Author's note: Just to clarify. This takes place during the end of Fifty Shades Darker. Ana and Christian are not married. Kate has just returned from her vacation with Elliot.
Bleed
Chapter 4: Wreck of the day
Monday morning.
The alarm went off. Ana lifted her head, groaned and gently lowered it again. Despite not drinking the night before, she felt hungover. The alarm kept blaring. Instead of hitting the snooze button or shutting it off entirely, Ana buried her face in her pillow to muffle the sound
I'm supposed to feel great, she tried to tell herself. It was no use. Never mind that she was genuinely glad to be rid of Christian: she felt miserable. She missed his warm body. She missed his voice. She missed the way he made her feel sometimes. Desirable. Intelligent. Deserving.
The alarm wouldn't let up, so Ana stuffed the corners of her pillow into her ears and continued to feel sad. I could call, she thought, only to squash that thought as quickly as possible. Yes, she could and what would that accomplish? Reuniting would send the message that he could do whatever he wanted, because she'd just come crawling back anyway.
'No, I'm not going to call,' she resolved, feeling better immediately. It freaked her out, though. Even to be considering calling him felt like a relapse. It was true that he could make her feel sexy and smart and worthy – and she shouldn't need him to make her feel like that – but he could also make her feel slutty and stupid and scared.
Irritated by her gloominess, Ana finally got up and prepared for work.
(***)
At SIP. 12:15
The first day post break up was coming along nicely. Ana had already gotten a lot of work done. Probably because I'm not consumed by Christian's emails, she realised. She was thinking about breaking for lunch when she received a call from Claire at reception.
'There's someone for you here,' Claire cryptically announced.
'Who?' Ana demanded, a lot more brusquely than normal.
'I don't know,' Claire confessed.
'It's a man,' she added, unhelpfully. Ana's scalp tingled with something that felt like panic. What if it was Christian? What if he made a scene? What if he had replaced Jason with someone who wouldn't mind shoving someone in the back of an unmarked van? Calm down, Ana, she warned, but it was difficult to dismiss the racing of her heart and the pricking of her thumbs.
'What does he look like?' she asked. 'Is he a ginger?'
'No, he has black hair. Wait a second. What? Oh, he says that he's supposed to deliver them to you personally. Should I send him up?' Claire inquired.
'Them?'
'The flowers. He's holding a huge, beautiful bouquet.'
'I'll come down,' Ana replied. And reluctantly she did. The flowers were gorgeous. Enormous roses that looked like they couldn't be real, but somehow were. She read the attached card. It was classic Christian: manipulative and commanding.
I can't live without you. Come back to me. Please.
Christian.
The 'please' was so clearly an afterthought that Ana chuckled. The delivery guy tried to hand the bouquet to her, but she wouldn't take it. She told him that accepting the roses would sent the wrong signal. The delivery man in turn told her that he would pass on to the customer who had paid for the bouquet that she had refused it, but that he was not leaving with it. He was weirdly aggressive about giving it to her and Ana was adamant about not taking it from him. She was done taking shit from men. They stood there in that peculiar deadlock situation for a while, until Ana asked Claire if she wanted the bouquet. Claire did. Problem solved.
(***)
At SIP. 13:05.
'Ana Steele, Commissioning Editor of Seattle Independent Publishing, how may I help you?'
'Why didn't you accept my apology?'
'Because you didn't apologise,' Ana replied.
'Those were very expensive roses, Anastasia. Specially cultivated and…'
'I don't care.'
'Excuse me?' Christian stammered. He sounded confused and on the verge of anger. Basically like he always sounds, Ana cynically thought.
'An apology contains the word 'sorry' usually preceded by the contraction 'I'm.' Your note contained neither: thus, it is not an apology. And the flowers, however costly they may have been, don't count either,' Ana explained. Then she ended the call.
(***)
At SIP. 13:10 to 17:30.
13:10
'It's more flowers,' Claire said. Ana rubbed her temples and allowed Claire to inform her that another delivery man was waiting. Ana asked Claire to tell him to go away, because she was not coming. Christian reacted by cranking up the pressure. That was what it felt like, at least. Pressure. Pressure to do what he wanted. Pressure to give him what he wanted. Pressure to submit.
Throughout the rest of the day, flowers continued to pour in. Ana didn't respond to this onslaught of unwanted attention – except by sending everything back unseen and untouched. Christian's obtrusiveness was making it very easy for her to stick to her resolve.
At the end of the day, Ana was exhausted. She had worked an extra half hour to make up for having the deal with all the nonsense of the deliveries. It had made her realise one thing: she could not continue to work at SIP. She doubted that, once Christian officially took over the company, he would be mature about his ex-girlfriend working there. Besides, she didn't want any part of her life to be under his control anymore.
When she noticed that Elizabeth was also still present, Ana knocked against the doorframe of Elizabeth's office. Elizabeth looked up.
'Can I have a word?' Ana asked. Absentmindedly, Elizabeth beckoned for Ana to enter.
'Sit down. What is it?'
Ana cleared her throat. Was she really doing this? Was she really giving up her dream job? Definitely. It was not her dream job if Christian was involved.
'I am resigning,' Ana stated. Elizabeth snapped to attention suddenly and frowned.
'Is this about what happened with Jack Hyde?' she inquired. Ana seized the offered explanation with both hands.
'Yes. Yes, I'm sure that I would have loved it here had it not been for the incident with Jack. As it is, I will allow you time to fill my position, but once you have appointed a replacement I will leave. I'm sorry. I feel really bad about the way things have turned out, but I can't possibly continue to work here. Too many memories.'
Elizabeth murmured in agreement. Ana was already getting to her feet when Elizabeth urged her to stay because there was something else that needed to be discussed. Now it was Ana's turn to frown.
'It has come to my attention that you've been sending an inordinate amount of personal emails,' Elizabeth said. She pulled a stack of papers out of one of her desk drawers. The top paper consisted of printed out emails. My emails, Ana realised with mounting horror. Her eyes widened. Her cheeks burned. Noticing Ana's embarrassment, Elizabeth softened somewhat.
'The content is not the issue. Honestly, I couldn't care less about what's in these emails. What bothers me is that you're spending time reading and writing them when you should be working. If you want to catch up on your personal correspondence, do it during your lunch break. Don't do it on company time. For the remainder of your time here, I expect you to do what you're paid to do, Ana. No more private emails when you're supposed to be working. Understood?'
Mortified, Ana nodded.
'I understand. It won't happen again,' she promised. Satisfied, Elizabeth removed the stack and returned it to her desk drawer.
'For future reference, company mail is subject to monitoring by the IT department,' Elizabeth cautioned. 'If you do not want your emails to be read, I suggest that you send them via your own email address and not the company's. Of course, our techs also track internet traffic, so they will still be able to see if you're sending personal emails at inappropriate times; they just won't be able to access the content of those emails.'
Ana nodded again and actually jumped up when her phone rang.
'I should get that,' she mumbled, fleeing Elizabeth's office. God, that was humiliating, Ana thought. Her first proper chewing out! She picked up the phone, but didn't even get a change to reel off her standard phone call opening.
'Why are you still at work?' Christian interrogated. 'Is something wrong? Do you need help? Do you want a ride?'
Ana sighed. Maybe being brutally honest would do the trick? Ordinarily, her characteristic timidity would have prevented her from doing speaking her mind. It was not Ana's forte. Being direct had never been. Sometimes it was necessary, though. Plus, being blunt had its perks. There was no room for misunderstandings and it made her feel strong.
'I want you to listen very carefully to what I am about to say. Alright?'
She waited for him to respond.
'Yes,' he whispered, his voice low and soft. He was attempting to intimidate her with a single word. She rolled her eyes and squared her shoulders.
'Stop sending me things at work. Stop sending me things, period. I want you to leave me alone. That's what I want. That's all I want. Goodbye, Christian.'
Trembling, Ana put down the receiver. Her hands were shaking. She didn't know why. Anger, fear, relief, plain old fatigue? Could be any of those things. She knew that taking a stance would not be enough. Christian would not be deterred. Winning her back was probably just another challenge for him. He needed to break her resistance, like you would break a horse. Tame her for his amusement whether she wanted to be tamed or not.
Still trembling, Ana dialled a different number to balance things out. She wanted to have a phone conversation with someone whom she knew would listen.
'Jason Taylor speaking.'
'Wow, formal. It's Ana.'
'Hi Ana,' Jason greeted her. He sounded happy to hear from her, which was comforting. Yes, he'd said that she was free to call him, but she'd speculated that the next day might have been too fast.
'Hi,' she said. Neither of them spoke for a few seconds. To Ana's surprise, it wasn't uncomfortable.
'It's a little soon to be asking, but have you had any luck with finding a new job? I hope that you're doing better than I am in the work department, at least,' she said.
'How come?'
'Oh, I was just reprimanded by my boss and the worst thing about it was that I completely deserved it,' Ana related.
'I find that hard to believe,' Jason responded.
'Well, believe it. I had it coming. How's the job hunt going?' she inquired.
'It's going,' Jason replied, stoically.
'I want to thank you again for what you did,' Ana explained.
'I didn't do anything,' he objected.
'Yes, you did! You were great. There's no doubt in my mind that you, allow me to be dramatic here, saved me.'
'Okay, yes, I was awesome,' Jason capitulated, laughing. His laugh was deep and warm.
'You were,' Ana agreed, seriously. 'You really were.'
Another silence fell. Jason's breathing on the other end was steady and immensely heartening. Ana couldn't express how cheering it was.
'It's time to give myself over to public transport again,' she finally declared.
'Any plans to purchase a car yet?'
'I simply haven't had the time yet. I'll probably try this weekend. Why?' Ana asked.
'Maybe you won't have to. Would it be alright if I come by on Friday evening?'
'Of course.'
They said goodbye. Ana realised as she put down the phone that she hadn't asked him anything about his daughter. Rude, she chided herself. Her hands had stopped shaking during their talk. She felt ready to take on the world again.
'Come at me,' she whispered, thinking of a particular CEO trying to control her. She remembered reading that taunt on urban dictionary, but it sounded slightly ridiculous out of her mouth.
'Do your worst,' she experimented. That did sound convincing. Confident. She almost wished for Christian to make his next move. He would get more than he had bargained for. She was not mousy, naïve Ana anymore.