I'm very sorry for the delay on this chapter, but I hope it'll be worth the wait and that the fact that it's almost three times as long as the last two will be some consolation. I started this chapter thinking it would be kind of a quick, fill-in-the-gaps section leading up to the next big two, but as I got into it I realized it may not have much action, but it's an important time for both Clint and Natasha, and one I really wanted to try to do justice to well. Here's hoping I pulled it off.
Thank you all for your patience and your very kind comments and favorites! The next two chapters are already mostly written as first drafts, so they should be finished much quicker.
The next time Clint's phone rang at an unexpected time was no easier than the first. Hearing Natasha's voice at the other end instead of Clint's nearly made her knees give out.
"He's not dead," were the first words out of her mouth, but they did little to ease Laura's fear.
Some kind of being who called himself the god Loki was loose on Earth and had members of S.H.I.E.L.D. under mind control. And Clint's simple "observe and report" assignment had put him first in line for being captured and possessed.
"I will bring him home," Natasha promised, her voice more stressed than Laura had ever heard it. "I swear to you, whatever it takes, I'll bring him home. They're calling in the biggest guns out there to deal with this."
Laura didn't doubt her passion or determination for a minute, but it only made the agony of waiting worse. If Natasha was that worried and S.H.I.E.L.D. was breaking out their strongest weapons and a god-like being was involved, what did that mean for one very human archer thrown in the middle of it all?
Natasha had promised to keep her updated when there was news. Laura decided not to tell the kids until there was news, so she tried to keep her fear hidden and continue life as usual. Cooper picked up on it a bit, though, so she admitted Daddy was on a stressful mission, as she had told them before. Still, he had to know there was something worse about this one than usual.
It was worse, she decided. Even worse than when she had sat on the phone with Clint after Natasha was shot. At least then they knew where she was and that she was getting the best care possible. There was no way of knowing where Clint was or what was being done to him. There was no guarantee Natasha wouldn't be captured or killed trying to save him. And there was nothing she could do until the damn phone rang and someone told her if she was a widow or not.
As the silence stretched for over a day, Laura was about ready to drive up to Washington and burst into Fury's office herself. She carried the phone with her everywhere, scared she wouldn't hear it over the shower or television, hating the little sleep her body forced her to get and waking throughout the night to check for voicemails. Each light snippet of sleep she managed seemed both short enough she wasn't sure she had actually slept and frustratingly long at the same time.
When the call finally did come in, Laura nearly jumped out of her skin. Her fingers shook trying to answer it.
"We've got him." Natasha's voice, calm and confident, was like a blessedly cool salve across her nerves.
"Him?" Laura asked urgently, needing to hear that she understood correctly and they hadn't just captured Loki, who awaited interrogation.
"We have Clint, all in one piece. He's in the room with me."
Laura let herself collapse then, sinking into a chair. "Oh, thank god. Can I talk to him?"
There was a brief hesitation that twisted her stomach again.
"I don't think that's a good idea yet. He's still fighting off the effects of the mind control. And a blow to the head."
Laura heard strained grunting in the background. Oh, Clint…
"The S.H.I.E.L.D. medics say he should make a full recovery," Natasha added in a reassuring tone. "I got us a private recovery room and I'm staying with him to help guide him back to himself."
It wasn't her husband safe in her arms, but it was about the best she could ask for right now. "Thank you, Natasha."
"Well, he did it for me."
Through everything else on her mind, Laura remembered those early days when she had nearly torn into Clint for volunteering to help deprogram a Soviet master assassin. Now she thanked every power listening that he had someone with him who could understand what he was going through.
"So, are you coming home after they clear him?"
"I'm not sure that's the best plan," Natasha answered hesitantly. "At least not yet. If there's still a mad god targeting us, I don't want to lead him to your door."
Laura's heart sank, but she understood. "Right. Well, go kick his ass then and give him an extra hit for me, would you?"
"Yes, ma'am."
OOO
Like most of the country, Laura and the kids wound up watching the Battle of New York on TV. Lila and Cooper were in awe of the incredible heroics and terrifying aliens, the events distant enough that they could see it as just a monster movie.
Laura was all too aware how real it was. The fleeing crowds, the flying creatures smashing pieces off buildings, the gunfire and billowing smoke all reminded her that a barely-recovered Clint was somewhere among the carnage.
"Look! It's Daddy!" Lila cried.
"And there's Aunt Nat!" Cooper pointed.
Sure enough, the smoke had cleared long enough to catch view of the entire party fighting for New York. Between the giant green beast, the thunder god, the historical war hero, and Iron Man himself, Clint stood in his purple armor, bow in hand and Natasha at his back. The camera wasn't close enough to show his face, which was probably a blessing for his identity's sake, but he looked strong and serious, very much his work-self that Laura had only seen on occasion in person. Whatever this Loki had done to him, Clint clearly intended to make him answer for it, and that warmed her heart at last.
They barely saw Clint or Natasha for the rest of the battle, since the cameras were more interested in the flashier actions of the iconic heroes, but now and then an exploding arrow or blur of red hair could be seen.
Even the kids went quiet when Iron Man steered the nuclear bomb into the portal and Laura suddenly regretted every nasty thought she'd had about Tony Stark.
But finally it was over, and after the celebrations of victory faded away, silence fell over the city. Well, except for the sirens and rescue efforts and collapses of damaged architecture. But the news crews apparently knew the "good part" was done and cut back to the studio for analysis.
Laura's nerves didn't completely relax, though, until a few hours later when the private phone rang one more time and Clint's very weary voice wrapped around her like a hug.
And Laura finally was able to sleep again.
OOO
It took a few days more for everything to be resolved enough that Clint could come home. The kids were beyond excited to see Daddy the Hero and it had taken all Laura could do to keep them from telling everyone they met that their dad was one of the Heroes of New York.
Still, when the quinjet landed on their property, she could barely keep herself from racing across the lawn behind the little ones. Clint bent to scoop both kids in his arms, holding them as long as their enthusiastic energy would tolerate before redirecting them to Natasha.
He stood as she walked over, lip quirking up in a shamefaced smile. "Am I in trouble for scaring you?"
"Shut up." She pulled him in for a kiss, relenting only to breathe, but still holding him close.
"Missed you too, baby," he murmured into her neck. "I'm sorry."
"Not your fault," she whispered back. It felt so good to have him in front of her, with even fewer visible injuries than he usually got out of a routine mission.
Over his shoulder she caught Natasha's eyes and mouthed, 'Thank you.' Natasha just nodded back.
As relieved as she was, Laura could still feel something was off with Clint. He felt a little too tense in her arms, like he was holding something back. "You okay?" she whispered as they separated.
"Much better now," he said with a crooked smile.
"Do I need to have a word with Fury for putting you in that position?" she said faux-sternly, hands on her hips.
"I'd love to see that, but considering how much vacation he just gave me, maybe I'll call it even for a while."
"Oh, cool!"
They turned to see both kids hurrying toward them, each holding something small and dark with excitement gleaming in our eyes.
"Look what Auntie Nat gave us!"
"She said they're real alien teeth, from New York! That she punched out herself!"
"Wow. That's definitely…unique," Laura managed, giving Natasha a look.
"I haven't had much time for souvenir shopping," she shrugged. "I had to make do."
As they headed inside, Lila and Cooper dragged Clint toward the living room. "Come on, come on!" Lila crooned. "We drew you guys fighting the aliens."
"We'll be there in just a second," Laura said, catching Natasha's arm subtly.
Clint froze briefly, giving Natasha an almost scared look.
"I'll be right here," she assured, soothingly. "I can see you."
He nodded, putting a grin back on and focusing on the kids.
Laura frowned once the kids weren't watching. Clint had never been afraid in their own home. If he wouldn't even let Natasha out of his sight…
"If this is about the teeth, they're replicas," Natasha said. "S.H.I.E.L.D.'s trying to restrict any alien remnants until they know they're safe. There's a street vendor making a killing by throwing those 'genuine artifacts' together."
"No, that's fine." Laura shifted slightly, folding her arms. "How's he doing?"
"He's shaken, even if he won't show it," Natasha answered solemnly. "But he's strong and being with family will do him good. Being around S.H.I.E.L.D. was hard since we lost Coulson."
"Coulson died?!" Laura whispered, shocked. She had never met the man, but knew he had been a trusted handler and friend for both Clint and Natasha.
"He didn't tell you that? I'll tell you all about it later if he doesn't. It's…been a rough week."
"No kidding. Anything I should watch out for or do for Clint now that he's home?"
Natasha shrugged. "Wait and see how he reacts, I guess. He got to shoot Loki, so that helped. I'm trying not to bring it up too much, but he might want to later. Mind control's…a difficult thing to make peace with."
"Right." Laura watched him interacting with the kids, to all appearances his normal self. "You okay?"
Natasha gave her an odd look. "Yeah, all I got were a few bruises in the battle."
Laura meant more how it felt watching someone she cared about go through the same brainwashing she had endured herself growing up, not to mention losing one of the few friends she had on top of it, but it was neither the time nor the setting to press the issue.
"He asked if I would stay for a while," Natasha continued. "Is that all right or…?"
"Of course! Your room's always ready for you." To be honest, she was kind of relieved Natasha would be there too. She really wasn't sure what it was, but the difference in Clint was just obvious enough to make her glad to have someone more experienced with his type of recovery on hand.
They headed into the living room to look at the children's drawings. Laura noted that Natasha took a place standing right behind Clint.
"There's you and Hulk, and Cooper drew Auntie Nat saving Iron Man," Lila was explaining.
"Nice creative liberty," Natasha nodded.
"It felt right," Cooper shrugged.
"And I did this one of Loki!"
Laura and Natasha froze, seeing Clint's arm tense as Lila held up her drawing. Laura wasn't sure what to do if he reacted badly. Natasha seemed to be braced for whatever might happen too.
"I drew stink lines around him 'cause he's a butt."
Clint busted out laughing then, pulling his daughter in for a tight hug. "I'll tell you, I was right there beside him and I can say that's an accurate drawing."
Laura relaxed then. If he could joke about it, then he'd be okay.
As she smiled over at him, she noticed Natasha had her hand on his shoulder, rubbing gently. Though she didn't want to admit it, the sense of unease in Laura's stomach rose, just slightly.
OOO
The rest of the day went surprisingly normally. With the kids eager to have time with their dad, there wasn't much chance to have a private chat. She noticed Clint seemed to want it that way, initiating busy activities where he didn't have to talk too much, Natasha his constant shadow. Laura knew getting fully back to normal would take time, but having Clint be distant at all was a worrying change.
Later that night, as she was getting the kids' supplies ready for bathtime, she heard Clint's voice coming from Natasha's room. She glanced down the hallway to see her door partially closed. Clint and Nat talking privately was nothing new, but having the door closed, even partway, was.
Through the open wedge, she could see Natasha watching Clint pace irritably.
"This was a mistake," he growled, one hand scrubbing through his hair. "I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. Every time I'm alone with Laura or the kids, I just keep expecting to…" He clenched both fists shakily.
"You won't," Natasha soothed. "It's over."
"How do we know? We didn't know there was a so-called god who could do mind control in the first place. How can we know it's completely broken?"
"Thor has him and the tesseract contained."
Clint snorted. "Yeah, 'cause Thor did such a good job keeping Loki in line to begin with."
"S.H.I.E.L.D. gave you the all-clear. Nothing's going to happen—"
"You don't know that!" Clint snapped furiously, whirling at her.
Faster than Laura's eye could even follow, Natasha flashed into motion and had Clint on his knees, arms held behind his back painfully. Laura felt like she should do something, but shock prevented her body from moving any more than Clint could.
Natasha put her mouth right next to his ear as she hissed, "Even if I genuinely thought you were a threat, do you really think I'd let you hurt anyone in this house?"
He grunted something that sounded like "No."
Natasha loosened her grip, letting him relax, and slid in front of him, her demeanor immediately back to calm concern. She kept one hand on the back of his neck, making him look at her, but massaging gently.
"I know, after something like that it's going to take a long time before you trust your own thoughts, before you're certain nothing's manipulating you anymore. But it will get better."
She sighed. "Look, I'm with you, whatever you need to do. If you want to get out of here, go somewhere just the two of us for a while, we'll do it." She moved her hands to either side of his face, focusing him. "But you have to talk to Laura."
Clint closed his eyes, then nodded wearily, raising a hand to rest on her extended arm. "Yeah. I know."
Natasha's eyes flicked toward the door then and Laura found herself jerking back out of sight. She should have figured a gifted spy would know when she was being watched, but how much had she realized Laura heard?
When no one came immediately to ask her about it, Laura made herself get back to setting up the bath with a slightly sick feeling in her stomach. Not just because Clint was still obviously suffering over his ordeal, but for the doubt and suspicion she hated herself for feeling.
Was it really unreasonable, though? Clint and Natasha would never cheat; she knew that in her core. But trauma changed people. She had heard how many marriages fell apart when soldiers returned home with PTSD. What if she and Clint became distanced over this? Natasha could relate to him so much better. Even if they didn't intend to, how much would it take for him to feel more comfortable with her than at home?
Laura shook herself. There was no point freaking out until she had confirmed reason to. "What if" fears helped no one and Lila needed her right now.
She got the kids bathed and settled, giving no indication it was anything but a normal evening, then checked in on Natasha. If the other woman had truly caught her eavesdropping, she said nothing about it. Laura wasn't sure if that made her more or less nervous.
Clint had been saying goodnight to the kids when Laura went to brush her teeth and change. Given his state of mind, she had to wonder if he would be joining her tonight of if he would feel better sleeping downstairs. Or in Natasha's room, a bitter part of her mind whispered.
But when she walked out of the bathroom in her nightgown, she found Clint at the foot of the bed, pulling his shirt off. With his back to her, she could see the new scrapes and bruises layered over the faded scars she knew by heart. He looked over at her, managing a lopsided grin that almost passed as his usual sheepish expression if you didn't look at his eyes.
"I can, uh, shower if you want or…"
"You could be covered in manure for all I care," Laura smiled. "As long as you're safe."
"Yeah? Maybe I should get captured more often."
The attempted joke fell flat and they both felt it drop, lead-bound, between them. Please don't, Laura thought, but managed not to voice her plea.
Clint cleared his throat. "You mind if we sleep with the door open tonight?"
"Yeah, no, whatever you need."
"Thanks."
She climbed into bed as he finished undressing down to his boxers. He slid into his side of the bed, sighing as he relaxed into the familiar mattress. She noted, though, he stayed precisely on his side of the invisible line between them.
"No more work trips for a while," he murmured, nestling into the blankets.
Laura took that as a good sign. "Anytime you want to talk about it—"
"I know." He reached out and threaded his fingers through hers. "And I will. But not tonight?"
"Not tonight," she agreed.
They fell asleep, each on their separate sides, but facing each other with their hands linked between them. Laura relished the calloused warmth of his hand, holding hers with a neediness he was otherwise holding back.
Still, Laura couldn't shake the feeling she would look up in the night to see Natasha's shadow in the doorway.
OOO
The next morning, Laura woke up before Clint. Nightmares had woken them both several times during the night, so if he was finally getting some restful sleep, she had no intention of disturbing him.
The kids were off school for the weekend, so she headed quietly downstairs in the cool grey of morning. A few birds had started their day too and their songs drifted through the silent house.
As did the smell of coffee.
Laura supposed she shouldn't have been surprised to find Natasha already awake and sitting at the kitchen table with a mug of coffee, reading on her S.H.I.E.L.D. tablet.
She looked up. "Started coffee. Hope you don't mind."
"Not if you share." Laura got out a mug and poured her own. "Working this early?"
"Couldn't sleep."
Laura looked over, brow raised at the admission. "Yeah?" She settled at the table across from Natasha. "Which part's getting to you?"
Natasha raised a sardonic eyebrow of her own. "Hm, tough choice. There's having an old friend killed by a Norse god, almost being torn apart by a teammate in Hulk form, the world almost being destroyed by aliens…Oh, and my best friend being possessed and trying to kill me." The dry tone of her voice faded as she shrugged, picking up her mug. "It wasn't the worst mission I've been on, by far. Shouldn't be a big deal."
"So why is it?" Laura asked knowingly.
Natasha was quiet a moment, eyes distant and thoughtful, hands gripping her cup as if she needed the warmth. Laura sipped patiently, giving her time to work through her feelings.
"It's not just the parts that hit too close to home; I was prepared for that," Natasha said gradually. "In every job I've done, I knew what I was up against. Dictators and murderers and the worst evils politics can create. But I knew they were human and I could handle them. Since Stark, since New Mexico, and now alien portals and gods and men who turn into monsters… The scale of the battle's changed."
Laura watched her, struck again by how much Natasha left the Black Widow at the door when she was here. The angle of the rising sunlight made the shadows under her eyes more prominent, the bruises on her arm and shoulder starker. Without her uniform, in just an oversized tank top and pajama bottoms, a touch of bedhead folding some of her hair, she looked like she should be pulling an all-nighter over college finals, not battle trauma.
"Thinking it's a sign to step back for a change?" she asked gently.
Natasha's eyes snapped to hers, focused, and Laura saw a flash of the Widow again. "Thinking I've got more work to do now than ever before."
Laura found herself a bit intimidated by the force of conviction behind that stare and flicked her gaze away unconsciously. She looked down at the tablet, frowning slightly. Rather than S.H.I.E.L.D. datafiles or communications, the screen showed news reports detailing the recovery efforts in New York; the damage costs, the mortality rates.
Natasha shut the screen off before Laura could ask anything more. "So, how's Clint?"
Laura blinked, but accepted the change of topic. "Not bad, all things considered. A few nightmares, but he reached out to me, so that was encouraging."
"Good. Good." Natasha nodded. "He needs you, Laura."
Laura looked up, not wanting to show how much that would mean to her right now. "You think so?"
"Absolutely. No matter what he says, being home here with his family is essential for him to get better. As long as he stayed at work, he was going to keep pretending he was fine. There are things I know he's not telling me. I can protect him and you physically, but he needs you, Laura." Natasha held her eyes firmly. "He needs his wife."
There was something in Natasha's expression that made Laura pause and really consider why Natasha was telling her this. She had always been incredibly perceptive. Even if she hadn't caught Laura overhearing her conversation with Clint, Laura suspected she would have been aware of the odd dynamics their family situation created. Maybe Natasha had her own mixed feelings about her role amidst the married couple.
Whatever the exact reason, Laura appreciated the other woman in Clint's life making the effort to reassure her.
"I wonder if he knows how lucky he is to have both of us?" she commented, smiling.
"He knows." Laura jumped as Clint walked into the dining room behind her. "Still trying to figure out what I did to deserve it."
"As long as you don't forget it," Natasha smirked, getting up. "I'm going to step out to give Fury his update." She held up the phone. "Should be in his office by now, Eastern time."
"On the porch?" Clint asked, that slight tension in his voice again.
"Right outside the door. Sit. Relax. Unless you'd rather be the one to risk calling Fury before his first coffee?"
Clint's nose wrinkled. "I'll play the convalescent card. He likes you better anyway."
Natasha snorted, heading out.
The kitchen fell silent again as the door closed, the awkwardness Natasha had been buffering settling in once more.
"There's coffee on the counter," Laura offered.
"Oh yeah? Thanks, hon."
She considered correcting him that Natasha had made it, but didn't bother.
The mug clinked as he took it out of the dish drainer and poured. She heard a familiar "Aww…" and was oddly comforted to see that Clint's gifted hands that could put an arrow through a fly at two hundred yards still couldn't fill a coffee mug without spilling some.
"Didn't mean to wake you so early," she said as he sat across from her, back to the door to the porch.
"You didn't."
Laura wondered if he'd had another nightmare after she got up and felt bad at the idea of him waking in fear alone.
Setting down her mug, she caught his eyes and signed, 'How are you doing?'
He looked confused at her language switch, then followed her glance behind him to where Natasha's conversation with Fury was faintly audible through the windows. Accepting that she was giving him a bit of privacy, he shrugged. 'I'm fine.'
She wanted to press for more, but wasn't sure if he would vent in ASL. Besides, Natasha might rejoin them any time, so she tabled the conversation until they had a longer time alone. "What do you want for breakfast?"
His face brightened then, the shadows visibly receding. "That's right, home-cooked food again. Nothing from the NASA food court or any of that healthy New York stuff Stark had."
"Fresh eggs?"
"Lots of eggs. And bacon. Do we have bacon?"
Laura gave him a slightly scornful look. "I knew you were coming. Of course I stocked up on bacon."
His face split into a huge grin. "See? I don't deserve you."
He had unconsciously squeezed her hand warmly and suddenly hesitated, pulling back with a glance toward the door. Laura's heart tightened that he was so scared of hurting her that he feared even touching her. She caught his hand as it receded, bringing it to her lips to kiss his knuckles. "Yes, you do."
He relaxed slightly, squeezing her fingers again in return, then gently got up. "Well, the least I can do is cook you breakfast then."
She smiled, accepting his effort at normalcy. "I won't complain about that."
"Complain about what?" Natasha asked, walking back in.
"Clint cooking for us."
"Oh, I could get used to that," Natasha said, retrieving her coffee mug.
"I'd wait on that until we see how these turn out," Clint said dubiously, fishing some bits of eggshell out of the pan.
"It has to be better than that time you cooked breakfast on the hood of our jeep in Burma." She made a face at Laura. "He tried to convince me the bugs were pepper."
"Hey, protein is protein," he argued, waving a spatula toward her. "Did Fury want anything?"
"Probably for the World Security Council to disappear, but that's nothing new. We're still cleared for indefinite leave. He has Stark fielding most of the press and government fallout from New York, so probably best we stay away for a while anyway."
"I don't know. That sounds like a circus that might be worth seeing."
"I'd rather watch it from your living room with a warm breakfast if it's all the same to you."
"You're getting soft, Romanoff…"
Laura sat back, sipping her coffee as the familiar banter flowed around her. Maybe they could put all the fear and stress on hold and just pretend it was a normal weekend visit, even if it only lasted as long as breakfast.
OOO
The rest of the day alternated between moments of easy friendliness and awkward reminders of the underlying tension between them. Clint still avoided alone time with any one family member, getting nervous whenever Natasha was too far away. Natasha, for her part, had started making it a point to ignore him, ostensibly reading or talking to Laura, but Laura saw the watchful eye she kept on him regardless. She seemed to be gauging him, but for what Laura couldn't be sure.
Later that evening as Laura started looking through the refrigerator for dinner options, Natasha brushed beside her, grabbing the keys to the truck off their hook by the door. "Don't plan for me or the kids. I'm taking them to town for dinner and a movie."
"You're what?" she blurted, surprised.
"Since when?" Clint asked from the table, setting down his bow.
"Since Cooper and Lila have been going on all day about that new science-fiction film."
"The one that's PG-13?" Laura asked reflexively, her maternal side still intact despite her confusion.
"Don't worry, I read the reviews online. Nothing in it they haven't already seen me or Clint do."
"Hold on, you're taking our kids out without even asking us?" Clint demanded.
"Most parents are thrilled to have the house to themselves for the evening. A quiet meal, time to just talk…" Natasha gave Laura a significant look and Laura felt new regret for every doubt she had had about her over the last few days.
"Well, when you put it that way… Thanks, Nat," she said, moving to rest her hand on Clint's shoulder. "We really appreciate it."
"But," Clint floundered, panic slightly coloring his voice, "what if something happens?"
"I have my phone on me. I'll keep it on, even during the movie."
"That's all the way in town," Clint protested, his voice dropping low. "If I—"
"Clint." Natasha's light voice went firm, expression shifting to one that brooked no argument. "You haven't shown any sign of problems since we broke Loki's hold."
"But what if he's waiting till I'm alone?"
"We're not going to prove that wrong if I'm glued to your side. At some point, you have to fly solo." A bit of mischief sparkled in her eye. "But if you want, I'll take your bow with me."
His hand closed quickly on the bow and Laura nearly laughed at his expression, so like Cooper's when he was asked to share his toys.
Laura squeezed his shoulder subtly. "Just tell your very thoughtful partner thank you, Clint."
His fingers loosened on his bow, muscles still tense, but expression resigned. "Thanks, Nat."
"No problem. I'll put them to bed when we get back too, so don't wait up for us."
There was a thunder of running feet as the kids in question bounded down the stairs. "Ready, Auntie Nat!"
Laura stared. Lila was dressed in all black with her hair pulled tightly back in a ponytail. Cooper was looking serious in the suit he always complained about wearing for family photos. And both…
"It's almost sunset. Why are you wearing sunglasses?"
"We're being spies!" Lila enthused, beaming excitedly. "So we can sneak into a PG-13 movie!"
"Lila!" Cooper growled, exasperated. "You can't tell everybody that!"
Somewhere between baffled and amused, Laura turned to find Natasha putting on her own sunglasses, fully back in Agent Romanoff mode.
"She's right. They've agreed to go on a covert mission and protecting your identity is a high priority." She turned back to the kids. "But the number one priority is to blend in. You might be a bit overdressed for our plans, but it'll work. The key is behaving so you won't stand out. So during dinner and the movie, you need to act like grown-ups. Sit quietly like they do, don't fight with each other, be as mature as you can be."
"And then they'll think we're over thirteen?" Lila asked, eyes wide.
"Do it well enough, you can probably even order off the adult menu."
That got a renewed flurry of excitement. The kids were a bustle of activity as they hugged Clint and Laura goodbye and were herded out the door.
"Can I drive?" Cooper asked.
"Senior agent drives; it's the rules."
With the kids out, Natasha paused in the doorway, raising her sunglasses to give Laura and Clint a self-satisfied smirk and wink before closing the door behind her.
Laura stared in silence, jaw slack. "Why didn't I ever think of that?"
"Best secret agent in the business." Clint shook his head admiringly.
Best friend too, Laura mused. She turned to Clint, determined to make the most of this gift they had been given. "Well, Mr. Barton," she said coyly as she sidled over, "it appears we have the house to ourselves."
She saw him consciously swallow his nervousness and return an attempt at a playful grin. "So we do. What shall we do about that?"
"Well, since we're grown-ups too, I guess the question is whether we want to have dessert before dinner," Laura said breathily, sliding her arms around his neck.
His smile faltered and he pulled back a bit, eyes shadowed again. "Would I be in trouble if I asked to build up to dessert?"
Her optimism sank, but she backed off immediately. "Of course not! Whatever you want, we'll do."
She squeezed his arm and headed back to the kitchen, getting salad fixings out of the fridge.
When she looked up, Clint was rubbing the bridge of his nose, agitated. "Laura, I'm sorry."
"For what?" Laura asked, fear rising in her stomach.
"For…how I've been since I got home. You're so amazing and I'm just…not myself."
"Sweetheart, you have nothing to apologize for," Laura said, closing the fridge and walking back to the other side of the counter he leaned on. "You've been through something horrible, that I can only imagine. Nobody can blame you for needing some recovery time."
"I know, but I just don't want you to think it's changed how much I love you." Laura's heart swelled to hear him say it. "I adore you and I count my blessings every day you put up with me. It's just–"
"You don't want to hurt us," she finished. "Me and the kids."
"Yeah." His eyes were pained. "Loki made me kill S.H.I.E.L.D. agents."
Laura felt a chill. She had known he had done some bad things under the god's influence, but she hadn't heard absolute confirmation that it involved friendly fire.
"Nat won't tell me how many or which ones 'cause she says it's not my fault, but…" He paused. "I get flashes of it here and there. Like somebody else is working my hands, but I see it through my own eyes. I know I'm doing it and I can't stop. I just could never live with myself if I did anything to you."
"I know," Laura said. "But Nat's right, and not just about blaming yourself. You can take some time alone away from home if it makes you feel better, but you'd just be putting off the real test. You'll never feel better until you see it's safe to be around us. And maybe it's selfish, but, frankly, I want that time with you."
He looked up, worry still wrinkling his brow. "I just want to be myself for you again."
Laura put her hand over his. "Clint, what did our vows say?"
He frowned with confusion now. "Love, honor, and, emphasis in my case on 'obey'?
"That too, but I was thinking of 'for better or worse'. We both knew going into this we'd have good times and bad. I accepted all of your past and you accepted all of mine. I'm not expecting you to be perfect Clint, or to spring back immediately. I just love you. No matter what time you need, we'll do it. If you need a chaperone around, that's okay. If there are some things you don't feel comfortable doing, either for a while or never again, we'll work with it."
She stood and leaned over to kiss the stress from his forehead. "I just want to be with you."
She straightened and turned back toward the table. Her heart leapt suddenly with a slight thrill of fear as Clint's hand shot out and grabbed her arm, but when she looked back into his eyes, all she saw was pure, ardent love.
He gently pulled her back and drew her in for a passionate, desperate kiss. In his pressure and warmth she felt all the love, gratitude, relief, and longing he had been trying to hold back since arriving at the house. She wrapped her arms around his neck, reveling in the familiarity of having her husband, her Clint, truly home at last.
Gradually, they moved to the living room, dinner forgotten. It was warm and emotional, a time of reassurance and reconnecting with each other, relearning the scars and feel of his muscle and softness of his hair, as he retraced the lines and curves and stretchmarks of her own body with a type of reverence.
Ultimately, Clint stopped himself before they went too far and she respected his reluctance to feel out of control even for a few moments. They wound up on the couch, wrapped around each other in peaceful silence. The gentle rise and fall of Clint's chest under her head lulled Laura into a contented doze as his fingers played in her hair.
"I want to stay like this forever," he murmured.
She smiled. "Remind me to send the director a thank you card for giving you time off."
His hand around her ribs tightened slightly. "I don't think I want to go back."
"Well, you've got a while till then, right?"
"Laura. I mean ever."
The drowsy haze faded and Laura looked up to find him staring at the ceiling thoughtfully. "You're serious?"
"Agent May—Coulson's partner, who went through hell in Bahrain?—after that she switched to a desk position. Maybe she had the right idea."
Laura shifted to watch him easier. "You in a desk job?"
"I know, it's just…I have you and the kids to think about. The world's changing," he said grimly. "Monsters and gods and aliens… I'm a guy with a bow and arrow. I've got a wife and kids. I wanted to finish that business with Loki, but it did get me thinking about how bad things could have gone."
"Your job's always been dangerous," Laura said. "You've known that since before we married."
"I know. This just drove home how much I have to lose. And I'm not thinking retirement, just…scaling back. Not so much field time; more home time."
"Well, I wouldn't complain about that." Laura rested her head against Clint's shoulder. "If you think it would make you happy."
"Maybe." He sighed heavily. "I just don't know how to tell Nat."
"You know she'll support you whatever you choose."
"I know. I just know she's not in the same place I am. You should've seen her with the Avengers. It's like it brought something out of her. We've always been the 'knife in the shadows' kind of people, but she was diving in right beside the others like fighting aliens hand-to-hand was nothing." He shook his head. "She says he didn't, but I swear Loki got in her head somehow too."
Laura looked up, startled. "What makes you say that?"
"Ah, the way she was talking before New York. She was spoiling for a fight, talking like a soldier."
"Well, she had just seen her best friend messed with by the enemy, and another friend killed," Laura pointed out. "Makes it personal."
"Maybe." He frowned, trying to put his finger on something. "She mentioned her ledger."
"Her what?"
"It's, uh, the way she describes this mental account she keeps of her life," he explained, gesturing vaguely. "All the bad things she did, what she's done to make up for it. Repaying debts. When she first joined S.H.I.E.L.D., I think it gave her a way to come to terms with her past and how to move forward. But she hadn't mentioned it in years. I thought she'd made peace that her work with S.H.I.E.L.D. was doing some good, but maybe not."
Laura thought back to the articles she had seen Natasha reading about the fallout from the Battle of New York and the determination in her eyes, and she suspected the ledger had just gotten longer. "It's hard to feel like you've ever completely made amends for your past. We both know that."
"Yeah." He held her tighter. "But there's no way Nat would switch to a desk job, especially if she's on a crusade for redemption again. She's never worked with anyone else at S.H.I.E.L.D, not the way we did. She'll hate me if I abandon her."
Laura rubbed his arm. "So what are you going to do?"
"I need to talk to Nick." He rolled over, kissing her. "But for tonight, I'd love to just forget the whole thing and have a home-cooked meal with my wife."
"That I can do."
OOO
They wound up leaving a mess in the kitchen and dining room to settle in early and just watch mindless TV in the bedroom. Clint dozed off before ten, so Laura turned out the light and slipped out to check on the rest of the house.
She saw Natasha upstairs closing Cooper's door and smiled as the other woman caught her eye and headed down to greet her.
"Hey. How'd it go?"
"Pretty well," Natasha nodded. "They're good kids to begin with. The plan backfired a bit when some drunk businessmen at the restaurant started getting rowdy, though, and they still tried to 'blend in'."
"Oh no." Laura covered her mouth.
"Yeah. Lila knows a dirty joke now and Cooper called the waitress 'toots', but I corrected them. How were things here?"
"It went really, really well. I think it was just what Clint needed."
"Good." Natasha smiled. "I hope he'll relax a bit now."
Careful what you wish for, Laura mused as Natasha continued on to the kitchen to get a drink. If Clint did go through with his semi-retirement, Natasha's life was about to change dramatically. Laura briefly worried what that loss of security might do to her if her mind was already troubled with guilt and self-loathing. As much as Natasha maintained a light, teasing air while she was there, Laura had glimpsed how deep her emotions for Clint and his family ran too many times over the years to be fooled.
On a whim, Laura walked over and wrapped Natasha in a hug.
"What's this for?" Natasha asked, surprised but not resisting.
"Everything," Laura said, face still hidden in Natasha's hair. "The last few weeks have been so bad and I don't know what I would've done without you. I don't know how to repay you for it."
"You don't have to," Natasha shrugged as Laura let go. "You take care of the people you care about."
Laura bit her lip as Natasha finished getting a bottle of water out of the fridge and headed back upstairs, hoping whatever Clint decided didn't ruin the peace they had been so fortunate to nurture here. But she couldn't shake the feeling that as one storm calmed, another was building just offshore.
OOO
It went about as well as Laura had expected. She let Clint handle the conversation by himself, since it was his choice and his partnership, but she lingered outside the room out of sight in case it went badly.
"So, Nat, how long were you thinking about staying out here?" he asked as they cooled down from that day's workout.
She shrugged, gulping a bottle of water. "However long you want. Up to you."
"What if I'm thinking about an indefinite amount of time?"
"Then we'll do whatever you need."
"I mean a long time out of the field, Nat."
"So?" she grinned. "You gave me months out here when I was shot. Least I can do is return the favor."
She wasn't going to make this any easier, Laura thought, seeing the guilt tighten Clint's shoulders.
"I know, and it means a lot to me that you've got my back, always. But I'm talking about a really long time. Kind of like…retirement."
Natasha stopped now, supportive smile giving way to a confused frown. "Clint, I know this shook you, but are you sure you should make a decision that big without thinking about it—?"
"I know. I'm not talking about total retirement. I'd still go on Avengers business and any missions that required you and me specifically, but all the time in between, I was thinking I could start working remotely from home."
"Huh." Natasha wiped her neck with a towel. "I know you see better from a distance, but that's a hell of a commute."
"Well, I'm hoping not to get called in that often."
Laura could see the conflicted feelings sneak into Natasha's carefully flat expression. "You think Fury'll go for that, with everything going on right now?"
"He already has."
Now Natasha's eyes sharpened, going cold. "You already talked to him?"
"Yeah. I had to know what my options were. And he was pretty understanding actually. Apparently he's been trying to find a good partner for Captain America anyway and since you'd be free—"
"You talked to Fury about this before you talked to me?!"
Her tone stopped his optimistic sales pitch. "I had to know what choices we had before I brought it up. Make sure you'd be taken care of—"
"And you didn't think I'd want a say in my own future? What if I'd rather stay your partner?"
"You can, always," he assured, holding his hands up. "It's just, I'm not going to be doing much and I can't ask you to just hang around here forever."
"We're partners, that's what you do for each other."
"I didn't want you to! I just need some time with my family!"
He didn't mean it like that. Laura knew he didn't. Still, she could almost feel the knife in Natasha's heart from there.
Clint must have too because his voice was instantly softer. "Nat—"
"No, you're right. You're right." There wasn't even anger in her voice anymore, just a certain quiet sadness and embarrassment. "You should have quality time with your family. So I'll get out of your way."
"Nat, I—" he tried, but she picked up her water and brushed past him without stopping.
"Glad you're feeling so much more confident, Clint."
Laura stayed back out of sight as Natasha made tracks back to her room. She stepped forward when Clint walked to the doorframe, grief in his eyes.
"I messed that up."
"She's not going to leave before she can say goodbye to the kids. You have time to fix things."
"Yeah." He rubbed his face roughly. "I knew this was going to hurt her. She's been so amazing about this all and I betray her in return."
"You did not betray her," Laura scolded. "She's a big girl. She'll be okay once you explain yourself better."
He grunted noncommittally, eyes focusing on the far wall. "Do you know what scared me most when Loki's magic made me want to kill Nat?"
Laura's blood chilled slightly. "What?"
"That I was relieved. He was in my mind. He could have sent me after you and the kids, but he didn't and I was grateful. I was glad he chose her."
"You don't have to feel guilty about that," Laura said gently. "You're a husband and father. That should be your priority."
"I know, but…I've never had to choose before. You never made me pick and it just scares me how fast the answer came."
"Putting your family first doesn't mean you don't love her too," Laura said firmly, striding up to him. "You know that's exactly the choice she would have wanted you to make. Going after her kept you away from civilians and gave her the chance to save you instead of some random S.H.I.E.L.D. agent putting you down without a thought. Who else would be skilled enough to stop you in that state without hurting you…too much?"
He smiled slightly, bittersweetly. "Best partner in the world."
Laura put a hand on the side of his face, making him look at her. "Then show her that. If you don't make it right before she leaves, you're never going to be able to rest."
"Yes, ma'am," he nodded, holding her hand to his cheek for a moment. "I just wish I knew how. Shame I can't solve every problem with a bow and arrow."
His eyes brightened thoughtfully.
"Got an idea?" Laura asked.
"Yeah. It's probably silly, but it might work. I'm going to have to stop at the mall when I pick the kids up from school."
Laura smiled to see him reinvigorated with a mission. "I'll hold down the fort."
He kissed her. "You always do. I may need your opinion. Maybe Lila will know, but I should probably ask you—"
"Just text me. I'll be here, covering for you. Now go clean up your mess."
OOO
Natasha kept to herself most of the afternoon, burying herself in S.H.I.E.L.D. updates. If she noticed Clint's absence, she didn't comment on it. Laura gave her space, not wanting to interfere with whatever Clint had planned.
Laura was beginning to think she should start taking up work as a spy, or at least a voyeur, as she settled in once again to watch her husband and best friend talk from a distance.
"Hey," Clint said softly, knocking on the doorframe to Natasha's room. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"It's your house," Natasha said emotionlessly, setting another shirt in her travel bag on the bed.
Ouch.
Clint grimaced, but stepped into the room. "So, you know I'm an idiot."
"I've noted it," she agreed, not looking up from her packing.
"Right. Well, I wanted to apologize. No matter what I was thinking about, I shouldn't have gone to Fury behind your back before talking to you about it. You're my partner."
"Am I still?" she snapped, sparing him a glare out of the side of her eyes, although her undertone suggested the question was genuine.
"Always. As long as you'll have me. No one could ever ask for a better friend than you. Everything you've done for me, for the family… I don't want you to think I don't appreciate it all."
"I'm not looking for your gratitude, Clint."
"No, but you deserve it. And I know I messed up and I understand if you don't forgive me, but I at least wanted to give you this," he said, holding out a tiny wrapped box with a stick-on ribbon on top.
Natasha eyed it dubiously. "Are you trying to buy your way out of this?"
"Just open it and I'll explain."
She hesitated, then sighed, accepted the box, and unwrapped it with mild irritation. As she opened the jewelry box within, she arched an eyebrow at Clint. "An arrow necklace."
"There's a story to it. This job has kept me away from home a lot and that hasn't just been hard on Laura. As the kids got old enough, they started getting upset that I was gone so much, that Daddy wasn't there for them. So a few years ago, I bought each of them an arrow like that. Well, not exactly like that. Cooper's is a keychain and Lila's has diamonds or cubic zirconias or something—"
"Clint," Natasha prodded.
"Right. Anyway, it's a promise. That no matter how far away I am or what's going on, I'm always thinking of them and I will be there for them. Because I always keep track of where my arrows land."
Laura smiled softly.
Natasha watched him silently for a moment, then shook her head. "You're a sentimental idiot."
Clint slumped, letting his head drop in defeat. "Yeah. Sorry, I'll—"
He reached out to take the box back, but Natasha pulled it back out of reach. "Didn't say that was a bad thing."
He perked up hopefully. "Yeah?"
Natasha sighed, turning to sit on the bed, eyes on the box in her hands. "I didn't mean to be selfish, Clint."
"When have you ever been selfish?" he asked, mirroring Laura's own confusion.
Natasha shook her head. "I let myself get too comfortable, overstepped the boundaries with your family—"
"Hey!" He crouched in front of her, putting his hands over hers. "That's not true. This is your home too, Nat. You're family. That's what the arrow means."
"But not family you want around right now."
Her voice didn't quiver or crack, but the question itself was as close to a sign of vulnerability as Laura knew the woman would allow in this kind of situation. A plea for explanation of what she had done wrong.
"Nat…" Clint moved to sit beside her on the bed and she didn't move away. "No matter what I said while being an idiot, that's not why I asked Fury about reassigning you while I'm out. I'm so grateful you're willing to stick around while I'm getting myself back together and prioritizing my home life, but I know how you feel when you don't have a mission. You get stir-crazy and no amount of computer work would fill that urge to do more. Even if you didn't mean to and even if you denied it to yourself, you'd resent me eventually. And I would feel horrible for holding you back."
She started to protest, but Clint held up his hand. "I'm not looking for flattery or anything like that. I saw you during the battle, Nat. You were amazing. We were up against enemies like we've never seen before and you dove in like you were born for it."
"So did you," she countered.
"I followed you. I wanted a piece of Loki and did what I could to hurt him, but you… You didn't just go back for revenge. We could have left the fight to the big guns, the heroes, but you were already one of them. You weren't a spy that day, Nat. You were an Avenger."
She didn't seem to know what to say to that, but Clint was continuing anyway. "Not using those gifts of yours would be a crime, especially with how crazy the world's getting now. And you deserve to be out there using them, getting a chance to shine with the big leagues. I mean, Fury thinks you're an equal match for Captain America, for god's sake. You don't need an old archer with a bad knee slowing you down."
She avoided his eyes, rubbing her thumb over the jewelry box. "I don't know what I'm going to do with all that extra time," she said at last. "Not having to save your ass constantly."
A relieved grin crept across his face. "Oh, I'm sure Captain Rogers will find plenty of ways to keep you occupied."
She glared at him. "Funny."
"Hey, you two were pretty sympatico in New York. This could be a match made in heaven."
He seemed to be expecting her to smack him for that, but instead she gave him an odd look. "You were watching me that much during the battle?"
"Well yeah." He looked surprised at the question. "You know I'm always watching your six, no matter what."
Natasha's lips curved then in her familiar half-smile and she gave a slight nod. "All right, you gonna help me put this thing on or what?"
"My pleasure."
She turned, holding her hair out of the way so he could help fasten the necklace's clasp behind her neck, then straightened again, adjusting it into a comfortable position. "It's a good length," she said, fingering the silver arrow that came to rest at the base of her throat. "Laura help pick it out?"
"She gave final approval, but the kids helped too. The length was actually Cooper's instinct. Less likely to get caught and choke you in a fight."
Now her eyes brightened, genuinely touched. "He did listen to my lessons."
"Oh yeah, the kids listen to you better than they do me."
"Well, if they get out of hand while I'm gone, just give me a call. I'll back you up."
Clint squeezed her shoulder, eyes going sincere again. "Same for you. Anything happens, you need anything, don't hesitate. I'll be there."
"I know," she smiled. She lifted the pendant, curiously. "So, what does Laura's arrow look like?"
The color went out of his face a bit. "I never got her one…"
Natasha's face went stern. "You gave me an arrow before your wife?!"
"It was supposed to be a thing for the kids, but then—" he gestured to her as Laura tried not to laugh down the hall.
"Well that's your first project while I'm gone, you understand?"
"Yeah." He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I'll do that."
"Hey," Natasha said, softer. "And thank you."
He smiled back. "You're welcome, Nat."
"Did she like it?"
Laura jumped as Lila's voice yelled down the hall. Laura turned to see the kids peering out of Cooper's doorway behind her, revealing all of their hiding spots.
Fortunately, Natasha looked more amused than angry at being watched.
"I think she did," Clint called back, patiently.
"Did you tell her I picked it out?" Cooper yelled.
"I heard," Natasha said, standing up. "Now come give me a hug so I can thank you both."
As Natasha knelt to gather the kids, Laura met Clint's eyes over their heads. He mimed wiping relieved sweat off his brow and she smiled. In spite of it all, they had weathered the storm and survived with remarkably little damage.
OOO
Natasha stayed another week, taking advantage of her approved time off, before figuring she had better get back to S.H.I.E.L.D. and start getting her new affairs sorted out.
"Please, take more of these leftovers with you," Laura said as Clint helped Natasha bring her bags down the stairs. "They'll just go to waste here."
"I already have a whole cooler of just food," Natasha laughed. "I'm supposed to get back to my work regimen and diet when I'm on the job again."
"Forgive me, Italian mom complex here." Laura threw on an exaggerated accent. "You're so skinny! You should eat more!"
"You sure you've got everything you need?" Clint joined in. "Enough ammo clips? Plenty of fuel in the quinjet?"
"Yes, dad," Natasha said, rolling her eyes.
"Mock if you must, but at least let me feel like I've looked out for my partner one more time."
"I can't forget you're watching out for me, remember?" She held up the arrow hanging at her throat. "You do realize this thing is only going to add fuel to the rumor we're a couple?"
"Hey, that rumor's served us well over the years."
It had, Laura mused. Everyone at S.H.I.E.L.D. who assumed something was going on between the two of them didn't press further and risk discovering Clint's hidden family. It could have been an issue if Natasha had really wanted to date someone, but so far that hadn't come up.
"Wonder what they'll say now that I'm working with Rogers?"
"I can't believe you're gonna work with Captain America!" Cooper raved. "He's like a real superhero!"
"Well, somebody's got to break him in, superpowers or not," Natasha shrugged.
"Hey," Clint said seriously. "I know you can handle yourself with anyone, but Rogers is an old-fashioned guy. If he treats you bad because you're a woman, don't hesitate to teach him respect just 'cause he's Captain America. If I hear he's not taking care of my partner, I might see how that supersoldier serum holds up against an arrow to the knee."
Natasha rolled her eyes, looking pointedly at Lila. "You see this? This is what he's gonna be like when you start dating."
"He's just scared you'll like Cap more than him," Cooper commented distractedly.
From the mouths of babes. Laura glanced at Clint to see the stiffness he tried to hide beneath a nonchalant attitude.
"Are you kidding?" Natasha snorted. "No way a seventy-year-old soldier's going to be as much fun as your dad."
Clint relaxed slightly, putting a joking tone in his voice. "Yeah, guess you'll have to start breaking some of our old partner habits, huh? I'm betting Cap won't be as cool about you borrowing his clothes and stuff."
"Probably true. That's why I swiped some of yours while packing."
His grin faded slightly. "Wait. Which-?"
Laura shook her head, stepping up between them to talk to Natasha. "You have our number. Don't hesitate to call, even if it's just to say hi. Your room is here for you any time. And I know you're going to be busy with your thrilling Avenger life, but you better still come see us for holidays or dinner."
"Yes, ma'am," Natasha smiled.
"And my birthday!" Lila piped up.
"Mine too!" Cooper added.
"I'll do my best," she promised. She straightened, taking a deep breath. "All right, I hate drawing these things out, so I'm just gonna get on with it, okay?"
The kids hugged her goodbye with requests for Cap's autograph and pictures.
Laura gave her a warm hug, trying to put all of her gratitude into the gesture. "Thank you, for so many things. Don't be a stranger."
"I won't. And make sure Clint gets you that arrow."
Laura laughed, fingering her wedding ring as she pulled back. "Oh, I think he's given me enough symbolic jewelry already."
"Fair point. Make him do it anyway."
She turned to Clint to find him holding the door and her bag. "Walk you to your car?"
Once the door closed, the kids headed back upstairs to play. Laura glanced out the window as Clint and Natasha walked to the quinjet. They paused outside the ship, talking quietly. Whatever words the two partners had for each other were for their ears only.
Finally, Clint pulled her in for a hug and they stood, holding onto each other, for a long moment. At length, Natasha pulled gently away, picking up her bag and heading into the quinjet.
Clint stood back as she took off, but stayed there, watching her flying solo, until the ship was out of sight.
Laura stepped out onto the porch, leaning on the railing as Clint walked back up.
He sniffled once, cleared his throat, then put on a smile, taking her hand. "Well. Shall we?"
Laura hugged his arm against her side and walked beside her husband back into their new normal life.