Author's note: Apologies for the long wait.

Bleed

Chapter 9: All on my own

Still Wednesday.

It was turning out to be one of those days that didn't seem to want to end. And, to make all of it even better, Ana thought, it was filled with awkward conversations about her ex who wouldn't accept that he was her ex.

Ana's talk with Elizabeth was, well, weird. Elizabeth was very understanding about the situation and told Ana to just take care of herself. That wasn't the weird part. That occurred when Ana was about to leave.

'Be careful and document the incidents,' Elizabeth said, without looking up. It was good advice, which basically guaranteed that it would be ignored. Ana, after all, was still comfortably ensconced in pretend-that-this-is-not-happening-and-it-will-go-away fantasy land. The way Elizabeth said it, though, was telling. As if she had first-hand experience. As if she'd encountered a Christian Grey of her own at some point in her life and the experience had left its mark on her. Like this ordeal might leave an impression on me, Ana briefly speculated. Not a pleasant thought.

After work, she found Elliot outside of the SIP building. With his male model looks, it seemed as if he was posing in front of his car. How was it possible that every member of the Grey family was so beautiful? Had Grace and Carrick picked their children out of a catalogue?

'You want a lift?' Elliot offered, opening the door for her. Ana nodded. With her hand on the door, she paused to ask him a question.

'Did you just sit around here all day waiting for me to get off work?'

'Come on, Ana,' Elliot protested. 'I've got a life. I am, however, self-employed, which means that, within reason, I can do what I want. And I happen to love someone who really values your safety.'

A few minutes later.

'This is keeping me safe?' Ana stammered as the car flew across the road. Elliot grinned.

'Let what's-his-face try to shadow you now. Hey, don't worry about speeding tickets,' he comforted her.

'I'm not worried about speeding tickets; I'm worried about my life!'

Elliot laughed, as if he thought she was kidding. She was not.

'You do realise that not speeding isn't only about not getting a speeding ticket? It's about road safety,' she reminded him.

'Oh, yeah,' Elliot flippantly replied. Ana closed her eyes and miraculously felt the car slow down. Carefully, she opened her eyes again.

'I'll observe the traffic regulations from now on, okay?' a penitent Elliot promised. Shakily, Ana nodded. They travelled the rest of the way in a companionable silence. Kate met them at the door of their apartment, complimented Ana on her new Audrey Hepburn hairdo and announced that Elliot was staying the night. No one mentioned the break in the night before. Ana smiled at both of them with an almost overwhelming feeling of affection. I don't know why I keep pretending that I'm alone in this, she thought; I clearly am not.

Their dinner conversation centred on Christian and what other stunts they could expect from him.

'Why'd you date him in the first place?' Elliot asked suddenly. He was nothing if not direct. Ana racked her brain. It was simultaneously gratifying and sad that it took her so much time to come up with a reason. She smiled faintly. Dare she say it?

'The sex,' she mumbled. Elliot waggled his eyebrows, obviously amused. Kate swatted his arm, so he stopped, but not before winking at Ana. There was zero judgement or embarrassment, so – emboldened – Ana continued.

'I miss it,' she admitted.

'That good, huh?' Kate asked.

'Oh, the sex was great. Everything else was awful, but the sex was great.'

'Do you miss sex with him or sex in general?' Kate inquired. Ana glanced at Elliot before answering. He appeared entirely cool with the topic, as if discussing his brother's sex life was a daily occurrence. Maybe it was. After all, hadn't Grace suspected that Christian was gay? No doubt the Greys had whispered about it behind Christian's back.

'That's kind of the same thing for me,' Ana pointed out.

'I'm asking because if it's just sex you want, you don't really need Christian for that,' Kate explained.

'Kate!' Ana exclaimed, pretending to be scandalised. It was so nice to be able to talk about sex freely. Without guilt or shame. Kate shrugged.

'What? I am only saying that there are plenty of men out there who are not complete psychos. And you don't even need a man. You can do it yourself too,' Kate elaborated, sipping her wine. Ana must have given her a blank stare, because Kate almost choked on her drink. Concerned, Elliot patted her on the back. Once Kate was done coughing, she turned to Ana.

'You're getting a vibrator for your birthday. Another life changer.'

'No thanks,' Ana said, hiding her irritation. She'd just gotten her body back and she certainly wasn't about to hand autonomy over to another person. Not even to her well-meaning best friend. All future decisions regarding my body, whether they be sexual, nutritional, medical, etc. will be made by me, Ana mentally decreed. Yes, whatever I do next, she decided; it will be mine and mine alone.

Wiped out from having to live through the day that wouldn't end, Ana went to bed soon after dinner. Unfortunately, she then had trouble getting to sleep. She kept seeing Christian standing over her; reaching for her hair. That isn't scary, she tried to tell herself, but that didn't work. It shouldn't have been scary maybe, but it was. Scarier even than if she'd picture him going for her throat. A couple of times she turned on the light to confirm that he really wasn't present. Once she went so far as to get up and check the room, but that didn't help either. The thought of him, however unwanted, lingered.

Then she heard a noise. A moan. She closed her eyes, as if that was going to make it go away. Another moan. Nearly paralysed by anxiety, Ana imagined something horrible happening to Kate and Elliot while she lay there doing nothing. Dry mouthed and with her heart racing, Ana tried to summon the resolve to act. It took her a full minute to get to the point where she thought she was ready to move, which was also when she realised that the noises she was hearing were in fact the result of Elliot and Kate attempting to have sex quietly.

Nervously, Ana chuckled. She listened more closely. Indeed, nothing to worry about. Just sex. Relieved, she let out the breath she had unknowingly been holding. The noises became louder. Ana tried not to pay attention to them, but they proved impossible to ignore. Transfixed, she listened to Kate's low, husky moans comingled with Elliot's more masculine grunts.

Ana shifted in the bed, swallowed, slid a hand between her thighs and softly touched herself, down there.

She waited a moment to discover how she felt about that. The old Ana – the Ana that Christian liked – would never have done this in a million years. She would have been very upset at the mere thought of touching herself while listening to her friend having sex with her boyfriend. The new Ana – the Ana that Ana liked – wasn't quite sure yet how she felt about this.

She was aroused: she knew that much. Experimenting a bit, she found a comfortable position and caressed herself. It wasn't difficult. She seemed to know what to do and how to do it as if by instinct. Physically, everything was fine. Emotionally, she wasn't there yet.

Maybe fantasising will help, she thought. Christian popped into her head. Dammit, Ana internally cursed. Aside from the fact that she absolutely did not want to have the very first orgasm of her own making associated with him, the thought of him almost doused her burgeoning desire. Quick, think of someone else, Ana urged herself.

She considered a whole host of men. Paul, Ethan, José among them. None of them relit her fire. Neither did an assortment of attractive movie stars. On the brink of giving up, Ana consulted her generally useless inner goddess and, against all expectations, her inner goddess actually delivered this time. What about Taylor?

'Jason?' Ana whispered. Closing her eyes, she visualised his face. The slight stubble covering his strong jaw. His kind eyes. Ana's body reacted immediately. With approval. With pleasure. A feeling of intense warmth flooded through her when she imagined how it would feel to slide her fingers over that stubble across that jaw with those eyes watching her. She imagined undressing him and getting to see the nice body he must have hidden underneath those suits. She imagined him kissing her.

'Oh,' she breathed. 'Oh, Jason. Yes.'

She just knew that he would be so considerate and slow and tender unless she didn't want him to be. He'd make certain that she would enjoy every second of it. The way he'd lay her down on the bed. His naked body on top of hers. The way he'd kiss her, deep and long, taking his time. The way he'd unhurriedly guide her towards an orgasm. Their bodies entwined. Rocking.

'Yes. Yes. Yes. Oh, yes. Jason. Oh, I…' Ana moaned. She had dreamed it up so vividly that, for a blissful while, she wasn't aware of anything else. No screeching brakes. No car door being slammed shut. No screaming. There was only the fantasy of Jason around and above and inside her. Nothing of the commotion outside reached her until the throaty moan she uttered while climaxing was interrupted by the sound of a window breaking.