Stairway to the Skies
Breathe in…sloooowly. Breathe out – steady. Breathe in…
Slice!
Breathe out….
Thump, thump. Why does it sound like my heart is beating in my ears?
Breathe in….
Why is there…? Is that….blood?
Breathe out…breathe, breathe…Dammit!
Noooo!
Gasp!
Clenching his eyes tightly, Leonardo doubled over and coughed fiercely having choked on his own saliva. Spittle sprinkled the floor as he hacked violently. Soon the coughs transformed into sobs as tears flooded his eyes and trailed down his cheeks. Why? Why did it happen? Why did any of this have to happen? And why only to them?
If only he had the situation under control, Sensei wouldn't have joined in the battle. Sensei wouldn't have sought the help of such a dishonorable man as Oroku Saki. The Shredder was indeed a true ninja – down to the bone. Cunning, opportunistic, manipulative, and most importantly deceptive. He should have warned Sensei against aligning with Shredder. He should have stopped him! But it would have been dishonorable to question his teacher…his father. So he obeyed Splinter, and they all paid the ultimate price.
Each time he closed his eyes to meditate, visions of Splinter's final moments flashed before him but in agonizingly slow motion. Leonardo recalled fighting the Triceratons, holding them off while Splinter raced toward the Black Hole Generator. He had turned just in time to witness Shredder closing the gap between him and Splinter. His long silver blades penetrated through Splinter's body so swiftly, so easily. Blood smeared the length of the blades and stained Splinter's yukata. In one swift motion, it was all over. Leonardo saw the betrayal clearly in Splinter's eyes, wondering why…why couldn't the rivalry be put to rest just for that one moment? That one moment in which the Earth could have been saved. That one moment that the whole human race could have been spared. But no! The selfish bastard just couldn't let sleeping dogs lie. A pride so damaged by envy that he would sacrifice an entire planet to settle the score wrought by the rivalry over a women – a women Shredder himself murdered! Letting out an anguished cry, Leonardo slammed both of his fists against the cold metal floor. The impact sent shockwaves deep into his bone; however the pain didn't even come close to his heartache.
"It shouldn't have ended that way. Splinter shouldn't have been sacrificed…it should have been me."
Darkness enveloped him. There were sounds but muffled - utterly incoherent. He felt light, like he was floating. Hold on! Why was it so wet?
Heavy eyelids slowly fluttered open and landed on a wall of peeling white pain. He didn't recognize the room. The walls were not stony like in the sewers though the room did have a similar damp, moldy scent. His eyes scanned further until they landed on Raph's slumped form, his head buried deep in his hands.
"Raph?"
His voice was so hoarse to the point he didn't recognize his own words. And it hurt like hell to speak. Like razors cutting his throat.
"Leo?" Raph's voice quivered, not believing the sight before him.
Leo tried to sit up but slipped, sloshing water over the side of the porcelain tub. He almost sank below the water but was saved by his brother's strong arms caught him.
"Don't move so much, Leo. You're week. You've been in a coma all this time…"
"Exactly…how long is 'all this time?'" Leo's voice continued to crack, straining to get the sounds out.
"Three months."
Confusion filled his eyes. Three months? How was that possible? Had he really taken such a bad beating? Honestly, Leo couldn't remember much from that day. He recalled fighting the Foot completely solo. The last thing he saw was Shredder. Then it all went pitch black. Scrunching up his face, Leo strained to think back further in time. How did he even meet up with the Foot…why was he alone? Oh right, they had split up. Their lair was attacked, there were too many Kraang. He was the distraction – so his family could escape.
"Donnie! Mikey! Are they okay?!"
Leo frantically tried to sit up but couldn't grip the side of the tub properly. Raph had to pin Leo's back against the tub hurt himself.
"Relax, Leo! They're just fine. I'll go call for them. Donnie is gonna want to examine you anyway."
Raph rushed to the door and called downstairs. His gruff voice echoed throughout the whole house causing Leo to flinch. His head pounded with each of Raph's words. Soon the room was filled with the stampede of several footsteps racing up the staircase. His relieved, teary-eyed family appeared; everyone inquiring all at once about how he felt. Mikey nearly tackled him with a bear hug. Thankfully Raph swiftly intervened. Leo wasn't sure if he could have survived the smothering. As he surveyed the faces, there was one he did not see.
"Where's Sensei?"
Everyone's face simultaneously fell. Each one suddenly avoided eye contact with him.
"What happened?" he whispered – not really by choice.
"We really should get you out of there and examine you," Donnie insisted, pleading with his eyes not to inquire anymore until afterwards.
Leo sighed and nodded. He didn't have the energy to argue. However as Donnie fussed over him he realized he didn't have any patience either. He only half-listened as he Donnie described the improvements to his overall health compared to how broken he was months prior. The wealth of information was enough to make his head spin…or was it from a lack of nutrients?
"So," Leo ventured to open the subject. "What happened after we split up?"
Donnie sighed, knowing he can't wiggle his way out of this. He recounted escaping the sewers, meeting up with Raph, and the fight between Splinter and Shredder. The fight was intense and evenly matched for a long time. It seemed Splinter had won at first, injuring Shredder, but a sucker punch turned the tide. In the end, Shredder flushed Splinter…..literally! Leo felt bile rise into his throat. He wanted to hurl but refused to show his distraught – not in front of his brothers. They needed him to be strong. Thus he began to plant the seed of hope that Splinter must still be alive. A master ninja like Hamato Yoshi would not be so easily beat. There was no hard evidence that he died. In fact he was more than capable of holding his breath for extended periods of time.
Over the next several days, Leo worked hard to plant the same seed of hope in himself. Yet it was hard to find the light. Physically he was in pain – constantly! Every movement hurt and with each passing day he seemed to hurt more rather than healing. Emotionally he was empty. Unable to keep pace with his brothers and with no one to turn to his morale continuously sunk further into an abyss. Anytime he had been in distress he would always turn to his father for guidance. The first time he had a nightmare, his father was there. When he lost his temper for the first time and punched Raph across the face (not in self-defense), Father was there to iron the wrinkles in their relationship. When he had doubts as a leader, Father's sage words helped him keep his sanity no matter how much his brothers drove him bat shit crazy. Now Leo needed his father more than ever.
That all of his despair disappeared after their spirit quest. In that one moment Splinter's soul had reached out to them, reassured them, gave them the strength to move forward. It was the light Leo needed to begin healing both physically and mentally. At long last he found his courage to lead his brothers and friends back to New York City, reunite their family, and defeat the Kraang.
Returning home after the battle was a bit surreal. The leftover devastation brought flashbacks of the invasion along with all of the fear and the pain. Fear for his family's safety. Pain from the fight with the Foot. The obstinate stubbornness of taking on Shredder alone. And finally the heartache of nearly losing everything. Leo looked around as his family cleaned up pieces of broken furniture and sweeping up dust and glass.
Turning his gaze upward, Leo watched as Mikey hid in what the family called the "floating stairwell" and unleashed a water balloon on Raph's head. Leo stifled his laughter as Raph yelled threats against their foolish brother's life, but the threats and obscenities ceased after a well-placed pressurized touch under the jaw. Ouch! Leo knew how that felt having earned a few of those behavior altering treatments.
Moving his chores into the dojo, Leo shook his head at the disarray. Weapons usually neatly organized were littering the floor. Burn marks dotted the tatami. The tree was now scarred with cuts and laser burns but still stood strong. He turned to the shrine that honored the Hamato family. The shelves were not only bare, but broken. All the contents were strewn about all over the floor. Shattered glass no longer protected the pictures in the frame. Leo picked up the family portrait with baby Miwa and stared at it. He was so lost in his thoughts, hypnotized with the family frozen in time, that he did not hear Splinter approach from behind.
"Is everything alright, my son?"
Leo nearly jumped out of his shell. He quickly gathered up other fallen items and proceeded to brush the tiny glass fragments into the dustpan.
"Uh, yeah. Everything's okay," he lied.
Leo guiltily bit his lip. The turtle had never been a good liar; his conscience wouldn't allow it. Avoiding eye contact, he expected Splinter to catch him on his fib but his sensei remained silent. Eventually hearing Splinters footsteps retreat from the dojo, Leo slowly sighed out the breath he didn't realize he was holding.
The rest of the day was spent in awkward silence as the cleaning continued. By the end of the night, the family made a lot of progress and yet it seemed they barely put a dent into the effort. The lair was a mess but less chaotic then when they first entered. Broken belongings cluttered the space salting the wounds of their once happy memories. The dinner table rang with stories of the past, punctuated with saddened laughter as they attempted to focus only on happier days. The brothers didn't eat much with the exception of Mikey, but Leo definitely ate the least. His stomach churned so much, Leo wasn't sure if he could keep his meal down at all. The knot in his stomach lasted well into bedtime. Twisting and turning, slumber eluded the turtle. Each time he closed his eyes, Leo was haunted by the night of the invasion. Shredder stood before him and in a matter of seconds Shredder had struck him down so easily – Leo never stood the chance. His brothers were left to fend for themselves; he couldn't even be there to help them! What kind of leader was he when he didn't lead his family through the invasion?! He was utterly decrepit! Useless!
Several minutes passed as guilt and failure tormented him. With a frustrated growl, Leo finally flung his blanket off and dragged himself out of bed, trudging his way toward the kitchen. Perhaps warm milk will be the prescription to beacon sleep. As he entered the family room, he paused as a thin sliver of light caught his attention. Leo followed it to the doors of the dojo. He pressed his tympanum against the door but didn't hear anything. Leo bit his lip unsure if he should investigate further. What if Sensei forgot to turn the lights off before falling asleep? Then again what if he was in there and didn't want to be bothered? If Sensei was meditating he would only be intruding…
"Ack!"
Due to the unexpected shift of balance when the door slid open, Leo landed on the floor with a hard thud. The tatami provided minimal protection against the concrete floor below it. He should have been used to it with his years of sparring in the dojo but he usually is able to compensate with the anticipation of the impact. Leo sat up and was startled by Splinter's sudden appearance just inches away from his face.
"Why are you up so late, Leonardo?"
Unable to decipher whether his tone was suspicious or curious, Leonardo settled on studying Splinter's face for clues to his mood. His eyes were reddened as if he had not been sleeping well….or perhaps crying. Peering past him, Leo noticed that the shelves replaced on the wall with Splinter's family pictures, decorated with various relics to honor the deceased.
"Leonardo…?"
"How did you do it?" The young turtle interrupted, his gaze never leaving the shrine.
"What do you mean?
"How did you pick up the pieces and move on? I mean you had lost everything. Betrayed by the man you called brother. Watched as he murdered your family. How was it you didn't get consumed by agony and rage no sunk into depression? How did you find the strength to start over? Move to America? Raise a family? Become our ninja master?"
The rambling seemed like it wouldn't end. A floodgate was opened, spilling over all the emotions that he had internalized all of this time. And the one shielding his eyes threatened to do the same.
"My son…"
"I couldn't do it," Leo continued, not registering his father's voice at all. "I was so pathetic. Weak. I couldn't take care of the clan. I couldn't protect them properly during the invasion. After I awoke from the coma, I couldn't even train the family properly. I fell completely apart when I wasn't healing fast enough. I was too impatient and frustrated that I kept pushing to my limits only to set myself back more. Raph, on the other hand; he kept his cool the whole time. He took care of everyone – led them to safety. Tended to my wounds. Trained everyone else – actually trained properly too. Not that random burst of brawny strength he loves to pull. That stubborn jerk actually made a great leader. Calm, collected, and respectable." Leo lowered his gaze and mumbled, "Why did you even choose me to begin with, Sensei?"
"Leonardo," Splinter began but was immediately cut off.
"Don't!...Please! I want a real answer. Not the one you gave last time."
Splinter closed his eyes, knowing full well what he was referring to and sighed.
"Leonardo, have I ever told you about my father?"
The turtle quirked an eyebrow but responded curiously, "A little. I know he was the one who spared Oroku Saki in the last war with the Foot. Other than that, you've never really talked about him."
"Father used to be a strong man – both emotionally and physically. He led the Hamato clan with fierce discipline yet with humility and grace. He was everything I envisioned I should strive to be as I was growing up. There was one problem – Saki was older than I and therefore destined to lead the clan."
Blue eyes widened as Leo's mouth opened slightly as he pondered the revelation.
"But he wasn't really…well….a Hamato though."
"True, however at the time I did not know that. Remember, Saki was raised as my brother. He, nor I for that matter, knew the truth of his origin. Not for many years. Not until it was too late…" Releasing a heavy sigh, Splinter paused to collect his thoughts.
"As the cancer ravaged his body, Father increasingly grew frail. Always cognizant of his mortality, each decision he made was nothing more than another cobblestone set, paving the road for the Hamato clan's future. That included choosing the proper leader. Naturally, with Saki older, he should have been the one chosen to lead the clan. And while Saki was an excellent ninja – swift, skillful, master of deception – he was also brash, hard headed, and acted on his own accord with no regard for anyone else's well-being. It was that very attitude that had doomed his and Shen's relationship. Father knew with Saki in charge the Hamato clan would have been led down a dark, dangerous road. Therefore Father announced that I would take over the clan after he passes and then began grooming me. Of course Saki's pride was wounded in the process. Since that day, he found every reason to test my resolve – questioning every decision I made, humiliating me in front of our peers, the students whom I was destined to lead. He even encouraged them to make my life as difficult as possible. He rationalized it would make me a stronger leader but the ordeal served for his entertainment alone. He was determined to make me earn the title leader or break me in process. Perhaps he hoped that Father would eventually see me as the weak link and change his mind. But in reality, Saki would never have functioned rationally especially if put the under pressure to make hard decisions within a matter of seconds.
"Leonardo, I chose you because you were always the quick thinker. When presented with stressful situations, you would keep her head on your shoulders and carefully calculate your next move. You know how to evaluate your options and choose what is best for the whole group – what will protect the family. You have proven that time and again. Your brothers would not have made it safely out of the city if it wasn't for you bating the Kraang after you. As for Raphael, he certainly has grown as an individual and proved he can lead during time of peace, but could Raphael make the same quick, difficult decisions under dire circumstances. He also has proven that he can break under pressure, take brash actions while only considering his capabilities while at the potential expense of others. In some ways, Raphael reminds me of Saki, a less ruthless version, but nonetheless not the one meant to lead the family."
Biting his lip and mulled over Splinter's words. "But I was so helpless when I was injured. I became even more so when I reaffirmed my own insecurities. How did you overcome your doubts? "
Stroking his beard Splinter tried to recall his thought process from sixteen years ago.
"Some of that time is a blur. I remember burying my father and my wife. I never had found Miwa's body…we of course now understand why. At that time I was not thinking of what would come next. I just knew I had to leave Japan so I went the furthest I could think of – halfway around the world. For many nights I did find myself alone in my roach infested apartment sulking about the past. I tried hard to start a new life and in many ways I felt like an infant learning about my new world. I just lived day to day with little purpose. That is until the day I passed by a pet shop with a sale on baby turtles. That day I looked for companionship and left with a purpose. The four of you had saved me from my demons and we became family. As you boys grew up, I knew one day I too would have to pass on the torch to one of you."
"Don't pass that torch too soon," Leo mumbled though louder than he intended.
"My son, we are all mortals. It is an inevitability we cannot alter. Once our paths crossed with the Kraang and Foot, I knew our lives would always be in limbo. Even if we survive these wars, my story will end long before yours. You must find the strength to continue leading in my absence. It is your duty, Leonardo."
. . .
Tears continued to trickle down his cheeks. Never had he thought he would bear this burden so soon. Their first brush with death turned out to be a fluke but this time…
Leo closed his eyes and envisioned Splinter's body resting in his arms. He had peered into Splinter's eyes as they grew heavy. His soul has seeped away in a matter of seconds. Opening his eyes, he gazed at Splinter's dried blood smeared on his plastron. While the scent of fresh blood was nauseating, the dried blood served as a sick reminder of how evil truly has no limit.
Bang!
Cringing, Leo's eyes darted to the adjacent wall. Despite the commotion Raph had been making all of this time, Leo had managed to drown most of it out…too lost in his thoughts to acknowledge that he was not the only one suffering. Leo made no attempt to check on him when he first heard the screams, the swearing, and the constant, rapid pounding. What could he have said anyway? Sorry for not running quicker. Sorry for not talking him out of signing a contract with the devil. Sorry that Father was dead. Surely instead of pounding on a steel wall Raph would have opted for Leo's face. Releasing a heavy sigh, Leo averted his eyes back to the floor. Actually he hadn't made any attempt to speak to any of his brothers. Their hearts were too heavy. Each one needed time to process but when was the right moment to talk to any of them? Leo snorted in derision. His first crisis and he had no idea what to do. Some leader he was.
Leo sat for what felt like eternity sulking in his sorrow, contemplating what he should have done differently, analyzing each move. Was there a single instance that would have changed the outcome? The metal reverberations had finally ceased, leaving him in complete silence. Absolutely alone in his thoughts. Yet somehow the chance to actually think seemed to torture the youngster more. Leo sat up and attempted to clear his mind so he could meditate. Perhaps clarity would help sort things out.
Deep inhale in….
Knock, knock, knock.
A frustrated growl emanated from his throat as a round of angry tears threatened to spill. Could he not have a moment of peace?! However his anger melted away the minute the metal door slid open and Mikey stood in the entryway.
"Hey, Bro," Mikey whispered hoarsely. His crystal blue eyes now had a blood shot ring surrounding the iris. Dried salty trails discolored his skin with weirdly tinted streaks. Leo's heart broke for him. Mikey normally found the silver lining in any situation and yet he looked so defeated…except for a slight glint in his eyes. Leo had come to recognize that hopeful glint. It was the same spark that would dance in his eyes whenever he tried to keep secrets and play nonchalant but failed miserably at it.
"How are you doing?" Leo carefully probed his brother.
"Feel pretty crappy. Head hurts. My eyes sting. Guess it's expected. It was worse earlier. Bawled my eyes out. Hadn't done that in a long time. But…"
"But?"
Mikey stared into Leo's eyes as if measuring his next move.
"We have…I mean, that robot dude….uh…well…there's a solution," Mikey finally spat out. A way to make things right…"
"Make what right?" Leo tilted his head in confusion.
"Everything! Save Earth. Save Otousan! All of it!"
"What are you talking about?"
"Not completely sure," Mikey admitted sheepishly. "But that robot guy who saved us. He found me earlier and told me that we change everything. Bring Earth back. I've been looking for you since he told me. We have to go to the bridge. Robot dude said he'll tell us everything once we're all together."
Unsure if he was walking the fine line between a dream world and reality, Leo did not move for the next few moments. Weighing his options, Leo risked disappointment if the little robot was not speaking truthfully and thus breaking the heart of his brothers. Yet if there was a way…maybe, just maybe it was a valid risk to take. So there he stood at a crossroad. And then, he finally rose, resolving to take the leap of faith. For if each step he took meant another step closer to retrieving his father, he would gladly ascend the stairways to the skies just to bring Otousan home.
A/N: Took a while but I finally completed Leo's POV and I felt I finally found the write ending to wrap up the four-part story. Now I can fully focus on Becoming Splinter (which was recently nominated for an award!) and Paths We Follow. Can't wait to dive back into these two fics! Hope you did enjoy the Leo fic! Just like the previous fics, the inspiration for this came in the form of a song, "Stairway to the Skies" by Within Temptation. I thought about embedding the lyrics and turn this into a songfic but thought it may detract from the story too much. If you have a chance please find the song and listen to the lyrics. This fic completely came as I was listening to it while driving to work. I feel it really fit Leo well.