now you're trying to take basketball away from me too. But you still think that nothing's your fault, instead, it's all fucking mine-"
Hot, searing pain flared on his right cheek as his head snapped back at the force of the other individual's hand on his skin, leaving a dark patch of red. Kise dropped his head in defeat, making his bangs fell down, covering his shimmering golden eyes that were now tearing up.
"Language," the man snarled. "And I do not want to hear you mention that woman ever again. She's not even your real mother, yours was long dead. As for my former wife, it's her fault in the first place that she cheated on me, so I had to drive her out."
'Because you're a son of a bitch...' Kise thought, clenching his fists. Tears were threatening to escape his eyes, and he was desperately trying to hold them back.
"And if this story ever goes out, or if you show anyone your pathetic emotions, even if it's a little glimpse of what you feel, hear me that there will be severe punishment."
Even though Kise felt the urge to oblige the man, the only choice he had that would grant him safety would be to agree.
A single tear rolled down his bruised cheek and he bit his lip, hard, to prevent himself from crying anymore. But it was no use.
"Y-Yes… Father."
When the door shut loudly, provng that the man actually left, Kise tiredly fell onto his knees, feeling all the strength in his body dispersing into nothing. Another moment and he laid, completely crumpled on the floor, his face in his hands, body convulsing up and down as he let the rest of the tears fall.
It seemed like he had to use that pitiful mask again.
Because no matter how depressed I am,
I could always cover it up with my porcelain mask.
That way, I could act the same, being the 'too happy guy' and all,
Even though I'm only a shell of who I once was,
No one,
No one would know.
"Daiki"
"Hn?"
"Where's Ryouta?"
"Hn?"
"I asked: Where's Ryouta?, and get up already, practice's starting."
The ace groaned as he lazily pulled himself up, rubbing his eyes groggily before replying.
"Why, Akashi? Do I look like I'm his personal guardian?"
A sigh was heard as he stood up, brushing off the dust that was stuck to his shirt from sleeping on the concrete floor. Aomine was about to shove his blue phone into the pocket of his pants when he realized that the screen was still showing the message that he had not yet send to the blonde. He couldn't help it- he was too sleepy.
'Oi, Kise, I'm gonna come to your condo today after practice, K? Open up.'
The bluenett pressed 'send' and dropped the object into his pocket, turning his attention back to the person in front of him. Akashi then continued,
"You two looked close, that's all."
"Hm."
Despite his nonchalant reply, Aomine turned his head to the side because he was involuntary blushing, desperately trying to cover up his mistake with a stretch that was accompanied by a long yawn. At least he tried to.
"So you know, Daiki?"
"I-I never said I do," he stuttered, avoiding his captain's piercing gaze. "Well, he was sick when I took him home yesterday though."
"You took him home?"
The bluenett groaned, feeling embarrassed to tell Akashi all that, so he would just make it short.
"As in, I walked Kise home."
Akashi simply glared at him as they walked to the gym. "How bad was it?"
"You mean his fever? Well, he was literally burning up that day, so I told him not to come to school today."
"I see," Akashi softly spoke, glancing at his watch before pushing the handle of the gym door. Aomine poked his head in, slowly taking in the familiar environment as he stepped inside the court. The ace saw flashes of green and purple and immediately recognized who they were when the they turned to him, awkwardly waving in his direction.
For many years, the Teikou basketball court had been his second house, apart from the actual place he lived at. The sound of the buzzer going off, signalling that the game was now over, the squeaky sounds of basketball shoes rubbing against the smooth floor of the gym, to the sound of basketballs being dribbled, bouncing on the court. Aomine clearly remembered it all. The usually blank basketball court became alive and vivid when they played on it, laughing and enjoying the game.
Before he knew it, he already spent most of his time here in this court with other members of the GoM- perhaps he stayed here even longer than he did in his house.
Aomine could dare say that the basketball court, with everyone on it, was his home.
But now…
Even if he called the building his home,
...it was nothing more than a simple house.
Without Kise.
-Next Chapter: Kise's backstory-
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